How to be Cindy

So you want to be that fairy book princess?  Cinderella, Jasmine, Belle, or Ariel?  Cinderella is the classic that most stories derive from.  I’m no fairy godmother, but I guess I could give you a few pointers.1

Sad as it may be, your mother dies.  Make sure your father marries a dreadful stepmother with two revolting daughters and an evil cat named Lucifer.  Later though, he dies as well.  Sweat and labor as Cinderella had done.  The more difficult the work, the better.  Oh yeah, you ought to live in a kingdom with a sexy prince.  He must throw an extravagant ball that you must wear poofy, long dresses.  Your stepmother allows you to go under one condition: you must have a dress ready in time for the ball.  Although you are beautiful, the rags you’re given to wear aren’t suitable for the ball.  You’re in luck!  Your best friends are two mice named Gus and Jacques.  They, along with all the other mice in your house, will surprise you and make your dream dress.2

Destroyed!  Your stepmother is maddened due to jealousy and trashes your dress, your only chance at dancing at the ball.  Run to your garden.  Cry on a stone bench.  Act surprised when I, your fairy godmother, appear.  I’ll start singing “Bibidi Bobidi Boo”, and turn your pumpkin into a carriage.  The mice into your horses.  Your battered dress into a gown that intensifies your beauty.  You’re warned.  The happiness will last only until midnight, no later.3

Have a blast with the prince at ball!  Dance until nearly midnight.  As the clock strikes twelve, you run away and leave a glass slipper behind.  Make sure the prince notices you’ve lost your heel.  As you make a mad dash home, he’ll stand perplexed and will long for you.  The next day, he’ll go all around the kingdom searching for you.  Locked in the bathroom by your stepmother, you cannot get out.  Mice and other animal friends help you escape into a better life.  Go downstairs.  Try on your glass shoe that your stepsisters failed miserably at wearing.  Marry your prince.  Live in a castle.  Live happily ever after.  I hope your problems are solved.  If not satisfied with your marriage, call a lawyer, not me.  Fairy godmothers don’t do divorces.4