Between Insanity and Madness. (Chapter 19- The war crime)

Watching the six men walk off in a single line, unsure of what was ahead of them made many in 'Alpha' Company bitter and unsure of their own futures. Sitting down and eating some cold rice, Colm was parched, famished and starving. He could already sense that he'd lost a lot of weight, therefore he was glad he'd been eating loads of junk food on the ship before they came here. Jackie was watching Colm eat every spoonful of rice that he'd been poking at with a metal spoon into the silver packet of rations. He wondered if he should have put his hand up and gone with them, but it was too late now. No more could be done.1

'See I told you didn't I!' Colm spat some rice out as he pointed excitedly. 'I flippin' told you.' Wiping some rice off his dirt- stained jacket and licking his lips, hungry as a dog he was.2

'About what Colm? What are you on about now?' Jackie had his head in his hands, fed up of this damned war, this damned operation. His strength was tiring, being sapped away by those who would push him to the very end. They'd push him till either this war ended or he was in a wooden coffin being lowered six feet somewhere obscure, with no one there.3

'The fuckin' Captain. I said didn't I! He's cursed!' Colm was trying to swallow and talk at the same time and it wasn't working out very well. A few of the other guys in their platoon started listening and muttering, amazingly most of them were nodding their heads in agreement at what Colm was saying.4

'Give it up Colm. It's just the way it's panned out, I think anyway.' Jackie wasn't sure whether Colm, his best friend, was speaking the truth and spreading the rumour. It confused Jackie, he depended on Colm for so much, yet believed little of what he said because he was frightened of being drawn in and left there to dangle.5

'It's the truth Jackie. You know it as well as I do. That Captain is carryin' around something with him and we'll all end up in swimming pools full of shit and piss because of him!' He waved his spoon at Jackie, who looked back with a face that was scornful and also horrified at the reality of the situation.6

'Think about it. Any of 'Bravo', 'Charlie', or even the retards 'Delta' gettin' scouting missions?' He further compounded his argument and the truth, according to many in his platoon, which Jackie shared; was there for all to look at. Jackie still felt like a kid when he was around Colm. He never knew why Colm let him hang around, why he let Jackie stick by him. He was sure it was because they're genuine friends and nothing else. 7

'Or maybe it's because we're the fuckin' best. Ever thought of that?' Interrupted Private First Class Dick Fox. He was leaning against a wall of tightly formed grass, that was almost as solid as a wall, hard to get through and tough as a brick house. He felt the grass that wasn't as tall as the others lean over him, dip themselves into his mess tin, tickle the front of his nose, try to touch his hand; maybe even hold it for him.8

'No it fuckin' ain't that at all! You know it Dick! You've been around longer than me!' Retorted Colm as he spat out some more cold rice.9

They'd walked nearly a mile and a half by now. The grass was a lot thicker, a lot more dense, no tree's to be seen for nearly ten miles in all directions and if you looked back, you wouldn't be able to spot a helmet bobbling about in the undergrowth at all. The lush green colour had faded the more they entered the unknown territory they had been sent to investigate. The scouting mission was easy, all they had to do was look at the surroundings of the village; observe any enemy and try to rack up estimates of how many there was. That was if there was any in the first place.10

The sun was setting now, it was near four o' clock in the evening and in the southern parts of Borneo, it had been noted that whilst the sun came up earlier than in most countries, it damn well came back down again just before late afternoon. 11

The sun was almost transition in beauty. They all took their eyes off the task in hand whilst they watched the sun start its usual routine of dying at night, to be re-ignited at in the early hours of the day. The effect it had on the sky, which turned a lilac colour never seen before by any of these men, the great clouds; as big as mountains, as wide as cities, would be slaves to the sun in all its glory, its magnificence and burning desire.12

It reminded a few of them of the DVD presentation they had been shown when they all went through Nuclear warfare training, where the atomic bomb shines like a great white light, as if god himself was sweeping all before him, lighting everything up, even the darkest of greys, blacks and shadows would no longer be hiding from their true self. The light would radiate and shine, all those before it would bow down and pray for just another day like it.13

'Can you see why ancient civilisations worshipped the sun?' Lieutenant Clapham pondered out loud. He was the second in line of the patrol; behind him was Ryan whom was in front of Smith, Foley and Lord. Sergeant Larsen overheard Clapham and his thoughts and somewhat agreed.14

'Yeah, I can see why. Must have looked like a fearsome, bold, burning giant.' He replied.15

'It still does. I just hope it doesn't die yet. Humanity has so much to live for.' Lieutenant Clapham believed in humans doing just and good things no matter how anything worked out. He believed that wars were a part of the savage nature of humanity, all crowded onto one small planet. Not enough space for all those pathetic creatures that rule it with an iron fist, yet if someone stands up to that iron fist; it crumbles and chaos ensues. This is what happens with humans he thought to himself, but somehow, no matter what, no matter the loss of life or money or territory; humanity always showed that it could surprise even the most cynical with the affection and love it can give.16

Lord was right at the back and was amazed by what he could see, the fresh air he could take in and the softer side of nature he could gaze at, all so different to what he'd seen the last couple of days. He'd decided to volunteer for the scouting mission because he wanted to see what the army was really like, in all its rags and bones, the flesh stripped off, the muscle torn away. He wanted to be a part of something they'd been trained on; something that was the nuts and bolts of being a soldier. He was scared; he could see that the man in front of him wasn't that much older himself. 17

'Why you on patrol with us anyway sir?' Sergeant Larsen asked. He needed to take his mind off being at the front of the patrol. Everyone was watching, looking at something, like men in a tower, spying on the smallest of movements. They'd stopped five times earlier in the first mile, Hayden kept saying he could see things in the grass, but in reality his mind was so wired up to the adrenaline pumping out of him, what he was seeing and what he thought he could see were two different things.18

'I feel it is my duty to look after those that need it and accompany any man who goes into a potential area of conflict Sergeant.' The aloof-sounding Lieutenant said. Sergeant Larsen had judged him as being a man who would help anyone, but couldn't understand why they'd let him go with them.19

'I think it's because of the kid down the back.' The Sergeant felt a bead of sweat sting his dry, scabby lips. He pushed some grass apart so he could get past easier. It felt like a patrol that wouldn't end. 'If it is why, then I must give you some advice now, sir.' He was careful of how he worded what he was going to say to the young Officer.20

'Ok, what's that then?' He asked the Sergeant curious about what he might come out with.21

'Don't make friends.' He spat on some grass as he shuffled through the thick countryside field. Lieutenant Clapham tried to avoid the spittle wiping itself onto his sleeves, which unlike most of the men in the patrol, were still down instead of rolled up. 'Don't get too close to anybody, cos when they get killed, you can't replace them. You can't bring them back Doc...' 22

The last sentence felt like a stinging rebuke to the Lieutenant. He felt that the limited abilities of a man of medicine had just been exposed older, wiser man in front of him. He knew that what the Sergeant was saying was correct and the some of the most helpful advice he'd heard in a long time when put into perspective. He also knew that the Sergeant obviously had some issues too.23

Then, a hand signal went up by Larsen. Everyone stood still, it dawned on everyone what he'd seen; the village was a mile away. He signalled for everyone to go prone position, onto their bellies. Without making much noise, everyone did so and joined up with the Sergeant.24

'Garten, Smith, myself will take the right and try to observe from the village if any enemy are there.' Sergeant Larsen was on his back, looking at the five men listening intently to his commands. 'You sir, Foley and Lord; go to the left and observe from there. If we engage, await my signal.' They all nodded and with that he started moving rapidly along the tall, whispering grass. Leopard crawling at first, then when he was sure of it, crouching down all three of them made a right handed dash, manoeuvring to the right hand side of the village and blocking any enemies’ view of them.25

The mud huts were sturdy creatures, buildings that had been placed on this land many years ago, Larsen thought. The entrance to the village was narrow and an open space so he was taking them to the right hand side of the outer perimeter of the village. Garten and Smith kept up well, the sneakiness and movements were fast and considered. All three of them had, whilst leopard crawling out of sight; made ready their weapons by flicking the safety switch to 'fire mode'.26

With hand and arm signals, it was important to use them instead of your voice in what could be the only thing standing between annihilation and taking the enemy by surprise, the element of surprise would be vital here. There was no going back now. This was it. Every ten to fifteen seconds, Joseph hooked his head around and checked that Garten or Smith weren't trying to communicate with him. Everything was going fine for them. The slight jingling sound that was made by the rifles tapping onto the skin with every jolted movement made wasn't loud enough to be heard in the village. They were less than fifty metres away when they heard noise.27

The thirty or so mud huts were isolated from the world. There was no road or infrastructure. It was nearing half past four in the afternoon, the sun giving one lasting impression of light before it bowed down to the masses of darkness and night for the rest of the day. A rudimentary well was spotted by Smith, whilst Garten pointed out he could hear smashing of objects and a few muffled screams. 28

The huts were obviously planned in an asymmetrical way; the layout of the village was thin at the entrance, which was now to their south, thick in the middle, with as many as four huts in a line and no straight trail going through the village at all. The roofs were made out of bamboo shoot and tied together thinner, sturdier shoots from nearby. Each hut was roughly the same size, made entirely out of solid, hard red mud. The smooth nature of the outside and the accurate circumference of each one compared to another meant that unlike from afar, these dwellings were built with dedication and took a lot of time. 29

Larsen ran up to the back of a hut and pushed his body in as far as he could, against the red mud. He pumped his arm up and down about three times in rapid movement, which signalled that Garten and Smith move to his position or a position nearby without being seen.30

Garten skidded and fell against the mud hut to Larsen's left whilst Hayden hid behind a giant rock that was just next to Larsen's position, but a little more inwards of the village. Heavy breathing, along with anticipation on their faces, they could smell it, they could smell the air and sense death was prevalent in this small community. Hayden made an 'eyes on you' signal with two of his fingers and signalled that in front of him, he could see Clapham, Foley and Lord running into their positions.31

Another 'eyes on you' signal was made but this time, it was about something else, something more sinister to the six man patrol. Hayden had caught his first sight of the enemy, his first ever sight of that elusive target that should have met him on the beaches. They too were wearing helmets, more rounded though and khaki, unlike the allies whom had material camouflage strapped on. He noticed that one of them was doing his trousers up, they wore all dark green khaki, a simple uniform, produced for the warrior of mass production and the Chinese army numbered at millions. He then saw another, then another, all laughing and chuckling, shouting in their foreign language. The heartbeat started going at breakneck speed, the panic mixed with anger that was needed to confront the enemy. 32

Holding his three middle fingers up he signalled that he could see at least six of the enemy, but there was probably more. There had to be more, the village had a pungent smell about it, something wasn't right.33

Foley was guarding the right hand side of Clapham; he didn't know what to think or what to do. He'd decided there and then that he would follow whatever everyone else was doing and it might save him. He hoped it would save him anyway. The conversation he'd had with Ryan had taught him that life was too short to stay quiet in and unaccounted for. He felt he could survive this war, in fact he knew he could.34

On the other side of the village, Larsen had knelt down and bundled out the 'SDT' which stood for Short Distance Transmitter, another word for 'Walkie-talkie'. He decided that the call to engage the enemy was too big a one for him to make and so he was going to pick up the signal by Captain Seymore, which he'd been given the frequency numbers and to press the number '5' six times. 35

The Chinese soldier was muttering to himself as he walked to the left of Foley to go to the toilet. Foley had gone white at seeing the enemy this close to him and stood still, struck by fear. It was in an instant; the Chinese soldier had undone his zip when he looked over and saw the white frightened boy, trying to point his rifle at him. Foley had panicked and by the time that their eyes had met, both were in a shock of surprise and as Foley looked down to point his rifle from the hip at the Chinese soldier, he'd noticed the enemy had already raised his rifle, shouted the alarm and fired four bullets at Michael James Foley.36

The young Private was pushed up against the mud hut he was positioned at by the force of three of the bullets ripping through his chest and stomach area. He let out a small gasp that could have been heard in a valley such was the silence that was broken. He slumped against the hut, his helmet a few metres away from him, blood seeping out of his mouth.37

Clapham in an instant, with Lord looking at him in shock, shot wildly at the soldier who'd turned to fire at them but was cut down by the hail of bullets fired upon him by the Doctor.38

'Jesus! Go! Go! Go!' Larsen waved Garten and Hayden into battle and both men charged into the village, Garten smashed the jaw of a Chinese soldier who nearly ran into him, such was the surprise of an attack by both sides. Hayden unloaded his sub-machine gun into two of the men that were walking out of a mud hut, one of them lighting a cigarette. One of the men fell down like a sack of potatoes whilst the other raised his arms up in the air as bullets rushed through his body; his neck, cheek, abdomen, left leg were all torn to pieces by Hayden's sub-machine gun.39

Larsen rushed around the corner and saw two others fumbling with their AK-47's in a darkened hut. Unscrewing one of his luminous yellow banded fragmentation grenades, which many had compared to a curled up armadillo; he let the pressure build up within the explosive device and popping the pin out, threw it with his left hand into the hut. Muffled voices of panic rang out, in their final moments of life; they could do nothing but run around like headless chickens. 40

Larsen walked away before seeing the obligatory explosion that the grenade made. He'd seen enough death in his time and couldn't be bothered to watch the final moments of two men he'd never said 'hello' to, let alone known in a different world. The hut exploded from within, shaking slightly at the foundations.41

Clapham shot two more times at another Chinese soldier who came out of nowhere and who, before his swift death, had only his trousers and boots on; his face was one that had been by surprised and as one bullet whizzed past him, the other cam in through his forehead and left a bigger hole at the back, his brains escaping on the floor; fragments of his skull mixed with the dark, violet blood seeped onto the dirty track that ran like a snake through the village.42

Smith looked in horror, absolute shock at what he'd done. In those brief seconds, the small skirmish was over. Five Chinese soldiers, all unprepared, only two of them had weapons in their hands were dead. Another two had been caught out in a mud hut and been killed. Seven in total were dead and the village was secure but Hayden started shaking, he sat down on the edge of the crudely made well and had to take in what he'd done. He watched the blood of men trickle towards his boots. He whipped his helmet off and looked upwards at the sky for answers. He'd get none though, he knew that, but anything to take his mind off killing people; even looking up at the sky gave him some hope. 43

I murdered two unarmed men; I did something worse than I could ever imagine. I did it with no remorse, no forgiveness in my head.44

The Lieutenant looked at his hands, putting them together, cupping them in a bowl shape, dropping the pistol on the floor. He'd killed two men, something he'd sworn in the Hippocratic Oath that he'd never do, for something higher than men would judge him for it. His face started stiffening, shaking like delicate leaves in a gale; he started crying. It didn't make him feel any better if he was told that it was either him or them, because the way he was now; he'd have preferred to have been killed.45

Foley lay slumped up against the mud hut he was thrown against by the force of the four rounds entering his body and three of them pushing their way through it and out, ripping holes twice as big as the entrance wound they came in by. He was choking, spitting a little. 46

'Foley... Foley, you there?' Ryan asked him, hoping he'd somehow stay alive. Along with Larsen and a clearly traumatised Lord, they'd gathered around him, knowing it wouldn't be too long before he'd go cold and die in a foreign country; too young and too vulnerable.47

He looked into my eyes, I stared straight back. He smiled at me, cos' he remembered what I'd said about knowing people when they die. It's so true; in these few seconds that Foley had, he was an angel, a soft, kind, generous man who got caught up in a world that was tangling itself in the hangman's rope.48

If I could die... If I could die with that same happiness that he had on his dying face, his lips that were going cold, his body that were becoming limp. I'd become free again myself...49

Foley was dead.50

Larsen licked his lips, scratching his eyebrows and he got up and left. Wandering around, he looked at all those dead bodies that lay on the track before him, the two that were scattered in the hut in front of him and the cost that war truly meant. 51

'To hell with you!' He kicked a slumped body in anger and as it burped out more dark blood, mixed with the bile, he walked off to the other side of the village to reflect, passing the well and patting the hysterical Doctor on the shoulder, ignoring another broken man's plea's for comfort and solitude.52

'Fuck me man! You oughta' see the shit I've just seen Ryan!' Hayden came galloping to where Ryan was, who was still looking into Foley's eyes, his ashen look, now probably five minutes dead but Ryan had been fascinated with the peaceful way he'd gone amidst a world of chaos and uncertainty. Hayden had a look of amazement on his face and Ryan looked up at him.53

'Hayden?' He said. He got no response.54

'Hayden?' A little firmer and by now Hayden had composed himself.55

'It's full of fuckin' naked and dead women and children man! I ain't shittin' you at all!' Hayden got down on one knee. He was exhausted and tired and running had made him even more tired than he was before he started firing on people. He was horrified, he felt sick and he felt inhuman. He was so confused about how he felt now. He could hear in the background the silent sobs of the Doctor and the Sergeant giving the all clear to the rest of the Company.56

He punched the floor, as hard as he could, as many times as he could and all of this commotion; all of this heartache and sorrow was being witnessed by a visibly shaken Lord. The young seventeen year old was frozen to the spot and didn't know what to do anymore. His rifle was still over his shoulder and he'd hardly moved a muscle in the skirmish, let alone the aftermath of it all.57

Ryan had walked over to the mud hut Hayden had gone into, displayed by his helmet being upside down near the entrance. He'd obviously run out and the Kevlar made helmet had fallen off, such was the speed at which he wanted to get out of there. 58

I often wonder what makes a man kill a woman for nothing but the gratification of his thoughts. Should I still feel guilty for what I've done? Should I still feel remorse at the murders I committed?59

A distant upheaval of guts was heard and Hayden looked over his shoulder to see Ryan throwing up all over the entrance of the mud hut. Something sinister and nasty had happened that morning before they'd got there. The bodies were still fresh and the wounds were still relatively new. Those women and children had died all because the men had run off to help the other side. 60

All because they wanted peace and freedom. 61

A sad day had dawned, yet the sun had gone down...