You're The Darkest Burning Star. [Gabe/William.]

'Ouch, William, what happened?' 1

William looks up from his laptop in confusion, blinking over the top of his glasses and squinting in the slight shine of sunlight beaming through the plane window. 'What?' 2

Jon reaches over a sleeping Mike to brush his fingers across his wrist. 'That.' William frowns at the ring of bruises and draws his hand away, albeit reluctantly. (He wants Jon to keep touching him. He loves Jon's slightly calloused hands and the idea of a gentle beard burn on the inside of his thighs. That leads to thoughts of his thin legs hooked over Jon's shoulders, gentler hands on his hips and thighs and only going at the pace that William asks for.) 'What happened?' He draws his gaze to Jon's, away from his thoughts and hesitates answering. Jon's smile is soft and amused. His eyes are just as soft, but they're concerned. Jon's always so precious and concerned. 3

'Oh.' William forces a smile and laughs it off, and just shrugs, looking coyly at Jon from beneath his eyelashes, then looking back at his computer screen. Jon's fingers creep closer and touch his arm above the bruises. 4

'Tell me what happened,' and he's a little stricter sounding this time, and William physically recoils, holding his arm to his chest. He tells Jon that things got a little heated with Gabe. It's not far from the truth. 'Heated? Like - ' 5

'We were just - just playing rough, Jon, leave it, okay?' He blushes, but it's not because he's embarrassed to have to explain his sexual escapades. It's that it's a lie, and that he's told it to Jon, and that "playing" rough is far from what Gabe does. 'It's okay, really. I just - you see why I didn't want to tell you?' William laughs awkwardly. 6

'Ooh,' Jon's grin is genuine and wide, and he sits back and says, 'Yeah, I'm kind of sorry that I asked.' 7

Off the hook. William smiles back and tries to keep it up when Gabe himself appears, looming over and complaining, 'Why do I have to be sat with Vicky and Alex? You get Mike and Jon and I get the two biggest losers on the tour,' but he's got his big dopey "I don't really mean it" grin on. William unclasps his buckle and starts to stand up, saying (as he knows he is expected to), 'Do you want to go see if there are two free seats or anything?' 8

'Yeah,' Gabe grins (a little proud. His proud smile is still better than his other smile, the smile that scares William) and offers his hand, 'Milady?' 9

William can't resist the blush that creeps up his neck. He wonders, as he's lead further down the plane, why Gabe can't always be like that - kind, a little humorous, completely endearing. They find two spare seats in the all-but-empty third class, and when Gabe sits down, he pushes the chair arms back and raises his eyebrows expectantly. 10

William settles obediently down, straddling Gabe's lap and whimpering when Gabe's fingers close around his bruised wrist. Gabe frowns, says, 'Hey, baby, am I hurting you?' and squeezes tighter. 11

'Bruises, Gabe,' he fruitlessly reminds, only to be pleasantly surprised when Gabe lets go, choosing to link their fingers instead and kiss him. 'Jon was asking about them.' 12

'What'd you tell him?' Gabe looks worried, and William is hasty to tell him that he blew it off as a little rough encounter. He hates it when Gabe gets worried, because worry always progresses into anger, and anger progresses into bruises shaped like Gabe's hand. 'Hey, good. Because you know I don't do that shit deliberately.' He squeezes William's hand lightly. 'You know that, don't you, baby? I only do that when you upset me, and I don't mean to. You just get me really angry sometimes, but it won't ever happen again. I love you.' 13

'I know, Gabe,' William nods, but he doesn't really. 'I love you, too.' He kisses Gabe softly, leaning into it and then he just sits with Gabe like that for the rest of the flight. It's kind of amazing and wonderful, and he can't remember the last time he's just sat with Gabe like this. They talk about all kinds of bullshit. The bruises aren't mentioned, and Gabe only touches them a few times and even then by accident. It all passes without incident, and so does the rest of the day - from when they land, to when they get to the hotel, through to the next day and past to the end of the night and the first show. 14

He's buzzing. He's happy, healthy, the bruises on his wrist are an ugly yellow but they're fading and apart from that, Gabe hasn't actually hit him in months. He heads back to the hotel room alone, tired but pleased - a good performance, and Gabe hasn't gotten angry at all, Gabe even kissed him (a wonderful, deep, powerful kiss at the end of Bring It) in front of the crowd. 15

William sits down at the dresser in the hotel room, in front of the mirror, wiping away traces of eyeliner and brushing his growing hair out. He takes a shower and when he's clean just stands in the heat of it; it feels nice to have the water pound his skin and have it not hurt. William's missed the feeling of there not being pain someplace in his body every time he moved. He supposes he's going to have to get used to it again, at least he hopes. Gabe did promise never to hit him again. The most wrong he's done is grip William's wrist too tight when William wasn't in the mood, and he likes to hold too hard to William's hips or thighs and leave fingerprint bruises but William thinks he should let Gabe indulge a kink every once in a while. Sometimes he goes too rough, or too fast, the push stretching too much and burning. But that's okay, he thinks. William puts it down to Gabe's size and to William being on the skinny and weak and sensitive side. 16

'William? William?' He jumps out of his trance, shutting the shower off quickly and jumping out, towelling off and wrapping it around his hips, edging carefully out of the bathroom towards Gabe's voice. Gabe stares at him, and snaps (making William flinch), 'Where the fuck have you been? What did you fucking run off for? I was calling after you, Jesus,' he advances a step towards William, and William steps back. 17

'I sent you a text when I left,' William says nervously, 'I just wanted to come back here and relax.' 18

'Why the fuck didn't you stop when I was calling you?' He advances a little more, and continues angrily, 'You were like, ten feet away from me, don't fucking bullshit that you didn't hear me or something, I was yelling your name!' 19

'Gabe - ' William steps back. His back meets the wall. 'I'm sorry - I didn't hear you, I was like, lost in my own little world and stuff, I just wanted to get back to the hotel - plus there were a bunch of fans there, maybe I just - ' The first blow takes William completely by surprise because he hadn't even realised Gabe was close enough. He reels, and stares, holding a hand up to his face. 'I - Gabe, you said - you said you wouldn't do this again, you promised not to - !' 20

'Well,' Gabe snaps, bringing William forward by the shoulders then throwing him against the wall again, taking the wind out of him and making him sink to his knees gasping for air, 'Maybe if you weren't such an ignorant little bitch I wouldn't get pissed off enough at you to do this. Did you ever think of that, huh?' 21

Gabe kicks him, and all William can think about whilst he's pulled around and punched and hit and kicked is that Gabe promised never to do this again. 22

When Gabe's done he disappears into the bathroom and William hears something shatter, more than likely the mirror. He takes the opportunity to crawl onto the bed and under the sheets, still gasping for breath and shaking and he can feel blood sliding down his cheek but strangely all he can think thank god I wasn't wearing my glasses when he punched my in the eye, instead of worrying about bleeding or bruising or the fact the vision in his eye is blurred and that his chest feels tight and he just can't stop shaking. 23

He can hear the bathroom door open and Gabe's faint crying and he dares to open his eyes, holding the blanket closer around him. Gabe's hand is bleeding and wrapped in tissues (looks like he was right about the mirror) and he sits on the edge of the bed and reaches out to William. William shifts away quickly, and Gabe whines, 'No, baby, please don't - please, I didn't - ' 24

'You promised to never do that again,' William whispers. 25

'I know,' he pauses for a beat and whispers just as quietly, 'I'm sorry.' 26

'It hurts so much,' William can't escape the sob that burns his chest, then, and despite himself he manages to sit up and face Gabe properly. Gabe reaches out and thumbs away the blood on William's cheek and bites his lip, then leans in and kisses William. William whimpers and leans away, 'Just - Gabe - ' 27

'Can I hold you?' The request is so surprising and sincere that William nods, but when Gabe's arms actually go to circle him he flinches yet again. Gabe despairs, 'Baby, don't be scared of me.' 28

'You hurt me,' William points out. Gabe kicks off his shoes and climbs into bed with William, holding him gently to his chest. Gabe apologises over and over until William says, 'My stomach hurts.' He goes quiet then, but his hand dances downwards and William's stomach clenches as the fresh bruises are touched. 'Stop.' Gabe's hand stills, and William closes his eyes, sighing deeply. 29

William manages, through the pain, to sleep for some time, maybe a few hours before he wakes up to Gabe's hand massaging his hip softly. 'Bill? Bill, are you awake?' 30

'I'm sore,' he whispers, 'I need to sleep more.' But he can feel Gabe, hard and pressing into his lower back, and he bites his lip nervously. Please don't be angry. 'I can't, Gabe, I'm too sore. Please no.' 31

'Come on,' Gabe murmurs, slipping his hand down to palm at William's cock through the towel, 'Please, I wanna make you feel good.' William just closes his eyes and repeats over and over "No", because he's too sore and sensitive and he just can't get off. Gabe ignores him though, and moves so he's sat between William's legs, and says, 'Come on, baby.' 32

'Gabe, I can't, and I won't,' and William starts to pull away from Gabe only to have the towel yanked away and both of Gabe's hands grab his bruised stomach. 'Fuck! Don't do that! Gabe!' 33

'Come on, then!' Gabe looks pissed and frustrated and in pain from his hand, but he still grabs at William before he leans back to get rid of the clothing he's wearing. 34

'I don't want this,' William tries to kick away from Gabe, but Gabe just grabs his ankle and squeezes extremely hard, and William suddenly remembers that he's the weak, skinny one here, and whimpers and tries to crawl backwards, protesting, 'If you - Gabe, it's rape - you've attacked me, and now you're going to rape me? Jesus fucking chr - ' 35

Gabe hits him in the face again, and covers William's mouth with one hand, 'Maybe if you let me fucking try, you'd actually feel good. But you're such a stubborn fucking bitch that I have to take what I want. What's wrong with you, huh?' 36

William bites back a retort and then a sob. He lets Gabe, though, because it'll be so much worse if he keeps fighting. He whimpers when Gabe pulls William's legs onto his shoulders and nearly screams at the burn when Gabe pushes in (no fucking preparation, or lube, or for that matter a condom) and has to try his hardest not to bite down when Gabe kisses William, open-mouthed with a lazy tongue. He actually does scream when Gabe presses him double to push his hands up over his head, a dry, raspy wail, and it turns into breathy, desperate gasps when Gabe's hand presses at his throat. 37

He must black out when Gabe presses too hard because he wakes up the next afternoon alone, sore, aching and with an apologetic note on the pillow- I am so fucking sorry. G. xx 38

William buries himself into the sheets and sobs until he falls back to sleep. 39

He wakes up when the door is opened, and he hears, 'Jesus Christ, there he is' from what sounds suspiciously like Jon Walker. He emerges carefully from the sheets and it is Jon - stood there with hotel staff who must've opened the door. Jon nods for them to go, and looks properly at William and swears, rushing over. 'What the hell happened? What - who did this to you? Oh my god, your throat - ' 40

William starts, 'Jo- ' and coughs, choking and spluttering greeny-yellow gunk on the sheets. He groans and sobs again, and Jon disappears into the bathroom. There's more swearing before Jon emerges with a glass of water and passes it to William gently. 'Sip it,' Jon warns, 'And talk slowly.' He reaches out and pulls the sheets down to William's waist and moans in horror, 'What happened to you?' 41

William eventually manages to talk quietly, saying, 'It's - ' He was going to lie. Fuck it. 'You can't tell anyone,' he begs softly, and Jon hesitantly nods, taking William's hand in his. 'Gabe, he - he hits me, he always - just never this bad, and he - he was getting better, Jon, he stopped hitting me - my wrist was, I deserved it, that was - but he got so angry last night and - ' 42

'Gabe hits you?' Jon cuts off softly. 'He's always hit you?' Jon bites his lip, 'I don't know if I can keep this quiet, Bill.' 43

'You have to,' William begs, 'You have to. I know he's sorry, he just - don't, Jon - ' 44

'He beats you,' Jon stresses, and he circles his arms around William, bringing him close. 'It's - it's abuse, Bill - and he's - have you seen your throat? You've got a ring of bruises around your throat - He - I can't let him do this to you again, Bill, you're too - I was scared as it was, you didn't turn up for sound check, and now - Jesus, William, what - I don't know what to do. I can't keep this quiet.' 45

'Please,' William continues to beg, 'Look, if you care about my happiness - ' 46

'But you can't be happy,' Jon whispers, cupping William's jaw in his hand and leaning in close, 'not like this. You can't be happy with a boyfriend who beats you.' 47

'Jon, I - please, you can't - ' 48

'You need to tell someone,' Jon repeats. 'Come on. You have to speak up or you'll die like this.' 49

He's close enough to kiss, and for some stupid reason, William does lean in to kiss him. He's wanted Jon for months; loved him even longer, but there's always been Gabe, but now, there's just Jon, Jon with strong arms and hands and he's protecting William, and - 50

'What are you doing?' Jon ducks backwards, looking shocked. 'William, I - ' 51

William covers his mouth with one hand and turns his head away, shamefully. 'Jon, I'm sorry, I - I thought - ' 52

'William, you're my best friend,' he chokes on an awkward laugh and holds William at arms length. 'I don't want that with you - especially not now, not like this! For god's sakes, why would I?' 53

William drops away from Jon, closing his eyes sadly and saying, 'Yeah. Why would you.' He takes a deep, careful breath that still hurts his chest. 'I'm sorry. What time is it?' 54

'William, I didn't mean it like - it's six-thirty. Why?' 55

William slides out of bed, finding his jeans as quickly as can and pulling them on so he's not exposed in front of Jon. He finds a high-neck t-shirt, it turns out to be one of Gabe's, but he just prays Gabe either won't notice or won't mind. 'I need to get to the show. Did they go through sound check without me?' 56

'Yeah, but - ' 57

'Good. Let's run with it.' William's into shoes and a jacket and out of the hotel before Jon can protest. Last nights show had been sold out, so they were booked for two shows at this venue thanks to the high demand. And William hates letting them down; and he can't let them down an hour before the show starts. 58

When they get to the venue Jon says, 'What are you going to tell everyone?' 59

He shrugs, 'I fell down the stairs.' 60

Jon says, 'Because that's totally going to explain your neck,' and it's way more sarcastic than he has right to be, and it hurts. William just stares at him. Jon apologises. 61

William says, 'It's none of their business and not my problem if they think I'm a liar. Just let me do this my way, okay, Jon? And, don't you dare tell anyone, alright?' He's almost crying again. He feels so fucking humiliated. So far he's been beaten beyond anything before and raped by his boyfriend of three years, and he just tried to kiss his best friend and got embarrassingly rejected. 'I'm gonna go - like, get ready.' He keeps his head down as he passes everyone and finds the make-up in their dressing room, and attempts to cover up the cut on his cheek and his black eye, but it just stings too much and he can't put enough pressure down to cover it without bursting into tears. He gives up. 62

He goes onstage that night with all his injuries - except, most obviously, the ones on his check and stomach - on show, and he hasn't seen Gabe once this even so far. He apologises to the crowd half-way through the set, 'I'm sorry that I don't look so pretty tonight. I had an accident on the way back yesterday. I fell down the hotel stairs.' He grins stupidly, 'I'm okay, though.' It hurts to smile. It hurts to sing, the bruises on his chest expanding as he breathes in to sing. 63

He manages to avoid just about everyone and go straight to the bus after the show, curling up in his bunk and shivering as he tries to go to sleep. He hates how alone he feels. He can't talk to Jon, who knows, simply because Jon will talk to him about dumping Gabe and he'll try to get him to call the police or something. He can't do that to Gabe. William loves Gabe, and he knows he shouldn't. He also can't talk to Jon because of his own pride; how do you talk to someone who shot you down like that? It was so stupid, trying to kiss him. 64

The bunk curtain is pushed back and William hears Gabe say softly, 'Hey, baby. I love you. Are you okay?' 65

'Not really,' William mumbles. 66

'You did well tonight, I knew you were hurting.' Gabe climbs in uninvited, wrapping his arms around William and nuzzling his neck. William winces at the pressure on his bruises but ignores it. Gabe continues, 'You know how sorry I am, right? I swear, baby, I love you so much, and it's never, ever going to happen again.' 67

'Yeah, I know,' William replies, and he ignores the way Gabe is now kissing at his neck. He bites his lip. He's stuck here. He can't leave Gabe, not without causing a rift on the label, and he can't call the police without doing the same. 'I know.' 68

Besides, somewhere deep down, William believes Gabe will stop someday.