The Dark Age of Video Games

Remember when you could pick up a controller, and play a video game without a worry in the world? Did you love to hear the Mario theme playing, or powering up with a mushroom? Wasn’t it awesome to double-jump in Sonic and suddenly go super hedgehog, and go flying past your enemies like a superhero? There was nothing better than whipping Count Dracula’s butt after storming your way through Castlevania, huh? Didn’t you like being able to buy a videogame and not having to check the rating and looking for signs of gore or nudity? Back in an age when all the games were kid-O.K. and M-rated games were an idea yet to come, people could really just relax when the kids started playing, resting assured that there was no filth getting into their brains as they played. One could have called it “the golden age of video games.”1

That time has passed, and unfortunately not only are the average games today not only not so great, they suck pretty bad. Once in awhile you see a game worth buying a platform for, usually a Castlevania, Final Fantasy/Kingdom Hearts, Mario or Sonic title, but the average game is pure trash. I cannot read a single gamer magazine without seeing a plethora of M-rated games, just coated in gore, inappropriate content and smudgy, ugly images. 2

With the graphics of the modern age, you think we would see gorgeous landscapes that are on the edge of reality. Instead, we see dark, chalky, abstract characters that look that they were brought straight from hell. I was reading an article on how “awesome” God of War III is... I saw “Sex mini-game.” WTH?! They have sex in video games now? Have problems finding the Playboy channel, have you? Then please, don’t pick up a controller. Find the blasted clicker and leave us loyal gamers out of it. We at least have a sense of imagination past that erotic garbage.3

Some druggy or drunkard idiot must have found his way into game design, because despite the upgrade in graphics over the years, they have been trashing new creations and butchering old ones to stay in the game. They say the fans want things to look realistic – I say up yours. We are talking about fantasy worlds – it had better not be true to life! No, I don’t mean put in corny lines and ridiculous accents with no purpose, I just mean keep the blood and that garbage to a minimum.4

If I stab a zombie in the stomach, he should just keel over and die, not burst out gallons of blood and have his guts fly everywhere. This is realistic? No, just no. Come off it. That just doesn’t happen in real life, unless you are using a chain saw or hacking the thing to death. Even then, it’s just too over exaggerated and embellished to a ridiculous degree.5

It used to be about game play, replay value, music, character development, adventure, awesomeness, etc. The main focus over the years suddenly switched to two things – graphic violence and sex appeal. Most of the other classical attributes were ditched, and if they are at all present, they are grossly overshadowed by the two new illegitimate additions to the family. 6

Even awesome classics, such as Castlevania and Final Fantasy, have tasted a bit of these two hideous qualities, but at least it didn’t destroy the soul of the series. But all games that started on these two mockeries of video gaming have sucked, through and through. Starting with Mortal Kombat somewhat, continuing with the perverted Duke Nukem, then with the absurdly big-busted and “sexy” Lora Croft, onwards with Grand Theft Auto, and ending with the unrealistic, disgusting looking characters in Guitar Hero and Rock Band. There seems to be no end to the modernized filth that destroyed the videogame’s golden age.7

Naturally, you might ask why these games even sell if they are so bad. It might because people eventually get bored of the classics and buy new games, but the replay values of these newer games are little to zero. Two plays is really all you can get out of them, which is why they have to make so many sequels. Do they make their games suck so people will rush to buy the sequels, rather than trying to squeeze every ounce of goodness from the previous game? Doesn’t seem too far-fetched to me. 8

The originality in storylines is dropping, and game play is getting more and more repetitive. They just can’t redo a formula so many times and hope it still works. For some reason, 2-D games just had an infinite area of worth, while 3-D seemed to die off before it really ever managed to get started. Of course, this isn’t true of every game – Final Fantasy and most Square Enix titles still managed to create pretty cool 3-D environments. Castlevania was pretty cool too at first, but the halls just got too much usage, like they were copied and pasted on different spots, plus the levels were pretty gloomy, but at least it was somewhat appealing overall.9

That just might be the problem with the modern graphics – not that they lack potential, but designers are focusing too much on the dark side of fantasy and imagery. Resident Evil, for instance, is just layered with dark, eery levels. The game seemed to be made for nothing but killing zombies and playing a game that embodies your worst nightmares. I honestly don’t know how it spawned so many games and movies, because it’s nothing to crow about.10

One of the few modern aged games that actually has good graphics without being layered in gloom is the Halo series, but unfortunately, the designers never saw past that. All they can do is brag about how great the game looks and how every sound of the main character’s feet crunching on the ground is perfect to the soil at his feet, but they never really offer a good enough storyline or lovable game play to really earn those bragging rights. The whole series just seems a fusion of Duke Nukem and Metroid, which is really nothing to crow about. Just one of many series that is overrated for no good reason.11

Another problem, as already noted, was the Lara Croft series. The whole thing was not won off by game play (although admittedly, the graphics aren’t bad) or the awesomeness factor, but plainly of the protagonist’s boobs and butt. No joke. The boys are just dying to put in that nudity code. Nothing special here. I almost died laughing when I heard one guy talk about how fun and original it is. The puzzles are a little tough, but nothing too hard or original. We all saw those before in Enter the Geico and Spyro the Dragon. Please give us a new formula so we have an excuse to play the game for a reason other than to rot our brain and satisfy our hormones. 12

What to kill next? Oh yes, another overrated series that gets too much attention for no good reason, that also happens to allow people to pretend to play an instrument rather actually learn one. Heck, I will back on two series at once – Guitar Hero and Rock Band. It’s like criticizing Pepsi alongside the Coca-Cola. The only real “rock band” experience you get from playing either of these two series is the singing – the guitars are nothing like actual guitars when you play them. The drums are a little more realistic, but they still don’t have the right feel. So that leaves the vocals, and the vocals alone, that you really learn to use in real life. That’s it. All the rest is fantasizing to be an idiot rock star that will break his super-expensive Stratocaster after the song, just to make a few fans scream. Your characters act and sound as if they are on drugs (probably are programmed to be as such), and even the opening for the games just shows how lame-brained the mentality of the games and a lot of their players’ are. 13

The song lists just suck, too. You hardly ever get a song that will really get you kicking and jumping to sing or play too, and most of the real legends of rock aren’t found anywhere. Heck, some of these guys aren’t even rock bands, they’re metal. A lot of the lyrics are just dumb, and most of it is just harder, faster music. The majority of it is mainstream garbage, so it ends getting very little awesomeness anywhere. Some of the downloadable tracks are more laudable, but you shouldn’t have download the good tracks. Overall, it’s just idiots pretending to have talents on instruments by making fools out themselves, and call it having a good time. At least, that goes for a heavy majority of players who think it's the best thing since the invention of the internet. Call me when you’re sober, please.14

Then there’s Grand Theft Auto.... not only weird, but it’s also immoral to an absurd degree. Kind of like virtually training yourself for a life of crime. Just take on the life of a crime lord and go around with promiscuous women, how very creative. Keep them coming, your originality is scaring off the competition... Not.15

So, the formula is dying. When was it ever around? Back in the old days, when graphics were mediocre but game play reigned supreme. Replay value amounted to great levels, and the graphics were good for their time. I will take lesser graphics for better, cleaner games any day.16

Maybe one day game designers will get off the drugs and that. Until then, I only can rely on Square Enix and occasionally Konami for a good title.17

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