Like Mud and Water

As the last starry night sky gave way to a brand new morning, The Botanical Gardens of Adelaide began to flourish. Blossoms unfurled their delicate petals, reaching toward the promise of another day. Nature seemed to be awakening. When it did so, the sun's rays burst forth into the misty sky, painting it with the colours of sunrise, just like the roses in Adelaide's garden.1

One of these roses, was a bud. A simple flower which had not yet wilted; still young and undeveloped. She opened her dainty leaves and stretched, sending shivers of pleasurable warmth down her slender stem, then deep within her thorns.The way she swayed her dress of red velvet in the wind, and the glittering pearls of dewdrops down her neck, made you think she was queen of the roses. But she was not. She was nothing but a common red rose, flourishing amongst many others in the garden.2

As the elegant flower stared up into now jasper-blue heavens, the sun seemed to wink as a wandering ray of sunlight touched her cheek. The sun is kising me she thought exultantly. What more could any young rose desire? Unfortunately, that desire became apparent, later that very evening. The weekend hustle noises were diminishing and the flaura could finally be at peace, but something had caught their attention. A handsome Ulysses butterfly was flying towards them, heading for a place to rest. So he few straight to the most direct flower in his path, the rose bud. 3

He flittered his wings comfortably, revealing every shade of blue and black printed on his fragile body. The little rose had never seen such beauty. Not the strange petal like things that seemed to make him float nor the breath-taking vibrancy of such petals. So fast did she fall for this strange creature's charms, the phrase "love at first sight," seemed excepionally poor in her comparison. Lost in a passionate love too desirable to be ignored, the little rose didn't even think, as her next words burst forth into the world. "Do you love me?"4

The little Ulysses looked shocked and indignant as he responded. "Oh please! You are a flower and i am a butterfly. We are red and blue, like mud and water, so how could i possibly love you?" And he flew off to another rose, leaving only echoing cruelty in his wake.5

The poor rose drooped her head in disappointment. Hours past, rain fell and still the rose felt broken. Time was meaningless to her. She wished for nothing more than to curl up and hide within the folds of her misery. 6

Yet one morning, entirely by chance, the rose caught glimpse of her reflection in a mirror. The young bud was shocked to discover that her whole youth had passed her by. She had lost five petals to the night and her remaining eight had unfolded to form the flat and slightly peculiar shape of wings. 7

"I look just like a butterfly," she laughed, her heart suddenly full of renewed hope. 8

So the little rose waited patiently for the Ulysses to return, thinking that finally, her devotion would be rewarded. She glanced at him once before asking, for the second time, "Do you love me?" She waited anxiously for his response, but it was almost the same as before.9

"We are red and blue, like mud and water, so how could i possibly love you?" 10

Later that very afternoon, a painter was strolling aimslessly through the gardens, carrying a bucket of dark, royal blue paint. As he edged nearer to the rose, he tripped on a loose brick and fell, spraying the blue paint all over himself and the now, love-crazed flower. "Gar-darn it!" he yelled, storming off in the opposite direction; not yet noticing the only blue rose on the entire bush.11

"I am blue and lovely like the butterfly," the little rose exclaimed. "Perhaps now he will say he loves me." But alas, when the arrogant critter returned, thus seating himself comfortably upon her petals, his answering words were so cruel, they cut the rose far deeper than any blade. Glaring at her with eyes reminiscent to the coldest winter's morn, he responded. " We are like mud and water and always will be, so HOW could i possibly love you?"12

The rose, finally gave up. He had broken her small heart far too many times. As she thought sadly of what they could have shared, the botanical painter came back and realised she was painted blue. "Now we can't have that," he muttered, so he cut her off the bush with a single snip of his mighty scissors. And as the painter walked off with the rose, he accidentally dropped her in a mud puddle on the pavement, and continued walking.13

The hateful Ulysses, who had been watching the entire incident from afar, suddenly felt very strange. A sharp pang of guilt threatened to engulf his very being and as his body slowly succumed, an even rarer feeling began to emerge. Longing. Seeing the besottled flower in the sludge, he flew down to her with several flaps of his vibrant wings. He wasn't sure what he intended to do at that moment, only that the dying flower below him, now held his twisted heart. But before he could land beside her and beg the poor rose for forgiveness, an unsettling wind came rushing out of nowhere, like fate. The foolish Ulysses fell into a large divot of water, drenching his wings so badly, that he could not get back out.14

The rose watched helplessly, her heart so filled with grief towards his rejection and yet, still horrifed, as his attempts to stop drowning, ended. If she ever had the ability to shed a tear in her life, it would have been then as she lay in the grime and whispered, "Alas, we are so different, like mud and water, so how could i possibly love you?"15

Author notes

I wrote this when I was thirteen for the Whitsunday Short Story Competition which I ended up coming second place in.

In a list

A contest entry

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Comments

1 - 23 of 23

  • Asfand
    July 25

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    I loved the matephors and how they are applicable to two human individuals in the same circumstances. Some of the imagery, I must say was breathtaking . It's a very nice little story, with the wonderful, underlying message.

    The PROBLEM with this story, in my opinion, is the thick wording. It is so dependant on metaphors and vocaulary that i loses the true essence of a 'moment'. So to say, the imagery OVERWHELMS the emotion so that it does not play out. I would suggest SIMPLIFYING this, for often less is more and if you OVERUSE this kind of writing, it feels like you're 'trying too hard'.

    Of course, that is just my opinion. A good write!


  • Melissa HoneyBee
    June 24

    Edit | Reply
    It's written lovely the words you used to describe it are perfect snd it has a fairytale like feeling to it all. It's very nice. I'm sad but also in a way happy that the butterfly changed it's mind which sort overcame my grief at them both dying. There was a couple of typos but I didn't see them after i got into it. Very well written and a nice story
    -Melissa


  • cookie-monster
    June 20

    Edit | Reply
    This is beautiful. One of the best stories I have read on story right so far. It's so unique, and your style of writing is beautiful. I never would have expected someone to enter a love story that didn't even have humans in it! (except the painter haha) But still, it's quite amazing. I think that you misspelled a few words here and there actually, and your grammar had few flaws. Overall it was impressive.

    Truly wonderful =]


    Finalist!

  • SilentMoonDance
    June 15

    Edit | Reply

    Heartbreaking...

    I liked this story, the innocent love for another that isn't returned...The differences one sees in another, not knowing that they are quite similar. I was thinking, how ironic they both meet the end of their lives, something they--and all living things--have in common, despite the butterfly's prejudice against their differences. The butterfly could use the rose as a resting stop, yet it could not return the respect and complete adoration the rose held for it. But in the end, I think it understand what it took for granted.
    Great job and good luck!

  • gone.green.0
    June 14

    Edit | Reply
    Hmm...

    I truly love this story. A few spelling errors, but other than that, I loved it.
    Terrific plot line, creative characters, and a lovely ending.

    Now as I say that I also am confused. How does this relate to my contest?

    If you can give me a good explanation, then this will be a finalist! But I'd like to know how YOU feel this connected to my premise.

    Great story, though! Keep writing!

    ~IncessantMusic~


  • shadowchild25
    June 10
    Edit | Reply
    ooh... that was lovely- sad but lovely!


  • VioletConcept
    June 10

    Edit | Reply
    "The sun is kising..." Kising should be kissing.

    Besides that, it is a very, very sad story. It has an amazing ending, by the way. Though I didn't cry, I did feel for the flower. It is a really good story, as you wrote it when your were thirteen. I do like how it was a flower and a butterfly insteade of a guy and a girl, otherwised it would of seemed cliched, but this didn't to me.

    Great, great story.

    Good luck in the contest,

    -Vio


  • May Kingston
    May 29

    Edit | Reply
    The description is very vivid and the plot is well executed. It has a definite rhythm, but the flow could be improved on. Thanks for entering!


  • Valkyrie silver member
    May 17

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    I love this irony! The butterfly finally gets his feelings in order, and then dies for it. Alas, and ! It's a sad tale, true, but irony nearly always makes me laugh, in and of itself. I like how you had the butterfly have his little saying, and then bit by bit, his differences with the rose were changed. And then they died together in a muddy puddle. Now they can be compost together forever.


  • kalikat9616
    May 17

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    that was great. I loved it. you did very well. I like that it was not about humans. Roses are my favorite flower. Good luck.


  • Neolittlefish
    May 17

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    That is soooo clever. Very touching and I liked the irony in the ending. I especially liked the originality, which is what i always look for when I read a story.

  • Silver Heart
    May 13

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    this is touching and heartbreaking. i loved it. it made me cry. i love the personification, it funny, in a way. p.s. isn't the backround perfect: red and blue, mud and water. great story, perfect heartbreak, good luck! keep writing


  • Carina.J.LR
    May 11

    Edit | Reply
    I liked your story but in paragraph 3, I believe you meant to write flew, and in paragraph 4 i think you meant exceptionally.

    thanks for entering and goodluck >smiles<

    -Carina


  • MJs-Angel
    April 23

    Edit | Reply
    You just entered it into my contests. So...I'm commenting again! I loved it the second time just as much as the first! It was brilliant and you are definetely going onto the finalist list.

    Thanks for entering.

    wishing-star123

    beginning: 5, language: 5, plot: 5, ending: 5, dialog: 5, characters: 5.

  • MJs-Angel
    April 21
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    I LOVED IT! It didn't loose my interest once! I loved the whole butterfly and flower thing. It was brilliant and I don't understand how you didn't win first on every contest.


  • Maggie Kay
    April 17

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    I agree it would make a wonderfull picture book i l;oved it. Not quite what i was looking for but it was brilliant discriptive and had a great series of events which flowed well. I never lost interest
    congrats


    • Violette silver member
      April 18
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      Thank you so much!

      I feel so warm and bubbly everytime I get comments like that.


  • Avalanche.
    April 14
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    comment from judge of make it sparkle

    loved it! very descriptive. could make a great story book!


    • Violette silver member
      April 15
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      Lolz.

      That's what my parents thought. I'm glad you liked it so much


  • Atticus Unanimous
    April 14
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    Typically not my preferred genre, über-gush is, for me, a one every few months deal. This could probably be improved, I mean if you change a few elements that are completely cliché like some language and plot. Otherwise it's a good start.

    • Violette silver member
      April 14
      Edit | Reply

      Lolz.

      That's okay. I don't think I'll re-write it though, I'm too busy with my new stories. I wrote that one when I was pretty young so by all means I will take the good with the bad.

  • Violette silver member
    April 13
    Edit | Reply

    Thankyou for your honesty

    I just really wanted someone to read it and ppl only do it in competitions. O trust me, not a fan either but I mean I was a kid lol it's bound to be a little cheesy here and there. Yeah it's really quite sad, I don't know which one I feel more sorry for. Nways thanks for taking the time to read it, I truly appreciate it


  • Cupcake14
    April 11

    Edit | Reply
    Um...love at first sight? I'm not a big fan of that. And I think people should not forget their self respect in love. Also, I think Ulysses' reaction was realistic enough-though the mud and water comparison was cruel. Still, it's like the story was like it wanted the reader to feel that the butterfly should have shut up and fallen in love with the rose, no questions asked. Also, guilt should never be a part of love.
    Ok, I'll consider the leniency factor.
    Best of luck in the contest! This was just me being honest, otherwise, I can see how it won a competition, it's kinda 'pretty' you could say. Not beautiful, but pretty.

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