I place in your delicate hand1
A book written about a man2
Many pages tainted, tattered, and torn3
Los Angeles, California born4
In the early daylight of the morn5
6
Childhood was happy, the days of continued play7
Notoriously known to disobey8
Yet still daddy’s little boy, night and day9
Loving and expressive was this child’s way10
The teenage years where a roller coaster ride11
Overly naïve feelings ran deep and wide12
Semi-intelligent yet lacking self-pride13
Very insecure and lost deep down inside14
Lost innocence leaving pain that wouldn’t subside15
Early adulthood was spent in a tormenting craze16
And traversing the dark corridors of pain’s maze17
Wallowing in the place of a destructive phase18
Life was depressing and could not catch me ablaze19
Instead blindly walked in a numbing drugged up haze20
Wasting those forlorn years in a pitiful laze21
The middle adult years brought introspection22
And inspired a life’s needed resurrection23
Heart, mind, and soul found long awaited connection24
Within the confines of spirit’s detection25
Journeying the sacred realms of perfection26
Two failed marriages to completely discern27
Underneath the pain laid lessons to learn28
And respect of self that one has to earn29
Love being the last desire that still yearns30
Nearing the end of the traversed book31
I must ask if I have set the hook32
With the bait of a personal look33
End life's wounds with your love suture34
Turn the page and tell our future35
Author notes
Wanting to come up with a form that you can use as a way to write a story in poetic form I have been experimenting with the form used here. I thought if you could take the reader slowly up to the peak of the story then run them downhill from it that would accomplish my goal and thus this form was born let me know what you think
Format of verses:
1) 2 lines with 8 syllables
2) 3 lines with 9 syllables
3) 4 lines with 10 syllables
4) 5 lines with 11 syllables
5) 6 lines with 12 syllables
6) 5 lines with 11 syllables
7) 4 lines with 10 syllables
8) 3 lines with 9 syllabols
9) 2 lines with 8 syllables
and wanting to challenge myself and liking rhyme poetry best I used an aaaaaa ect pattern
May the Force be With You
What did you think? Please comment!
Comments
1 - 37 of 37
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Wow!
Michael, this is terrific. Can't believe I never read this before. I love the new style, the combo of our fav. rhyming poetry, with writing a story. But most poems, especially yours, tell a story, if only the reader will really listen. Hmm. Yes, I know you are gone from here, but I pray you still take a glimpse now & then. My core was good, but I took everything for granted & threw it all away. 3 YRS. is a long time...I used it well & I made positive growth changes. Would love to talk someday. For what it's worth, I am sorry, I miss you, & I still love you!! Peace & light- Syah xo
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This was brilliant not only emotional but extremely well written with a good pattern and rhyming scheme fantastic flow and great rhythm you are a truly talented writer keep up the fantastic work Crazy xxx
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YAY MY NAME IN A POEM...
Even though my name is a song, teehee...
Anyhoot, this was great. The end was wonderful. This is truly wonderful.
Great write and good luck in the contest!
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Becky
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beautiful
wow... this is an awesome write. i love to write/read rhyme poetry and this is an awesome example of the perfect rhyming poem. i absolutly loved it, and good luck in the contest.
jan
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An intellectually stimulating form; I like the idea. However, in many places it sounds like you've forced words in to meet the syllable count. I don't know, this could just be a personal preference on my part, for everyone else seems to think it quite fabulous. I can see why: there's much wisdom in these lines. I think I like the last one best "turn the page and tell our future..." the words ring true here.
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this is really good i like it keep up good work
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Excellent Write!
Oh my gosh! this is really beautiful! the rhyming scheme is well done. it tells a story and coherence runs freely. i really love this! your talent is well reflected in your words. -
Very nice.It was so smoothly flowing and enlightened me .Great to read such poetry
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Spellbinding
Blaze,
Wow, this is incredible. I love the format and the rhyming of it. It gives for such a poetically beautiful flow.
I also like how you allow the reader to get a glimpse of the struggles of the writer/speaker (in this case you). I think it gives the reader a better feel for you as a person among many other poetically described life experiences.
I must admit though, that the ending left me rather both spellbound and speechless..... Incredibly powerful choice of words to close out the poem... (and to me, good closure is such a strong element of poems...) This you have more than succeeded accomplishing.
~Atsielorion~
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Good
This is really good! I mean it shows tru talent. Good job! -
The challenge you have created for yourself had been successfully completed. And you have done it is an artistic flow that captured the reader and imprisons their attention.
Marvelous story. Beautiful poem.
Flawless.
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This is absolutely amazing! Fantastic! I really enjoyed this and I hope to read more of your work soon!
MOlly -
You have certainly out done yourself with this write. It is a fantastically complicated structure that works well and a great poem, full of meaning and a good story line. Quite the challege. Jim
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AS always darling this is beautiful. Good luck in the contest, I'm sure you'll place
Love Shari
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Well done love. I think this really displays your true talent! though all of your work is perfection in my eyes!! GREAT JOB!!
Your Goddess,
Mel
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So many conflicting emotions and feelings are layed out here.Raw and vulnerable, and utterly expose you have left yourself in this poem. Allowing the reader a glimpse of the person you are and where you have come from. Sharing the intimate things you have experienced in life. Well penned hunny.
Midnight Lace
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Interesting rhyme scheme, good story, great rhymes: it may not result in the the PowerPuff Girls, but it sure makes for a great poem. Keep it going.
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very cool, I wanna try that method you developed for story writing in my own work.
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As always, Excellent! You have a unique way to capture in the read with you formative style and wording that keep the interest to continue the read to the last word. Unique penning you have been blessed with. I wish you success with your contest. Such a fitting background you have chosen!
ICUlookn
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This is a wonderful poem/storie. I really liked it the flow was perfect. You did an excellent job with this. The story of your life in a poem! Your talent really shows in this piece. I am glad that I clicked on this. GREAT JOB!!
Brandy
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this is is just - breathtaking. Not only are you a master or form and verse, but the language and ideas are jsut mind blowing. WoW!!
pinkxxx -
Wonderful
'Journeying the sacred realms of perfection'
Oh, that we all see it at some point!
I love this line!
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very well written, had alot of good flow to it, and went through a story of a man, and his life, it is a sad tale, but just a wonderful poem, keep them up.
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This is really interesting, I like the way you wrote this, and an interesting story, It shows that a lot of people go through mixed up lifes.
in the fifth stanza you said me ablaze, should this be him ablaze? -
...well this was a very different rhyme scheme to me...personally it seemed sort of forced...but all in all this was well written
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Interesting poem with good rhyme Keep writing and thanks for entering my contest
All the best,
Pozo
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You wrote about your lifes journey through your soul and placed it so gracefully down on paper. Your words flow amazingly, and I loved your structure with the syllable counts. Your message held within was so solid and straight from the heart. You wrote about your pain and all of the things that you've went through that made you, you. Amazing write, I hope to read more from you soon. Keep writing, -Heather
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I think this is exactly what she/he wants for the gold(I read the contest earlier)
good work,You have a lovely way of expressing yourself
Maria -
I personally like forms that restrict syllable counts - the enforced economy of words usually results in crisper work. This is great - the story is both universal and comes across as intensely personal: your subject seems to be an 'everyman' character. It would have been nice if it could have ended 'happier', but most people's lives don't - the best we can hope for is to learn those lessons... Thankyou
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Self is painted beautifully
The write is the journey of the self. A self is always difficult to state as it never allow to be touched particularly if the matter has to be brought from the locker of the memmories
Because memmories are just like the mercury drops ,it shines ,it clicks, but when you try to catch ,it runs away.. that way the write is successfull .The momments of the major portions of the life have been covered beautifully. The flow of the write is very slick and provide the satisfaction from the communication point of view. Just a successful journey . My regards..prabhudayal khattar -
very creative form..but I was taken by the message within...especially the love suture...brilliant write blaze...Peace Muddy
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A nice glimpse into one man's journey. Your first stanza is a strong beginning. One minor thing- in your author notes- syllable.
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Excellent brava!! Two thumbs up!!
Magnificent form syllables enhance the flow a balm created and the music in the words subtle takes the hard drove in the text and becomes the poignant. pernicious echo ... a beautifully woven tapestry Brava... two thumbs up!!
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This was wonderful. I love how you allowed us to see just how far you've come my friend. It truly is amazing. As Betty said it is bittersweet but powerful. My favorite lines were: "Underneath the pain laid lessons to learn
And respect of self that one has to earn
Love being the last desire that still yearns." Because that is something true for many of us. I also liked the format of it, it's unique, and the flow of this worked so well. Great and good luck in the contest!
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Excellent..Well written.. Powerful!
Excellent! What, a heart and soul write..Your, talent shines..
I found this write written excellent.Bittersweet, powerful and so well written,
Betty -
Wow.......this is really good..........and to create a form with it as well.........The trueness of one's life you have captured well.......this could truly be any one of us.......A lovely but heartbreaking walk throughout one's life of trial and tribulation.........Well done.........best of luck in the contest..........
Leance
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hey .. wow i liked this ...loved the format ...tough would like ot see him come out on top
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