I'm sitting in a corner in a half empty house.1
Gulping for breath between the tears.2
Fists slamming the floor.3
It's all over.4
She's gone.5
Shouting at the walls until my throat is on fire.6
Screaming my pain to the rooftop.7
When I can no longer find the strength to shout, I throw things.8
Pound the walls.9
Wish I could burn our house to the ground.10
Eventually I collapse again, a miserable heap. 11
I lay there on the cold floor.12
Alone.13
She's gone.14
I don't want the house anymore.15
I don't want the things in it.16
I just want this small space on the floor.17
I dare not look around.18
Every view, every thing, a memory of what has been lost.19
I want the world to go away.20
I want to die.21
Through the tears, once voice has returned, I shout again.22
Still laying in a bundle on the floor.23
Screaming at the ceiling.24
Not anger.25
Not abuse.26
Just two words.27
Come back.28
Come back.29
Come back.
Comments
1 - 11 of 11
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So painful. I like the way it just drifts at the end, like a sob slowly fading
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This was nicely done and could feel the real emotion,
and how sad, that to find love its one of the greatest feeling but to lose that love , and the pain that reveals its self and thanks that was a very good read and you put a lot of powerful emotion in it.. Keep writing this was very good.
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so little words, so much emotion. this was really strong, and so deep. so many different meaning can fit into this. Amazing.
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Good. It spare in the wording but,paints a picture makes me wonder how gone is gone? will she ever come back?
beginning: 5, language: 5, plot: 5, ending: 5, dialog: 5, characters: 5.
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Very interesting
I enjoyed it. Glad you decided to write it down.
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Wow. I'm not usually a fan of non-rhyming poetry, but there are a rare few times that my attention in gripped or riveted by it. Cheesy to say so, but this was one of those times.
I'm not sure if she's left as a break-up, or if she died, but either way, this hits right in the heart. I'll be going through the second of the two sooner or later, and this is the kind of thing mulling over in my head right now. Really good work.
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wow, amazing, you really made me feel the pain, keep it up !
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Hmm. I'm not usually much for relationship-themed poetry, but this was nicely done. Did spot a few typos - in the first line, I think you may have meant "I'm sitting"? And on line 24, "ceiling." Nothing to critique apart from that - you did a nice job of getting the emotion across, and the last six lines drew the piece to a strong close. Good work =)
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WOAH
were u mad wen u write htis cuz i can really feel the emotion nice work -
Phew!
There is a lot of emotion in this piece and it not only shows, it grips you by the throat until you can hardly breathe.
I could almost 'see' a manic look in his eyes as he berates the floor and the ceiling. I could 'feel' his anguish at having lost someone he loves and the empty room fits in perfectly with his feeling of emptiness in the soul.
This is a beautiful piece of skilled writing dealing with a dark subject. I sincerely hope it is fiction and not fact.
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I believed it
A great example of the pain that relationships bring.
At least you had someone.
Most people never even have a reason to act so crazy.
Also reminds me why men are the scars of the world.
I liked it.
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