Circles

Aaron is beautiful sometimes with the way he looks when he's sleeping. We've been together for 2 years now and I am still amazed at how I feel when I'm around him. Holding him in my arms,
I gently stroked his hair and tried to will his beautiful green eyes to open. But, they didn't. He was sound asleep and gently snoring, his chest occasionally rising and falling.1

His slightly muscular build only added to the tremendous beauty that was him.2

Focusing only on his eyelids, I thought of all that we had to go through to get here. To be in our Los Angeles home where we could hear the ocean roll in and out every day and night. During the day, I worked with kids. I was a child psychologist and he was a stock boy at Home Depot not too far from our home.3

"Andrew, what is it?" his gentle voice said staring at me curiously. "Nothing honey, I was just thinking." I replied.4

"About what baby?" he said with that beautiful smile of his. "Oh, about us. The things we had to give up to get here, the people we lost along the way, and about how happy I am to be here with you now." I said sincerely smiling.5

His face got really solemn as he seemed to be in deep thought. Aaron rolled out of bed and walked over to the dresser where a photo of his little brother stood. From the bed, I could tell that he was tense. 6

"Honey, I'm sorry. I didn't mean to bring it up." I said, regretting my words just moments before.7

"No, baby, it's not your fault. You can't change some things. Things happen ya know? We can't stop them." he said trying to smile. But I can always tell when he's moments away from crying. Years of friendship beforehand, teach you those sorts of things.8

I laid my head back in the bed and stared at the ceiling remembering my own sister. I always wondered how she was. She was 16 now and when everything happened,she'd been 14 and me? I'd been 18.9

--10

"No matter what, you're my brother Andy. I don't care whether you're Gay, Transgendered or Pure Freak." she'd said grinning and lightly punching my arm.11

Celia was always a jokester. We always got along great though and that conversation was one of the best one's I'd ever had with anyone in my life. I'd never had any friends to share my heart with, never had parents that were exactly loving and open. So I hid alot from them, things I thought they'd never have to know.12

But, you can't hide much of who you are without sacrificing a lot of yourself and that, just isn't fair. No one deserves to have to do that.13

Celia was my sister. She was a mousy purple haired teen with a pixie frame and a "rocker" outlook on things. I taught her so much of what she knew and I guess she always looked up to me for that. But she never really knew that she was my hero all along. She was always brave, blunt, outspoken and rebellious; and that always landed her grounded more than half the time, which was when I'd sneak her out and drive her to places.14

She was a smart girl and in reality, I always knew she was never going to get into real trouble. She was straight-edge and a firm believer in things. She didn't drink, she didn't smoke or do drugs or sleep around. And, due to how I looked, nobody dared mess with her.15

I was 6 feet with a lanky frame, shaggy brown hair that hung in my face and blue eyes that showed how fierce I could be if need be.16

I was proud to be Celia's brother. There was no denying that. And, that day when our parents kicked me out after I revealed that I was Gay, she grabbed my arm with tears in her eyes and said something I'd never forget,17

"I don't give a fuck what they think or believe. They can't take you away from me. You're my brother and you'll always be. I promise I'll find a way to you and I promise, we'll always be in touch. Never forget me Andy, I love you." she said.18

And then mom pulled her back from me as if I was infected and could kill Celia with some life-threatening disease. 19

Dad wouldn't even look at me. He just stared hard at the door frame where he stood and looked as if he'd lost me through death rather than through disownment.20

"Get OUT OF HERE YOU FUCKING QUEER! You were my biggest mistake and I never want to see you again! EVER! Don't talk to Celia ever again! You hear me?! Or I'll fucking kill you!" my own mother had screamed at me.21


I remember how badly my chest burned that day. I remembered how badly I'd cried and how my tears had poured down my face as I sobbed in a pathetic heap in Aaron's arms that night.22

"Shhh. Hush baby. I swear, I promise you it'll be okay. I swear I'll always be by your side and I'll take care of you. You'll never be alone. Ever. I love you." Aaron told me as he stroked my hair.23

Then he pulled my face up to meet rugged green eyes and said, "I swear."24

He kissed me then and I sobbed some more. 25


That was 2 years ago and the wound never fully heals. The rejection by my parents and acceptance by my sister always replays in my head, day in and day out.26

--27

She keeps in touch with me like she promised. Eventually when she tried to call using the phone that mom and dad had gotten her, they found out about her calls to me and took her phone away. But, using money she gained from her job, she bought her own phone and talked to me whenever she could sneak away from the house.28

She'd just called last night and she sounded pretty happy though mom and dad were being even more anal-retentive than usual.29

Just as I'd thought that, my cell phone rang and it was Celia.30

Aaron snapped up his head and looked at me.31

I made my way over to the phone and picked it up rather heavily.32

"Yeah Cel?" I answered wondering why she'd call at 7 in the morning on a Thursday.33

"Hey Andy, I've gotta talk to you. It's really important. Can you meet me by that Starbucks on Washman Rd in about 20 mins?" she'd said sounding urgent.34

"Yeah Cel, sure. What's up? Is everything alright?" I'd said sounding rather stupidly.35

"No. But it may be when I talk to you."
she said sounding like she was going to cry.36

"Cel, what's going on...?" I said getting even more worried.37

"A lot of shit has happened Andrew, and I'm scared. I'm really scared and I need you. You're the only one whose ever understand. I just can't fucking take it anymore Andy. I'm scared.." she said sobbing now.38

"Holy shit, Cel, shit, I'll be there okay? Meet me in 20 minutes just like you said alright? I gotta go take a shower and get over there." I said trying to hurry off the phone knowing full well that some shit must've really hit the fan for my tough little sister to be crying on the phone like a 5 year old who'd just gotten her toy taken away from her.39

"Yeah, yeah. I'm leaving work now."
she said.40

"Hey, I love you. You're the best little sister in the world okay? Never forget that? Ever." I said.41

I could hear her smile on the other end of the phone as she said, "Yeah Andy. And you're the best brother a little sister could have. I love you bro."
she'd said.42

"Talk to you in a bit Cel." I said and hung up.43


Aaron turned his worried eyes over to me.44

"Was that Celia?" he asked with worried eyes.45

"Yeah, something's really wrong Aaron and I'm worried. She was crying.She said it was really important that we meet and she'd tell me what was wrong then." I said staring at the now gathered up pile of clothes in my arms.46

"Shit babe, you need me to go with you?" he asked.47

"No honey. If we need you, I'll call. I promise. You'll know when I know okay?" I said staring at his tense form.48

"Okay baby, but you seriously let me know what's up with Celia. She's become like a sister to me too." he said.49

"I know and that's why we both love you." I said smirking.50

He grinned and pulled some clothes out of his drawers.51

I headed for the shower.52

--53

In the shower, all I could think was, "What the hell could've happened?"54

Maybe mom and dad did something really drastic and threatened her or something.55

I really hated how they were sometimes, which is why we probably almost always fought. Maybe it's because I could never be their socially behaved Ivy League student.56

It annoyed me. They never really embraced counter-cultured individuality. No. Everything had to be in neat, tight, well-bound little circles to orbit in a perfect order.57

But they never got that life didn't work that way.58

Celia was as far from what they wanted, as she could get. And me, well, I was just used to breaking the mold.59

Working my way through my clean clothes, I finally managed to get ready and paced myself to the car as I slid the key into the ignition and sped off. I hoped I wasn't over the speed limit but, at this point, I didn't really think it mattered since my little sis could be in big trouble.60

Finally, within ten minutes time, I pulled into a parking space at Starbucks next to my little sister's Honda Civic.61

I could see her by a window with a cup of coffee in her hands.62

Her hair was dark pink and she had that new eyebrow piercing about her left eye that she'd told me about on Monday.She'd cut her hair because now it was down to her shoulders and she looked rather pale.Already I was getting pretty worried just looking at her. I couldn't imagine what news she had in store for me.63

Quickly, I burst into Starbucks and found my way over to her as she stood to hug me.64

I held her for what seemed like years as I felt her shaking.65

This wasn't like her. Now I was really worried.66

We sat down and she stared out the window as she took a deep breath and I waited on what she had to say.67

"I'm pregnant." she said starting to look at me.68

"Holy Hell. How is Dillan taking it?"
I asked having a mild anxiety raise up in my throat.69

"He's not. He left me yesterday." she said staring at her steamy cup of coffee now.70

"What the fuck? Why?! That skinny little bastard! I'm going to pound his ass! " I said becoming more and more enraged.71

"Andy, it's not his." she said looking up at me with broken eyes.72

"What? What do you mean?" I said feeling a mixture of anger and confusion.73

"There was a party on Tuesday night that I went to and these scumbags, there were 3 of them, well, they ended up cornering me in a room and, one of them....raped me." she said.74

"Oh shit. Shit. Shit. Shit." I said putting my head in my hands staring at the cinnamon swirls within the tabletop.75

"Andy, please tell me you don't hate me. Please tell me this isn't my fault.Please." she said starting to sob.76

"Oh Celia. No baby, honey, no. This isn't you. This isn't your fault. I swear we're going to be okay. I swear you'll make it through this." I said holding her hands in mine.77

"It gets worse." she said78

Silently, I waited.79

"Mom and dad threw me out. I told them I was raped and they said I was a whore and that I'd deserved it for going to a party full of "whores" and "bastards". They said I had to have an abortion since the child would be a Bastard Child and when I refused they said, I couldn't stay there. They basically took my things and threw it out on the front lawn." she said stopping her tears now.80

I just stared at her.81

My poor little sister. But I was happy because she had me and I would NEVER do that to her or put her through any of that.82

"Celia, where have you been staying the past 2 days?" I calmly asked.83

"With Jen. Her parents don't know but I told Jen. Jen's been taking care of me so to speak and letting me crash until I talked to you." she said.84

"Well, Cel, here's what's going to happen. First off, we're going to press charges against that scumbag, Secondly, we're going to go over to Jen's and get your things and lastly, you're coming to stay with Aaron and I." I said fully determined.85

She just nodded.86

"Honey it's okay. I promise it will all be okay. We're going to take care of this little thing inside of your tummy and you're going to be a beautiful mommy and you're going to win this case and that scumbag is going to go to jail. Fuck mom and dad. They don't matter and you know they've always been close-minded, stuck up, wannabe high class snobs. We don't need them. And you've got me and Aaron. We're your family too. And I promise, we won't disown you, ever. We both love you very much."
I said sincerely staring into her green eyes.87

She smiled and got up from her chair. She walked over to me and threw her arms around my neck and held me while she sobbed.88

People stared at us in Starbucks and then a waitress came over.89

"Is everything okay miss?" she asked Celia.90

"Yeah, it's perfect. Because, I have the best fucking brother in the world." she'd said with Pride in her eyes.91

The waitress stared at Celia weirdly and walked away.92

Celia and I smiled at each other and walked out of Starbucks hand in hand.93

--94

In the car, I called Aaron and filled him in. Aaron started tearing up on the phone and was severely worried about Celia. He told me to rush her over and that he'd have her favorite supper ready for her when she got there.95

I told him, at most, we'd only be an hour. We had somewhere else to stop first.96

Jen hugged Celia and wished her well as we got Celia's things and threw them in the back of my car. We'd agreed in the car that Aaron would come back later and get Celia's car.97

Celia stared at the flicker of trees on the sides of the road as we drove over in a familiar direction.98

I placed my right hand delicately on her stomach as she placed her hand over mine smiling at me sadly.99

"We're okay sweetie." I said.100

15 minutes later,we stood outside of our former household.101

I knocked solemnly on the front door as a flicker of red hair stood beside the other side of the door peeping through the hole that showed you who was on the other side.102

Mom opened the door with dad by her side looking pretty peeved at the sight of her hellbent children.103

"What the hell do you want?" she said, eyeing Celia and looking over me in disgust.104

"How the fuck could you do this to her? She's your only daughter! She was fucking raped and you just throw her out and pretend she never existed?!" I said, trembling with anger.105

"She's a whore and you're a queer. We don't deserve you as children. And that abomination in her womb is a mistake. But since she won't get rid of it, there's no way we can forgive her or let her live with us. It'd ruin our reputation. Now, if you please, get the hell off of our front porch and go away." mom solemnly said beginning to close the door.106

Just before it closed, I slammed it open, startling her and dad. Celia looked at me a bit worried.107

"How fucking dare you. It's not bad enough I had to suffer without both my parents who tried to keep my little sister from me but now you disown her because she's no longer "pure" in your eyes? How could you call her a mistake?! I don't give a fuck what you think about me anymore because I've made it just fine without you but, how dare you do this to her! She's pregnant with a baby that was forced on her and she's suffering mental anxiety from being raped! And you with your "holier than thou" repose, can just stand there and treat her like she never happened! Fuck you. We don't need you and I hope you both suffer just as much as we both have. Never forget what you've lost because one day, on your dying bed, you'll wish for us and we won't be there. I promise, one day, you'll regret this." I said, shaking with fury now.108

Mom and dad stared at me shocked and with their mouths slightly hanging open.109

Celia smiled smugly at them and walked down the front steps with me.110

On the way home she laughed and kept resaying parts of the convo with mom and dad, saying how awesome and fucking terrific I was.111

We both laughed.112

And when we got to Aaron's apartment, he greeted us with a smile and he welcomed Celia into his arms.113

She was happy again, despite her tragedy. And, we all sat down to her favorite meal that night, united as a family.114


A few months later, mom and dad's reputation was destroyed, our father was in a car accident and in a coma. The guy who raped Celia was sentenced to a few years in prison and Celia's baby was a girl whom she'd name Adele.115

She was doing just fine and was pretty happy painting what would be Adele's new room.116

She was always good at art so Celia could sit on the floor in the corner of the room drawing pixies and dragons on the wall for hours.117

Usually when Aaron or I got home, she'd be there, rocking out to Seether or My Chemical Romance.118

She was cute pregnant and she was getting closer and closer to her due date.119

--120

2 months later Aaron and I rushed with all sorts of bags and things in our arms.121

"Shit babe, where the fuck is her purple duffle bag!?" Aaron shouted across the apartment as I gathered up a blue blanket that was Celia's favorite since she was 3.122

"Um, I think it's in the baby's room underneath the crib!" I screamed.123

Celia moaned in pain as she waited by the door.124

"Got it!" Aaron shouted and grabbed Celia by the arm, pulling her down the stairs to the car.125

I grabbed the house keys and ran down to the car.126

We were 12 minutes away from the hospital and Celia was focusing on breathing.127

Aaron brushed her hair out of her face and cleaned her sweat away with a purple handkerchief.128

I stared at her in the mirror and pressed down harder on the gas.129

Within 5 minutes, we were in the hospital.130

"PUSH!" shouted the doctor.131

"It's okay sweetie. Breathe. Hey, remember that favorite Spongebob episode you like? Think of that. Think of how much this baby is going to love that cartoon. Think of how much you're going to love holding Adele in your arms." Aaron said while Celia squeezed his hand on one side and squeezed mine on the other.132

"Andy?" she asked looking around deliriously for me.133

"Yeah baby, I'm right here. I'm not leaving. Oh Celia, you're almost there." I said close to tears.134


Within moments, Adele came out, pink-skinned and crying.135

Celia fell back in gentle heaving breaths on the bed.
The doctor asked Aaron if he was the father. We looked at each other as he said, "No. But I think you should let Andrew cut the umbilical cord." Aaron said as the doctor handed me over the scissors.136


Celia smiled at me groggily and watched me invite this baby to be a part of our circle.137

Adele stopped crying and tried to stare at me.138

Tears spilled out of my eyes as Celia laughed and cried. Aaron looked proud and squeezed my arm.139

"Oh my god..." was all I could say.140

"You're beautiful." was all Aaron said standing beside me.141

And with that, we became a whole family.142

--143

Later on that night, we found out our father was only a few rooms away and that his heartbeat flatlined the minute Adele was born.144