Many, many years ago, in the small, dilapidated town of Blackwood, a demon was borne forth into the world. 1
Now this demon, although cruel and threatening by nature, was not at all what you'd expect. It had no teeth, it had no claws or venom or eyes that pierced your very soul. It was nothing more than a boy. A reckless boy named Jack Cleverbe. 2
Admittedly, at first, there was nothing wrong with Jack. He was a sweet boy. He helped old ladies across the street and even gave a small portion of his already dwindling allowance to charity. But at the age of ten, something within him...just snapped. His ochre eyes grew cold, hard and impenetrable and he refused to communicate with anyone. An unnatural obsession with fire seemed to emerge as he began to experiment with the speed and strength of the flames. And as the fire danced before his eyes, a disturbing smile would touch his lips. Whilst this happened, nothing, not even the sound of his own mother's voice, could quite prevent the wicked gleam that slowly etched itself upon his face.3
Already a pale, and somewhat fragile looking boy, Jack always seemed to get lost in the blizzards of winter. The force of the currents would drag him to the ground, leaving him at the utter mercy of freezing elements. That must have been why the bond between Jack and fire seemed to grow. Jack hated the cold, and fire, quickly became his most reliable ally. But Jack's love of flames quickly sped out of control. He would set endless amounts of trees and defenseless creatures ablaze, laughing heartily as they crumbled, burned and screamed. In less than a year, his mother died of a heart attack, induced by the stress of raising a hell-bent son. Jealous of the townsfolk, and now without a home, wicked Jack lay seige to the little town, burning it to a smoldering crisp. 4
Many lives were lost that day, and had the townsfolk of known what path their actions would set this young, homeless boy upon, perhaps they wouldn't have beaten him so badly. Regardless, fool-hardy Jack, now beaten, bloodied and broken walked off into the icy, relentless blizzards that he despised so very much.5
Now in those days, there was a God for everything, and the God of Mercy, seeing such horrid acts of violence performed, decided to test the boy before passing judgement. Using all of his magical finesse, he would leave the child a choice. Walk away and repent for his sins or seize the forbidden fire in order to waste the lands until his heart's content, thereby dealing with the wrath of God. An easy choice to be sure, but Jack, never did think like the rest of us.6
Stumbling blindly into a frozen clearing, Jack was shocked to discover a strange hue dazzling his eyes. His brown curls that were, just moments ago, whipping around him, fell limply back onto his head. The sky above him cleared and the snowflakes ceased to fall. There, right in front of him, was the most beautiful ball of fire young Jack had ever seen. Just walking towards it seemed to lessen his pain. Smiling to himself, he thought of the possibilities this strange, unknown fire could hold for him. After all, who had ever seen a white and blue flame before?7
As he reached out in longing, the Goddess of Wind sang desperately in his ear. "Don't take the fire Jack, " she cooed. "Don't take the fire." Jack rolled his eyes at the warning. As if he was going to take advice from something he couldn't see. Shaking his head, he took a step closer to the mesmerising flames. The God of Mercy growled in fury at his approach. His voice thundered through the clearing, sending a wave of true fear down the boy's spinal cord. "It is up to you now, boy! Do with this fire as you see fit, but be warned, there will be dire consequences for such wicked actions. Be smart and take your leave!"8
But how could Jack refuse? The fire was so pretty and it was the only friend he had ever known. It didn't judge, it didn't pry, fire truly was man's best friend. Ignoring the pleas of both Gods, Jake reached for the tantalising flames.9
And that's when it happened. Jake felt no warmth as he leaned in towards the dancing tongues. They licked at him with cold, icy, burning rage; the fire itself could not be tamed. It swallowed up his hand, his right arm, then finally his chest. His scream, a shriek of pure, unwanted agony at the injustice he believed himself dealt. But the fault was entirely his own, and thus, he had to suffer for it. 10
Even now, there are rumours circulating the story of Jack Cleverbe and how he died. In fact, there are whispers...whispers that he didn't. That he was granted something far worse in the eyes of a mortal. It is said that Jack Cleverbe became the new God of Winter and that he spends his days, biding his time until the season where he can once again feel the burn of ice upon warming flesh. Ironic isn't it? Except they don't call him Jack Cleverbe anymore, the call him...Jack Frost.11
Author notes
I used to always love the story of Jack Frost, but not once did they ever mention how he came to be. So I thought I'd take a crack at it. It's fantasy.
In a list
A contest entry
- Wow Me! by vamplover22907.
100 points, ended May 9, 18 entries
Silver trophy winner
• next story in this contest, remove from contest - Short-short Story Contest! Any genre welcome! by amanda vampiress.
475 points, ended August 10, 60 entries
• next story in this contest, remove from contest
So what do you think of of my story? I used the basis of another to create something entirely new. Be honest when you tell me, please.
Comments
1 - 19 of 19
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I like this little tale that you spun. It was enjoyable and enrapturing. The beginnings of Jack Frost is a very creative idea and I'm glad to have read this story. Your dialogue, characterization, and imagery were spot on. Great work! Thank you for entering my contest and good luck!
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great!
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wonderful
This story is wonderful. I like the idea of knowing a little about the past of some of our well-known characters. Well done!
beginning: 4, language: 4, plot: 4, ending: 4, dialog: 4, characters: 5.
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thank you so much for the lovely comment and taking the time to read one of my stories
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Hi Violette. The commas are misplaced at some places, but this is a wonderful story. However, you have not stated the emotion you used as a comment on the contest(Many haven't) THe font is a bit too light.
Saffron
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curiosity and anger
for Icefire emotions
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Your spelling and grammar are immaculate.
This seems more like a synopsis than a full story. You narrate the whole thing allowing for little "showing." It's all telling. As if an old man is telling a story. If that's what you're going for that's good.
However, I think I'd like it a lot more if we lived with Jack, saw him setting the fires, feeling his emotions, hearing the screams of the town, feeling the lick of the flames, smelling the ash. Kind of like you do once he's being tested.
Keep up the good work though, you have a creative mind.
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Sorry, but I will have to disqualify you. This was a cool story and all, but you already have one trophy. My contest was created purely for stories that don't have any trophies. I still liked the story though.
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Sorry.
I got the trophy after I entered your contest and was not online at the time to see it. Go right ahead. I am glad you enjoyed it though, just the same.
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it was good because it was original. however some stufff that, i beleive, could have been better would be the deveolpment of the "jack" character. as is, he is simply a disturbed pyromaniac boy. you should add some stuff to make him more"human" or "monstorus" which ever you desire. you could also change some of the diction to be darker and less "childish".
but other than that it was quite good. hope to see more of your stuff.
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This is an interesting way on seeing how jack frost came to be. I am impressed, and I was wowed. I won't think of Jack Frost the same every again.
beginning: 5, language: 5, plot: 5, ending: 5, dialog: 5, characters: 5.
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Thank you very much.
I tried to keep it original.
Haha you just love my stories don't you? Well I'm flattered. I'll have some new dracosapiens up soon too. Oh and sorry, I don't look at who runs the contest, I just enter.
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:]
I likeee this. It was amazing. I loved the way you portrayed the Jack character.. not a typical what you would expect...but yet the typical good boy goes bad..
There are little life lessons to be learned from this.. Dont play with fire, don't be disobediant and defiant, and even the best boy that helps old ladies across the street can go bad.
I'm amzed
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Thank you so much!
I'm glad you enjoyed and understood it
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I could imagine sitting around a campfire...
...hearing a story like this. It even has a kind of 'Dreamtime' quality that elders would tell their young'uns. Instead of the boy who cried wolf, what happens when you play with fire. Good job! I'm really enjoying perusing through your stories!
beginning: 5, language: 5, plot: 5, ending: 5, dialog: 5, characters: 5.
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It´s a nice story. Got a good folklory feeling, which I assume is what you were going for.
I wonder though ... if he´s the new god, what happened to the old god? Do gods retire? Perhaps there is a vacation spot somewhere for them ...
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Oh My God.
That is such a good point lol. I didn't even consider it. Thanx for the criticism maybe i'll have to do a sequel to explain that
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Cool. I never thought of how Jack Frost came to be, but this is definitely how I would not imagine it, but think it'd fit better than my version.
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Thanx.
I do tend to think a little differently to most haha. Glad somebody else finally speaks my lingo
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