What's with this?

Have you ever noticed? That society is unfair? That life is unfair?1

'Cos I have. I've noticed it and I've had people tell me, 'yeah that's life honey'. This is so stupid.2

Here I am, sitting in front of the computer, looking outside through the window by my side. The sky is bleak. It's dusk. A light breeze rustles the leaves of that big old tree that me and dad planted when I was five. That seems so long ago, only ten years in reality but.. I don't know.. so much has happened since then..3

Have you ever had that feeling where you know that you should be doing something and you hate yourself for not doing it? Have you ever had that feeling of 'life would be so much easier if..' and you can never seem to figure out what comes next..?4

'Cos I have. And I suppose I figure that if you try and do each thing that you haven't done then it will all go away.. Ha! Not likely.. life has taught me differently. This is so idiotic.5

Why am I sitting here? If I was brave enough I could just leave.. figure out a way to go somewhere else for a while.. somewhere I could try and figure out this mess.. Ha! I'm such a coward..6

Jees.. Have you ever had a friend who you know is just forty minutes away but still you know that you can't see him.. or her.. Here I am, shaking my head at myself, almost laughing at the catch 22 that I'm in. Heh.. life can be a sucker sometimes can't it?7

It's weird how things can change, isn't it. Rhetorical question. I know that answer so I don't need to hear it from you.. who are you, by the way? Why am I doing this? Writing a story into allpoetry, wondering if anyone will read it.. wondering if anyone would care.. And you know what.. as I read over what I've written I can see a trend of unspoken self-pity developing.. but it scares me that I'm saying all of this frankly.. what's with that?8

It's dark.. that went quickly. And nothing has changed.. I'm still sitting here.. at this damned computer.. thinking.. just thinking.. about everything that I have to do, everything that I'd like to do and everything that I can do. 9

Sit-ups... sit-ups will make it all better..10

Life's a bitch sometimes.. isn't it?11