In the Flames: Chapter 1

After taking his medicine, Jim groggily stumbled back to his bed.  He was running a high fever, 100.8, and had to take medications.  He nearly collapsed onto the mattress and pulled up the sheets to his neck.  Jim's mother walked into his room.  "Jim, you'll feel better tomorrow.  Just go to sleep."  She hugged Jim and walked out of the room.1

"She's right.  I'll feel better tomorrow." said Jim to himself.  His voice was so hoarse he could hardly recognize it.  He rolled over and went to sleep.  However, a few hours or minutes later, he woke up.  He knew something was awry, but he didn't know what.  He slowly got up from his bed and peered out the door of his room.  There was some light on downstairs.  But there was something unusual about the light.  It had an orange hue and seemed to flicker, unlike most lights.2

Suddenly, the truth dawned on Jim.  There was a fire in the house!  Quickly, he began banging on his siblings' and parents' bedrooms yelling, "Fire, fire!"  The fire spread at a rapid and alarming rate.  The stairs were nearly engulfed in the fire, and there were loud cracking sounds as they split apart.  The fire seemed satisfied with what it had done to the stairs, and it began to spread to the hallway.3

Jim backed into his room slowly.  His only chance of survival was to break his second-story window.  While he was thinking, the fire was practically in his room.  He could feel the searing heat on his skin, and the smoke wafting up to his nostrils.  He coughed and began to crawl on the floor.  Now, the fire was only yards away from him.  He reached out and grabbed his desk chair.  Then, he threw it out the window. 4

The glass shattered into tiny shards.  Jim backed up, took a deep breath, and ran toward the window frame.  He vaulted out and landed on his back. He was facing the house he had always loved, and he knew this was the last time he'd ever see it.  Now, the house was a towering mass of flames he barely recognized.  He hurriedly ran away from his house. 5

All of a sudden, the whole world seemed to hold its breath.  The house was in its last few seconds.  The frame seemed to take one last breah, and then, for what seemed like an hour, it crashed to the ground.  Jim gasped and began to sob.  After a minute, he looked up.  His house was now just a pile of burning debris.  There were no other sounds, only the sounds of the flames finishing feasting upon the house.  The land was doused in darkness other than the light of the fire.  Jim slowly walked closer to the debris.  6

He squinted at the remains of the structure.  Only the door frame told the story of a house that once was.  Then, six figures appeared behind the door frame, one by one, in a single file line.  Jim rubbed his eyes.  Was he dreaming?  Could it be that his family survived?  They filed out, slowly and solemnly.  Jim took a step closer.  Then, the mysterious figures vanished and the flames disappeared.  The darkened landscape began to swirl around.  Streaks of color appeared from nowhere, and they too began to swirl, forming a vortex.  7

Jim collapsed on the ground and all went black. 8

"Jim, Jim!  Wake up!"  Jim's mother tapped him on the shoulder.  Jim opened his eyes and looked around.  There was no fire, and all his family was standing around his bed.  His two parents, his fourteen year-old sister Rebecca, his 8 year-old twin brothers Taylor and Timmy, and his five year-old sister Caitlin.  They were staring at him in shock.  Jim was drenched in sweat and his sheets were all over the place.9

"You must have been having a nightmare, honey.  Go back to sleep."  said Jim's mother.  Jim didn't say anything and just sat in his bed, erect and at attention.  Jim's mother kissed him on the cheek, and herded the family out of the room.  Jim knew it was a dream, but it seemed all too real...10

Author notes

I like stories that have mysteries of the past, and that's sort of what I'm trying to achieve here.  Tell me what you guys think of this!

What did you think? Please comment!

    : , Your review:

    Comment Suggestion: What is your your first impression?
    : Cost: 0 free left 0 points, You have 0. (?) (Line numbers)
    Ratings:

Comments

1 - 9 of 9
  • Canis Lupus Kar
    August 17, 2005
    Edit | Reply
    wow Evan, this was really good. Descriptive also... better than I have done! lol... I can't wait to see more of it apperently... Your a great poet and writer, keep up you great work... You know I love it all!

    Luv you!
    Karter


  • senza
    July 12, 2005
    Edit | Reply
    This is a great thrilling, taking exceptional adventure! Dreams can be so tricky! I was very impressed by your great vocabulary and description, and the tensity that hung in the air was formidable. I mean freaky but ! This is such a great story! Are you going to become an author? You definetly should!
    Every single detail you descried was amazing, and I loved the different paragraphs! They really helped to space out the story and they really gave a clear image of things. The imagery was great too!
    Wow!
    An excellent piece!
    I am truly awed!
    Lady anairO


  • natari
    July 4, 2005
    Edit | Reply

    good

    Great story and you had good descriptive lines.Good luck in the next chapter.


  • IrishYndina Greeters member
    June 26, 2005
    Edit | Reply
    What an interesting piece, and it ends on such a mysterious note. I found myself trying to decide whether the 6 figures were his family or ghosts of the house's past. I'm interested to find out which, so you'll have to let me know when the next installment is out I really like your analogy of Jim dreaming about fire when he has a fever; that is a very common thing, not to mentiont that when a person is sick, they can have delusions. This makes it the perfect time for Jim to have such visions, be they about past or future. Good luck and keep writing!

  • The Pink Queen
    June 24, 2005
    Edit | Reply

    great job

    very well-written. but how could you end it there???? i'm going to die waiting for the next one lol. very suspenseful, smoothly flows, vivid language. all in all, i would have to say that this story has a really great premise. i cannot wait for the next chapters to come. keep up the great work~! Peace, Love, and Empathy...

    ~*Sarah*~


  • LadyLuna
    June 24, 2005
    Edit | Reply
    Great job so far... I really hope there is more to come too. You have me intrigued! I wanna know whats going on. Great work! Best Wishes

    Brandy

  • M.J.
    June 24, 2005
    Edit | Reply
    Awesome piece Buddy two thumbs up


  • HaterofFate
    June 24, 2005
    Edit | Reply

    fascinating too

    interesting...

  • crazybaby4eva911
    June 24, 2005
    Edit | Reply
    this is really good...i hope theres more to come! =], also could the six figures be ghosts, or spirits? hmm, good write!

1 - 9 of 9