Objects in Mirror...

Part one!!!1

It it so not my fault. Not my fault my parents (God forgive them) were going to name their son Tony. Not my fault the docter was so sure I was going to be a boy he didn't check before my 'rents signed the birth certificate. So not my fault that my mom was in too much pain to care to change my name when she figured it out. But even so, I am Tony Ryce. And a girl. Oh and, It's also not my fault I don't have any this way that way in my body to prove it.2

Top ten reasons why I am not Josie Sparks3

10. I do not have the name of the lead singer in Josie and the *bunny*cats. My name sounds like a guy who should be making pizza.4

9. My parents would never rent out a bar/dance club for my 13th birthday. Her party rocked. Notthat I went, I was busy protesting for animal rights... and maybe I wasn't invited...5

8. I maybe vegitarian, but I could never live on iceberg lettuce and carrots. Seriosly, once in the locker room she was complaining to Jessica Beldrive that her hands barely fit around her waist.6

7. I haven't lived in Cali, Miami, Italy and France before the age of five.7

6. I am tall. A boy would have to be on a step ladder to shove his tounge down my throught the way they do Josie (right in front of my locker, might I add).8

5. I shave, not wax. Once I wore a short skirt to school (A whole lot longer than Josies) and my math teacher told me to cover up. Josie on the other hand walked right on past, giving the teacher a little wave. Said teacher is rumored to be lesbian.9

4. My clothes are not bought at Hollister, Abercrombie and Finch, or any other store representing joy and happiness.10

3. I do not have a tan as close to a 3rd degree burn as you can get. (how does she have that clear skin with that much tan?).11

2. I do not pick my friends, I gravitate toward them using the global teenage positioning rules. Not that I don't like my friends, I really do but she seriously picks and choices her onterouge. Never picks me...12

1. Corey Magell does not know that I exist. He's never so much as looked in my direction. *Cry* Nope, he's Josies man. But that is so uncool! Although Corey has been just about yelled at within an inch of his life when he so much as recognizes the presence ofanother girl, Josie isnearly the prostitute of Mary Blair High. *Yuck* How does she keep her status? HOW? Oh yeah... she's gorgeos *pout*13

Jenny Swindall (A.K.A Only friend in the world) says Josie is an abuser of our natural God given bodies and by gods rath will eventually shrivel up (at least her good parts, anyway)and be nonappealing to all of New York. Lets hope Jens right.14

Part 2!15

Yesterday I fell into a vat of toxic waste. I woke up today with the amazing powers of Super Pimple Girl!! Dah dah dut dah da! They (Who "they is I'll never know) say your family is allwase there for you, no matter what, I have just proven that untrue. I walked down stairs to our "kitchen" (More like our closet) where my little brother sat eating oreos. Did I mention this is eight in the morning.16

"Why are you still here?" I asked him.17

"Why are you mhmmh" He mimicked in a high squeaky imitation.18

"I have late start today," I'm never going to school ever, ever again. Ever. EVER.19

"Well I'm sick," Oh, sure. he's sick, sitting at the counter eating oreos.20

"No your not," I wacked him in the head with my copy of 17, todays prefered breakfast reading.21

"OWWW!!!!!! You hit a poor, sick little kid! I'm telling!" I'm sure that my magazine caused him much internal bleeding.22

"No, you won't, or I'll mascaraize you again. This time I'll add eye liner and blush," When Chris(prementioned little bro)was four, me and Jenny were having a sleepover when both my parents were out of townand "mascaraized" him while he was sleeping. Like any normal four year old he didn't look in the mirror until one of his little thumb squishers (A.K.A. his friends. You know, the ones who are always finding bugs and squishing them into whatever surface they may find with their thumbs) told him he had "Mensturation" on his face. Looks like someones been reading his big sisters diary and got some termonology mixed up. Ever since thenI threaten him with that when he makes me mad.23

"Your the one plauging the girl with a jumbo sized zit on her face,"24

"Nah uh, Tony. You know how on those car mirror things it says "objects in mirror are larger than they appear"? Your zit isn't Jumbo sized. It's gicantly hugiful!" Thence forth he ran around the kitchen with his arms stretched wide, indicating just how large my zit really is.25

Top ten logical escuses for Josies behavior today26

10. She is deep down a very nice person, with rational feelingsand compassion (and pigs fly).27

9. She is the soul survivor in a painful(hopefully) train reck and this acident has left her with extreme amnesia, thus making her think we are friends.28

8. Jenny fianally got her mom to sue her for being to pretty to possibly exist and sonow she's being "friendly" so Jenny will drop all charges.29

7. The real Josie got ubducted by a perfect race of aliens(why they'd want her I don't know) and it is really an alien who was being nice to me at school today.30

6. Both of our busses rammed into each other on the way to school, killing both of us. We are now in heaven. (wait, that doesn't work, Josies ruined to many reputations to go to heaven)31

5. I'm dreaming. In fact I've just dreamed my entire life. I'm really a baby, in a coma, whose just imagined her intire life. (I tried pinching myself, It didn't work, so I must be in a coma)32

4. Josie has been selected to be the first complete human mind switch, thus she has just switched places with some very nice Australian girl.33

3. Josie never existed. She was a little fiend in my imagination. This "nice Josie" is a foriegn exchange student who happens to be identicle with the evil demon I've been imagining.34

2. I have been sucked into a space time continuem, reversing all of time,altering the point in time when Josie got popular and I got lame, making us Best Friends.35

1. I have been instantly tansported to an alien world, where all of the people look the same but are NICE. I mean, how else am I to explan this sudden "friendlyness" Josie is showing me. I was just standing at my locker mirror, minding my own business, popping my zit, when out of nowhere, Josie comes up to me, all perky and smily and says "Oh girly, don't pop it! Touching only makes it worse. It gets all red and bloted when you squeeze it,"36

"What do you care, don't you need to go meet and greet your fanclub," She bights her lower lip, her eyes dropping to her Mini-skirted knees.37

"Sorry Tony, just thought you might want to use this," She holds out her arm, in her manicured hand was a small bottle of something expencive looking. "I use it whenever I get zits,". I take it from her, fully aware that this most likely a botle of Skin cancer virus. The evil fiend. But what if it's not... Then is she being... nice?38


to be continued! Yup, this is friedship at it's peak. This is real friendship, babydoll! The kind we live and breath every day.