Blossoming Burnt Petals

Blossoming Burnt Petals1

By Ayesha Raees2

Chapter one3

Despise Despite Understanding4

________________________________________5

I seek water6

that doesn’t drip down my cheek7

Water8

That tastes sweet9

Water10

That heals my wounded meat.11

________________________________________12

We seemed to be worlds apart yet the only thing similar was that we both were quiet and alone.13

He sat beside the window, looking lost where I sat in the corners of the classroom, hiding within the shadows.14

I was literally alone. I had no friends and nobody noticed me.15

But he was a real mystery to me.16

He was surrounded by people all the time but I had never seen him smile or talk. He was just quiet.17

Maybe he was mute.18

For some reason… I despised him. Maybe that was the reason why I looked over to him at times and I felt my face, surprisingly, turning into harsh a frown.19

The reason I hated him, maybe, was because of his ungratefulness to God. I had nobody but Him. Yet he had so many people around him and yet he still brushed them away like dirt.20

It made me feel angry.21

I would have given away everything to have someone come over to me in lunch and eat with me. Even if she or he wouldn’t be of the best nature.22

There was reason why I was always left alone.23

Yet he did not.24

He was perfect in every sense. He was rich, he had looks, he had grades, he was excellent in sports and everybody died to be with him.25

But I, on the other hand, was like a black ink smeared on a white shining surface. I had no looks and this I knew quite well. If I said I looked good… that would actually be a part of self pity… so I KNEW that I didn't have any looks. I had WHITE eyes and I was the clumsiest person in the history of clumsiest persons.26

I had no friends because I was shy and unconfident to make them.27

And I don’t think so they even knew about my status and wealth.28

Yet… that was the reason I despised Uchiha Sasuke. I had never talked to him or even LOOKED at him for another reason except to show my hatred towards him.29

And I knew, as my teacher lectured about Velocity graphs, from the bottom of my heart, that he absolutely had no idea that I existed in the very same classroom as him and hated him more than a thousand suns combined.30

Chapter two31

Loud Silence32

I know what hurts33

The fire34

It burns35

And burns36

But no yells37

And still38

I cannot run.39

I walked home that same day and rain came to greet me, consuming me in its wetness and gloom. It had actually surprised me to feel it’s wetness for I felt like it had forgotten me too.40

Though… I had nobody but God.41

And like everyday, after school, I stopped by the lonely church.42

I never really made a confession before or let out my worries. The church was barely crowded. New engaged couples preferred more glorious churches and celebrations.43

As I walked through the large doors, feeling even more pathetic than a stray as I was wet now, I realized that he was sitting at the front row, staring blankly at the statue.44

My hatred for him was replaced by sudden curiosity as I slowly walked down towards the statue… I took no shame and kept staring at him in curiosity.45

He, from any angle, didn’t look at all pure and sinless. For one, he was badly worn out and tired of people. And it made sense that he acted like that for he must had a bad experience.46

Something about his aura indicated that he was in church for nothing but to take shelter from the rain.47

I tore my eyes from him when I realized that he had noticed my presence too. Gulping lightly and wrapping my hands around each other, I went into a silent prayer.48

Usually I would be praying loud enough for my voice to echo through the whole church but right now… in the presence of another… I had no choice but keep my thoughts invisible.49

I prayed for betterment; for a cure to finish my invisibility, for a miracle to happen, for a hand to guide me to my destiny, to achieve my dreams.50

As I prayed that, I felt a peaceful smile come over my face. When I was with God… I felt He actually did listen to me.51

But was just testing my patience.52

But then… my prayer suddenly turned a little bitter, like everyday.53

God… please. I wish to be acknowledged by my family, to become a wonderful Hyuuga. I want my father to be proud of me; I want my cousin to talk to me. God… I need a hand. Help me,”54

“Amen,” I whispered before opening my eyes and staring at the statue for sometime. I sighed loudly and turned around to see my path blocked by a rather dark cloud.55

I shook. I had forgotten all about him.56

Trembling suddenly and gulping loudly, I glanced up at him fearfully. He was unfairly tall and scary.57

He stared at me with a blank yet weary expression, rain water dripping down from his bangs.58

“Ano…” I muttered quietly. So much for the hatred that I felt for him.59

And then he spoke. Uchiha Sasuke spoke and that too, to me.60

“What did you ask for?” he asked in an expressionless voice. Though I heard the velvet sound of his voice ring through the hall, ringing like a crystal bell. So smooth.61

Though, I gaped at him for sometime as I had assumed that he was mute. It had taken me by shock to see how amazing his voice was.62

“Ano… I…” I gulped a little, slightly red in the face, “can’t tell you that,”63

He frowned a little at the answer and moved away from my way. He stuffed his hands in his pocket and walked forward to stare blankly at the statue. He was still frowning.64

I pulled the hood of my jacket up and started to walk down the aisle towards the exit. The rain still pattered furiously outside.65

My hand was on the door when my body worked without my command.66

I hesitated before turning around and glancing at him. He looked faraway; his head still staring at the statue like it was nothing but filth.67

“Ne… Uchiha-san?”68

I felt him flinch a little and tore his eyes away from the statue to look at me.69

My lips turned into a small polite smile.70

“I cannot tell you… but… I-I assure you that it works,”71

And with that, I exited before I even dared to wait for his answer.72

As I reached home with a cold and a high fever and heard my father’s yells at me… I tried my best not to cry.73

For once… I had lied and that too, in a church.74

Chapter three75

Words are just words76

Don’t tear me apart from fragrances77

Of memories and melodies78

Of tunes and feathers79

Of wings and angels80

The next day at school, I saw that his seat was empty. As I sat down in my own shadows, my eyes fixed towards the empty seat next to the window, I felt slightly tensed and confused.81

Though I tried to invert my emotions into concentration as the teacher started the lecture again, ending it with a long assignment that was due on Monday, after the weekend.82

I was going home after school when I stopped myself in front of the Church. I hesitated, something I never did, before entering, keeping my head bow down.83

Though when I looked up, I saw him… standing where I had left him.84

Though there was a change.85

He was praying just like I had been.86

Blinking in amazement, I walked slowly up to him. He turned away to look at me with a silent expression.87

Ignoring him, I wrapped my fingers around each other and started to pray again.88

The same words… I had memorized them by now.89

“Amen,” I whispered.90

I turned around and he was already gone.91

________________________________________92

When I reached home, I realized that my father and my younger sister were not at home and had gone for some sort of meeting. Though I was the eldest, my father never bothered to take me anywhere.93

As I went into the kitchen to make myself a sandwich, I realized that the only person in the whole household was my cousin, Neji.94

He hated me.95

I heard the loud music coming from his room… it was obvious that he had his friends over and was practicing with his band.96

I spread butter on my bread before chopping down the vegetables.97

I, suddenly heard the music cut off and the door slammed open and I heard someone run down the stairs.98

I stiffened as he entered the kitchen.99

Though he stopped in his tracks when he saw me fidgeting in the middle of the kitchen.100

“Go-good Ev-evening Neji-ni-san,” I muttered.101

He ignored me before opening the fridge and pulling out a pack of cans. He walked out without another word.102

I sighed and glanced at the sandwich I was making.103

There was something red smeared on the vegetables. Blinking in shock, I glanced at my hand and saw the blood trickling down my finger, staining the clean counters.104

I had just cut myself with the knife I was holding. And that too… without knowing.105

I dumped my half made sandwich into the trash and cleaned the mess before making my way towards my room.106

I had just realized how insignificant my physical pain was compared to my emotional pain.107

Chapter four108

Encounters of presence109

You don’t know who you are110

And what you want111

And still you stand there112

Asking me113

With silent words114

When I entered my class the next day, I saw him already there. For the first time, I noticed that he was quite composed. He did not look lost neither was he looking out of the window like always. The faraway weary look in his eyes was quite diminished and the aura of loneliness that always surrounded him was almost gone.115

He was actually looking around.116

And as I entered and walked through the rows to get to my shadows, I felt his eyes on me.117

I seated my self and quite reluctantly looked over to him.118

Our eyes met.119

My breath caught in my throat. I felt that we both were alone in the whole world despite the fact that the class room was slowly started to get crowdy.120

Feeling suddenly uneasy, I looked away from him and at my desk.121

Well… at least he knew now that I existed.122

I did not dare to look over to him in any of the lectures and worked efficiently. I did well on the surprise test that the teacher gave us and all of my math problems were correct.123

Though at lunch, I reluctantly glanced over to him.124

For the first time, his face was not turned away from the company he was sitting with. He was helping himself to a simple meal and it was a surprise as he never ate before. And the most surprising of all… he was listening intently at the conversation that the others were having.125

Though, I still noticed that he was quiet. He didn’t say a word.126

I looked away from him as soon as I realized that I no longer felt hatred for him of ignoring people around him. There was no other reason to look at him.127

As I bit into the dumplings, I smiled.128

God really did work.129

I just needed to be patient.130

________________________________________131

I walked home again like everyday but I was lingering. My pace was as slow as a turtle on ice. I also felt sick.132

As I entered the Church, I didn’t glance at him sitting in the first row and walked straight in the aisle and recited the words I had memorized.133

After the usual Amen, I was about to go home when I saw him in front of me again.134

Though he didn’t really resembled a dark cloud this time… he looked more like a crack of light through the dark clouds.135

He wasn’t standing too close to me either and I noticed that I wasn’t trembling as bad as I had before.136

“I am Uchiha Sasuke,” he introduced himself as though he was new to me, “Who are you?”137

His voice was amazing. So soft yet so strong… full of a velvet touch and full of unanswered curiosity.138

“Hyuuga Hinata,” I muttered, trying not to stutter and surprisingly succeeding.139

He looked slightly shocked at my name. Who wouldn’t when he or she heard that I, the pathetic loser, was a Hyuuga.140

He controlled his shock rather quickly before speaking in his gorgeous voice again.141

“I want to thank you for your advice that you gave me a few days ago. It made me feel… better,” he said slowly, choosing his words thoughtfully.142

I looked at him in amazement. Wow. I changed him.143

I gave my practiced polite smile.144

“My pleasure Uchiha-san,” I said and bowed before walking down the aisle, towards my home.145

Chapter five146

Arrival147

I was loyal longer148

I was here longer149

And thus, I wasn’t awarded first.150

What is that I am doing wrong?151

“Class, today we have a new student. He is all over from Hawaii so please make him comfortable,” the teacher said.152

“Hawaii,” I thought bitterly, “Such an amazing tropical place,”153

As I stared at the advancing student with the perfect tan, blond spikes and the bluest eyes I had ever seen, I felt like Jesus had just walked into the classroom.154

He was beautiful.155

He introduced himself… his voice sunny and his expression cheerful.156

“Uzumaki Naruto at your service,” his Japanese accent was thick, “forgive me for my Japanese… it’s not that good,” and he laughed like there was no tomorrow.157

I stared at him; my face was getting warmer and warmer and warmer.158

Uzumaki Naruto159

Naruto-kun160

He was an amazing beam of sunlight.161

________________________________________162

That day I had another thing added to my pray.163

“Oh God… please let Naruto-kun acknowledge me,”164

I was getting used to praying silently now because I wasn’t alone in the Church anymore. Sasuke was always there.165

And he had started to look more at peace.166

But he still never spoke.167

________________________________________168

“Ne-neji-ni-san?” I stuttered as I walked over to him that same evening.169

He didn’t even bother to glance at me from the TV screen.170

I felt a pang of heart in my heart.171

“Nii-san?”172

Silence.173

“Nii-?”174

“What?” he snapped.175

He spoke to me. His eyes looking at me with such malice that it shook me. But he still spoke to me.176

“D-do you wan-want to eat an-anything? I c-can ma-make you so-“177

“No. Go away. You are being a bother,”178

And with that, he turned away his head from me and increased the volume.179

I gulped the knot painfully, bowed my head and walked towards my room.180

Chapter six181

Golden glitter182

He looks183

But he don’t see me184

He smiles185

but not at me186

He laughs187

but not for me188

He really was Jesus. So bright. So beautiful and so cheerful. He was always laughing or cracking a joke. He had already gathered himself a couple of friends, his popularity ranging high… his grades were average but he was never down.189

I had never seen his lips without a smile.190

And surprising of all, he sat with Sasuke at lunch and during classes, conversing with him one-sidedly. Quite a few times, I had caught Sasuke looking irritated by his cheerfulness chatter.191

Sasuke had been calm lately but he hadn’t really changed much physically to the eye for others to notice too. Sure, he looked around now and ate with them. But he never spoke neither did he showed any kind of emotions.192

At least he wasn’t a raining black cloud anymore.193

But Jesus was brighter than him. He was even brighter than a thousand suns combined. Once, when I had passed him in the corridor, it was difficult for me to keep walking because of the amazingly bright positive vibes coming from him.194

Though at that time, Sasuke was with him and Jesus was still talking non-stop… I couldn’t help but think if he had noticed me or not.195

Though as time passed, I saw a bond form between the two; they both were always together except for the times when I saw Sasuke alone in church. I saw how comfortable they both were at times.196

But I had never seen Sasuke speak. In my presence, in class, in lunch, in hallways… I never noticed him say a word to him. But Jesus spoke and he spoke for both.197

It was strange, the whole thing. How opposite did attract to each other. But it was also strange when considering that I was a whole tad different from everyone and I didn’t attract to anyone.198

But when the whole thing came to me… I was quite helpless now. I knew that he wasn’t really a Jesus sent for me. He was the Jesus sent for Sasuke.199

And though I couldn’t help but feel pain, I reassured myself that Sasuke must have suffered more than me to deserve him.200

________________________________________201

It has been a month since I had heard Sasuke’s voice in my ears. It has also been twenty-nine days since I had added Naruto’s name in my prayer and I had spoken to Neji.202

I was a coward. I couldn’t even interact with anyone. And I blamed others for not interacting with me. How can people interact with something that is invisible to the eye?203

No wonder the church was always empty. Hardly anyone believed in God now.204

Today was one of the few days when I did not felt like going home. A storm was picking up… thunder struck now and then as I walked slowly towards the church. My whole schedule looked useless to me.205

It started to rain as I pushed the Church’s door open and entered. I could hear the loud thrashing from behind me and I knew I was stuck in God’s place for shelter for sometime.206

I guess my wish of not going to home was fulfilled.207

I saw him sitting at the first row again and my hope for his absence at once shattered.208

Like always, he turned his head towards me, fixing me with an intense stare. I walked down the aisle as slowly as I could and lingered on my prayers.209

After I was done, I knew I had nothing to do. It was this or walk home and get killed by the racking storm outside.210

So I picked up a bible and sat myself down a few seats away from him and without looking up to meet his intense stare, started reading quietly.211

Chapter seven212

Talk213

I think that it’s strange214

That we meet everyday215

But don’t interact216

Seasons pass217

And you are still as quiet as before218

I was cold. I had put the bible at the side for sometime now. Now, I was just huddling to myself and trying to pass the time.219

Two hours had gone since I had entered the church and he hadn’t moved an inch. Now and then, I knew he glanced at me but without his Jesus with him, I knew I had no other reason to look at him.220

I didn’t hate him anymore after all.221

There was silence except for the ever increasing thrashing from the outside.222

It was almost six in the evening when Sasuke got up from his place. I thought he was going to head home despite the rain but he boldly walked over to me and sat down next to me.223

My heart started to beat in full speed with nervousness. I peeked at him and he looked back at me quietly, with a hint of curiosity in his onyx eyes.224

Though I was a little glad that he had dared to sit down with me; a little interaction wouldn’t mean anything though. I was a little relieved when I felt the warmth radiating from him. At least I won’t freeze to death now.225

And then it was after a good fifteen minutes when he spoke to me.226

“Since how long had you been coming here?”227

His voice was heart melting. I felt my face go red as I looked at him in surprise. Was he trying to… talk?228

“Ano…I…” I gulped a little,” w-well… since I started school I-I guess,”229

“High school?”230

I closed my eyes, trying to remember. Since when I had started to come here anyway?231

My mother used to come here when I was in kindergarten. I was always with her. Glued to her kimono like I was a part of her body. And then I started to come on my own after…232

I felt a knot in my throat and I, again, gulped it down.233

“No… since, kindergarten,”234

“Oh,”235

I looked up at him and I was glad to see that his face wasn’t emotionless like before. Like always.236

Then there was silence. This was almost amusing.237

“It’s ironic isn’t it?” I heard my voice come from my lips as though it had a mind of its own.238

He looked surprised too at my sudden non-stuttering calm voice. I looked at the statue.239

“We both are horrible when it comes to socializing aren’t we?”240

That triggered a frown on his face.241

“What makes you think I am not socializing?”242

I smiled up to him shyly.243

“What makes you think that you are?”244

And then, something surprising happened.245

He laughed. I stared up at him in shock. His voice, when placed in something as joyful as a laugh, seemed even more mesmerizing. Like a tinkle of bells… like the sparkle of glitter… like the humming of birds.246

So beautiful.247

I stared at him in awe.248

When he settled down with the last chuckle, he smirked at me quite amused.249

“My… I never knew a shy girl like you had such an amazing sense of humour,”250

I felt my face go red in embarrassment. I bit my lip and looked away at once.251

He chuckled again.252

Was that a compliment or an insult? And what was so funny in what I had said. I searched for a hint of a joke in our so called conversation but didn’t find any.253

“What’s so funny in what I said?” I asked impatiently.254

He shrugged casually.255

“It just was,”256

“You don’t laugh at Naruto-kun’s jokes,”257

Oh damn it.258

He looked shocked when I said his name. He gave me a sharp look, his lips pursed. I looked away from him at once, trying to think of something else other than the bright sunshine that had suddenly occupied my mind. Even though Naruto, or more likely, Jesus was probably far away from me, I could still faintly hear his voice in my head. My face burned slightly.259

His face became weary for some reason. My face turned into a tomato.260

He looked away almost too abruptly and fixed his sudden blank eyes at the statue. He was putting a façade on his real self again.261

“What’s wrong?” I asked after a pause.262

No answer. Silence.263

“Ne… Uchiha-san… are you upset at something I said?” I whispered, trying not to let the emotions break my voice.264

Still no answer. He was getting blanker and blanker second by second.265

“NO!” I wanted to yell at him, “DON’T PUT A FAÇADE AGAIN! STOP IT!”266

My voice was stuck, my blush was gone, and my eyes were glistening with unshed tears. He wasn’t responding. He face was turning dead like it was a while ago, his eyes were getting hollow, the aura of gloominess started to appear again…267

The thunder crashed outside and rain pattered on the sidewalks loudly. Little did anyone know it was also raining inside God’s place. The black cloud had returned.268

I burst into tears, covering my face into my hands.269

What did I do? What did I say? What is wrong with me and my stupid mouth? Maybe he did not like Jesus at all… maybe… it was all for a show? Why? Why are my eyes betraying me?270

“Oka-san,”271

“Oye!” I felt his strong hands on my shoulder; he shook me slightly, “What’s wrong? Why are you crying? Are you sick?”272

I peeked at him through my hands, blinking rapidly to clear my sight from the many tears sprouting from my eyes, and was relieved to see his face back to normal. Good normal.273

I wiped my tears slowly but didn’t dare to face him. Instead I buried my face in my lap.274

“I-I-I am s-s-sor-rry U-U-chi-h-ha-s-san,” I stuttered out weakly.275

It took him a minute to understand what I had said through from my stuttering.276

“What are you apologizing for?”277

For being stupid, for being a horrible person to shatter the hope that you got from God and his Jesus, for reminding you of what you had suffered in the past, for closing the light filled gap in those black clouds…278

I wanted to say but my words betrayed me. I looked up at him, trying to say what I had just thought, but my voice came in an apologetic stutter.279

“F-for k-k-illing you ju-ust now,”280

My heart clenched at the very idea.281

Shock and confusion showed in his onyx black eyes as he stared at my face, his mouth a little agape, lost for words.282

There was a long silence as I rubbed my face clean from my sleeve, resulting in a stinging feeling in my eyes.283

After some time, I glanced at him from the corner of my eyes and saw him, expressionlessly, staring at the statue.284

I was a little relieved when I saw something stir in his eyes. I concentrated my eyes on my lap, as the storm roared outside. It didn’t have to take long to see the motion of thoughts stirring in the depths of his eyes. Relief flooded through my body at his recovery.285

As the time passed by and the silence continued, I lost all hope for a reply.286

Chapter eight287

Subconscious truth288

Truth be told289

I have never lied290

you might not believe291

as the society is changing so292

but I haven’t lied293

much.294

________________________________________295

She was smiling. Despite all the tubes stuck in her body and despite the strain that was obvious on her face, she was smiling. Her lips widened and her bony cheekbones lifted, she was smiling widely… at me.296

As I moved around, laughing, showing my new kimono to her, she kept smiling, not saying a word in or out. I chatted happily about the future that included her and me only and yet… she still kept smiling.297

Maybe she was smiling because of my naivety at how obliviously stupid I was, not taking in the facts that she was going to die and yet acting like nothing was wrong.298

How naïve. How stupid. How shallow.299

And she died smiling too; the only difference in her demeanour were that her eyes were closed and she dressed in a beautiful kimono that made her ten times even more beautiful even though all her flesh was gone.300

Gone like she was now. Gone.301

I had stood there in front of the coffin staring at her. I had not cried but I was chatting away about the latest thing happening in my own oblivious world… I didn’t know she was dead.302

When she had disappeared, I looked and looked all over the Hyuuga Compound, too see where she was, where she was hidden. I couldn’t find her. Anywhere.303

It was then when my uncle bothered enough to take me by aside and explain where she was… dead. In heaven. Gone away. Forever.304

And then I had cried. After three insignificant months, I had cried so hard that I felt like that my heart was being stabbed again and again by a blunt knife. I was so lonely. I was so lost.305

I hated myself for being so naïve. I hated myself for not realizing. I hate myself for laughing at her when she was in pain. I hate being the cause.306

________________________________________307

I opened my eyes and blinked several times, trying to throw out the clear heart-breaking images that I had dreamt. I frowned slightly as I felt my pillow move a little and at that time I realized that I wasn’t in my bed.308

Memories, as fast as a rushing river, came to me and I bolted straight up from where I was lying and jumped out of my seat, blushing deeply in embarrassment.309

“I-I-I am sorry. I f-fell asleep,” I muttered in pure embarrassment, feeling like an idiot. I wanted to cry. I didn’t remember falling asleep and how did my head end up in his lap?310

He looked at me in surprise as though he wasn’t expecting an apology and looked away; closing his slightly opened mouth, and nodded a little.311

“I didn’t mind,” he replied.312

I was still red in the face when I shifted my eyes, uncomfortably, towards the grandfather clock, placed against the wall.313

I gasped, my blush disappearing suddenly, as my eyes widened at the time. My face turned paper white.314

It was midnight.315

I almost started to hyperventilate.316

My father was going to kill me. I was dead. I am gone.317

“God, help me!” I thought, gulping loudly.318

“The storm stopped a little while ago,” Sasuke said after he saw my expression.319

I snapped out of my panic to look at him. He was staring at me again with a closed expression. He got up and stood in front of me.320

“Let me walk you home. It’s late,” He announced his decision.321

I was baffled for words. He understood my expression. He turned away his head again, breaking his eye connection with me. I noticed he did that a lot.322

“Let’s go,” he muttered, turned and walked down the aisle.323

I stared at his back for a moment and gulped loudly before jogging after him.324

Chapter nine325

Tell my why?326

I don’t know you327

I don’t like you328

But I don’t hate you329

I am just an invisible soul330

tell my why331

you act like you know.332

Tell me why.333

Hyuuga eyes what made us people different from the humans living around us. There was a time, my father used to proudly tell me in place of bed time stories, when humans treated them as Gods. But that time passed into modern times and still the name Hyuuga straightened up everybody’s back in attention.334

What was the difference between the Hyuugas and the humans? The only difference I could find was their eyes. We, Hyuugas, had white eyes.335

Wasn’t that, in a sense, a fault? We were different from the human race, doesn’t that made it a fault? Yet the Hyuugas acted like they were different and far off better than any body else.336

If different is better theory was taken into mind, then I should be better than the whole wide world.337

“How ironic,” I thought as I walked beside the guy who I had never thought to even talk to a few months ago.338

“Where is your house?” he asked, breaking the ever growing silence between us.339

“T-The co-colony in the n-next street,”340

“Ah,”341

Of course he would go Ah. Only rich people can live in colonies with proper mansions and luxurious gardens that would make normal people die of underestimation. Make normal people feel down to the core of the Earth. Feel like they truly were the ones who were faulted than the Hyuugas.342

“I live there too,”343

That made me pause my thoughts and concentrate on not stopping in shock. As I considered the fact more progressively, I realized I wasn’t that much surprised than I should have. For some reason, Uchiha Sasuke looked rich and mighty.344

“I-I didn’t know,” I said for the sake of our so lame conversation.345

He hummed in response and my heart fluttered a little at hearing his gorgeous voice in an uplifting tone.346

We walked in silence which didn’t last long.347

“Tell me something Hinata,” he said curiously, “what did you really mean when you apologized for killing me?”348

That made me stop. In the middle of the street, not faraway from the gates of the colony I lived in… nowhere to escape.349

I hesitated for a second and decided on the truth. He, now stopped too, waited patiently for an answer.350

The truth was so complicated. In order to tell it, I had to tell the whole tale from the beginning. I wasn’t ready for that. We weren’t friends. We didn’t have any kind of relationship at all. We were just random public that made Church a crowdy place.351

I opened my mouth to lie but decided on another form of truth.352

“I can’t tell you that,” I said realizing again that my stuttered voice usually vanished in front of him.353

He looked at me with no change of expression. He fully turned on me then, his eyes blazing with something that I couldn’t identify. My heart clenched in fear. If I were to get strangled here, how long will it take for my family to bother to find my body?354

“And why is that so?” he asked, stepping forward, hands clenched into fists.355

I blinked widely at him and looked around for a way to escape. Finding none, I backed away, trying to think of alternate ways to help my poor self.356

“It’s a-a lo-long story,” I gave a pitiful terrified stutter.357

That made him freeze like stone. If I didn’t know better, I would have thought of him as a sculpture carved from marble to be placed in one of the many rich gardens in the colony. His expression, which was raging in anger, settled into a soft sad one.358

“I apologize,” he muttered in a hushed whisper and started to walk again and I followed quietly, this time making sure to stay a good five feet away from him.359

As I neared my house, he made me take the lead as he did not know the directions.360

I reached my house and prayed to myself that something drastic wouldn’t happen when I enter through the door way.361

But before I could enter my house, I turned away to see that he was already walking away.362

My mind, sending away uncalled nerve signals, made me move so quickly that for a moment my surroundings were blurred and the next thing I knew he was staring down at me while I clutched his arm tightly.363

I wanted to kill myself. Why couldn’t I just let him walk away?364

“I-I am sorry for troubling you today,” I said in my much practiced apologizing tone that I often used with my family including my younger sister.365

“Don’t apologize to me,” I heard him grumble under his breath.366

I let go of him and nodded with a small smile. I should smile before I can go inside and cry.367

“And thank you for interacting with me,” I said sincerely, “It made me feel… human,”368

Despite the horrification of what I had said, I looked up at him to give him another sincere smile.369

He stared at me in a soft expression.370

I was about to turn away and walk back when I stopped when he said something.371

“How about you have lunch with me and my er… friends,” I heard him wince a little, “tomorrow?”372

Tears brimmed my eyes as I looked over to him in utter joy.373

“Really?”374

He nodded dumbly.375

I wiped the tears from my eyes and gave a huge smile at him.376

“Thank you so much,”377

I turned away and jogged into the house, feeling too happy for anything. I didn’t know how desperate I was for company. The offer that Sasuke had given me made my heart flutter in utter joy. Tomorrow… people will know I was alive. Tomorrow… I will interact with Sasuke’s friends. Tomorrow, maybe, Jesus will give me a chance too.378

Chapter ten379

Slashing pain380

________________________________________381

People don’t recognise me382

As pretty or ugly383

Or different or special384

To them385

I am only a faceless ghost386

They recognize me387

By counting388

The purple spots on my face389

The scratches on my hands390

And even then391

They tend to ignore392

________________________________________393

He was just standing at the corner, his mouth set into an expressionless way, his back leaning against the wall with his arms crossed over his broad chest and watching the scene with raised eye brows and emotionless eyes as though he was enjoying it. My sister actually had a humungous smile on her face; at least, she didn’t bother to hide her emotions but has decided to hurt me straight on.394

And the most disgusting thing was the fact that I was older than her and yet I was so low in her eyes.395

I was on my knees now, coughing blood, my heart twisting ten thousand times faster than my stomach and gut which had been kicked countless of times. My cheek felt hot as my steaming tears flowed over them, tingling the sores on my face… my cheeks were going to turn purple soon. And then I would be the ghost with white eyes and purple cheeks.396

And scratches.397

And broken bones.398

And wounds.399

And blood stains.400

I wonder, as I trembled on my knees and robotically nodded on my father’s long yells and speeches, on the thought that how long will it take for me to heal. I wanted to crawl into a hole and die because I knew that for a few days, I wouldn’t be allowed to leave the house… even for school. I knew that for a few days, I would be in bed, trying to recover from my injuries.401

It felt like a book being read again and again for a hope of a new story.402

“THIS IS HOW YOU TREAT A HYUUGA NAME!? BY COMING HOME AT ONE IN THE MORNING!? WHAT WOULD HAVE HAPPENED IF SOMEBODY HAD SEEN YOU!? DIDANYONE SEE YOU!?”403

My lips whimpered.404

Sasuke.405

“ANSWER ME NOW!”406

I shook my head with as much force as I could, allowing my hair to fall on my eyes. I covered my mouth with my hand and relaxed as the warm liquid seeped onto my cold skin.407

I embraced myself as I felt my father kick me again in the ribs. I didn’t groan or made any kind of sound… maybe that what annoyed him… my silence. Silence.408

My father backed up from me then, disgusted and angry. He turned to Neji, to my and his uttermost surprise, and then spat:409

“From next week, you are to escort her wherever she goes… do you get that?!”410

I raised my head slowly, my bangs falling backwards enough for me to see Neji’s pale stricken face filled with nothing but disgust and anger. Though his expression changed as soon as it had appeared and his face was set up again with an emotionless demeanour. I stared at him, my eyes wide, as he looked at me.411

This time there didn’t need to be a use of words to express what we both were thinking… it was like, maybe, this was our first ever conversation ever. Me on the floor, broken while he against the wall, looking down on my like I was filth… and my mind was frozen as he looked me straight in the eyes.412

He nodded and walked away, leaving me with his invisible words in my head.413

“You killed my father and now you are trying to make me your slave. I hate you. I hate you more than anything else. It would be better if you were dead… gone… dead…”414

As my family walked away from the living lounge, the beating-me-to-death show over, I staggered to my feet and stumbled to my room as quietly as I could.415

My father should have hurt me and only me… he should stop hurting him with me too.416

For a moment, as I opened my personal first aid box and stripped myself naked, I was actually glad to see several marks on my body that I had gotten from my father. At least he was there, full of pleasure, as he stared at me getting killed.417

Let there be pleasure for killing than sorrow for slavery.418

Though my tears started to reappear when I remembered Sasuke and Jesus… I guess… we were never really meant to be anything. Not even people who made Church a crowdy place.419

Chapter eleven420

Dull walls421

________________________________________422

Don’t fall down423

Even though they look weak424

And old425

Yet, they stay as they are426

Not falling down427

________________________________________428

It was Sunday. Usually on this day, I would dress up in a yellow sundress, wear a hat, and walk over to Church where the Father would be there, lecturing monotonously about betterment of human kind to a surprisingly large audience.429

It had made me wonder where those people actually came from at first but after some time… I tend to ignore them.430

Sasuke never intended these Sunday gatherings. I didn’t blame him actually… he was a guy that was isolated from interaction… him being there in the Church with so many people… Of course he wouldn’t come.431

Sundays, for me, were good days. I liked going to church even though I was like an invisible human to many and got stepped on a lot. I would walk down the street and stop at a book store or at a park and waste some time.432

To me… Sundays were like a taste of freedom I cherished.433

But as I sat on my bed, my hand tightened across my belly absent-mindedly, I knew that from tomorrow… nothing was going to be the same.434

Maybe, Neji would refuse to let me go to Church. What would happen then?435

Just the thought made my eyes glisten in fresh tears… a broken girl like me had nobody but God and his place.436

But then again… God did work in mysterious ways.437

I lifted my shirt up and looked at the bandages underneath. Usually, my father wouldn’t go as far as breaking bones. But this time… he did. One of my ribs was broken and I had taped it as best as I could, thanks to my mother’s books of research. I was never allowed to go to a doctor because I knew the next thing that would happen to me was that I was send away to some foster home away from white eyes people.438

The very thought made me tempted of ratting out my father. Of crying and yelling in the court that my father abuses me… that this torture has been going on forever.439

But I knew… I couldn’t do that. Hyuugas would be disgraced. And my mother was, too, a Hyuuga.440

________________________________________441

It was Monday… at last. As I woke up and limped towards the shower, I was actually glad to get out of the confines of my old empty four walled room. As I unwrapped all the bandages and got into the shower, I tried to think of excuses and gather my courage to tell Neji off when we would be walking home.442

I bit my lip.443

He will certainly kill me.444

As I wrapped myself with new bandages and put ointment where it hurt more than I could handle, I knew, from the bottom of my heart, that I had to face Sasuke today no matter what happened.445

Seeing Sasuke was something that made me forget everything that I knew and making myself step into the world of silenced comfort. Where I would stare at him, his dark bangs falling onto his dark orbs of his eyes, struggling to walk and smile.446

Even in his smile and his walk… there was something more than a burden that was only noticed by me and only me.447

But…448

I got dressed and wore my shoes. The thoughts ended with this mere “But…” It was like… I was hesitant in coming closer to him even though I wanted to be with him more than my life. Like… I wanted someone to be with me so I could open my mouth without being slapped or killed in the process.449

Maybe. He wanted the same.450

But…451

I sighed loudly and walked downstairs and out of the house. I saw Neji sulking against the pillar, probably waiting for me. As I walked over to him, he turned and scowled at me.452

“Hurry up next time,” he snapped in an irritated voice and started to walk down the street with such a fast pace that I had to jog, despite the pain in my body, to catch up with him.453

“S-sorry,” I whispered.454

Sorry… I took some time bandaging myself up.455

Chapter twelve456

My slow-paced run457

________________________________________458

To myself459

I am the fastest one around460

To someone else461

I am not even there462

To you463

I am standing still464

________________________________________465

He left me in front of my classroom and walked away without a glance, his features still engulfed in what seem like a hatred filled scowl. I was glad that he was one year older than me and was going to graduate next year, leaving me alone.466

I didn’t know if I should be happy or sad. But at that time, as I stepped into the classroom and my eyes landed towards the occupied seat near the window, I was happy.467

But my happiness were turned into sorrow when he didn’t even bother to look at me when I passed by his row towards my seat. As I sat staring at me, my heart clenched painfully and I wanted to wail out crying.468

His eyes, staring out of the window, were blank and dead. He was not even aware of the hustling bustling of the crowd around him. Jesus was standing across him, looking at him in a defeated silence, his arms crossed over his chest.469

He sighed loudly and slammed his hands on Sasuke’s desk. Sasuke, in turn, turned his face away from the window to give him a blank dead look.470

“Oye Sasuke! What’s up with you! You are acting even more dead than before! At least blink!”471

At that time, I wanted to be as confident as Jesus and walk over to the dark cloud and tell him to get his white lining again.472

At that time… I wanted courage in exchange of those broken bones, bruises and scars… just to go and tell him to snap out of it and look around at the gifts that God has given to you. Look at Jesus who has been sent especially for you and look at all those people surrounding you. Look at God being busy helping you and only you. Smile. Smile. Speak. Say something.473

Tears were in my eyes as I watched him stare blankly at Jesus. The blond gritted his teeth angrily.474

“OYE! I AM TALKING TO YOU! STOP ACTING LIKE A FREAK!”475

Sasuke got up silently, shrugged, slipped his hands into his pockets and walked out of the classroom like there was nothing wrong with the whole situation.476

Like he was suddenly turned deaf to the worry in Jesus’s voice.477

Why… how… how could he ignore Jesus’s voice? How… how could he ignore someone else’s concern! HOW COULD HE…!478

I got up from my seat with such force and anger that my seat toppled backwards and hit the floor with a loud clatter, breaking the class’s intense silence.479

And then…480

They all looked at me. Not through me… but at me. Their eyes big and surprised, their heads turned towards me, their eyes settled on my figure… on my anger… on my face… on my broken body… on my… everything.481

The overwhelming feeling was stronger than my anger and I wanted to look away and disappear again rather than deal with all those surprised stares.482

But then I spotted something in their stares… something that made the adrenaline rush into my veins; expectations… curiosity… decisiveness…483

And then, in my new surroundings, the walls melted into nothingness and I could feel something creep into my heart and say:484

“I am with you. This time… do what you want to do,”485

And as though my will was read and I was controlled, again, by some mystical power… I found myself running down the rows so fast that the students seemed like a blur to me… I was running so fast that I was out of the door in the matter of mere seconds and I didn’t even hear the surprised gasps and voices behind me or around me… I was running after him in such a rush, that I didn’t even notice the pair of white eyes staring at me from across the corridor… and I was in front of Sasuke in a matter of what seemed seconds and I was watching him, in slow motion, as he looked at me in surprise and stopped in his tracks… I didn’t even know when my hand went all the way back and then collided hard against his perfectly pale porcelain skin… but I knew one thing. This was what I wanted to do at this time and God was with me on this one.486

He was at last with me this time.487

The sound of the slap echoed through the walls of the school corridors like a trumpet blown at the start of the war. My panting eased up slowly and I caught my breath as I opened my mouth.488

“SNAP OUT OF IT ALREADY!” I yelled with all my force, making every body around me startle and stare at us two in such a great intensity that a huge lump formed into my throat at once.489

Sasuke’s eyes were wide and his eyes slowly formed a hint of shock. His black eyes were glistening with what seemed like, surprising and gladly for me, not anger but realization.490

His cheek was slowly turning red from my force of the slap and my hand was tingling in what seemed like electricity because of the interaction of skin. My panting was slowing down and the adrenaline rush seemed to disappear… making my heart flutter in embarrassment and anxiety as the silence grew in the corridor, as our audience waited for a reaction from Sasuke… as Sasuke just stared at me in a dumbfounded expression.491

Silence.492

Fear.493

What… am I going to do?494

“What’s going on here?! Hyuuga! I didn’t expect something like this from you! Detention for a WEEK! How shameful…”495

Who ever the hell the teacher was… I was actually glad that she was there to break the anxiety in the corridor. I saw Jesus gaping at me like a fish and Neji staring at my actions like a statue… his face pale and his eyes wide.496

And Sasuke.497

He actually had a smile on his face as he turned away and walked away from me towards the classroom… towards his awaited friends and the curious glances.498

And as I was taken to the Head Mistress office… I had never been so happy in my life and the smile and the blush on my face was the proof of it.499