Love Asunder

How did it ever come to this? I lay bleeding on the ground, looking at the man standing above me. 1

What happened to us? I thought, as he raised the jeweled sword above his head, the point aiming towards my heart. His eyes showing through the eye slit in his helm were filled with hatred and insanity.2

What did I do? Tears leaked out of the corners of my eyes to mingle with the rain pouring from the sky, soaking my dress. We had been so happy together. What could have happened to make him act this way? To beat me, to kill me?3

We had been happy, newly wed. Our first night together had been the Heavenly experience of becoming truly one, husband and wife. We had been like ribbons of fire intertwining to form anew. Passion had been our thought, our action, our desire. Love made everything sweeter and formed an unbroken bond of mind, body, and soul. 4

What was formed is now lost... I sadly thought, looking up at my husband.5

The madness in his eyes, so similar to that of a rabid wolf, so similar to the murderers of the world. Where did that come from? My love grinned and drool dripped from his mouth to land on my face. He started to bring the sword down, and I was too weak to even scream, bloodied and broken as I was on the soft, wet grass of the meadow. 6

I had heard of the madness, but never believed, never imagined that it would claim him, the only person I've ever cared about in the world. My heart clenched painfully in my chest. 7

I couldn't help but have a flash of anger. Why would he do this to me? Why would he break my heart? Shouldn't love conquer all, even the burn of madness? My misplaced anger drained away with a dear memory.8

I thought back to when we first met, that warm summer day at the Melborne fair. He was jousting against Sir Gwinn when I saw his face for the first time. He'd just thundered down the track on his black steed and been knocked off onto the ground. Helmet spinning away, he managed to get up and turn to the stands, assuring everyone that he was fine. His bright gray eyes had met mine as he swept the stands with his intense, mirthful gaze.9

I had felt the connection immediately, a maiden blush to my cheek, a flush of love that took my breath away. His eyes had widened, and I then knew he felt it too.10

Meeting him face to face afterward, feeling his calloused hands holding one of mine was the dearest sensation I had ever experienced. He had raised my delicate hand to his mouth and gently kissed the back of it, meeting my eyes with his fathomless gaze. 11

I looked into those same eyes now. I gazed into the orbs that once held such passion, such love for me. Madness presently burned deep in them, turning them into pools of obsidian that only held death and destruction. His arms seemed to move in slow motion as I looked into his face one last time.12

My love... I felt the tip of the sword pierce through the dress and my pale stomach. My eyes widened and my mouth opened in a wordless scream as my back arched off the ground in an involuntary spasm. The sword went all the way through me and into the ground. I writhed there, staked to the ground as he laughed and laughed crazily, eyes empty of the husband I knew and loved with all my heart.13

My vision wavered and my struggles grew weak as blood poured forth from me, mingling with the mud. I looked towards the sky filled with infinite stars and prayed. 14

With my death, bring him sanity. With my death, bring him life. I looked again into his eyes as my vision narrowed. I saw the instant my husband reclaimed his body. The gray color replaced the black, the humanity, the essence that was him flooding them. My prayer had been answered. 15

I smiled, briefly closing my eyes to bless God and my husband with the last of my strength. The pain had fled with my impending passing, only love and acceptance remained. The only pain was held by my dear soul mate.16

The look of horror and anguish on his face as he realized what he had done broke my heart all over again. He bellowed in pain, the epitome of terrible anguish and sorrow. 17

I could hardly feel him removing his bloodied sword, his arms encircling me as he frantically held me in his arms, a hand to my wounded face. 18

He was speaking to me, crying, sobbing, but my ears were beyond hearing. I weakly laid a trembling, pale hand on his face, and he held it there with his free hand, tears falling fast down his handsome face. He brought his face to mine, kissing me softly on my bloody lips.19

He held me as my life drained from me, holding my gaze until the end. His sobs were gut-wrenching; he sounded like his very soul was dying along with mine. I closed my eyes and felt myself begin to go limp, my mind floating....floating...20

I could do nothing to ease his suffering, to comfort him. All I could do was let go and be free.

Author notes

This is sad...

PROMPTS:

Murder
Love

My favorite colour is blue

In a list

A contest entry

    : , Your review:

    Comment Suggestion: What is your your first impression?
    : Cost: 0 free left 0 points, You have 0. (?) (Line numbers)
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Comments

1 - 35 of 35

  • Cold Wonder
    October 4

    Edit | Reply

    =O =O =O =O =O

    OMG!! that was amazing!!!!!!!! simply, truly beautiful!!!!! you never ever read something from a dying person's point of view and this was spectacular!!! (sorry for not giving you applause, i'm running out of points)

    beginning: 5, language: 5, plot: 5, ending: 5, dialog: 5, characters: 5.


  • Melancholic Smile
    August 15

    Edit | Reply
    This is so well written, I truly enjoyed reading every word. I could really feel the love she had for her husband even through the moments of his cruel act. You kept me hooked throughout and I liked the way you left his madness open to interpretation. This was really sad, very moving, and as someone else commented, bittersweet. Considering it was describing someone being murdered and dying it was beautifully written. Thank you for entering and good luck


  • LoopSidedSmile101
    July 30
    Edit | Reply

    I loved it.
    This is a great piece.
    I love the flow of it. It's bittersweet and wonderfully written

    Thnx for entering


  • musical tai
    July 26

    Edit | Reply

    OMG!!!!!!!!

    WOW! I LOVED EVERY MINUTE OF IT! it REALLY hooked me into the story...making me wonder why? the whole time! 8D It was fantabulous!! good luck in the contest!keep writting!


  • Goodwriter
    July 18
    Edit | Reply
    Sorry but i don't like things dealing with murder I get bad dreams easily


    • sberendt gold member
      July 19
      Edit | Reply
      Well, that would have been a nice thing to know for the contest... >.> lol


  • Aqua-Chan
    July 13

    Edit | Reply
    Depressing, however very good and this made my heart float asunder, begging for more. So good!

    Thank you for entering!

  • Adele Ellen Bakker
    July 5
    Edit | Reply

    moving

    I enjoyed the contrast between the man she met and fell and love with and the madman who killed her. I liked that you showed this in his eyes.'Obsidian' has a deadness and coldness to it which is great. I loved that she was able to see though the madness and forgive.


  • therenaissancegirl gold member
    July 5
    Edit | Reply

    Oh...

    My heart skipped a beat a dozen times in this. Great job!


  • Sunless Spirit
    July 5

    Edit | Reply
    This was beautiful and depressing, sad how he recovered from his insanity when it was too late. Greatly written!

  • lightsafi
    July 5

    Edit | Reply
    that was beautiful. it was sad and depressing, when the husband came back to his senses, his love was already dead. i think it was well written.


  • sanctuaryWHiTE
    July 5

    Edit | Reply
    So sad... it would really suck to have to walk away from that. So depressing, actually, but I'm still glad I read it.


  • Tarvold
    July 5

    Edit | Reply

    Not really my thing

    The ending pretends to resolve his madness, but his guilt will likely drive him right back into madness, so nothing is really improved.

    • sberendt gold member
      July 5
      Edit | Reply
      Well, I thought of the madness as some sort of mental illness, so I doubt he'd go back into it, but it's possible. I think he'd go into something more like depression. I wasn't trying to "resolve his madness" in the end, I was just creating a scene of heartbreak and a little bit of death. The whole thing about him returning to himself was to add a bit of highlighting to the tales of miracles happening through prayer. Religion was the main theme of the middle ages.

      Anyway, thanks so much for commenting and stating your opinion.


  • AshleyAnonymous
    July 5
    Edit | Reply
    ........I hate unhappy endings so usually I would hate such a story but, you've become an expection!

    I love the emotion in this piece, the saddness, but I was completly won over with the womens selfishness. Her dying wish for her husband to become himself once more instead of darkening her last moments with thoughts of revenge.

    It was sad, but amazing.

    Definally going to check out your other pieces!


    • sberendt gold member
      July 5
      Edit | Reply
      Tanks! I'm glad you enjoyed it, and I would be delighted if you read my other work.

  • SilentMoonDance
    June 15
    Edit | Reply

    Sad...

    I don't really understand what compelled her husband to attack her...end her life, but I'm pretty sure it was some beast overtaking him, that he realy loved her and wasn't in the right frame of mind. I really believe he wasn't there when he was attacking her...dormant.
    Anyway, great concept and good luck!

  • TheDecree
    June 13

    Edit | Reply
    This is realy, realy sad. What made him turn so violently against her? I thought this was well written and vivd in its tragedy. Beautiful write!

    • sberendt gold member
      June 13
      Edit | Reply
      Well, she called it "the madness", and I really hadn't thought to make it more clear, I was more concerned with the whole picture.....maybe I should add a part that explains it a bit more, seeing as several people have asked that.

      Thanks for commenting!


  • Dead Beauty
    June 12
    Edit | Reply

    Judge's comment

    Awesome job with this story! Very bittersweet and wonderfully told; I could almost feel the pain as if it was I who was being killed by my own future husband (if I have one ). But then that sadness. The realisation that fills the husband's eyes, I can almost see it. This story has really touched my heart and therefore...
    you are a finalist.
    Good luck

  • gone.green.0
    June 10

    Edit | Reply
    Wow I like this!

    You are a very talented writer. I am very pleased with the rawness of your writing and that of others in this contest! Congratulations--you're a finalist!


  • CallMeWhenUrRich gold member
    June 6

    Edit | Reply
    Absolutely lovely.
    It was bittersweet, greatly discriptive, realistic, beautiful and amazingly well-written.
    I love how selfless the main character was and the best part was that I felt it.
    WONDERFUL job.


  • Rose Hathaway
    May 31

    Edit | Reply
    Awwww this is so beautiful. The ending is sweet and bitter at the same time. You completely blew me away.


  • Dual.Of.Fireflies
    May 27
    Edit | Reply
    Nice.


  • HaydenLautner
    May 26

    Edit | Reply
    This was very well written story. The thing that I like most about it is that it is not the typical romance. I loved the end, and her selfless atitude. Instead of hating her husband like she should she loves him, and her dying wish, is for him to become the man that she met. I can also simphathise with both characters, and the feelings and attitudes between them are very realistic. Thank you for your entry and good luck


  • Dassy
    May 23

    Edit | Reply
    aww that was so depressing! it was such an amazing story tho. the only quesiton i have was why was he crazed before? amazing story.


  • Atticus Unanimous
    April 27

    Edit | Reply
    Rabies? I'm finished Their Eyes Were Watching God so that's on my mind at the moment.

    Nice work, great images, wonderful portrayel of self-sacrifice and pained love. Great job here and good luck.


  • ArtistoLeVerse
    April 26

    Edit | Reply

    Wow.

    This was def. not a cliche love story. Very tragic and sad.
    Very well written and awesome description.
    Good Job and Good luck.


  • Cupcake14
    April 26

    Edit | Reply
    Hi! I've read this before, but didn't comment. Serves me right that you entered it in the contest. Is this inspired in any way by Othello? You know, Desdemona's POV?
    Best of luck in the contest and thank you for entering!

    • sberendt gold member
      April 26
      Edit | Reply
      I haven't read Othello, but I will to see what you mean.

      I'm sorry that you've already read it, though I added a bunch of stuff to it just yesterday to make it longer and have more "depth". It's still eligible for the contest, right? I mean, you did say you didn't comment....


  • Peachy
    April 9
    Edit | Reply
    Wow.
    I really liked this one. The imagery was almost perfect and I loved the ending; you know, how he got his sanity back after she died. This is good standing on its own but I do wonder what caused him to loose his sanity in the first place.
    Anyway, love what you did with the prompt and good luck in the contest.

  • Peachy
    April 9
    Edit | Reply
    Wow.
    I really liked this one. The imagery was almost perfect and I loved the ending; you know, how he got his sanity back after she died. This is good standing on its own but I do wonder what caused him to loose his sanity in the first place.
    Anyway, love what you did with the prompt and good luck in the contest.


  • Destinee N Vong
    April 9

    Edit | Reply
    This is a tragic story about lover's, You can guess that he regrets this in the end (It's also showed).

1 - 35 of 35