No; Chapter 2

Deceit… it was such a strong word held with a powerful meaning and so many negative emotions. I wondered if anyone actually knew the true meaning of it… knew just how much that small little word could actually hold.1

“Come on,” I remember him whispering. “Don’t be afraid.”2

I stood in the corner of Lisa’s bedroom shaking my head. “I can’t.”3

“Don’t let her stand in the way, Cicely. She’s not even a true friend to you, and you know it.”4

That didn’t matter to me. “I can’t.” It was the only thing I could manage to say. I couldn’t seem to say the words I wanted to: No, I don’t want to.5

He was in front of me now, breath trailing down my neck. He wrapped his arms around my waist, pulling me against him. Where was Lisa? Why did she have to go to wal mart, the farthest possible store from her house?6

“I can’t,” I murmured again, tears now spilling over my eyelids and down my face. 7

He pulled me to the bed. “What do you mean you can’t? This was all you ever wanted two years ago, remember?”8

He was talking about our sophomore year of high school. They year him and I actually started talking. The year before Lisa showed up… the year she knew nothing about. It was the year he was mine… all those stolen kisses that I once thought such sweet bliss.9

“I can’t,” I cried again. A part of me was arguing that now.10

He flipped over so that I was underneath him. He pushed his hands up my shirt and grabbed for my breast greedily while his tongue traced up and down my neck.11

I couldn’t move… I was slightly frightened, and I was slightly intrigued. I focused my attention on Lisa’s Fallout Boy poster as he unhooked my bra and slipped it off with my shirt.12

“I can’t,” I murmured once more. It sounded doubtful.13

“You want this,” he breathed against my chest.14

He was right. I did want it. But not like this, not in Lisa’s room and not when he was with her.15

He pulled off his shirt and unbuckled my pants along with his.16

Say it, I thought. Just tell him no.17

It was right there on the tip of my tongue, but I couldn’t quite spit it out. I’m not too sure if I did want to say it anyway.18

When he started, it hurt, and it seemed as if he didn’t care. What sickened me about this whole thing though, I responded. I actually helped him. I moved when he did, enjoying it, and yet at the same time letting more and more tears spill over my eyelids. I was a horrible excuse for a best friend.19

It was over in 15 minutes. I watched as he picked up his clothes and slipped them on. He then tossed me mine. “Get dressed before she shows up.”20

I was like a robot as I slipped on my clothes, still staring at that poster… I could fell him watching my every move.21

I stood up from the bed and sauntered pass him without a word.22

“Where are you going?”23

“Home,” I whispered as I crossed my arms across my torso.24

“Why?”25

“Because I can’t be here when she comes back.”26

He shot up quickly from the bed and gripped my shoulder tightly. “Don’t tell her.”27

I shook my head and tried my best to shrug of his shoulder. “I wasn’t planning on it.”28

“Cicely?”29

I jumped back from my thoughts and realized Jana, Alyss and Addison had joined me at the lunch table.30

“What’s up?”31

“Nothing,” said Alyss. “You just looked kind of distant there for a little bit.”32

I smiled and grabbed my lemonade, taking a small swig. “Yeah, I was just thinking.”33

Thinking… that was too broad a word for what I had been doing. I was explaining to myself the word deceit in a way that I could understand it. But this, this only got me thinking more into it.34

There were different forms of it… blackmail being the worst. That word always brought back that one horrible memory.35

I was jolted from my thoughts as the bell for the end of lunch rang, and people piled out of the lunch room, Alyss and Jana following close behind. Addison lingered beside me, preferring my own pace over the others.36

We were silent as we walked to our next classes, him weights and myself band. He grasped my small, pallid hand in his own massive dark one and stepped lightly beside me, letting me think to myself. When we reached the band room, he kissed my cheek lightly and walked into the gym toward the locker rooms to get ready for his class.37

I made sure to keep my attention averted from the back of the band room… where we had the extra room. It was full of bad memories that always sparked in my brain whenever I glanced at it.38

The blackmail, the deceit. It was rushing into my mind and pass my eyes with such speed I could barely stand. I hated remembering…39

“Cicely, will you come back here and help me with the uniforms?”40

I looked at him as if he were crazy. He didn’t need help with that, and he knew it. However, I stood up and walked back there anyway. 41

It had been two weeks since what happened between me and him at Lisa’s. We didn’t talk about it. But I knew he thought of it almost everyday by the lustful looks he would throw at me when he could.42

When I was in the back room, he shut the door behind him and pulled back the end of the room. 43

“Lisa told me that you told her to leave me.”44

I sighed and rolled my eyes. “No, I told her to be careful with you because you do anything and everything to get into people’s pants.”45

He glared at me with daggers. “Why, is that what I did with you?”46

I rolled my eyes and looked down at the floor. “Kind of. I mean, there towards the end I wanted to because of me. But you were saying things that made me go along with it… Lisa wasn’t a true friend, how I wanted it more than anything…”47

He laughed menacingly and shook his head. We were silent as we stood there, avoiding each other’s eyes.48

Next thing I knew, however, he had his arms around my waist again, pulling me toward him.49

“Not in here,” I hissed, trying to push him away.50

He pulled back and smiled… it was a cold smile that brought chills shooting through my body. “Yes in here.”51

“No.” There, I had said it. That was all he needed, right?”52

“Unless you want Lisa to find out about what happened… then yes, in here. After all, you don’t want her knowing that you seduced me in her bedroom, right?”53

“But I didn’t,” I growled. “You seduced me.”54

“Yeah, but who is she most likely to believe?”55

I started crying as he violated my body, this time without any want. I leaned back against the wall and didn’t even cooperate, letting him do everything himself. I didn’t want it this time. I didn’t want any part of it.56

When he was done, I pulled my pants back up and pushed pass him. “You’re horrible.”57

He only laughed in return.58

There it was for everyone to see… deceit in a nutshell… But nobody could see it. That was the thing. No one could see it for my own fear of being rejected and losing a friend that wasn’t even a friend. I was trying so hard to be the better person, but instead, I was ending up being my own failure. 59