When you wish upon a star
Makes no difference who you are
You're still a worthless nobody who is resorting to lifeless astrological bodies lightyears away to give you things you cannot gain for lack of assertion, confidence, talent, luck, intelligence, and ability. These same stars you wish on would incinerate you if you touched them, you desperate fool. 1
When the moon hits your eye
Like a big pizza pie
That's a sign that you should stop doing drugs because unless you're a frigging giant taking a Sunday stroll through the solar system, which, by the way, lacks oxygen in sufficient quantities for such a giant to breathe, then the moon can't hit your eye. The only comfort in such a possibility, is that it would blind, if not kill, you and remove your idiocy from the galaxy.2
When the toast is burned and all the milk has turned
And Captain Crunch is waving farewell
Then you might as well just stick your hyperactive toaster into the spoiled milk and electrodrown yourself, because your hallucinations are the lamest ever. It's no use crying over spilt milk, but killing yourself wouldn't be an overreaction.
Author notes
It will only get worse.
A contest entry
- You, Yourself...and Being Philosophical by TyShade.
1500 points, ended April 2, 23 entries
• next story in this contest, remove from contest - Impress me. by icyrose.
210 points, ended April 4, 10 entries
• next story in this contest, remove from contest
When?
Comments
1 - 10 of 10
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LOL
This was hilarious. Great job, I have nothing negative to say.
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hmm...well, this is quite amusing, to be sure. I'm a fan of this type of humor, and if this is how you think on a daily basis, I can't imagine how you reacted to Santa Clause when you were a kid. But great stuff.
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It could be worse
hey wats upp i didn't mean it it was awsome -
You're a funny guy...(or gal)
I suppose this might be called wry...dry...dark.
But whatever the nomenclature, whatever the appellation...
It's funny. You've got a strange, bizzarre and rare sense of humor...and again,
You're a funny guy!
GA
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Lol
I'm pretty sure it will. Well, I like the sarcasm within this piece, it's very funny yet dark. It seems mocking, too, of all the silly notions people around the world fancy. But at least they're optimists. You seem totally opposite. hehe. Just joking.
Great write. -
you write insane stories...
I laugh. I cry. I sing a ballad of laughters that warm the deepest reaches of my insane heart.
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Your words have the beauty of a unicorn's slobber.
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And your words have the eloquence of a leprechaun's private stash of gold. Actually that is pretty elegant, nevermind. You have the eloquence of Harry's girl pot.
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Your riddles are effusive and gilded. May you be showered with the blessings of weight loss and good hygiene.
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uh... thanks.
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