Lack of an Afterlife {Chapter 11}

I watched as the girls marched single file out of the bedroom to have their dinner. I didn’t feel like following them. I was not in the best mood.1

Mariana was not supposed to know all that she did. Who had told her about ghosts and angels of death? Victor insisted that he wasn’t telling her much, and I couldn’t see any reason for him to be breaking the rules. Secrecy was a big part of what the angels of death did. It was perhaps the only rule among my world of the dead that they had to follow. Although, who was making them follow any sort of established rules, I had no idea.2

Rationality told me that I would need to stop pondering and listen in some more if I wanted answers. Kevin and Victor were too cryptic.3

I went downstairs to see Karen and Angela eating and laughing and chatting away, completely oblivious their daughters’ silence. The girls picked and played with their food, not concentrating on any one person.4

Soon enough, I caught Bridget eyeing Brook, obviously attempting some sort of twin telepathy. She stared at her sister meaningfully to convey her message. When Brook caught on she sighed and glanced at Mariana who was stealing peeks at her cousins.5

“Mom, can we eat in the living room?” she interrupted Karen mid word. “There’s a show that we all want to watch.”6

Karen frowned at her daughter. “First say ‘excuse me.’”7

Brook heaved a sigh as though she couldn’t imagine why her mother would ever want her to use manners. “Excuse me,” she began in a voice that made a mockery of sweetness. “May we please go eat in the living room?”8

“Yes you may,” said Karen, ignoring her daughter’s theatrics.9

Bridget and Mariana jumped out of their seats, snatched their plates and drinks, and rushed to the living room. Brook was covert enough to only slightly show the exasperation on her face.10

When the three girls were alone, all they could seem to do was look at each other. Bridget seemed to be longing for her sister to start the conversation again.11

“Don’t look at me. You two are the freaks who’re excited about ghosts,” Brook said rolling her eyes and digging into her plate.12

“Well,” Bridget began shyly. “Are ghosts evil? I mean, do they haunt people and stuff, like in the movies?”13

“I don’t think so,” said Mariana. “But I can’t talk for all of them. I think if your ghost was evil she’d have started the haunting by now.”14

“Yeah, I’m sure she’s just dying to be best friends,” Brook said sarcastically. “Who are you getting all this stuff from? I want to meet this guy.”15

“Fine. I’m sure he can tell you better than I can,” Mariana grinned from ear to ear.16

“Wait, is it that Victor guy you told me about?” asked Bridget.17

Brook frowned. “What Victor guy? Have you been feeding her ghost stories?” Brook accused Marian, suddenly becoming very protective.18

“Oh, relax,” Mariana was still smiling. “Look I’ll just introduce you to Victor tomorrow, and he can tell you everything, okay?”19

***20

Later that night, I was trying to contact Kevin again. Mariana’s mention of Victor had me suspicious. When he finally showed up he looked unnaturally tired. Bags were under his eyes which were drooping as though he needed a good night’s sleep. He rubbed his temples as though he had a bad headache.21

“Are you okay?” I asked him, frowning at his battered appearance. “You look like you should be sleeping or something. Wait, do angels of death sleep?”22

He gave me a weary smile. “We can, but we don’t need to.” Of course he would answer the most unimportant question.23

“You look like you need to,” I argued.24

He shrugged. “It’s been a rough night, but I’m fine. Was there something you needed?”25

“Yeah,” I remembered my reason for calling him in the first place. “Mariana plans to introduce the twins to Victor tomorrow. She seemed really happy about it, but I can’t imagine why…” I trailed off when I saw his horrified expression.26

“You can’t let her.” He was suddenly very alert. “The next time I see Victor…” he started muttering to himself.27

“Why? I don’t understand,” I complained. “And how am I supposed to stop her?”28

Kevin closed his eyes and pinched the bridge of his nose with two fingers. “This wasn’t supposed to happen this way,” he was still talking to himself.29

“I’m still lost here,” I said bitterly.30

He took a deep breath. “Amber, I know there a lot of things that I don’t explain to you, and I know your situation is frustrating. I am sorry for that. I really wish I could tell you everything, but I can’t, and now I’m going to ask you to do something, and I need you to do it even though I know you’ll be upset because I can’t tell you why.”31

I stared at him silently. Over the course of the two years that I’d been dead, Kevin tried to stay as professional as possible with me. He showed up sporadically. I was never exactly sure why he did it. Maybe it was to make sure I was okay, or that I hadn’t gone crazy yet. In my wilder fantasies I thought maybe he genuinely enjoyed my company.32

There were reasons for my fantasies. Rarely, very, very rarely, Kevin would apologize to me, and sound genuinely sympathetic about my situation. During those rare, special times he looked at me the way he used to when I was alive and I thought I was in love with him, and that he was in love with me.33

I both loved and hated those times. They were sweet. They gave me some excitement to get through the long, boring days. They made me feel human again. They were also cruel. He would be so nice to me one day, and then businesslike and standoffish the next. I would think and agonize about it constantly. But the worst part was that I would sometimes hope. I hoped that maybe he did love me. Naturally, I made myself cut out that habit after the first year.34

He was staring at me very intensely. “What do you want me to do?” I asked quietly, not bothering to argue about why he could ask me for favors when I never got anything in return.35

“You’re going to have to talk to the twins. I need you to keep them away from Mariana and Victor. I know you don’t fully believe me, but Victor is evil.”36

I just stared at him wondering when he would give me the punch line. When he didn’t say anything I just frowned. “Are you really telling me I should introduce myself to them? That’s not allowed.”37

“I’m allowing you to,” he answered simply, either he was oblivious to my shock or he was pretending not to notice.38

“What about your bosses? The scary people who make all the rules that are the reason for my lack of an afterlife?”39

“I’m one of the people who make the rules,” he said.40

“What?! Are you telling me it’s your fault I’m stuck like this? After two years you couldn’t even bother to tell me that? Do you have any idea how much purgatory sucks?” I shrieked at him.41

I glared while he looked at me as calm as ever. Still, he had that damn sweet, caring expression in his eyes… “I don’t make all the rules Amber. Remember the hierarchy I told you about with the angels of death? Well, I’m not at the top. I help make and regulate the rules about keeping our existence secret. Which, as I’m sure you can imagine, is part of the reason I find Victor distasteful.”42

I continued glaring at him.43

“I’m sorry I didn’t tell you, but I couldn’t before,” he continued.44

I froze as he reached and lightly stroked the side of my face. Had I been thinking straight, I would have slapped his hand away, but he hardly ever touched me, and when he did, I never thought straight. I know you must be thinking of me as such an immature, teenage girl. Not long after the guy kissed me and then abandoned me, here I was letting him touch me again. But it felt so good. And I was so used to being forgotten about and not cared for. Don’t judge me. You’d sound emo too if you were dead.45

I did eventually force myself to pull away, but only a little. “You shouldn’t do that,” I reminded him. I wasn’t going to be angry. My plan was to rationally remind him that his touching me was something we’d both regret.46

He looked at me sadly. “I know I don’t treat you right all the time Amber. I’m so sorry.”47

Whoa, two apologies in one night, and one of them about our relationship? That was unheard of.48

He was still touching me. He ran his fingers through my hair, and then snaked one arm around my waist. It felt so good. I hated him for it. I always went so long without touching people. I sucked in air when he used the arm around my waist to pull me closer.49

I took another stab at being rational. “You were asking me to do something weren’t you? Brook and Bridget? Shouldn’t you be telling me about what you want me to do?” Damn it, why was I out of breath? I was dead, I didn’t even need air.50

“It’s simple enough. Introduce yourself, try to become friends, and keep them away from Victor. It’s not rocket science,” he said and then he buried his face in my hair.51

I don’t know why I kept trying to be rational. I really should’ve realized that it was a futile effort. “Isn’t the responsible part of your brain supposed to kick in now and make you pull away? I’m pretty sure what we’re doing right now is against the rules.”52

He moved the hand that had been stroking my hair to raise my face up. “Screw the rules.” And then he kissed me.53