One bright sunny afternoon in a rural neighborhood, Sara was on her way out the door to visit a friend's house. She locked the door as she always did, and then made her way to her mother's car. Sara hopped into the passenger seat and her mother pulled down the drive way. As they drove down the street Sara could see her house tower all the rest, it was a tall grey house with maroon shutters. The roof reached higher then the tallest pine tree, and seemed to touch the clouds. Further down the road she passed her grandmother's house, a quaint little blue house with white shutters. It was only one story, but that is all the old woman needed since she lived there alone. 1
Sara's mother continued down the winding streets of the town until they reached Amber's house. Amber's house was quite big, not as big as Sara's house, but was still very large. The house was not that tall but instead very wide. It looked like a enlarged toy chest, now that Sara was looking at it. Amber's house was a cream color with blue shutters, and had four bedrooms. Amber and her younger sister Lily shared a room, while her two older brothers got their own rooms. Her parents shared the largest bedroom, with the high ceilings, and they even have their own bathroom. 2
The car pulled into the drive way and Sara ran to the front door, where Amber had pushed her check against the glass so that her face appeared deformed. Sara yanked open the door as Amber fell forward, directly into Sara. The two girls stumbled on the farmers porch, then waved off Sara's mother. They headed on inside where Amber had her music blaring, and her two brothers were dancing. Sara jumped in and joined in the fun. The oldest brother George, who Sara fancies, grabbed onto her waist. At she became startled at this behavior, and began to pull away, but then she leaned back against his chest and danced with him. 3
After dancing for just a short amount of time Amber's boy friend arrived at the front door. He was a year older then Sara and Amber, but in the same grade. The three of them all attended the high school together and were all in the ninth grade. Sara and Amber were 15, and Jeff was 16. The girls let him in, and pointed their fingers toward the living room where they had all been dancing. Sara again began dancing alone, but then Tom came over. He again placed his hands at her hips, and she again leaned back against his chest. 4
The six of them all danced their little butts off until Amber's mother got home. She had brought the birthday cake home from the bakers. It was Tom's birthday, and he was turning 18. They all ran into the kitchen to great Mrs. Rounds, and to sing happy birthday to Tom. Tom pulled Sara through the crowd and had her stand next to him as they all sang happy birthday. Tom then nudged Sara at the end of the song, as if to ask her if she wished to blow out the candles. Sara leaned toward the cake and blew out all of the multi-colored candles. 5
After eating cake and ice cream the boys went out side to play baseball and the girl remained inside to clean up after the boys' mess. They talked, gossiped, and mentioned how it looked like Tom fancied Sara. Sara glowed like a red light bulb at that. She had fancied him for two years, and just now was he noticing her. This had to be a miracle. For so long had she tried to get him to notice her, and now he actually did. 6
After the girls cleaned off the table and the counter they headed outside to the backyard to play with the boys. When they got out there Chris, Amber's other brother who was between her and Tom in age, was lying down on the ground. Amber rushed over to see if everything was alright, just to find that he was sleeping. She slapped him across the face for making her worry, then went on her way. Sara meanwhile was flirting with Tom, on the back deck. The two talked and talked, for about an hour they sat on the old plastic chairs and just talked to one another. 7
As the sun began to set Lily, Amber, Chris, Jeff, Tom, and Sara went for a walk down to the local ice cream parlor. They all ordered their usual sundaes with their usual toppings. Tom and Sara walked about the town center, Amber and Jeff made out in the booth, and Lily and Chris went home after they received their orders. Sara and Tom walked and talked for about half an hour when Tom turned toward Sara and whispered in her ear, "I love you".8
Sara's mother continued down the winding streets of the town until they reached Amber's house. Amber's house was quite big, not as big as Sara's house, but was still very large. The house was not that tall but instead very wide. It looked like a enlarged toy chest, now that Sara was looking at it. Amber's house was a cream color with blue shutters, and had four bedrooms. Amber and her younger sister Lily shared a room, while her two older brothers got their own rooms. Her parents shared the largest bedroom, with the high ceilings, and they even have their own bathroom. 2
The car pulled into the drive way and Sara ran to the front door, where Amber had pushed her check against the glass so that her face appeared deformed. Sara yanked open the door as Amber fell forward, directly into Sara. The two girls stumbled on the farmers porch, then waved off Sara's mother. They headed on inside where Amber had her music blaring, and her two brothers were dancing. Sara jumped in and joined in the fun. The oldest brother George, who Sara fancies, grabbed onto her waist. At she became startled at this behavior, and began to pull away, but then she leaned back against his chest and danced with him. 3
After dancing for just a short amount of time Amber's boy friend arrived at the front door. He was a year older then Sara and Amber, but in the same grade. The three of them all attended the high school together and were all in the ninth grade. Sara and Amber were 15, and Jeff was 16. The girls let him in, and pointed their fingers toward the living room where they had all been dancing. Sara again began dancing alone, but then Tom came over. He again placed his hands at her hips, and she again leaned back against his chest. 4
The six of them all danced their little butts off until Amber's mother got home. She had brought the birthday cake home from the bakers. It was Tom's birthday, and he was turning 18. They all ran into the kitchen to great Mrs. Rounds, and to sing happy birthday to Tom. Tom pulled Sara through the crowd and had her stand next to him as they all sang happy birthday. Tom then nudged Sara at the end of the song, as if to ask her if she wished to blow out the candles. Sara leaned toward the cake and blew out all of the multi-colored candles. 5
After eating cake and ice cream the boys went out side to play baseball and the girl remained inside to clean up after the boys' mess. They talked, gossiped, and mentioned how it looked like Tom fancied Sara. Sara glowed like a red light bulb at that. She had fancied him for two years, and just now was he noticing her. This had to be a miracle. For so long had she tried to get him to notice her, and now he actually did. 6
After the girls cleaned off the table and the counter they headed outside to the backyard to play with the boys. When they got out there Chris, Amber's other brother who was between her and Tom in age, was lying down on the ground. Amber rushed over to see if everything was alright, just to find that he was sleeping. She slapped him across the face for making her worry, then went on her way. Sara meanwhile was flirting with Tom, on the back deck. The two talked and talked, for about an hour they sat on the old plastic chairs and just talked to one another. 7
As the sun began to set Lily, Amber, Chris, Jeff, Tom, and Sara went for a walk down to the local ice cream parlor. They all ordered their usual sundaes with their usual toppings. Tom and Sara walked about the town center, Amber and Jeff made out in the booth, and Lily and Chris went home after they received their orders. Sara and Tom walked and talked for about half an hour when Tom turned toward Sara and whispered in her ear, "I love you".8
Author notes
i know this isnt that good.. actually this is probably horrible, but for the heck of it tell me what you think, idk if i want to make this into a chapter book, i might just stop it here, so tell me what you think.
oh and from what you have read.. pweez give me some ideas for a title... THANK YOU in advance
What did you think? Please comment!
Comments
1 - 5 of 5
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Great so far
I think I have an idea for a title that is if it's summer in the book. I love to write a lot and noticed that you didn't discribe the setting really. I mean the discription of the houses aren't extremely important. I am not trying to be mean or anything I am just trying to help. Also I would like to know what Sara's personality is like also Amber's. Discribe the people before their houses if you discribe their houses at all. I love the idea of this story but you can always make it better. I am not saying I am a better writer but well I am trying to be constructive. If you want me to help with anything else just IM me because I would love to help. This would also be an amazing chapterbook! This is an AWSOME story so far!
~The Sunlit Fairy
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Great write
Great write..Written well..Great job!
Betty -
lol.. wow aunty!
that is alot of ideas, yah i know it started off too fast, ugh i cant write stories... lol... i try though cuz thats what i wanna do when i grown up. write stories and poetry... lol.. but i stink at it.. lol.. thank you for all the advice!!!
Alyssa
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ok....you shuldn't have asked for ideas..i'm a novelist! lol. ok, first of all the story starts too fast and the characters are all introduced so quickly, i actually lost track of who was related to who and how, the description of the houses isn't that important, i wanna know what the characters looked like. the story could start off with Sara having a memory of first meetin Tom and then it could contiune showing how they fell inlove....theres a chatper story...and im done with ideas now, you dont have to do anything i said it was jsut advice....its good though the idea rocks! well down babe, l8az
love ur aunty sky xxxxx
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aw this is a good start...u should make it into a chapter book since u always make great ones anyway!
lol so yah keep on writing.....i have no idea wat a title could be but ill keep thinking
love always
Jill
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