crusty the daredevil chipmunk's narly ride

once upon a time there was a young chipmunk called crusty. crusty's dream was to become a daredevil - it's all he ever wanted - but daredevilry is a fiercely competitive industry and crusty just didnt know if he had it in him.1

what worried crusty the most was his lack of opposable thumbs... and he knew he had a tough road ahead proving to the other daredevils that just because he didnt have opposable thumbs didnt mean he couldnt roost, powerslide or hammer the hardtail like the other riders. plus, crusty had mojo on his side... opposable thumbs or not... that crazy critter had a tonne of mojo. crusty was unstoppable - he just didnt know, which was unfortunate.2

crusty didnt like to show it but he was a rather emotional chipmunk. noone really knew this but crusty had had a very hard life. he kept his feelings hidden from his friends. he always tried to keep a smile on his face no matter what he was going thru... coz that's the kind of chipmunk he was.3

he didnt tell anyone he was taking antidepressants & anti-anxiety tablets to cope with his post traumatic stress disorder caused by a recent horrifying incident involving a bbq, a hot pointy stick, a couple of 4-year-old humans and a detachable penis. that traumatic day, while he lay in the grass, the damage to his tiny fluffy body both sickening and a little funny at the same time, crusty decided he would pursue his dream... no matter what it took. he was going to take hold of his life and finally find happiness!!!4

crusty had an older brother called chachi. chachi, being fully aware of crusty's current emotional fragility, was concerned about his little furry sibling. chachi knew that crusty was on a downward spiral and worried that this daredevil thing was some kind of cry for help. he tried to talk crusty out of his crazy obsession but there was no stopping his determination. chachi had no choice but to let crusty live his dream and to be there to support him, even if his fears for crusty's life were tearing him apart.5

the very next morning crusty started training and decided to get working on getting his bike (which he like to call 'the ghost rider') into tiptop shape for the 'Daredevil Games 2008'. this was crusty's opportunity to show all the world how awesome he really was.6

crusty worked and worked and worked away in his shed for weeks on end... then he tightened up his skid lid, started his four stroke, hit the road leaving a trail of dirt behind him and headed straight for the track.7

at first all the other 'humans' on the track laughed at crusty. they called him all sorts of horrible names... most of which i'm too ashamed to repeat... but one of them was 'cunt'. crusty's confidence was about to take a huge dive when... on the other side of the track he heard his brother's voice cry out... 'you go crusty - show those furless losers what you're made of!'.8

with this new-found confidence, off he went burning rubber and doing a super awesome preloader at the starting gate, leaving steaming heaps of trail nuggets behind him, all thanks to his totally rad 'ghost rider'!9

crusty's heart was beating like it had never beaten before. this was his chance to prove to the world that, although opposable thumbs are obviously important if you want to open a jar of pickles, a lack of them doesnt mean he cant throw dirt like a motherfucker.10

the biggest test was ahead. sweat was stinging his eyes, the dust choked his tiny little throat. crusty tried to work thru it... he concentrated as hard as he could, trying to remember his spiritual training with the infamous sensei mr miyagi in 1983 - which was actually the year before mr miyagi assisted daniel-san in defeating Cobra Kai Karate Dojo's best student. Daniel-san then went on to win the 'all valley karate tournament'.. well done for him!11

crusty hit a couple of table top jumps, followed by a fully sick triple jump and was now heading towards the finale... the 'ring of fire'...12

one thing crusty did not think about was his highly flammable fur. it probably didnt help that he'd soaked himself in CK1 to impress the chicks at the track either.13

chachi, being a little smarted than his younger brother, realised the terror ahead and screamed as loud as he could - but to no avail... crusty's engine was roaring, dirt was flying... the fire ring getting closer and closer.14

crusty jumped that ring with a loud sizzle... the crowd went silent... there was a puff of smoke... and out came crusty and 'the ghost rider' but something wasnt right.15

crusty lay motionless on the gravel, smoke billowing from his tiny, fragile body. chachi ran to his brother, picking him up in his arms, crying and yelling 'dont die on me now brother, dont die on me now!'... but there was nothing that could be done for our crispy fried little friend. crusty's last words as he was being cradled in his brothers arms were... 'i did it bro... i'm a daredevil... i am a freakin' hero'.16

chachi buried his brother the next day. later that night a cat dug him up and ate him.17

THE END xx18