Imaginary Love

I could imagine anything I want. 1

Anything. 2

Even you. 3

The perfect person, the perfect man for me. I could just see your face smiling at me, brightly lit even in the pouring rain. Your hair would be tousled into small whirls of brown, dripping onto the bench next to you. Your eyes would fixate on me, the bright green splashes that outlined your black pupils would dance according to the rains design. The line of you lips would curve upward slightly, a crooked smile was all that I could see. You were just so, so perfect. 4

You would also be mysterious and quiet. I could talk all night long and you would only nod and smile a crooked smile. You wouldn't have problems, only me and you always. You would understand everything I said, you could always find the answers to my questions. No hesitation in your step.5

You would look at me like a queen, you would. Even if I was in the pouring rain and soaked with sorrow. You would hug me and kiss me until I was happy again. You would kiss the ground I walked on, the air I breathed you would worship. You would love me infinitely. 6

And so would I. 7

We would be the envy of the small town, everyone would want to be us. We were perfect for each other, they would all be jealous. They would watch us walk down the street and close their eyes because we were so perfect for each other, they couldn't bare to see their own flaws in life. Out lives were perfect, though. 8

At least, that's what they thought. 9

They were wrong, things were changing. I was changing. We start to fight with each other, you don't listen anymore. I don't want to see your face, your perfect face. I know I'm not good enough for you. You just wont admit it. 10

I scream at you until my lungs sting with pain. I would lock your out of the bedroom, making you sleep on the couch. You wouldn't object though, you didn't fight, you just smiled and waited for me to calm down. I was sick of it. I couldn't look at you. 11

My eyes had been staring at the same spot on the bench for too long. Tears had sprung into my eyes. This is what I imagined. I imagined a horrible ending to my life. How pitiful was that? 12

I looked away, my gaze now across the street on a small, burnt out shack. That was my house, you and I couldn't affording anything. I shook my head, tears coming into my eyes again. I pulled my drenched knees up to my chest and I hugged myself. I closed my eyes and drifted away, my imaginary life wasn't any better than my real life. 13

"Excuse me..." A man voice muttered, sounding muffled. I opened my eyes to see you, the perfect man. "Are you okay?" You ask, a crooked smile slipping over your face. 14

I wanted to scream at the sight of you, I stood, water slipping from my body and onto the dirt road which had been turned into a mixture of brown and green. "Stay away, it doesn't end good." I whispered, my hands clenched together. A tear rolled down my cheek, but you couldn't see it. I knew I looked like crap, because I felt like crap. 15

"Good choice." You whisper, wiping the tears from my cheek. I open my eyes, placing my own hand where your was supposed to be. I felt nothing. I sat back down on the bench and began to imagine a guy. 16

He was perfect, he was just right for me. We would fight, we would tell each other everything. But, instead of you, we were happy. His smile wasn't the right crooked, it was a little too crooked, but I love it. His hair didn't tusle in the rain, it stuck straight down and to his forehead, but I still love it. His eyes were a little too dark green, but I still loved everything about them. It didn't matter, he was just enough to keep me from dieing a little more inside everytime I saw his face like you. We would be together forever. 17

Forever and ever.

Author notes

Okies. So this is my prompt----

http://media.photobucket.com/image/rain/sendriila/animations/lonely1.gif?o=72

Thanks for reading. Rawr Lady Pixie

My username is VioletConcept and I am 14 years of age. Hoped you liked it.

If there is any errors you found, please point them out. I dont have the time to go through and edit things much anymore with High-School starting and volleyball everyday, so please point them out! Thankies for reading!

A contest entry

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    Comment Suggestion: What is your your first impression?
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Comments

1 - 42 of 42
  • browneyezcutie
    September 15

    Edit | Reply
    It was very good. Cute, sad, nice description of the boy. Don't we all wish we could have the perfect man? *sigh*


  • EverRose
    August 14

    Edit | Reply
    Aww! I loved it. Very cute, sad, but amazing writer. I especially loved the picture! Great job!
    Good luck!!!
    -ROse

  • volleym
    August 14

    Edit | Reply
    That was really good. I like the whole idea that the perfect guy isn't always right for you, and that the imperfect one is the right one. I just loved this story so much. Thanks for entering, I know you'll do good.


  • rinzu
    August 14

    Edit | Reply
    THATS DEEPLY EMOTIONAL...UNLIKELY FROM A 14 YEAR OLD...


    GOOD LUCK




  • andhearts. ox
    July 9
    Edit | Reply
    Loved it! *heart


  • CallMeWhenUrRich gold member
    July 8

    Edit | Reply
    Y'know, this is what I always think about the way love works.

    Nothing's ever flawless and everything's imperfect but you love it becuse it's that way. That's the way I go by at lest.

    This is a lovely piece that portrayed that.

    Beautiful, right and perfect. I loved it.


  • Marisalyn13
    July 2
    Edit | Reply
    I loved it. Goood job good luck and thanks for entering!!!


  • Love Dreamer
    June 28
    Edit | Reply
    Awesome. Very deep in the twisting, turning way.


  • Unice the geek
    June 22
    Edit | Reply
    i loved it. you aer very high on my list!

  • Unice the geek
    June 22

    Edit | Reply
    That almost made me cry! things took a turn at 10. I think you're better than story write. I am pretty sure you are a pro.

    AMAZING!!!!!


    • VioletConcept
      June 22
      Edit | Reply
      Oh goodness, I'm far from pro. Thanks for reading! Have a wonderful time judging your contest!

      -Vio

      (Btw, I love your Screen Name!)


  • Elms Apprehended
    June 17

    Edit | Reply
    A little cliched, but I still like it. I especially like "...I stood, water slipping from my body and onto the dirt road which had been turned into a mixture of brown and green." It's simple, but it really captured my interest.


  • Jennywinnie
    June 17

    Edit | Reply
    I loved the beginning, great style.

    Great description in p4

    I didn't quite understand the part You wouldn't have any problems, only me and you always...you mean he wouldn't cheat?

    Great style with doing the one liner paragraphs for emphasis...awesome.

    p8 we were perfect for each other...should be we would be perfect for each other...

    You've certainly got style, jut be careful on switching tenses. Great job!

    • VioletConcept
      June 17
      Edit | Reply
      I wrote this awhile back and I really need to watch myself. Tense is horrible when it comes to me. Thanks for reading! Have fun hosting your contest!

      -Vio

  • alwaysrockon
    June 17

    Edit | Reply
    wierd but very goodly

    i liked the biggining how it was second person.

    i also like how the narrorator sounds obsessive especially the last line with the whole "forever and ever..."


  • Surreal Rhapsody
    June 17

    Edit | Reply
    Very beautiful story. I liked it a lot. You expressed a lot of power in the story, it was especailly good because of how little you used dialoge. It is hard to form together a story without very much dialoge and still keep the reader reading.

    very good. Thank you for posting.

    -Savannah


    • VioletConcept
      June 17
      Edit | Reply
      I tried hard no to talk, it was a challenge. I'm glad you found it interesting. Thanks for reading!

      -Vio


  • bakermiddle
    June 17

    Edit | Reply
    This was beautiful. It shows how what goes on can be nothing but a facade ti others. I loved it. Awesome write. Keep it up!


  • vamplover22907
    June 17

    Edit | Reply
    I liked this piece. It shows that not everything that is perfect is great. Sometimes when it comes to people the way that they are is better than the beauty. It actually shows the way things have to be. Being with someone in a relationship is that you find that one person to annoy the hell out of them and yet they'll be there when you cry. When it comes to marriage well that's for life. this was a great piece and I see why it has awards.

    beginning: 5, language: 5, plot: 5, ending: 5, dialog: 5, characters: 5.

    • VioletConcept
      June 17
      Edit | Reply
      Wow, thanks. I didn't think anyone would get the point, but you did. And, this is most definitly my favorite peice I've written. Thank you very, very much for leaving a comment and reading.

      -Vio

  • DeathByChocolate
    June 17

    Edit | Reply
    Aww, its beautiful! Love it! Your a great writer
    :


  • Marisalyn13
    June 14
    Edit | Reply
    beautiful!!


  • Dual.Of.Fireflies
    June 7
    Edit | Reply
    Amazing!


  • Violette silver member
    April 10

    Edit | Reply

    I can see why you have won so many awards!

    That was great. I did happen across a few errors oh but everybody's already said that. Okay then, well dissapointing that this isn't real but i guess if it's too good to be true, it probably is. (Sigh)

    But again, so awesome! And lovin the name

    beginning: 4, language: 4, plot: 3, ending: 4, dialog: 4, characters: 3.

    • VioletConcept
      April 10

      Edit | Reply
      I know, Im trying to get to editing it a little bit more. Haven't had the time! Thanks, love you name, too! Thanks for reading.

      -Vio


  • Tricia3 gold member
    April 9

    Edit | Reply
    Very good writing. I was a few errors but not enough to be distracting.
    Is the last man supposed to be for real, or also immaginary?

    • VioletConcept
      April 9
      Edit | Reply
      Its all imaginary, sadly. Thanks for reading. Im going to go back soon and check for errors, havent had times lately. Thanks for reading, again.

      -Vio


  • Bethany
    April 9

    Edit | Reply
    It was very... interesting
    I like the idea, bit it confused me a little
    why would she imagine a perfect guy, and then ruin it in her imagination?
    or was it like one whole big metaphor (i'm not really one for metaphors...)
    but overall it was a good read


  • powerpuffs
    March 31

    Edit | Reply

    i caught a couple errors also

    othere than the grammer mistakes it was pretty good, i loved how u were mad and he was totslly calm during the fight!! nice work!!! Thnanks for entering my contest!!!!!
    Powerpuffs(Pp)


  • Fruitilicious
    March 31
    Edit | Reply
    I did catch a few errors, but other than that it was very well written. Thanks for entering.

  • icyrose
    March 31

    Edit | Reply
    This is generally well written, especially for your age, though there were a few places where the story was kind of unclear, and I had to go back and read it twice to understand. You have some beautiful imagery, however, and you describe her melancholic longing very well. The initial description of the perfect guy was also very detailed, and most of the story had good flow.


    • VioletConcept
      March 31
      Edit | Reply
      Thanks for the kind words... Ill review it and try to fix the unclear parts. Good luck judging.

      -Vio

  • TheDecree
    March 19

    Edit | Reply
    Okay, there was a few misspelled words, but anyway it was a nice story. It was completely dripping with pain and emotion. I could really feel what the character was feeling.

    NIce job. (:


  • Lady Pixie Greeters member
    March 18

    Edit | Reply
    I liked this and really enjoyed the second point of view you put into this along with the imagery

    the only mistakes I caught-
    Out lives were perfect, though. (p8)

    I'm assuming it's just a typo

    You just wont admit it. (p10)
    won't

    I would lock your out of the bedroom, making you sleep on the couch. (p11)
    your should be you


    Overall, really great work thanks for entering! And I love that picture you chose from the list. Its one of my faves


  • Jack Necron
    March 17

    Edit | Reply

    Nice

    I enjoyed reading this overall. You have some great imagery in there, along with nice wording. The areas where the imagining begins is well done, drawing the reader into this image you are creating. Nice work, I liked this.

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