The view of the conservatory from the main square of Kiev is all white stone and arches, built to impress. There are doors beneath those magnificent arches, but the music students enter through a small side door set in stone that changed somewhere along the side of the building from white to something less appealing. The door opens to a room of green marble, with a wide staircase of the same material immediately ahead. Beyond the staircase, the illusion of wealth ends. Upstairs the floors are uneven and water drips often from the ceiling unheard because the building is rarely quiet. It’s a pleasant chaos—the sound of students practicing in barely-lit alcoves because there are no empty rooms. Broken pianos and music cabinets often end up in the hallway- some of them have lines of music chalked onto the wood, the result of some paperless composition student’s musings. There’s a form of exaltation in all the disorder of the building, and it draws some of the most acclaimed teachers in all of Europe. They do not care that the pay is low- they teach because they love the students who breathe music and laugh so brightly that, for a moment, the bare bulbs give sufficient light.1
Author notes
once again, this is an excercize in descriptive writing for my summer english class. Helpful comments or critique would be much appreciated. I've tried to capture both the personality of the building and the physical appearance of it- have I succeeded? Also, i'm over the word limit by 7 words... no big deal if I can't find anything to remove, but if there IS something that seem unnecessary, please point it out to me.
What did you think? Please comment!
Comments
1 - 6 of 6
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WOW... This is a very interesting write!!! You did a great job!!! I just pictured all this in my head!!! Keep up the great work!!!
Hugs,
Beth -
ooo very interesting it makes me want to visit kiev! good job!
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i liked the continuity in this piece...it really kept the reader engrossed! also your descriptions were simply brilliantly and your way with words is really commendable!!
Great stuff!
i liked your work!
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very moving
This is very good very descriptive - a little touch of sadness and - With a sigh of harmony its just so beautiful all the images thrown into the heart - and - it makes me very happy to hear that some one apriciates their teachers very moving very honest two thumbs up... -
This is good, I don't find a need to get rid of any words. Personally I suck with descriptions so this was very impressive.
~Laila~ -
The very first line do you need "and" after stone? Are the arches white stone or are you talking about two different entities? Do you need magnificient, it's just giving you opinion of the arches it isn't being descriptive.
---The door opens to a room of green marble, with a wide staircase of the same material immediately ahead.----
Maybe change this to " The door opens to a green-marbled room, a wide staircase immediately ahead"
---- Upstairs the floors are uneven and water drips often from the ceiling unheard because the building is rarely quiet. It’s a pleasant chaos—the sound of students practicing in barely-lit alcoves because there are no empty rooms.---- Do you need "because" after ceiling? Wouldn't a comma be sufficient? The same goes for after alcoves, do you need that "because" Would a comma be sufficient.
Just my thoughts on getting rid of some of the extra words. Hope this helps some.
~Dee
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