In the end it was the apocalypse. This was my apocalypse. When the world around me was to fall apart.1
I never expected the end to appear so soon. Nor was I even prepared for what was about to come. It was to go on. The world. For everyone else but I. 2
The night had turned to day. The day had become my night. I could not fall asleep. Not even if I tried. The weight of my lovers death rested on my shoulders. 3
The stars that we had once counted together no longer shone in my eyes. They were like knives piercing their way through the core of my memories. 4
The moon that I used to watch with him had long been covered with shadows. The mist was no longer inviting to my darkened spirit. The grief had been too much for me to handle.5
I forgot the beauty night time had to offer. I completely forgot the day. I pretended it never existed so that I would never have to deal with those images again.6
I Forgot the sunrise. I forgot the days I used to spend lying in his arms while sitting on the jetty watching the sun go down behind the mountains in the Far East during the summer. I forgot how the cold loving water felt as it splashed against our skin . I forgot, above everything else, how our last kissed shared felt. The last kiss shared before that awful summer's day when Kerry died.7
That was the day the heavens took Kerry away from me. From the world. I will never forgive the universe for taking him away.8
I remember watching as they scattered Kerry's ashes over the ocean. The wind had not blowing, but it had been calm and tranquil. It had been calm like Kerry. The ocean enveloped his spirit the day of his funeral. 9
I remember reaching out and capturing part of his ashes in my right hand. I dare not open it. I waited all day with his ashes clenched inside my fist. I feared deeply that they would float away with the rest. I could not bare the thought. I could not loose the only piece of Kerry I had left to the world. It was mine to keep. 10
I had a special box already opened on my desk. I had made it from thickets I had collected with our time together at the Mercy Hospital. I was all ready for that little piece of Kerry. 11
I opened my hand once in the solace of my sanctuary. My room. I watched with tear strained eyes as he fell into my box. My keepsake box. The box where I could keep that piece Kerry with me for the remainder of my life. 12
In that moment I decided that Kerry was the last boy. The last man, that I would ever Cherish. The last man I could ever care for. I owed it to him to keep our promise for eternal love and I had no intentions of breaking such a sacred pact.13
I did not want to feel that kind of emotion. I did not want to feel the anguishing pain that it brought.. He was the only one that had made me feel alive and now that he was gone I was numb. Life was not worth the fight anymore. I could not live on fighting in his memory. 14
His death consumed me. The nightmares embraced me, shackling me like chains. Baring me down to exhaustion. To the point I feared closing my eyes. I was petrified of what I might see if I opened them. I was afraid of the horror my visions instilled in me.15
I never wanted to escape this grief. I never wanted to let it go. If I let it disappear I would be saying none of it happened. Acting as if nothing had happened. Pretending that Kerry never existed. I could not bring myself to let his memory fade.16
Kerry had been too young to die. His life had been taken away at the tender age of fifteen. He had not even reached his peak into adolescence. Worse he would never experience adulthood. He would never experience marriage. A family. Growing old, working hard and dying with the one he loved. 17
He would never be able to experience that treasured moment when our bodies combined together in the tight embrace of intimacy while the rest of the world stood still. His eyes melting in mine. My eyes never wavering from his. It was a future based on false hopes forlorn promises. 18
Kerry would remain a pile of drifting ashes. Meandering. Wasted upon the scattered rocks and seaweed. He was Fish food.19
In the darkness of the world I watched myself self destruct. I watched myself bleed myself dry. I watched myself tear every shred of motivation and determination to make it past his tragedy until there was nothing left but a void I could not fill.20
I was awaiting the day we would be reunited again. The day I could lay a tender, longing kiss upon Kerry's swollen lips. I wanted to make it right again.21
While his ghost still lingered in my presence. I remembered what my mother had told me about letting him go. Letting Kerry go before it drove me insane. I was already insane. I was waiting for the hinges to rust and fall off completely. 22
My mother told me that if I didn't let him go I wouldn't be able to live a normal life. That to live in a memory was normal, but wishing to bring him back to life would only cause further heartbreak. She was wrong.23
I had been ill long before Kerry had died. The illness of insanity had been instilled in me when the memories of my childhood had returned. When I was in the Mercy Hospital. The ones my parents tried to hard to keep contained. To keep secret.
I had started to remember. 24
There was nothing I could do to stop the memories from flooding back like snapshots on a projector. Running until the film became grainy and the images blurred. I was Reliving a hellish nightmare where I could not define my visions from reality. I began to distrust everyone around me from the moment the visions had occurred.25
I did not trust anyone. Not even Kerry at first, but despite my psychosis I had fallen in love. Kerry still found it in his heart to take me as I was. Kerry was the only one who knew the real me. The real Reidy Hope.26
In return I began to know the real Kerry. The boy who hid behind a facade. If only the rest of the world knew the boy behind his mascaraed. Would they find him insane? More insane than I thought I was becoming without him in my life? I would never know. No one would ever know who he was.27
All the secrets that we shared. Secrets that would never be heard. Secrets that would remain with me till death and beyond. When the gates of heaven opened up and I embraced Kerry. Then and only then would I re-open the Pandora's box.
Author notes
This is my re-write of Part One in "The Apparition Man." Recently known as part one.
If you spot anything feel free to let me know so I can fix it up. Also let me know how you like the re-write.
Please post a comment !!
Do Not say I like it unless you are willing to tell me why.
I do not appreciate compliments unless you have a reason behind them.
I prefer the truth in a little detail so I know where to fix it up and where not to.
Thank you so much.
Blair.
[Fav song: Foil oompth]
In a list
A contest entry
- Suicide. by easily amused.
100 points, ended May 7, 46 entries
• next story in this contest, remove from contest
Please Tell me what you think
Comments
1 - 6 of 6
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p3- lover's is possessive... and you didn't make it so.
(I really like the last sentence in p4.)
(okay, what exactly is a jetty?)
p7- forgot isn't capitalized.
p12- Piece Of kerry.
Made a little more sense, and I'm connecting a few pieces together from part 1. I really like how you are writing this in first person, seems more realistic and it works. -
Yes, a great prologue to be sure, had me hooked from the start. I definately have to continue with this. it had just the right amount of suspense to keep me entertained. I do love a good novel.
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Great?
wow.
You gave great detail.
I love how you put the charactres emotion in almost every sentence.
Good job
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Although I did not read the previous Apparition Man, I must say that my dark, macabre side enjoyed this tremendously...as I said a few days ago.
I really like the depth of the main character, the way she feels for Kerry, and her emotions in general. Well done and I cannot wait to read chapter one. I'll try to get around to reading it tomorrow, if my schedule permits me to.
I did see a few things, so here are a few suggestions and whatnot:
Par 1: In the end [,] it was the apocalypse.
Par 3: The weight of my lovers death [lover’s death] rested on my shoulders.
Par 6: I forgot the beauty night time had to offer. [I forgot the beauty that nighttime had to offer.]
Par 7: I Forgot the sunrise. [I forgot the sunrise.]/I forgot how the cold loving water felt as it splashed against our skin . [get rid of extra space after “skin.”] I forgot, above everything else, how our last kissed shared felt. [I forgot, above everything else, how our last shared kiss felt.] The last kiss shared before that awful summer's day when Kerry died. [The last kiss before that awful…]
Par 9: The wind had not blowing, but it had been calm and tranquil. [The wind had not been blowing…]
Par 10: I could not bare [bear] the thought. I could not loose [lose] the only piece of Kerry I had left to the world.
Par 12: I watched with tear strained eyes [tear-stained eyes] as he fell into my box.
Par 13: In that moment [,] I decided that Kerry was the last boy. The last man, that I would ever Cherish [cherish]. / I owed it to him to keep our promise for eternal love and I had no intentions of breaking [did not intend to break] such a sacred pact.
Par 14: I did not want to feel the anguishing pain that it brought.. [one period only] He was the only one that had made me feel alive and [,] now that he was gone [,] I was numb. Life was not worth the fight anymore. I could not live on fighting in his memory. [Since “life” and “fight” are mentioned in both sentences, somewhat combine them to make the paragraph smoother.]
Par 15: To the point I feared closing my eyes. [To the point where I feared…]
Par 16: If I let it disappear [,] I would be saying none of it happened.
Par 17: Worse [,] he would never experience adulthood.
Par 18: He would never be able to experience that treasured moment when our bodies combined together [combined] in the tight embrace of intimacy while the rest of the world stood still. / It was a future based on false hopes forlorn promises. [It was a future based on false hopes, forlorn promises.]
Par 19: He was Fish [fish] food.
Par 20: In the darkness of the world [,] I watched myself self destruct [self-destruct].
Par 24: The ones my parents tried to [too] hard to keep contained.
Par 25: I was Reliving [reliving] a hellish nightmare where I could not define [discern] my visions from reality.
Par 27: In return[,] I began to know the real Kerry./If only the rest of the world knew the boy behind his mascaraed [mascara].
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Paragraph 9: "The wind had not been blowing." I think that's what you meant to say, right?
Paragraph 16: "I could not bring myself to let his memoray face." Do you mean rest here? Or did you not complete the sentence as you had thought?
Paragraph 18: I'd try using the root word "melt" only once here. Word content and all! Also, and the end, "It was a future based on fals hopes and forlorn promises." ^^
Paragraph 22: "I was waiting for the hinges to rust
-Overall-
Really well done my friend! I greatly enjoyed the read and I'm really eager to see how the story unfolds! I can hardly wait to unravel the mysteries behind this story! Until that time though, keep up the great work!
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You could edit this just a bit more from what I can see. But other then that, it's still really vocal in the characters' perspective. I think that the flow of this is really good, too. You didn't use commas in the all the right places, but other then that, it's pretty good. I liked the story the first time... and I think it's getting to where it doesn't need anymore edits.
Keep up the really good work and don't stop writing. Edit just a bit from this and you'll be fine, it'll be a good seeing point from where you need to get to be flawless. Though grammar is subjective, there are more flowing ways of grammar, and some bad ways of grammar. Other then that, keep writing. You have a really good prologue in this one right here.
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