Glowing Heart

We sit in the empty bedroom in our new apartment, which is blank of all color and furniture except for the bed where we are cuddling. There is a heart lamp on the wall beside Elijah (my lover and my life) which seems to symbolize our love for each other. It’s glowing and the most brilliant, vibrant red. The lamp stands out like a ruby amongst the bland, blank wall. I lean my forehead against Elijah’s and stare into his eyes. His irises put emeralds to shame, with their swirling, hypnotic glow. Little flecks of gold are scattered across the forest depths, but the most beautiful thing about these eyes is that love for me shines in them, like twin beacons of salvation.1

I cling to him as if he is my lifeline—and in a way, he is. I sit there in total silence, and I remember.2

We had first met as college freshman in math class, five years ago. I guess you could say that it was love at first sight for me. Who would have been able to resist his sparkling eyes, god-like body, and wavy, chestnut hair? Not me. After the third week of class, I had fallen, and fallen hard. However, I had fallen for him because I was helpless to do anything less. I saw the star student that he was, the kindness he showed to others, and how he was an amazing athlete. But he had treated me as if I was little more than dirt. A year later, I was still pining helplessly for him, but no matter my efforts of conversation, of seduction, of attempts in general, he would not even look in my direction. In our sophomore year, we had biology together, and were paired up as lab partners. My heart squeezes, and I remember the day when it had been the final straw for me.3

***4

As I wrote down the lab results, I watched him out of the corner of my eye, observing his every move. Everything around him paled in comparison to his beauty. It really should be illegal for anyone to be that handsome. My heart thundered in my chest just from sitting next to him. The beat was so loud I feared he would be able to hear it. 5

“What did you get for number sixteen?” I asked. My voice was embarrassingly husky from nerves and (I admit) longing. 6

The feeling was quickly extinguished when he looked at me with barely concealed revulsion. No, not only revulsion but…hatred?7

“The answer is no because their densities did not match,” he replied, his words brittle enough to the point of insult. It was as if he couldn’t even stand to be close to me.8

Hurt, I quickly cast my eyes down before he could see any such thing. 9

“And stop sending me those damn books,” he growled. “They’re a nuisance and I don’t have time to read anyway.”10

Was he determined to hurt me? That had to be it. I sent him those books in a vain hope that maybe someday, if we had an actual conversation, we would have something to talk about. 11

“I-I’m sorry,” I said demurely, shrinking in my seat. 12

I heard two girls sitting behind us snicker. I recognized the high-pitched giggle of my identical-twin, Meredith. The spoiled little brat was by far the favorite. I merely lived in her shadow. I had trained myself not to care, and at the age of nineteen, I could effectively overlook how much I was ignored in my family.13

Elijah turned around and winked at them. A mortified blush crept into my cheeks, and I wished the floor would open up and swallow me whole. I didn’t understand what was so wrong with me—Elijah screwed anything that breathed, and yet he wouldn’t look at me twice. All that kept my affection going was the secret glances he sometimes gave me. I had thought that they were filled with lust, longing, and loneliness…but now I was realizing that maybe I had made one huge mistake.14

We sat in silence as we mixed the rest of the chemicals. I reached for the hydroxylamine at the same time Elijah did, and our fingers brushed. He recoiled as if he had touched a snake. I felt tears rise, but I fiercely quelled them. I should be used to his constant rejections but of course, since I’m an idiot, I always hoped that maybe one day he would accept me.15

I started to pull my hand away when someone kicked the back of my seat, jarring me. The liquid in the beaker sloshed dangerously and down the sleeve of my lab coat and onto my arm. I cried out in pain as it burned terribly. The chemical was highly dangerous when oxidized. Another kick from behind sent the chemical spilling towards Elijah. A drop landed on his wrist, and he hissed in pain.16

“Watch what you’re doing, you stupid bitch!” he bellowed, leaping to his feet.17

Peels of laughter erupted from the two girls behind me. Sending them a glare, I recognized Meredith and an ex-girlfriend of Elijah's. They smiled evilly back. 18

I turned back and rushed out, “Elijah, I’m sorry—”19

“Get the fuck out of my life!” he yelled, his eyes wild.20

The entire room fell silent. Everyone’s eyes trained onto my stricken expression. My heart shattered, and I knew. I knew that there was no chance for me. The beautiful future I’d imagined for us dissolved, along with any hopes of my happiness. Was I in love? Yes. Was I obsessive? Possibly. Did I care? Not at all.21

But now it was all over.22

Even though I had almost no dignity left, I refused to let Elijah see me cry. I met his gaze once, allowing him to see the broken remains of my soul, before walking calmly out of the room. Once I shut the door behind me, the tears took hold, and I took a harsh, shuddering breath. I did what my mind, instincts, and body screamed for me to do, and ran.23

I ran down the hallway, up three flights of stairs, and emerged on the roof. It was pouring. The clouds were dark and stormy, and they rumbled with the same angry hurt that I felt inside myself. 24

“Why?!” I screamed at the heavens, splaying my arms wide. “Why…why won’t he love me?” My tears ran down my face unchecked, blending in with the raindrops that pelted my body. 25

I walked to the ledge of the school and stared down at the ground, feeling numb inside. I knew that with one step I could end the constant hurt that I went through in my redundant pursuit of Elijah. I hated him as much as I loved him. I hated him as much as I hated myself. I wasn’t good enough, would never be good enough. 26

But if I took that one step, it would be letting him win. He would forever have the satisfaction of knowing that he had the power to make someone end their own life. I wanted to escape the heartbreak—God did I want to escape it—but this was not the way. 27

So instead of jumping off, I sat down, swinging my legs into open air. I was completely soaked, but it was May in Florida, and the rain was a relief from the humidity. I raised my face to the downpour and allowed it to wipe away my tears, allowed it to sooth the burn on my arm and heart. I couldn’t live in a shell made up of my own self-pity. I just couldn’t.28

But God, it hurt so badly.29

When I heard a door open, I gasped softly and looked up. And there he was—my bane, my torturer, my source of happiness. Astonished, I jumped to my feet. The traitor that it was, my heart perked up just at the sight of him, and began to beat faster. 30

“What are you doing up here?” I asked. I winced at the rasp in my voice, produced from my tears.31

“I was trying to find you,” he replied, walking towards me. Sorrow shined brightly in his forest green eyes, and that sorrow reached into me, and plucked at my heartstrings like an expert.32

I held up two hands in front of me, as if that could stop his progress. He was building up my hope when I knew he was just going to break my heart all over again, and that was a fate worse than death.33

To remind myself of all the pain he had caused me, I demanded, “What is wrong with me, Elijah? Why do I repulse you?”34

He opened his mouth to answer my question, but a gust of wind blasted me, and I instantly knew I’d made a mistake coming up here. This wasn’t just a regular storm—it was a tropical one. 35

With the sudden gust of wind, I lost my precarious balance and wavered, my body wobbling back and forth. Panic burned in my stomach. 36

“Nelly!” I heard him shout.37

As if in slow motion, I saw him running towards me as I fell into the empty air. His hand reached for mine, and I blindly grabbed for it. Our hands clapped together, gripping each other tightly, sending waves of longing and aching happiness coursing through me. But the rain had slicked our skin and the hand he gripped was the burned one. Our tenuous hold on each other slipped, and I fell quietly off of the edge of the two story building. 38

“NO!” he roared.39

That was the last I heard as I twisted my body and managed to crash to the ground feet first, shattering my legs and jarring my entire body. I fell on my back and lay there for a moment, shock jerking through me. I saw Elijah’s grief-ravaged face staring down at mine. Was that…genuine emotion? Could I even bring myself to hope?40

Threads of darkness started weaving themselves in front of my line of vision, and a minute later, I was completely unconscious.41

***42

“What are you thinking about?” he quietly asks, caressing a hand over my cheek. 43

Leaning into the touch, I close my eyes and say, “The day when I found out your true feelings for me…when everything changed.”44

I feel a shudder course through his body as he gathers me into his arms, wordlessly holding me close. 45

“Finish the memory,” he says, “so that you are reassured of the fact that I have always loved you.”46

I feel tears of joy well up beneath my closed lids, and thank God for bringing us together.47

***48

I woke up slowly, coming in and out of consciousness for some time. I caught brief snippets of what was going on around me—a crowd of students, sirens, Elijah’s face, surgery table, needle…and then darkness.49

I gradually became aware of my surroundings. I was lying on a hospital bed in a cold, sterile room. I was hooked up to an IV, and several other cords were attached to me. I could hear my own heartbeat on the monitor. I turned my aching head to the side and got the surprise of my life. Elijah was sitting in one of the chairs, fast asleep. My breath caught in my throat. He was so incredibly handsome. His girlishly long eyelashes cast half moon shadows, and his full mouth was slightly parted on a snore. Auburn hair curled carelessly on his high forehead.50

The heart monitor started beeping faster.51

Was that stubble on his cheeks? Had he really been here that long? Had he worried that much? Did he…was it possible…that he actually cared for me?52

I told myself to shut up. He was probably only here because he felt guilty, and wanted to make sure I wasn’t going to press charges against him and his rich family. The heart monitor returned to normal speed. 53

I looked around the room and wasn’t surprised that Elijah was the only one here. My parents (if you could call them that) didn’t give a rat’s ass about me. How did I get into a good college without supporting parents? Scholarships—lots of them. 54

Exhausted down to my very soul, I sighed and shifted in my bed. Heart-stopping pain crashed through me, and a strangled gasp wheezed past my throat. That was when I noticed the gauze wrapped thickly around my legs. I was obviously on pain medication if I hadn’t noticed my injuries until now. 55

At my gasp, Elijah awoke with a jerk. At seeing me awake, relief flooded his eyes. He rose out of the chair to perch cautiously on the edge of my bed. I eyed him warily. The treacherous heart monitor started beating erratically at his being so close. 56

“Nelly, I…I don’t know what to say…” 57

An apology would be nice, I thought, a little sarcastically. Maybe a declaration of love while you’re at it.58

“Elijah, why are you here?” I asked on a sigh. “To torture me? Rub my face in my own stupidity? Yeah, yeah, been there, got the t-shirt.”59

“I’m here to apologize,” he said quietly. “It’s my fault that you fell off of a building. If not for me you wouldn’t have been up there in the first place.”60

“Why would you be sorry? You hate me. You can’t even stand the sight of me. Look, I’m not going to sue your pretty little neck, and I’m not going to stalk you.” I met his eyes squarely, and part of me died horribly, painfully. “I will leave you alone, just like you want.”61

“But that’s not what I want!” he exploded. Shaking my shoulders, he raged, “I want you, Nelly! God help me, it’s you I want. No matter who I date, who I screw, it’s only you that I think about. I can’t get you out of my head…” He raked two trembling hands through his hair. 62

“If you’re so attracted to me, then why do you treat me like I have some horrible disease?” I demanded, struggling to sit up. “We could be so happy together if you would only give me a chance!”63

Looking as if someone had just hit him with a sledgehammer, Elijah stared at me. “You mean…they didn’t tell you? Your family never said anything about the engagement?”64

I felt doom closing in around me. Dread boiling in my blood, I asked slowly, “What engagement?”65

“Meredith and I are to be married.”66

For a moment, I could only stare at him. I couldn’t breathe. My eyes were frozen on his face, and silence reigned between us until I slowly lay back against the pillows. It was like a dream. No, a nightmare. Meredith had taken everything from me—our parents, the spotlight, and now Elijah. It was too much...I would lose Elijah completely to a sister who hated me.67

Seeing my look of stunned horror, his face paled, and he said, “You…you really didn’t know.”68

“How long?” I whispered. My body, heart, and mind were numb.69

“A few months.”70

“Do you love her?” My voice was pleasant, distant. I was listening to this conversation as if I were a mile away. When had my life become a bad soap opera?71

“Nelly, I…”72

“Do you love her?” I think I was in shock. I looked at him as if he wasn’t breaking my heart, as if he wasn’t butchering my soul. I looked at him as if he weren’t the only one for me, as if I didn’t love him with my entire being. 73

“I—I don’t,” he admitted, shame flaring in his brilliantly green eyes. “When our parents decided that we should be wed, we didn’t do anything to stop them. My mother threatened to disown me if I didn’t marry Meredith. I agreed because…she looks like you. I thought that maybe I could pretend—”74

Shell-shocked, I interrupted with, “You mean you’re Caroline’s son?” Caroline Fitzgerald was a childhood friend of my mother’s. “And…that’s the real reason why you got engaged?” Did I dare bring myself to hope?75

Elijah nodded.76

“Wait, I don’t understand,” I said, a fierce frown creasing my eyebrows. “What was with all of the girlfriends? You were engaged. Did Meredith know?”77

Jumping to his feet in a sudden fit of emotion, Elijah stormed, “You don’t understand! I was trying to forget, damn you! I was trying to forget the way you make me feel!” His face crumpled with a despair that made my fragile heart start beating again. “Do you realize how hard it was for me to keep turning you away? To act disgusted, and like I hated you? Do you know how many times I almost couldn’t bear to touch another girl, because I only wanted you? Oh God, the knowledge that I was hurting you, breaking your heart…” He clutched his chest, fingers digging into the flesh. “I would rather rip out my own heart than ever have to do that again.” Taking a deep, shuddering breath, he said, "Yes, Meredith knew. We had an agreement that we could fool around as much as we wanted to before the engagement. Neither of us wanted to marry each other...but we were too fearful of being disowned to do anything."78

Denial, bliss, and love bombarded me in a confusing torrent of emotion. This couldn’t be happening. Not to me, the girl who was doomed to forever pine for a guy who hated her. But staring at Elijah as he bent down to gently caress a hand over my cheek, I knew that this wasn’t a dream, or a fantasy. That touch was real, and my corresponding reaction was real as well. Electricity zinged through my veins, my heart sang, and my entire body went weak. 79

Tears started to flow from my eyes.80

“Don’t cry, baby,” he whispered roughly, sitting on the bed beside me. His emerald colored eyes glistened with…love?81

“All this time, I thought I was going to spend my life alone,” I said brokenly. “I thought I would have to live with the burden of your hate.” Shaking, I reached for his hand. It was the first time he’d ever allowed me to touch him. I sobbed and brought his hand to my lips. “Don’t marry Meredith. Marry me. I know your parents will disown you, but I have savings from my job. There’s enough to get a decent apartment.”82

Elijah crushed me to him, his arms securing me in tight, desperate embrace. “Don’t worry about the money, and don’t worry about my parents. I don’t care what they think.” Wiping away my tears, he kissed my forehead, my cheeks, and then my nose. His lips hovered over mine. I felt rather than heard him say, “We’ll be married, no matter what. I love you.”83

Our lips met, and a feeling of bliss so complete that it would make angels weep washed over me, carrying away every hurt and dark thought. I clutched Elijah to me, and knew that everything would turn out fine. They had to. He was my everything—my salvation, my life, my heart. And no matter what, I would not let anyone take him away.84

***85

Now, three months later, I sit with him. Our parents had tried to hunt us down. Eventually they even tried persecuting us. My family had turned their backs on me, for I had stolen something from their precious Meredith. But as I stare into Elijah’s face, I can’t bring myself to care.

A contest entry

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Comments

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  • Ghost of a Siren
    October 25

    Edit | Reply
    *dreamy sigh*

    That was... great, very, VERY romantic and written extremely well. I didn't see anything to fix or change. It was wonderful, and your words flowed very smoothly.

    Great job.

    beginning: 5, language: 5, plot: 5, ending: 5, dialog: 5, characters: 5.


  • seasonsoflove
    October 6
    Edit | Reply
    I'm pretty sure I read this before. Sounds quite familiar. Yep I did.

    Plot: 5
    Language: 4
    Theme: 4
    Brownie Points: 3

    Total: 16

    Great work on this. Keep it up, and thank you so much for entering!!


  • stefza
    September 7

    Edit | Reply
    Wow I think this is brilliant! It is as cross between twilight and romeo and juliet.Maybye you didnt mean it to be but it is well done!!!


  • Kyndal Laran
    August 28

    Edit | Reply
    this is thee most gripping love story i have ever read. its intense, giving me angst and want of more words. the romance torturing the need to near death, and then stopped in the simplist second is the sexiest. wonderful piece.


  • Jenni-Wren
    August 28

    Edit | Reply
    Oh, wow. Beautiful! I love the fact that you keep changing between the present and past - it makes the story much more intersting. And the characters are so well written, I feel like I know them! :] The descriptions here are wonderful; I really wish sI could meet Elijah! xD
    Thank you for entering my contest, and good luck!

  • leolord5235
    August 23

    Edit | Reply
    Where were you for my last contest? YOu could've entered and won the thing. This was such a sweet story, I loved it so much great job!


  • Valkyrie silver member
    July 12
    Edit | Reply
    Very thick on the love and angst and rage; amazing job on all the emotional parts. I see why you won as many contests as you did. The ending felt too sudden to me, like poof, it's the happy ending.

    The italics bug me, but I can't really say why. I think it's that if more than half a story is italicized, maybe what's in italics should be plain, and vice versa. I know, that's a lame reason. Italics are for flashbacks, it's true, but nearly all your story is in the past.

    Thanks for sharing in my contest, and congrats on all your trophies!

    • Neomaxizoondweebie
      July 12
      Edit | Reply
      Wow, very nice point with the italics thing; it never really occurred to me that I could switch it. Unfortunately, I'm not a silver/gold member so I can't change it! But if I get one, I'll do that, because I always thought the italics were a little too much as well.

      Thank you for reading and the suggestions! They're much appreciated.

      • Valkyrie silver member
        July 12

        Edit | Reply
        Actually, you can. Any member can do italics. Just remove the <> code around the italics (it might have an i or an em inside, depending on how you coded it in the first place), and put < i> and < /i> around the parts you DO want italicized (except, take out the space after the < ). Ta da! Italics where you want them.


        • Neomaxizoondweebie
          July 14
          Edit | Reply
          LOVELY! Thank you very much! Haha even after six months I'm still learning stuff about the site.

  • seasonsoflove
    July 7

    Edit | Reply
    wow. Beautiful story. Great job with this, very amazing. Keep up the amazing work, you are truly a great writer to have written this. Felt all the emotion changes within this. great job.


  • pyschogirl
    June 29

    Edit | Reply
    Awww, awesome tstory. I like the way you described Elijah. Made me want to be Nelly I think this is a cute story, and it shows how some people have true love.


  • Shadow Pixie
    June 25

    Edit | Reply
    Really great love story here! I love how you showed that twins don't have to be best friends, and that there's always a way out
    Thanks for your entry and good luck!


  • Unice the geek
    June 23

    Edit | Reply
    i loved it! amazing use of grammar and writing traits. you made the characters have very stong personalities. when you tied that togther it was perfect.


  • Artificial.Smiles. gold member
    June 23
    Edit | Reply
    p.s, sorry, I'm not good when it comes to critiquing.. ^-^

  • Artificial.Smiles. gold member
    June 23

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    This is freaking adorable!!! That's the best way to describe. It was cliche, but it wasn't too heavy. I enjoyed the read. I like how the main portion of the story was a flashback. I love all your writing. keep it up!


  • Carina.J.LR
    June 19

    Edit | Reply

    OH MY GOSH!!!

    Will you marry me? lol just joking anyways I love your wiriting and your story, everytime I meant to read this I would get distracted, it's a good thing I came back to read it!!

    Thanks for entering and goodluck!

    Carina

  • SilentMoonDance
    June 18

    Edit | Reply

    Nice...

    I like the intense love conveyed throughout, and it doesn't really seem cliche. There's some originality. It does have some unbelievable parts, though. But I still like it.
    Great job and good luck!


  • codename
    June 14

    Edit | Reply

    beautiful!!! bravo!!

    it was very emotional and it just grabbed the readers attention and emotions. though i think you should talked about merideth a little more and made her family colder.

    beginning: 3, language: 4, plot: 3, ending: 3, dialog: 3, characters: 4.

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