1
I struggled to pull myself out of the swift flowing water. It was supposed to be a pleasant walk along the rain swollen creek with Tom. We had been dating more than three years. After a solid week of rain, when it finally quit and the sun came out...we just had to go for a walk. I could hear Tom yelling my name from a quarter of a mile or more up the roaring creek. 2
We had just been fooling around, enjoying the outdoors after a week of being cooped up inside, when Tom pulled a large branch back out of our way. The branch was covered with fire ants, and when they started biting, Tom let go. The branch flew back and hit me, knocking me into the raging water. I was swept down the creek and out of sight in an instant. The water was very cold and I wasn't dressed for swimming. My boots filled up with water and my coat absorbed a lot more, and I was struggling to try to keep from being pulled under. 3
I must have been swept along at least a half a mile before I was able to grab a low hanging limb hanging over the water. I had swallowed a lot of water and was struggling to catch my breath, and barely had the strength to hold on. I knew I wouldn't be able to pull myself out. I held on for dear life until I could almost breath again. I could hear Tom calling, “Grace, Grace,” but I didn't have the air to answer. It sounded like his voice was getting closer and I was determined to hold on.4
There were large trees and branches floating down the creek, slamming into everything. If one hit me, I wouldn't have a chance. Looking up just in time, I saw a large log coming straight at me. I had to let go and was immediately carried further downstream.5
I was traveling so much faster then Tom, I could no longer hear his voice, and I still didn't have the air to call out.6
I'm going to die, I realized as I was swept along with all the debris in the fast moving water. I can't get close to the shore and trees and logs keep spurting past me so fast, they would kill me if they hit. I looked around desperately for anything I could grab a hold of. Everyting moving so fast I was afraid to try. The roar of the water was deafening and I knew I couldn't be too far from the mouth of the river. If I made it that far, I would really be in trouble.7
I kept getting pulled under water and bobbing back up choking and gasping for air. I couldn't hang on much longer. Maybe Tom went for help and someone would save me before it was too late. I could hear the roar getting louder and louder. I was afraid I was almost to the river and had no way of slowing myself. 8
All of a sudden, something grabbed me from behind. I was struggling, not knowing what it was. I was moving slowly toward the bank. Looking over my shoulder, I saw my savior. An enormous black dog had a hold of my jacket and was struggling to pull me closer to shore. I quit struggling and let him swim. We were finally only a couple yards from shore, and I started grabbing at tree branches. He moved me closer and closer, and I was finally able to grab a large branch hanging low over the water. I started pulling myself closer and the dog was hit by a log and let go. 9
I screamed as I saw my hero being washed away towards the mouth of the raging river. I pulled myself up out of the water as quickly as I could and headed for the river bank. I had to find that dog. It couldn't save me and just drown. The river was so far out of it's banks, I couldn't get any closer, so I turned right and started following the flooded path of the river. I was so tired and so waterlogged, I could barely breath, but I could not stop. The dog had saved me and I had to find him. I kept looking out over the water for something black.10
Suddenly, I saw the dog. It was clinging to a small log that was close to this side of the water. I trudged through the mud and water, as close as I could get, and saw the log hit a tree hanging out over the water. I made my way as close as I could to the tree sticking up out of the flooded field, grabbed a hold for dear life and slowly worked my way out to where the injured dog was hanging on to the log. It could wash away with him on it at any second, and I had to get to him. I wrapped my legs tightly around the tree and struggled out of my coat. Then I called for the dog to hang on while I crawled slowly out as far as I dared. 11
I wrapped my legs and one arm around a sturdy branch and dangled the coat over the struggling dog. He grabbed it with his teeth and held on tight while I slowly inched backwards off the tree. He was swimming as hard as he could while we both worked our way ashore. When I stepped back off the tree, the black dog used his last ounce of energy with me pulling on the jacket till his front feet hit the bank. I helped him crawl out and we both collapsed into the shallow water.12
After about twenty-minutes spent trying to recover our breath and out strength, we both started wading the shallow flood water away from the dangerous river. I could see the dog was hurt pretty badly and needed to get to the vet. He was my Hero and I couldn't let anything happen to him. I had lived through these Kentucky floods before, but I had never come this close to losing my life, and suddenly, life felt so precious, both for me and my Hero. 13
I wanted to pick the dog up and carry him, but he was too big and I just didn't have the strength required. After about twenty minutes, we made our way out of the water and I was able to flag down a truck. The driver wanted to take me straight to the hospital, but I told him no, I had to get Hero to the vet. He had saved my life and was hurt. The man realized I meant it and helped me get the dog into the back of the truck...I climbed in with him and we drove to the nearest animal hospital. We rushed in and explained the dog had been injured while saving my life, and he needed to be seen quickly. They took him right back to a room and I collapsed in a chair, shaking too hard to move.14
The man who had brought us in, sat down beside me and asked who he could call for me. I started to cry and gave him my parents name and number. Fifteen minutes later, Mom, Dad and Tom came racing in. They thought I had drowned. I couldn't stop shaking and crying and told them I would have if it hadn't been for Hero. I explained what had happened and refused to leave until I knew Hero was okay. 15
The vet came out about an hour later and said the dog would be okay. He had an awful bump to his head,and gash on his side. They had stitched it up, cleaned him up and suggested I needed to go to the hospital and do the same thing. I was a sight, with cuts and bruises and mud everywhere. The vet said Hero was sleeping, he did not have a tag or a chip, and he needed to stay over night. I could come back in the morning after getting myself taken care of. I tried to stand, but my legs would no longer hold me. Dad and Tom helped me to the car and took me to the emergency room. I was just banged up, chilled and exhausted. The doctor cleaned and bandaged my wounds and insisted I stay the night. I was too shaky to argue.16
It was finally hitting me how close I had come to dying, and they gave me a sedative and put me to bed. Mom and Dad and Tom stood there as I drifted off to sleep. I could see the tears in all their eyes. As I closed my eyes, and started to fall asleep, I thought of how scared Tom must have been. He couldn't keep up with me and was making his way out of the flooded field, looking for help. We had been in love for years and planned to marry in the fall. He would have blamed himself if I had died, so that was another thing to be grateful to Hero for. I slept.17
The next morning I awoke and Mom was waiting there with my clean clothes to put on. “Hurry,” she urged. “We have to get out of here.”18
“What's the rush?” I asked as I quickly pulled on my clothes.19
“Look out the window,” Mom answered. I stood up and looked out and the whole parking lot was filled with well wishers and Tom and Dad were standing there with Hero, and he was barking his head off, as if he knew I was there and he was begging me to hurry.20
I laughed and hurried to the door without even putting my shoes on. I couldn't wait to hug my Hero. I would never let him out of my sight again.
Author notes
Names: Tom and Grace
Location: Kentucky
items: path rain tree
A contest entry
- Incorporate it Into the Story by Mel-the-Believer.
100 points, ended July 11, 5 entries
• next story in this contest, remove from contest
Does it sound realistic?
Comments
1 - 22 of 22
-
I enjoyed this story with it's emphasis on each helping the other. Lovely pull on the heart strings. Great read and very well written.
-
Wow
Hi Trish---I enjoyed this story very much and when this happens I can see no fault with the story that is entertaining me.
This story pulled me in completely. I was in the cold, swollen river fighting for my life.
You pushed all the right buttons, to create a fast moving, action packed adventure that took me in, from the very start.
Then to top it off you introduce the dog
Well from a technical point of view I can see little room for improvement. I did notice a couple of typos, which I’m sure you will pick up, if you haven’t already.
Par 4---sentence 4 it should be breathe, not breath.
Par 5---I would delete the [There were] in the first sentence.
Par 7--- sentence 4--- starts “[Everything moving] it should be [everything was moving].
Par 9 --- In the last sentence I would change the word [and] to [as] hit by a log and swept down the stream.
Par 14---sentence 6--- You need to insert the word [I] after [and].
Par 15---sentence 3---consider removing [came] and change [racing] to [raced].
Par 16---sentence 2---there needs to be a space between [head and] I don’t think the comma is needed, but there should be an[a] after [and].
Par 17---This is the par. of the ands. There is no need for the word [and] after [dying] the comma is enough. The [and] between Mom and Dad can be replaced with a comma. In sentence three, I would delete the phrase ‘and started to fall asleep, it in my opinion reads better.
Par 18---Replace the [and] between [awoke] [mom] with a comma.
Par 20---“Look out the window.” I stood up to see, the whole parking lot was filled with well wishers. Tom and Dad were standing there with Hero, he was barking his head off, as if he knew I was there and wanted me to hurry.
I haven’t changed my mind, this is brilliant. I noticed you make a lot of silly mistakes in the last several paragraphs. I put this down to the fact that you tried and want to put this beauty to bed. Anyway an all over great story and the kind I knew you could write.
Talk to you soon---ablelaz.
-
-
Thank you
I'm glad you enjoyed it. I wrote this months ago. I'm running out of stories to post, because I am concentrating on my novels again. It looks like I need to go back over it and make some corrections.
I will do that soon.
Trish
-
-
This was very enjoyable to read. It moves along at a quick pace, and builds tension in all the right places. I would suggest adding more sensory descriptions (the cold of the water, the feel of the bark, smells, etc.) to add a greater sense of realism, but it really is a wonderful story as is.
-
-
Thank you
I'm glad you enjoyed my story. This is one of my earlier ones, and I am trying to learn to add more description. I'll get there eventually.
Trish
-
-
SOunds like a winner to me!!!!
-
Hey Trish,
I already commented on this story and can't rate it again. So sorry.
-
This was a sweet little story. I enjoyed reading it. Dogs seems to be heroes at a lot of times in our lives. great work.
beginning: 4, language: 5, plot: 5, ending: 5, dialog: 5, characters: 5.
-
-
Thank you for the comment
I'm so glad you enjoyed it.
Trish
-
-
‘Morning Trish, what a delightful tale you have given us to please the soul of animal lovers like me
.
Terrific ending
. You made that scene of the crowd, the dog and the grateful girl so vivid I could ‘See’ it .
Now (ouch!) I’m sorry but while your plot is great and your character easy to bond with, it’s the presentation. When writing in the first person it is difficult not to develop the Aye, aye syndrome (I came, I saw, I did.
) JMHO but you do have a touch of it here.
You should read through and make some simple changes that will correct it. I quit struggling and let him swim. (Believe me, it took a lot of willpower to stop fighting and let him do the work. Soon we were only a couple yards from shore.)
no I
Also you kind of over used the word close—closer.
A few other things to look at:
It was supposed to be a pleasant walk along the rain swollen (rain-swollen) creek with Tom.
I must have been swept along at least a half a mile when I was finally able to grab a low hanging limb hanging over the water. (hanging echoes the first isn’t needed. I was finally able to grab a low limb that hung over the water.)
I could hear Tom calling, “Grace, Grace,” but I didn't have the air to answer. It sounded like his voice was getting closer and I held on as long as I could.4(Contradicts since she obviously doesn’t want to die. “Grace, Grace,” but I didn't have the air to answer. It sounded like his voice was getting closer, so knew I must hold on as long as I could. )
I can't (couldn’t) get close to the shore and trees and logs keep spurting past me so fast, they would kill me if they hit.
I kept getting pulled under water and bobbing back up choking and gasping for breath (air).
All of a sudden, something grabbed me from behind. I was struggling, not knowing what it was, but I could see I was moving slowly toward the bank.( I struggled, not knowing what it was, and then I realized I was moving slowly toward the bank.)
I looked over my shoulder and saw my savior. An enormous black dog had a hold of my jacket and was struggling to pull me closer to shore. (A quick look showed me my savior. An enormous black dog had a hold of my jacket and was pulling me closer to shore.)
I quit struggling and let him swim.(Believe me, it took a lot of willpower, but I stopped fighting and let him do the work. Soon we were ) We were finally only a couple yards from shore,(.)
(He finally moved me in reach and I grabbed a thick branch that hung low over the water.) I started pulling myself closer and the dog was hit by a log and let go. 9
I pulled myself up out of the water as quickly as I could and headed for (up or down) the river bank (riverbank).
I had to find that dog. It couldn't save me and just drown. The river was so high out of it's (its) banks,
we both started wading the shallow flood water (floodwaters) away from the dangerous river. I could see the dog was hurt pretty bad (badly) and needed to get to the vet.
Geri
-
-
Thank you so much for your comments
I can always depend on you to see what I cannot. I'm still having a problem using the right tense, but am working on it. I'll keep going through it until I get all the mistakes corrected.
Right now, I can read through someone's story and notice typos and some punctuation, but writing style is what I am still struggling with and until I can do it right, I don't feel right trying to correct anyone else.
I'm beginning to see some of it and I think eventually I will figure it out.
Thanks again,
Trish
-
-
Sounded very realistic. Reminds me of Rin-Tin-Tin.
-
-
Thank you
for the applause and the comment
-
-
Wonderful, heart warming story. As a dog lover I really appreciated it. You told it so well. The emotions came across so easily I wanted to reach in and hug the hero dog. Keep writing such touching stories. You have a gift for it.
-
-
Thank you for your comments
I'm glad you enjoyed my story.
Trish
-
-
wow u did this story on my b-day!!!
-
-
Happy Birthday
-
-
real neat stor
-
-
Hi
Glad you like my story but what were you doing up reading at 4:30 in the morning?
Trish
-
-
This was a really nice story. I liked it a lot. Thank you so much for entering. Good luck in the contest. God Bless!
-
-
Thank You
I'm glad you enjoyed it
Trish
-
Adding your comment:
1 - 22 of 22
