No Place Like Home Ch10 pt 2

1

The next morning she called the doctor’s office. A woman from Dr. Barns’ office informed her that her test results were in and transferred her to a nurse. A couple minutes of relaxing elevator music did nothing to calm Rose’s nerves and she nearly jumped at the sound of a human voice.2

“Well, I’ve got good news. Your lab work was negative on all but one of the tests.” the nurse confirmed.3

“Anything I should worry about?” she said, expecting to hear that she only had six months to live. 4

“Well that depends on weather or not you want to have a baby. Congratulations, Ms. Burkett, you’re pregnant.”5

Rose forgot she was still holding the phone as it slipped from her hand. She felt like the floor was shaking and the walls were closing in in her. In her gut she could feel electricity and anticipation mixed with dread. After the initial adrenaline rush, Rose began to breathe again but the conversation she’d just had with the nurse seemed like a dream. She wondered if she’d heard right, and considered picking the phone up of the floor and calling back. “Man, I need a cigarette!” she said out loud, and looked at her pack sitting on the counter top. She began taking one out of the box, but the smell made her nauseous so she deposited them in the trash. After sitting on the floor for several minutes, trying to digest what had just happened, she felt an incredible urge to dig her cigarettes back out of the garbage. “I’m a lion.” she thought, letting out a mental roar and gathering her strength until the urge had passed. 6

A part of her wanted to tell everyone she was pregnant and yet another part of her wanted to keep it under wraps, at least, until things were more certain. Her mind was still spinning and she didn’t want to face the challenges bringing a baby into this world would create, especially since she was now single and not prepared at all for motherhood. “How am I going to tell David?” she thought. “... or my mother, or my boss, or even Cassie?” 7

A prerecorded message asking Rose to “Please hang up and try again.” repeated itself several times before she finally hung up the phone. Sturgis came over and licked her face, nudging her head with his wet nose.8

“Let’s go for a ride.” she said, grabbing her coat and a piece of gum. 9

The cold December air helped bring her back to reality and she drove around aimlessly until she got to Poplar street, riding up and down the block several times before stopping in front of the large brick house that was for sale. She tried to imagine having a baby and living there. The sidewalks rippled with tree roots and cobble stone streets would be impossible to push a stroller on. The stairs leading to the porch had always been steep and required good lung capacity, but now they seemed dangerous. “See, you’re already thinking like a mom.” she told herself. 10

Rose wondered if David would help support his child. She knew that being a single mom would make being a stay at home mom impossible, but she also knew that her own mother would be more than willing to baby-sit, cutting the cost of day care and perhaps offering stability. Something about the thought of her mom raising her child, however, was as frustrating as it was liberating. 11

She knew that expecting anyone else to take care of a child was a lot to ask. Over the years she’d helped many grandparents who’d found themselves doing just that, fight battles against depression and anxiety. She knew that sixty-five year old woman were often unable to properly do the work of twenty five year old women. 12

“That’s why God gave women menopause.” A client had once told her. Annie was a seventy year old great-grandmother who had raised two grandchildren and was raising four great-grandchildren. “I don’t want to sound bitter, but I’m tired. I love those children with all my heart, but Ms. Burkett, I’m getting too old to buy green bananas” 13

Three weeks later she was found dead in her house after neighbors complained of a terrible smell. The four small children, all under the age of six, had sustained themselves on peanut butter and cereal and told social workers that they’d been waiting for “Nana” to wake up. 14

The house was so old that the locks only took skeleton keys and the windows had been painted shut to keep out the draft. Those poor children had literally been prisoners in their own home. Fortunately, the oldest child had found a window on the second floor that wasn’t totally sealed and opened far enough to breath. When the Police broke into the house, that’s exactly where they’d found the children, upstairs huddled next to the window, covered in peanut butter and human waste. 15

They were eventually put into state custody, split up and sent onto foster homes. Although Rose acknowledged this as an extreme case that in almost no way applied to her, the seriousness had etched it’s way into her mind. She had made a decision that day not to bring life into the world until she was thoroughly prepared. She began looking at her pregnancy from a different point of view and found comfort in considering her options. 16

Since she was a child, Rose had always assumed that when she got pregnant, things would already be in place. She’d foolishly pictured a loving husband, successful career and white picket fence. The reality that she was single, homeless, and working for the state of Kansas made her think twice. Now, when she thought about the strain a new baby would put on those around her, she felt ill. She found herself feeling embarrassed and immature for getting herself into this situation. If only she’d chosen birth control and a little weight gain over cigarettes and her figure. Now she was going to lose her figure to a baby on top of the twenty pounds she would probably gain for not smoking. Irony. 17

She picked up her mileage book and began writing down a list of the pros and cons. 1.) The cost of putting her child in daycare, would keep her from buying the house she wanted. 2.) Getting fat 3.) trying to find a husband, with a baby on her hip. The list went on and on. She knew that many of her reasons for not wanting to keep the baby were realistic but a bit juvenile and selfish. Mesmerized by the plethora of emotions she was feeling, Rose assumed hormones were possibly to blame as she broke into a fit of crying so intense her belly ached.18

When she regained her composure she drove across town to Cassie’s house. She needed someone to talk to and if anyone understood pregnancy it was Cassie. As Rose got closer to her friend’s house she saw a moving van sitting out front and the sharp pain of guilt coursed through her, nearly causing another crying episode. Cassie opened the door and waved for Rose to come on in. She was putting boxes onto the front porch and Jeff was loading them into the truck. The kids were in the front yard playing house in a rather large cardboard box their cheeks and noses chapped from the cold. 19

Cassie followed Rose into the house and sat down on a bar stool. There were boxes of toys and children’s clothes everywhere. 20

“Did you guys buy a new house already?” Rose asked.21

“Just closed on it yesterday.” Cassie replied. “We were outgrowing this place anyway. Jeff found a farm house in Tecumseh that’s not too far from the factory. There’s a lot of work that needs to be done, but the five bedrooms make up for it. What about you? Are you going to buy that beautiful Victorian home near your parents place?” 22

Rose explained her concern over the financing and they spent the rest of the afternoon talking and packing. Rose was relieved that Cassie never mentioned the kidnapping. It seemed as though she just wanted to move on with her life and forget it ever happened, but Rose knew that neither one of them would ever really forget. 23

“You wouldn’t happen to have any maternity clothes I could borrow?” Rose asked, picking up a pair of maternity jeans out of a box and holding them close to her waist.24

“What! You’re kidding!” Cassie squealed, giving Rose a hug. Then in a somber voice, she asked: “Is it David’s?”25

Rose nodded and began crying. 26

“How far along are you? Have you been to the doctor? Does David know?” Cassie’s eyes showed deep concern and Rose was grateful to have such a good friend.27

“I haven’t talked to David since the night we broke up…and I don‘t know if I‘m going to. He‘s such a loser. Cass. The further away I get from him and his problems the better off we all are.”28

Cassie nodded in fervent agreement and offered to help in anyway she could. Jeff came inside with baby Sarah on his hip. He kissed Cassie on her forehead and nodded toward Rose, but wouldn’t look her in the eye. Rose could tell he was uncomfortable with her being there and not wanting to cause any trouble she said goodbye to her friend and went home. 29

* * * *30

On Friday, Rose called LaShawn at Caldwell Realty to tell her that she’d made up her mind about the house and set an appointment to sign the papers. She was at work when a call came in from Charlie. He sounded concerned about Gilbert and wanted to know if Rose had seen him.31

“It’s unlike him to miss three appointments in a row.” Charlie said. “Do you know where he might be?”32

Rose didn’t have a clue, but she told him to check out Gilbert’s little hiding place in the Laundry mat. He thanked her for the tip and said: “Hey, d-do you still need help moving? Your dad and I p-p-put most of your things in a storage locker on Monroe street. If you w-want I can swing by and give you the key over l-lunch.”33

Rose agreed and at 12:00pm exactly, Charlie was knocking on her office door with a greasy brown bag that smelled like beef and onions. The smell nearly made her vomit. With her appetite gone she turned down the offer of food and asked Charlie if he wanted her to go with him to the laundramat to look for Gilbert and Charlie agreed. 34

When they arrived Rose peeked in the utility room, but there was no sign of him. “He’s not here, have you checked the mission? I sure hope he didn’t get mixed up with the wrong crowd again.” Rose said. 35

“Or w-worse.” Charlie added. “It’s been p-pretty c-cold this week… ...a-a-almost 10 degrees below on Wednesday!”36

They started to leave but a sudden attack of fatigue forced Rose to sit down in a chair. Charlie asked her if she was alright, but she just nodded and laid her head down on his lap, using her jacket as a pillow. She quickly drifted as the whir of dryers lulled her to sleep and before she knew it, her lunch hour was over. Somewhere in that strange space between being unconscious and awake, Rose thought she could feel Charlie stroking her hair. The tenderness in his caress caused her to stir, and his hand abruptly stopped.37

“We n-n-need to get back to the office.” Charlie said, lifting her off his lap, his cheeks visibly flushed. 38