Golden Lined Clouds

I just wanted to end my life1

That was the day I grasped the knife2

But before I could do harm, they caught me3

But they were stubborn and refused to see4

That I'm speaking with my own voice5

That my actions are of my own choice6

Is it such a bad thing to dream of a better place?7

To want to see clearly, remove the black lace?8

"Don't do that." They say9

Well I'll do what I may10

So I will continue with the slicing and the hatred inside11

I will continue to wonder, stay covered and hide12

I will continue to dream, to discover what I lack13

Someday I'll run and never come back14

I'm just another pair of helpless eyes15

Watching, absently, as our world dies16

I don't want to stay and allow the black lace to grow thick17

I would like to go and be done, get it over with quick18

But you monsters keep pulling me back down to this dying place19

Everything is strangled with the knotted black lace20

So go ahead and tangle me in this knotted mess21

A chance at my dream a great percentage less22

Breathe into me and will my heart to beat23

You will be sure that death is something I won't ever meet24

Undo what I have done so that I may continue with my pain25

Press my chest so that the blood courses through my swollen veins26

Open my eyes so that I can realize that their lies have become true27

So I can finally see the biggest lie of all, and that is you28

My eyes have dried of tears29

For now I know this lace will never clear30

You've brought back the exceeding pain31

The pressure of my blood as it pushes through my veins32

You are the reason why my heart beats so loud33

You stole my dreams of dancing in the golden lined clouds

Author notes

I know it's really bad, I am really bad at rhyming poems and just poetry all together. But I got this idea and I wanted to express the way I felt- as do all of us. If you couldn't get the message it it's basically that the narrator wants to leave the world just cause this world basically sucks. And the question through out the poem is "Why is it so bad to want to leave?" So think about it, criticize, whatever you want. I just put it up cause I'm very bored.

A contest entry

    : , Your review:

    Comment Suggestion: What is your your first impression?
    : Cost: 0 free left 0 points, You have 0. (?) (Line numbers)
    Ratings:

Comments

1 - 6 of 6

  • Keirii
    June 16

    Edit | Reply
    There were parts in here that felt rushed, but then there were other parts that were beautiful. You described the narrators emotions beautifully in here. Although, there were parts that made me feel like it was unrealistic - a bit rushed - but you have a nice ability at rhyming. I think this was a good piece. I'll consider adding it to the finalists. I don't know though yet

    Good luck in my contest!!!

  • Non Paix
    April 11

    Edit | Reply
    This was also fairly well written, the flow gets thrown off at certain parts, and a few rhymes seem a bit rushed. However, all and all, it read pretty well, and was a pretty good write. (cliche line coming) Keep up the good work!


  • Lachrymose.
    April 10

    Edit | Reply
    It's not bad at all. I felt the exact same way a couple of weeks ago but I've realized that even though it may seem as if everything in this world sucks and is falling apart there will always be something new and beautiful in it. All you have to dfo is look for it. That hope of finding something better that you believe death will only bring, well if you can find just one thing in life that makes you smile and makes you feel happy then you know there will be something better out there for you. Just because you can't see it right now doesn't mean you should just give up on looking for it. Sorry for this incredibly long and ranting comment, I just don't want you to feel like there is nothing worth living for because there always is. Just know that no matter what I care about you and you can talk to me about anything.

    • Just Falling Apart
      April 10
      Edit | Reply
      Thanks. And don't worry I like long comments! And thank you for being there, it's always nice to have reassurance or however the hell you spell it. You're right, there is always something to live for and no one should ever give up because you're basically just steeling something from the world that isn't your right to take. Thanks again for the comment and stuff!

1 - 6 of 6