How to mug someone1
Footsteps sounded in the alleyway and Bret pulled a ski mask from his jacket, fitting it over his head. He was hiding behind a large dumpster in the alley behind Wohop’s Chinese food. The stench was almost unbearable, seemingly more potent in the abnormally moist air, and the pavement slick; coated in greasy sludge from the restaurant: it might be hard to keep his footing. 2
The footsteps drew even closer and a shadow appeared and, looking over the edge, he saw that it was an elderly lady. Bret tensed and, drawing a knife, he sprung from hiding. 3
"Give me your purse, grandma, or I'll kill you!" He grabbed the purse from the stunned woman and bolted, disappearing into the night.4
How not to mug someone5
Footsteps sounded in the alleyway and Bret pulled a ski mask from his jacket, fitting it over his head. He was hiding behind a large dumpster in the alley behind Wohop’s Chinese food. The stench was almost unbearable, seemingly more potent in the abnormally moist air, and the pavement slick; coated in greasy sludge from the restaurant: it might be hard to keep his footing. 6
The footsteps drew even closer, and a shadow appeared. Bret tensed and, drawing a knife, he sprung from hiding. 7
“Give me your wallet and I won’t...” but his voice faltered and he squeaked, “Oh my God, it’s Chuck Norris.”8
There was a swish followed by a thump then sound of breaking bones, and Bret fell to the ground clutching his throat; another victim falls to Chuck Norris.9
Author notes
This is an idea i came up with and i was going to put it all in one but i decided to see what people think before i write more of them.
Comments
1 - 53 of 53
-
Funny. So the moral is that if ypou're going to mug someone first make sure that it's not chuck norris.
A good and interesting write.
beginning: 5, language: 5, plot: 5, ending: 5, dialog: 5, characters: 5.
-
Funny ^_^ Made me smile. Dreat story! Love it! Hope you have lots of other good work. Chuck Norris? XD Who is that?
Awesomness comes your way. -
Chuck Norris Pwns all. End of story. Haha. very nice. absolutely loved it!
-
WTF! Wow. I'm reading this in the library and everyone's looking at me like I'm stupid since I just started laughing. Funny.
-
HAHAHA! lol although i don't know who's Chuck Norris, but that will be one stupid mugger. guess it teaches us that if we want to be a mugger (I hope not!) we should be smarter and LOOK before we mug=D
-
LMAO! Serves him right for trying to mug Chuck Norris. Seriously I laughed my ass off for a while after reading that second part. I don't often stumble across stories that make me laugh much, but this one did.
Good job!
-
Laughing My Ass Off
My boyfriend is always telling me about Chuck Norris and how awesome he is. I guess this only goes to prove his point. Chuck Norris wins again. -
very funny i wasn't expecting chuck norris! keep up the good work!
-
Very funny.Keep it up!!
-
One thing you've got to watch for is run on sentences. If you have to repeatedly us the word 'and' or use too many commas (unless it's a list of things) then try rewording it. This throws off the flow of your work.
You've got a funny idea here and it has potential. The piece can truly make the reader laugh. There's just a few structural edits to be done. Good work.
-
I've read this before, but it was just as funny the second time around..
-
There are too many commas in the last sentence of your first paragraph. It's hard to read. try breaking it up into separate sentences.
Aside from that...
HA! *ahem*
Congrats, you made me laugh. Good work.
I loved it! Lol. Thanks for sharing this with us.
-
hahaha! This made me laugh so much, you have no idea. I worked at a game testing place, so all day I listened to nerdy chuck norris jokes.. I guess I grew to appreciate them eventually lol. I totally wasn't expecting the ending, so big brownie points for that .
-
That always happens, doesn't it? You get all riled up and then BAM! It's Chuck Norris. Sigh...
Good story though. I particularly liked the setting descriptions, at the beginning
-
Lol I laughed at the title it's pretty cool. Hah "Oh my god it's Chuck Noris" Runnnnnnn....that's what I'd do hah "another victim falls to Chuck Norris"
-
Ok, cool-e-o
-
Silly story, but funny.
Do you really want to know how to mug somebody?
No.
I'll tell you anyway.
You get a gang of 4/5 of your spotty friends.
You go to the town centre at 2am.
You wait for the nightclubs to end.
You edge towards the Pizza/fastfood takeaway restaurants.
You wait for a man to walk out by himself.
You approach him and ask for a slice of pizza.
You punch him in the face when he is not looking at you.
You wave the gang in to kick him to the ground.
You steal his phone, wallet and watch.
You run from the Police.
I know this because it happened to me.
A warning to everybody else because this how they actually do it.
Sometimes they ask for 'change for the phone' as well.
I dodged that one as i gave the first guy no opportunity to hit me.
In conclusion, a silly story that will upset any person who has ever been seriously beaten and mugged. -
ROFL! This was hilarious! Luved it! Gr8 job! When I mug someone I'll make sure it's not Chuck Norris. lol
-
Nice
Haha that's hilarious. Well Chuck Norris's roundhouse kicks are very deadly haha -
hehe. ok
funny, good work, no problems with it.
cheers
Hunter~
-
LoLz
I didn't spot any mistakes and you have a great idea here! Oh my God, I actually crack up when i read the Chuck Norris thing XD~
Good job~ -
Way cool
I like Chuck Norris. Met him in the sixties at a tournament in San Francisco. Nice guy.
-
Very good although i'm not a chuck norris fan i'm more of a sonic the hedgehog fan, lol
i know i am sad, am i not. -
-
Yay~
U like Sonic? I like Sonic and Shadow!!! They're awesome!!!
-
-
Haha. Nice.
I find this to be quite funny.
=P
-
Chuck Norris just isn't funny anymore... The Hoff is out, too. I think Rick Astley is the new 80's nostalgia internet joke phenomenon. Actually, I may be a couple years behind on that one too...
-
-
im ganna have to agree... Chuck Norris jokes are getting old...
-
-
this is pretty funny. I hate Chuck Norris, but this is still hilarious.
-
Wooo Chuck Norris!! thanks for the laugh.. this was a great little humorous piece. I thoroughly enjoyed it!
-
You totally made me laugh! HAHAHAHAHA! The title caught my attention
-
Hahahahaha
You made me laugh, which is a hard thing to do with a story! I love how you contrast the two scenarios; without that this wouldn't have had the impact that it did.
...Gotta love Chuck Norris . Great job!
-
LOL! That was funny. Good job. I, too, expected murder.
-
ha!!!
-
sorry, Bret, you have to understand--I started reading the first half all tensed-up expecting perhaps a murder.
Then when the reversal came in the sceond half, (I couldn't help wonder why?) only to take this serious business as comical.
If that's what you were creating--you did a great job
.
I guess I should leave opinions on this one to readers with more experience in the genre of Fanfiction.
Geri
-
-
its not fanfiction... for some reason i just put chuck norris in it lol. I am going to be doing a ton more of these but i have no ideas at the moment.
-
-
I liked it! I can't comment much, there weren't any mistakes, all I can say is nice humor!
-
Lmao, this was nuts. xDD Very nicely done. Love the end ^__^
- HT -
LOL Noice. Props for the Chuck Norris bit. xD
This reminded me of one of those skits from Animaniacs. Absolutely awesome.
-
This was great! It's the funniest thing I've read on SW for a while.
I like that I can actually imagine both scenes, with a black screen and white words for the "How to" and "How not to." I can also imagine Chuck Norris getting Bret.
So funny. I think you should definitely write more.
-
that was so funny lol loved it keep writing
-
hahahahaha I loved the second one. It was sooo funny! I like your writing, its very descriptive and awesome! I love all those Chuck Norris jokes, I have this one wallpaper that's all "when chuck norris touches water he doesn't get wet; the water gets chuck norris." SOOO funny! Anyway, aweosome job!
-
ha! made me laugh, well done.
I have no pointers! brillint job it was a pleasure to read, there were enough words to paint the scene but not too many to lose interest or anything.
and I liked the title by the way, soon as I saw it I knew it was a must read ^^
-
very funny!
Loved the ending! You have enough words for me to paint the scene. You did a nice on both scenes.
beginning: 5, language: 5, plot: 5, ending: 5, dialog: 5, characters: 5.
-
haha!
Hilarous! This was such a good read! Chuck Norris baby! What a way to end it... :]
-
Chuck Norris rules as always!
Very funny.
beginning: 5, language: 5, plot: 5, ending: 5, dialog: 5, characters: 5.
-
Hahahaha that is awesome. You should write more of these. they're entertaining to read. haha. I totally enjoyed that. Chuck Norris....haha That was seriously funny.
beginning: 5, language: 5, plot: 5, ending: 5, dialog: 5, characters: 5.
-
HAHAA!! I enjoyed this a whole lot! I had to read it to my friend over the phone I think you should write more of them!!
-
This was very interesting and funny. You have great discription. great job.
Host
-
That was too funny! Chuck Norris! Is he going to be in all of your "how not to..." sections? Ee hee hee!
Hilarious stuff. Chuck Norris or not, definitely write more. They'd make a hilarious compendium of "How To Avoid the Darwin Awards" or something.
-
I know I shouldn't laugh but I couldn't help but chuckle at this. I guess you could call this an Idiots Charter on How Not to do things
A few edits for you to look at if you're interested:
p1 - full colon at end of para
p2 - Chineese = Chinese
p3 - I would replace the beginning with the following: The footsteps drew even closer. A shadow appeared....
p4 - in to = into
p5 - full colon at end of para
p6 - Chineese = Chinese
p9 - bones breaking, and Bret = bones breaking. Bret...
Although mugging someone should not be laughed at I CAN see the funny side to this with the mugger becoming the victim
-
Very cute
#1 Chinese food
Yeah, it would make sense to see more than a shadow before you jump out.
Trish
-
Well...
Hmmm...it's okay, kind of wierd, but goodish.
Although, I sincerely hope you don't know that from experience.
SD423
-
-
Im glad that you thought it was... goodish lol
And no, i dont know this from experience, just common sense
-
Adding your comment:
1 - 53 of 53
