Number 6. Chapter 2.

Chapter 2.1

When my brother and his girl-friend were finished "playing video games" upstairs, they came down and got their coats on. I asked them where they were going and my brother told me to mind my own business. When they left I took the chance to go get my drawing book that I had accidently left in his room. When I got upstairs I walked into his room to see the television on the porn channel and my brothers bed a mess. I was disgusted and went right to my brothers computer desk were I had left my book. It wasn't there. I started to panic because there is a lot of important things in that book. Not only is it my priceless drawing book, its my precious diary too! Oh my God!, I swear if he took that.. I began to say when my brother walked into the room along with my mother." See mom, shes been in here the whole time, and look what shes watching on my t.v. And what the hell were you doing in my bed!" My heart started to leap 10 inches away from where it was supposed to be. No, I thought. She wouldn't! But sure enough when I looked into her eyes she had the most disgusted look in her face that I flinched. You don't actually believe him do you?! I mean, I only came in here to get my book and the room was already like this!, I shrieked. My brother smirked." I was at the mall with my girl-friend the whole time, so it wasn't me.." he said with a grin. Mom, he was not! They were upstairs..I HEARD THEM!!! She started yelling;" Don't you lie to me young lady, I was walking home from that very mall where I SAW your brother dropping his girlfriend of at her work!" So thats what he was doing... I thought to myself when my mother rattled on about how "nice" he was to stop and pick her up and drive her home. She was about to go turn the t.v of when a shot ringed out from outside. When we all got downstairs we stopped. There was a dead rabbit hung on our door. And I swear there was a sign carved into his little stomach. My mom went to call the police and my brother went to our front porch to wave them in when they got here, but I stayed behind. As much as I didn't want to, I looked closer at the rabbits stomach. What I saw made my heart stop and my skin turn ice cold

Author notes

hope you liked it!

So this is chapter two, i will be adding more when i write them.. did you like it?

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Comments


  • Tricia3 gold member
    April 18

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    I think it's interesting

    But it is time to start adding more detail.
    We need names and descriptions.
    You also need to cut the paragraph down to several small paragraphs. It is much smoother to read that way.
    You also need to start a new paragraph ever time a different person speaks.
    I think this has lots of possibilities but you difinitely need to make these revisions
    Good luck
    Trish


    • berryhot2
      April 19
      Edit | Reply
      Thanks again!
      I had done the whole "new paragraph" thing, but I did it in my microscoft word, and when I copied and pasted it onto here it cut it out...I didn't have enough time that day to correct it, but I will one of these days. I'm glad you like it, and if you like I will keep you posted on when I get my next chapter done. Thanks for the help!


  • berryhot2
    April 13
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    :)

    Please tell me what you think!