A Friend in Need

She stroked the knife, smiling to herself. There was no one in the house to disturb her and the peacefulness put her in a calm state. 1

I love you but I cannot do this, she thought to herself, I can’t keep this going forever. 2

She peered over her shoulder to the digital clock that sat quietly in its place on the shelf. The numbers shone a bright red and crimson, fixed on 8:30 pm. 3

“I just wish that I could let you go,” she whispered to the knife under her desk lamp. ”You have caused me so much more pain than I can bear, yet I still have you here. You have ruined my friendships, and made me feel ashamed of these scars.” She rolled up the sleeve on her swollen, left arm and peered at the red and purple gashes and scars. There were scabs forming over some of the fresher cuts, while others ran over top of older ones. At that moment the tears began to form in her eyes and she threw the knife against her bedspread. It bounced and hit the floor with a quiet thud. 4

She sat motionless for what seemed like hours, staring at the small sliver object on her floor. She brushed away the tears, trying to resist the knife’s power, but it was like a vacuum, constantly sucking her back in. She knew that it was impossible to resist. After the day that she had, how could she not resist a few small slices? Nothing major; even her friends might understand. She had promised them that she would stop, but just one more time couldn’t hurt anyone. Could it?5

She grabbed some of the papers that she had lying around on her cluttered desk and threw them to the floor.  Picking up her small, silver “friend”, she paced across the room. Do I or don’t I?6

Finally making up her mind, she sat cross-legged on the papers that were scattered throughout the floor. She lifted her arm over them, the knife steady in her other hand, and brought the cold blade down across her skin. The moment she felt the sting she was in her trance, unable to let go. A whirlwind of emotions swept over her and from that moment on, she was gone; the knife controlled her every move. With each stroke, her soft, exposed skin was pierced further, deeper. The beads of crimson tears formed where the previous mark had just been made, slowly joining together to make long, thin streams of red over her arm. 7

Her mind told her she’d done enough, as she watched the blood drip onto the papers that were placed beneath her, but the knife urged her on. It was calling her name, telling her she had nothing to lose, that there would be no pain. The temptation was too much. She pushed the knife in, deeper and deeper, when the phone rang. The noise startled her and she lost her steady grip. The blade plunged in farther than she wanted and the blood gushed from her arm like a waterfall to her floor. She knew she had gone too far and her only chance was to get help quickly. 8

The phone continued to ring as she dropped the knife and tried to reach for a towel. Her strength, however, was failing her. She stretched out her right arm for the phone, but it was too much for her weakened body. Her world went black and she collapsed into her pool on the floor. Her lifeless arms fell beneath her, pushing aside some of the mess to reveal a small, clean sheet of paper. Scribbled down on the scrap was the message:9

We love you so much Nikki. 10

Please read this whenever 11

you feel the need to ‘go over’. 12

We want you to be happy and to 13

stop all of this. Call me anytime. 14

In fact, I’ll call you every night 15

at nine…it’ll be our time to talk.16

Lots of love, 17

Rachel.18

The phone continued to ring until the answering machine came on. The only noise at the other end was the dial tone. The name that appeared on the call display read “Woods, R.” Rachel was already on her way over.19

* * * 20

When she arrived at the scene of the crime, Rachel found the doors locked. The doorbell appeared to be working, but her friend was not answering, making her all the more worried. It was not like Nikki to do this. Even if she was having a bad day, she always answered her phone or the doorbell. Frightened, she climbed the fence into the backyard. Nicole’s room was on the first floor and Rachel knew that was where she liked to spend most of her time. 21

Rounding the house to get to the window, Rachel could feel the fear inside her growing. What if something has really happened this time? She could not get the thought out of her head as she reached the window. Cupping her hands to try and shield the glare from the setting sun, she pushed her nose to the glass to have a look inside. The blinds were partially closed, but not enough to block out the site that lay in front of her. With a scream she pounded at the glass but her friend continued to lay motionless on the blood stained floor, her hair and clothing drenched in the crimson liquid. Rachel looked around for something to break through the glass with. Her eyes landed upon an old pipe that lay beside the tattered fence. She picked it up and swung at the window with all the strength she had. The glass shattered into a million tiny pieces, some striking her own skin and leaving trails of little red streams forming on it.22

Pushing away the debris and forgetting the cuts of her own, she climbed through the open window and landed with a thump on the floor. Kneeling beside her friend she shook her lightly, calling her name. Panic struck her and she reached with two fingers to Nikki’s neck. It was cold and pale, but a soft, almost undetectable pulse was still there. She grabbed the phone that still lay on the desk and dialled 911 in a sobbing and frightened fit. As she talked over the line she grabbed the towel and put it to her friend’s arm that still bled steadily. While doing so she noticed the scribbled note that lay beneath the piles of papers and the tears fell down harder. 23

“Why?” she asked the motionless body that lay on the floor. “Why did you do it again? Why did you let us down like this again?”24

At that moment, she heard the sirens in the distance. As they approached, she ran down the hall to unlock the door for the paramedics to enter. They pulled up in front, grabbed a large medical bag, threw it on the stretcher and raced up the driveway. Rachel led them down the hall to where her friend was lying and they immediately went to work. One applied dressing bandages to her arm and the other took her pulse again. 25

The one that was taking Nicole’s pulse took a quick glance at his partner before starting his sentence, “Well miss, there is still a pulse but we don’t know how much longer she will hold on. We have to get her to the hospital now.” 26

The tears were too overwhelming for Rachel at this point. The two men quickly placed Nicole on the stretcher and headed down the front hall with her. 27

As they placed her into the back of the ambulance Rachel yelled out, “You can’t leave without me. I am not leaving my friend there.” The driver quickly motioned for her to hurry and she jumped into the back as the other slammed the doors. The sirens rang as they sped off from the scene of the crime, one that Rachel did not want to remember.28

They made it to the hospital quickly and raced Nicole down the white, cheerless hallways to the emergency ward. As they ran, Rachel listened to them calling out unknown terms and codes to doctors and nurses, dressed in their pale, greenish white uniforms. They reached two big wooden swinging doors and the two EMS personnel raced Nicole through them. Rachel was just about there when one nurse quickly stepped in front of her to block her from proceeding onward. “I am really sorry miss, but you cannot go down that way.”29

“But that is my friend,” Rachel blurted out between sobs.30

“Yes, but they are taking her into emergency surgery. You will have to wait out here. We will keep you updated, but you cannot go back there. There is a phone over there by the couch if you would like to make any calls. If there is anything else you need you can go to the information desk over there and one of the nurses will be pleased to help you.”31

Rachel could not believe what was happening. Her friend was going in for surgery, she had lost a lot of blood and the paramedic had even said to her that she might not survive. The blood on the floor, the images in her head; they were too much for her mind and her world went black as she fell to the floor. The last thing she heard was the nurse yelling to get a doctor. 32

* * *33

Rachel woke up in a bright, white room. There was a nurse placing a glass of water on the table beside her. “Oh good, you are awake,” she said as she stood upright and looked over at Rachel. “You fainted hun, but that isn’t surprising after everything it seems that you have been through today. Don’t you worry about it, it happens all the time here. Drink some water and you should feel better in a little while.” The nurse picked up the glass and handed it to Rachel.34

“Thank you,” she managed to say and then remembered what had happened. She quickly sat up and blurted out, ‘How is Nicole? Is she alright? Can I go see her?”35

“Easy there sweetie,” said the nurse in a gentle voice. “Your friend should be coming out of surgery soon but she will need some time to rest before you can go in and see her. You relax here for a little while and try to get some sleep. I will come in and tell you how it went when I know.” 36

The nurse left the room but Rachel had too much on her mind. She was trying to piece together why this all had happened in the first place. Where had she gone wrong? She had thought that Nikki had stopped and was on her way to recovery when this happened. It all made no sense but sleep slowly crept up on her. 37

Rachel awoke to the soft tapping of a hand on her shoulder. She rolled over to see a nurse standing over her, smiling. 38

“Your friend has come out of surgery. She is very weak but she will recover in time. I can take you in to see her if you would like.”39

Rachel jumped to her feet and felt a sudden burst of energy flow through her. The nap had done her body some good. She followed the nurse down the hall and through a different set of doors. She managed to get a quick glance at one of the clocks that hung on a wall. It read 2:45am. Wow, thought Rachel to herself, I was out like a light then. I never realised how tired I actually was.40

Her thoughts came to an abrupt halt when the nurse stopped in front of a large wooden door. “Your friend is weak and you must remember that. She may not talk too much, and she may very well be sleeping right now. I will leave you to see her though. Take your time, and if you need me, I will be down the hall.” With that, she turned and walked down the hall into another patient’s room.41

Rachel took a moment to collect her thoughts. What am I supposed to say to her? And how am I supposed to react to all of this? She wondered to herself. Finally, as she built up some courage, she opened the door and silently slipped through the crack before closing it behind her. Nikki was lying in the bed before her, wires and tubes running up and down her. One tube was connected to a bag that let a dark red liquid slowly drip out of it and down into the tubes. 42

Rachel was looking at this when she heard a weak voice say, “That bag is full of blood.” 43

Rachel quickly turned her attention to her friend’s face. It was pale and had a look of complete exhaustion upon it. Nicole managed to make a weak smile and Rachel could not control her emotions. Before she was not sure what she should feel when she was to see Nicole, but there in that moment, emotion swept through her and she burst into tears. Nicole stretched out her right arm and Rachel embraced her in a hug which lasted for what seemed like forever. She was just happy and relieved to know that her friend had pulled through and was going to live to see another day. 44

“Listen Rachel, I am so sorry for what happened,” said the muffled voice of her friend. Rachel pulled back slowly and looked her friend in the eyes. Nikki couldn’t bear to look at her then and turned her head slowly towards the floor. “What happened should have never have happened to begin with. I have no excuse for having doing it. I should have stopped but I didn’t. I know you are disappointed in me, and I don’t even know why you have stayed here by my side this entire night. You did not deserve any of this. I will never be able to express how sorry I am to you.” By then the tears started to fall from her eyes.45

Rachel stood there and listened to her friend’s apology. She didn’t know what to say to it all. She was upset and disappointed, yes, and part of her was angry with Nicole, but yet, how could she be mad when her friend was still alive? Yes, she had made a mistake and hurt her badly, but isn’t one of the parts that makes up friendship referred to as forgiveness? 46

She looked down at her friend who had her head lowered and looking at the ground. “You had me really scared tonight and I thought I was going to lose you. I thought you had stopped all of that stuff, but it turns out that you didn’t. You hurt me badly Nikki, and disappointed me as well.” 47

Nicole could not stop the tears that were streaming down her face but Rachel continued on. “You may have let me down and hurt me a lot tonight, but the fact is that you are OK. I am just thankful that I got there on time and that you will be alright. Someone was looking over you tonight and wanted you here. And besides, I could never stay mad at you. One of the pillars of friendship is forgiveness; something that I should express to you right now.” 48

With that, she bent down and hugged Nikki. As she did so she whispered into her ear, “Just promise me one thing OK?”49

“OK, believe me, I will follow through this time, I promise,” Nikki sobbed.50

“Never do any of that stuff again. I would not be able to live knowing that even after all of this, you hadn’t learned your lesson and continued on doing it. Maybe next time I won’t be around to help you. I don’t want anything to happen. Just please promise me you will never do it again.”51

“I promise, with my whole heart and everything else. I won’t let you down again.”52

Just then the nurse opened the door and stepped in. “I am sorry to interrupt,” she said as Rachel stepped back from the bed, “but it is rather late now, and I think that your friend should get some rest. You yourself look pretty tired as well. If you want, we can request a cot for you.”53

Rachel glanced over at Nikki and she nodded back. “Yes, that would be great if you could do that for her. I wouldn’t mind some company seeing as how I will be here for a while.”54

The nurse left and returned a few minutes later with a cot which she set up for Rachel. After the nurse left and Rachel had turned off the lights and laid down on the bed, she whispered to Nikki, “I hope you’re not still afraid of the dark because I didn’t bring a nightlight with me this time.” 55

The two girls giggled before falling off into deep sleeps and into their respective dream worlds where the reality around them at that time, was so far away.56