Chilled ice cream people
will rather be devoured
than melt untasted1
---2
Soft plaster people
who under hard rain stiffened
curse their softness lost3
---4
Blind-born brick people
see not the marvels they build
lest they might tremble5
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Comments
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Only Excellent
No question, even though these are Haikus...they have your stamp of originality. I thought the "people" theme was original...as was the overall mood and sound. I thought the last one (of the "brick people") was particularly effective and poingnant (I don't want to say "moving"...in deference to the brick-built "marvels.")
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Thanks, I'm glad you liked it, since you are usually quite hard on my poetry (though of course that's a good thing). I had some serious trouble fitting the last one into the format, culminating in my inventing the word "blind-born", but the end result made me quite proud. The notion that I have a "stamp of originality" will definitely help me through the long school day ahead.
Oh, now I get it... "moving". Good one.
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