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In my line of work I don't get to see too many live people. Sure, there are the ones that come in on a regular basis, deposit the ever so shiny black bags on my table, then trot off without so much as a word or comment. 2
And heaven forbid if I actually try to engage one into a conversation! The look they give me is one like they'd give someone that kicked their puppy... so, I refrain from speaking. My nights are filled instead with the soothing tones of Godsmack as it blares from the speakers loud enough to wake the dead. 3
(Little joke there, that was... we medical examiners have a morbid sense of humor)4
Imagine my surprise then, when the music actually did wake the dead... or, at least the extremely knocked out who happened to look dead and actually fooled five doctors and a whole lot of nurses into believing that he wasn't breathing. 5
Go figure.6
So, there I was one late Friday night, music blaring, head banging and finger tapping over the keyboard as I filled out the latest personality quiz that one of my virtual friends sent me on myspace. (gotta love buds like that... ones that have no life either... ) Anyway, I heard a noise behind me and froze. Since I was acutely aware of every creak, squeak, or hum of every piece of equipment in the room, anything out of the ordinary immediately caught my attention. 7
Turning slowly, and letting my imagination already run wild, I stopped when I saw that my latest 'guest' was sitting on the gurney and looking around like he had no idea where he was. (In his defense, not many actually wake inside a morgue)8
"'Scuse me?" I said, trying not to cringe at the quiver in my voice. Damn, but it was hard to talk when your throat is dry from fear. 9
Looking at me, he blinked, then continued to survey the rest of the small room. "It smells like death in here."10
Gee, thanks. Bet your workplace smells like tea and roses. "Whoa. Standing right here man," I said, not knowing why I was mouthing off when I should have already been out the door and slamming my hand on the panic alarm in the outer office. 11
"Where am I?"12
"Morgue," I supplied, holding back the 'd-uh' that wanted to escape. "Are you all right?" 13
"I'm in the morgue," he said, sarcasm lacing his words. "Obviously I'm not all right."14
OK, either these drugs are really good or this date just got really bad. Shaking my head and taking a quick look around just to make sure that I wasn't actually at home sleeping, or, god forbid, on some date with this loser and imagining that I was at work.... nope, sigh. I'm at work, sitting about ten feet away from a naked guy who... isn't actually too bad looking, really, if one can see past the bullet holes in his chest, and the absolute snarl on his face. 15
Yeah, shit, I'm one dead coroner... no frigging pun intended, either. 16
"Are you going to kill me?" The question escaped before I could stop it. 17
"Are you going to piss me off?"18
"I wasn't intending to, no."19
"Then I won't be killing you," he said, hopping off the gurney. It was then that the sheet fell to the floor, displaying him in all his glory. 20
Oh, day-um! I wasn't used to having a fine specimen like that in the same room as me, and I couldn't stop the x-rated scene that ran unbidden through my mind. Averting my eyes, I shifted to the floor so that.... oh, hell with it. Looking back, I just plain ogled as he reach down for the sheet and pulled it back up over his... ahem... attribute. (Damn shame, that... but I liked living a little too much to comment on how he looked)21
"Not to be nosy or anything," I said, feeling a little calmer than before. I figure that if he wanted me dead, I'd be staring blankly at the ceiling by now. "But, are you dead?"22
"You're the expert," he said wryly. "You tell me." Hopping back on the gurney, he laid back and stared at me. 23
You're shitting me, right? Yeah, no way in hell I was getting up from my chair unless it was to run screaming out the door. Glancing at the bag the 'delivery person' had brought with the current John Doe when he dropped the body off, I picked it up from the counter and tossed them towards the... body.24
He caught the bag out of the air as it sailed over him, and sat up again. Silently he pulled the articles out, a look of relief crossing his face when he realized that they were his belongings. "Thanks," he muttered, standing again.25
Watching as he quickly pulled his clothing on, I raised an eyebrow at the shirt that had holes in it... holes that oddly matched the ones in his body. Coincidence? I think not. Looking as he put his feet into biker boots, I blinked in slight confusion (and, the way this night was going, that's saying a lot). 26
"Is that blood on your boots?"27
"Mostly."28
Great. I didn't even want to know what the rest of the 'mostly' could be. Clearing my throat to get his attention, I tried not to cringe as he looked at me. "How did you get here?"29
"I'm thinking the meat wagon dumped me off?" 30
How charming. "Before that," I clarified. "How did you get the bullet holes in your body, and end up in the morgue?"31
He shrugged as he sat back on the gurney. "Pissed someone off."32
"Obviously."33
Glaring at me, he snarled lightly. "Look, Lady Medical Examiner," he said, showing that he held me in about the same regards as whoever had shot him. "I need the paperwork that came in with me."34
"Why?"35
"So I can take it when I walk out that door in about two minutes."36
"You're not going anywhere until I get some answers from you."37
"Trust me, chickie," he said, standing. "You don't want the answers I could give."38
Yeah, he was probably right on target with that assessment, but heck, I work in a morgue, and on the whole, dead people are usually damn boring. "Humor me."39
"What do you call a fly with no wings?"40
"What?" I asked, completely confused.41
"A walk," he replied. "Is that humorous enough?"42
Resisting the urge to throw something at him, I admit that it was sort of humorous. Reaching behind me for the paperwork that had come in with him, I turned back. "You're lucky that I didn't start the autopsy on you yet."43
"You're actually the lucky one on that," he said.44
Annoyed at that not so veiled threat, I took a step back. "Dude, in this place, I'm the big bad, the monster.... I go bump in the night!"45
"Really? I just go around killing people."46
All righty then. Holding the paperwork out, I stepped back further as he took it. Looking the information over, he frowned slightly then looked at me. "Where's the other guy?"47
"What other guy?"48
"The one I killed," he said. "Trust me, I couldn't let this," he paused to motion to his chest, "get done without tearing a heart out of the other guy."49
Um, yeah... as charming (ha!) as this guy was, he was seriously starting to creep me the hell out. "There is no other guy," I said. "You were found in an alley, hanging from a fire escape. Police think it was a hit and left as a warning."50
"Well, hell." Folding the papers, he slipped them into an inside pocket of his leather jacket, and then looked at me. 51
Right then, I decided that running might be a pretty damn good idea, and I turned for the door. Shrieking as he grabbed my arm and pulled me back, I stared into obsidian eyes. 52
"Sorry about this, babe," he said, actual regret in his tone. "But I can't let you go."53
"I didn't piss you off," I said, referring to his earlier statement of not killing me.54
"I know," he said with a nod. "But you know too much, and it's not safe for you."55
Yeah, and this is?!? Fear fueled the anger I was feeling, and I managed to pry his hand from my wrist. "Bite me!" I spat, turning and running for the door. 56
His hand closed on my shoulder just as my own hand landed on the door. Yanked back, I was spun against his chest, and one of the last things I remembered was his head lowering to mine. 57
Looking back, 'bite me' was probably not the best choice for a comeback. But, eh... that's all ancient history, really. On the plus side, I'm real suited now for the night shift, and have a better understanding of the stiffs that come across my table. The understanding? I'll explain that in another story... as well as a few other things (nudge, nudge, wink, wink) 58
It's not too bad, though. Every so often I get a special visitor to spend some time with. That old legend about being bitten and it being a sexual experience is so very true... and... I'm pleased to say that my first assessment of 'John Doe's' body was correct. His attribute is very nice. 59
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Author notes
Written on the fly... excellent contest!
A contest entry
- Writer's Block is just so...umm... by CactusJack.
100 points, ended April 8, 14 entries
Gold trophy winner
• next story in this contest, remove from contest
Comments
1 - 13 of 13
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Thanks I'm suffering giggle tremmors as I'm trying to type. That was... I'm not sure, but I loved it. Really what else can you do in a situation like that.
Great Job!!!!!
A couple of things that tripped me up, if your interested:
Imagine my surprise then, when the music actually did wake the dead... or, at least the extremely knocked out (guy? man?) who happened to look dead and actually fooled five doctors and a whole lot of nurses into believing that he wasn't breathing. 5
#7 how can she hear with the music blaring? I can't.
"Sorry about this, babe," he said, actually regret in his tone. "But I can't let you go."53 (that just read weird)(with actual regret in his tone)
Th.
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Very good piece of work. It did for me what a story should - it entertained!
Happy trails
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This is really cool, the ending is funny and so is the character - witty and kind of sarcastic but in a good way.
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wow i love it!!!!!!!!!! it definetly deserved a gold
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THIS WAS VERY LEWD AND LASCIVIOUS! YOUR CARNAL IMAGINATION RUNS WILD WITH THOUGHTS OF BASE DESIRES!
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wow this was good
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Hot! Damn hot! Real hot!
Great dialogue, as it kept the darkness at bay with light humor in the witty come-backs. I actually like the fact that we never know for sure just who or what 'John' was. Hell, I'm even fantasizing about becoming a coroner/ medical examiner now. Formaldahyde (sp?) anyone?
beginning: 5, language: 5, plot: 5, ending: 5, dialog: 5, characters: 5.
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This is an amazing story Barb. I really didn't expect it to end like that.
Was he a vampire?
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was he a vampire?.... excellent question. The answer is.... I'm not telling! 
I think I may play around with this for a while, and see if I can create comething longer from it, or add it to a small series of similar short stories that can connect yet stand alone from each other.
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omg I loved this...it's right up my alley. I love these kinds of writes lol. I hope that I never come across that kind of person at night but if I do eh...well then I guess it's fate!
Please make this into a series...pretty please
beginning: 5, language: 5, plot: 5, ending: 5, dialog: 5, characters: 5.
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I might make this a series... not sure.
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