Beyond The Ideal (Chapter 8)

I felt a little strange, sitting and drinking alone with Eric's brother. I wasn't uncomfortable or anything, I just didn't usually chill with Alex by myself, and even at Eric's party I hadn't really seen him drinking. Maybe it was an age complex; Something like why would he want to hang out with his little brother's friend, when he had plenty of cool friends?1

Either way, I was still having fun, and with Alex moderating how much liquor I had at any given time, I didn't end up miserable and dizzy in the bathroom again. 2

"I'm gonna grab some chips in the kitchen," Alex told me, walking out, and it reminded me of something. I probably smelled. I hadn't thought to change my shirt when I got home, and I'd been sweating a lot, so I ran to Eric's room and changed into one of his smaller tanktops. Laughing at how huge it was on me, I went back downstairs to find Alex back on the couch, his face a little red now. Maybe he'd drank more than I thought.3

I sat down and watched the end of the odd independent movie, and then, seeing that Alex wasn't getting up to change it, I walked over and looked through the movies.4

"What's that on your back?" he asked me, kind of slurring this time, and I gave him a confused look over my shoulder. I heard him come up behind me, then felt his fingers at the back of my neck, pulling Eric's top down further to see my back better.5

"This," he said, rubbing a sore spot on my back from where Derek had managed to hit me, "you've got these big bruises, who did that to you?"6

"Uh, it's not what it looks like," I told him, scanning through movie titles to avoid looking at him. Sometimes his big brother tendencies came out around me, and even though it was nice that he cared, I was getting a little sick of everyone else trying to protect me. He surprised me when he grabbed a movie out of my hand, put it in the dvd player and half-stumbled back to the couch.7

I sat next to him again in the corner of the couch (he didn't leave me much room, since he was sprawled out), and watched some of the next movie that couldn't hold my interest. I felt the alcohol now, and I tried to stay awake, but I failed.8

Next thing I knew, I woke up half laying on Alex's chest, and he breathed deeply and steadily underneath me. The living room was dark, except for the tv, showing only a blue screen.9

His slow, smooth heartbeat almost lulled me back to sleep, but I heard his breathing change after I hugged him closer. I guess he thought I was still asleep, since I heard him chuckle softly under me. I looked up at him, and he smiled sleepily. 10

I felt like I was dreaming. Maybe that's why, when I heard Derek's words to me echoing through my head, I didn't think to stop my sudden impulse to lean up and place a soft kiss on his lips. 11

When reality came crashing down in my head, I felt a stab of panic. What had I just done? Maybe more importantly, why?12

Alex just looked at me curiously, probably still a little dazed, and I felt like a dick. I'd just forced him into an awkward situation, and I wasn't even sure why I'd done it. He was probably struggling to think of how to get away without being an asshole. 13

It's hard to even describe how surprised I was when he leaned down and kissed me back this time, not to mention how gently he'd kissed me. I think somewhere down the line I'd gotten the idea that guys just kiss more aggressively than women. His arms slid around me, pulling me onto him, and I felt them sliding beneath the back of my (technically Eric's) shirt and lightly tracing my bruised up back with his careful fingers.14

"Is this okay?" I asked when we stopped for a breath. It still hadn't really sunk in what had just happened, and I was waiting for the metaphorical axe to fall at any time.15

"I'm not complaining, am I?" he said, and that was all the answer I needed. 16

I took the chance to push my hands up Alex's shirt, feeling every tough muscle, every warm soft spot. It's hard to explain how I felt right then. Sure, I was horny and excited. But the strange thing was, there was no urgency, and I liked it. 17

Eventually, I felt him pressing into my thigh through his shorts, and slowly slid my hand down his chest. He moaned softly underneath me, but when I passed his belly button one of his hands stopped me, pressing my hand back to his chest instead.18

"There's no hurry," he told me softly, "I'm not going to wake up tomorrow and not remember this, or be angry.. I just feel like falling asleep with you for now."19

It made me smile, that he always seemed to know what I was thinking before I could say it. Maybe I hadn't ever really thought of Alex in that way, or even had a crush on him, but looking back, I wondered why the hell I hadn't.