Untitled For Now

❤   .C.h.a.p.t.e.r.O.n.e.   ❤ 1

I dropped down from the edge of the five-foot tall vert ramp. My skateboard rolled across the smooth tar until it went up another ramp, smaller and less steep.  I felt the bottom of my hair, what stuck out of my backwards Red Sox hat, sway in the breeze. That’s what my life was about then. Just skateboarding. I didn’t care about having boyfriends or being popular. I was 14. School was simple. I just had to waste an hour a day doing my evil home work and I passed my classes. There was nothing complicated about life, and it was 2

My greatest friend, Seth McKinnon, was skating with me. We weren’t any more than real close friends, even though people insisted we’d make a great couple. He was older than me by five years. I knew him because my cousin, Nick, was 21 and had a band and Seth played bass. I never joined them in playing though, because their music was so hard to do. Fast paced, punk, screaming was all it was. Now, don’t get me wrong, I love that type of music, I’m just no good at playing it. I play mellow rock, sort of like Avril Lavigne. 3

“Yo, Addie, why don’t we hit the road? Your mom’s gonna start getting worried if we don’t get home before six,” Seth suggested, checking his watch.4

“Yeah, sure,” I sighed. I didn’t feel like leaving, since I only ever had a good time when I was out with Seth. Everyone else in this town is so dry and emotionless. Especially the people I’m forced to deal with in school. Yeah, so I’m only in eighth grade, but everyone is so wrapped up in acting mature and stylish and et cetera. I’m one of the only girls who dress how I want and not how I’m told. 5

We got in Seth’s car and he drove down the streets to my house, which was only 15 minutes away from the skatepark. It was warm outside, so we rolled down the windows. Thank God! It was June. Two days ago was my 14th birthday, and in two more days I would be free of middle school forever. Summer vacation was going to be the greatest this year, since i was older and had finally earned enough trust from my parents to go to Warped Tour with Seth and Nick. That’s why we had to be back on time, so I wouldn’t blow it. 6

My mom was on the phone with my aunt Liana, Nick’s mom, talking about something totally unimportant to my life. Seth pulled out of the driveway and I went up in my room. I plugged in my guitar, a black Ibanez, and started playing something completely random. I didn’t know what it was, but it sounded pretty. I dug through my school backpack for my notebook and found some lyrics to fit the beat. Until my mom came up at nine, I wrote a song. She yelled at me to shut up and go to bed so I’d be ready for school in the morning, and I listened. She had an advantage, if I didn’t do as she said I’d be home while Seth and Nick are at Warped. It’s so unfair, but I guess that’s what parents do best, isn’t it?7

I changed into my PJ’s, brushed my teeth, and then fell asleep. The sound of cars zooming by was my lullaby, and it had been ever since I was a little girl. I guess living this close to Boston was just asking for it. The town I lived in wasn’t huge, but it wasn’t tiny. It was somewhere in between the two. There were a ton of cars coming down this road at a billion miles per hour twenty-four seven. My parents always told me to keep the dog away from the road, and myself, because a few years ago the cat got out and was killed. I remember that night, because I loved that cat. I was seven, and that was my first taste of death, but surely not my last. 8

When I woke up the next morning I stared hopelessly into my black-hole of a closet, praying something cool would appear for me to wear. Of course, nothing came. I figured I could make something new, so I yanked a pair af black Dickies work pants off a hanger and took scissors to them. I shredded them to about three inches above my ankles. My shirt was much easier to decide on now. A simple black tanktop was all I needed to snag the look I wanted. 9

My mom hated it. All my blackness. Though, she learned to deal with it over time and now I’m the “gothic” child in the family. My sister is a tomboy and my brother is a mama’s boy. I’d rather be “gothic” than either of those two. Even my hair was black. After I’d experimented with lime green and it turned into puke green and wouldn’t come out I needed something to color over it with. That color was black. My make up was the most complicated part of my entire life. I rubbed pale foundation on and then lined my eyes in black and red. I guess I’ve been influenced a little too much by Amy Lee from Evanescence, but it’s either her or that slut, Britney Spears. I’d rather be like Amy than be a total whore!10

I couldn’t find my shoes, the ones my mom liked, in the pile of dirty clothes on the floor, so I stepped into my puffy, black Etnies. I knew I was going to get pretty hot if the sun decided to show it’s face, but it didn’t seem too likely. The weather never changed it’s mind lately. Today the sky was cloudy and threatening, so it was probably going to rain or there may be a thunderstorm. I loved thunder, it was loud and fun.11

My mom was making my dad breakfast when I went downstairs. It was a funny sight, because every time she talked to Liana she complained about him. They have this anti-man thing going on right now and it’s really interesting to listen in on when they get started. I, personally, like guys a lot. They have a purpose on this planet, and that is to continue the species and lift really heavy stuff so us chicks won’t break our backs.12

The bus started coming down the road, so I grabbed my bag and ran out the door. Luckily  it didn’t drive by for once, I sat down in an empty seat and put on my headphones. A girl named Kiera started to talk to me so I listened and talked back. We talked about a band called Good Charlotte. I’d liked them for the first part of the year, but I’ve grown to harder things now. GC is a sell-out band anyway. They totally changed their style to fit the crowd. People like that disgust me.  I mean, they needed some money so they played some punk music. Now it’s all fun and games. They have to win and be the richest S.O.B.s out there.13

We got to school in ten minutes and then I walked down the hallways to my first class of the day. History. I hated History class with a certain passion that I couldn’t say I had for any other class. It just wasn’t my thing. Like, I was totally into dead stuff, but not George Washington and Albert Einstein and Christopher Columbus. They’re just idiots who have no impact on my future. They made things how they are now, sure, but that’s old news to me. I’ve always had lightbulds, North America, and stupid Presidents of the U.S. so it’s like, sing a new song would you? Maybe some guy could invent a mind control machine just for me and I could make everyone do what I wanted... I’d care about that guy for sure, but if i controlled people’s minds I wouldn’t have to learn about anyone at all. A world run by me would rock.14

After History it was my other favorite, Math. Not! Math is just as bad as history except with numbers. All I need to know in the Math department was forced into my skull in fourth grade. They can all just shut up now. Thank you very much!15

Math was long, very long. We did games for the end of school but, like, they were math games. They were awful. One was to find the percent of blue M&Ms in a bag. I, honest to God, don’t care about that. M&Ms are for eating, not for torturing me. 16

To make it worse, this guy Mark, who had a giant crush on me all year, wouldn’t stop hitting on me. I tried to tell him to get away but he kept coming back. I wanted to punch him, but I couldn’t afford getting in trouble. I just kept saying for him to get lost and hoping he would. With no luck. By the end of class I was near tears because he was so very annoying. 17

The rest of the day was all right. I had English and Band. They weren’t bad. English was my strong subject and so was music. In band we just fooled around and chatted. I’d brought my flute home for good a week before, so I was glad we weren’t playing. 18

I got home and worked more on my new song. I was really happy that I finally had more than cover songs to play. Then I turned my stereo up really loud and prentended to be a rockstar. I picked up my hair brush and sang into it like it was a microphone. No matter how old I get, I’ll never be over being an imaginary superstar. I’m so glad I have my own, big room.19

My mom came home from work and told me that we were going on a little vacation to Maine, so I didn’t have to go to school tomorrow. I was really happy, and even happier because I’d be back before Warped. I packed up my bag and stuffed it in the back of our ugly Dodge Pick-Up truck. How my parents chose this over a VW Bug was beyond me, but, hey, I don’t have to drive it and look like a complete numbskull.20

I fell asleep early, at around nine, and then woke up at five so we could hit the road before traffic. I didn’t think there was any Tuesday morning rush, but my dad insisted, so I dragged myself out of bed and got dressed in baggy acid wash jeans and a black t-shirt. I finally found my black Converse, so I wore them instead of my Etnies, which smelled like Bigfoot had worn them. So they wouldn’t kill anyone next time I wore them, I tossed them in the wash before I left.21

I had to sit in the backseat with Keri and John, my brother and sister, and that was always a recipe for disaster. I put on my headphones and tuned them out for most of the ride, but in the last half hour my batteries gave in. I was really pissed off because my extras were in my bag in the back of the truck. Keri started reciting Spongebob and so did John. They were 11 and 9 years old, I can’t remember being that stupid when I was their age. 22

Finally we arrived at a hotel and I laid on my bed and doodled lyrics into my notebook. My dad and mom called all of our attention and it was weird, because they never did stuff like that. Sadly, the news was bad.23

“Well, you’re father and I have been thinking,” That’s how it started, which usually meant we were being sent to some sort of Church group or something. “It’s getting too expensive to live in Massachusetts. So, we’re planning to move up here. There’s a few nice houses we’re going to look at while we’re up here. We also have to enroll you in school.”24

I nearly choked. “What?”25

“We can’t afford to do anything fun because it costs so much to live down there.”26

“Oh you losers! I’m staying until Warped tour, you know that right? I’ve been good since we made the deal. You can’t change your mind!” 27

“Don’t speak to us that way!”28

I didn’t say anything to that. I just whined and rolled my eyes back into my skull. Why? Why me? I thought to myself. 29

“Addie, you can make this easy or hard, but you’re going to move to Maine, and you’re gonna LIKE it.”30

I wanted to take a bullet to my head right at that moment. I was just starting to get used to Massachusetts and living down there. Everything was awesome down there now they were moviing me to Maine. Of all places. Maine. I had friends down there. Seth and Nick and all my school friends. I knew what was going on down there and I could walk to Dunkin Donuts whenever I had some spare change lying around. It was perfect for me. Moving would result in having to meet new people, being four hours away from Seth, and most likely living in the boonies. 31

The next three days were spent driving from open house to open house and then to the school I would be attending. I got evil vibes right when I stepped through the front doors. I thought Oh, God, please save my tortured soul when I saw everything. It all seemed so... so overdone. I guess that’s what happens when your parents force you into moving to a bloody tourist attraction.32

We walked up to the counselor’s office and sat down to talk with her. My jet black hair hung down to my soulders, and it hid my face, thankfully. I answered all the questions she had to torture me with, and then I chose my courses. This school had, like, no music program and knowing that, I felt sick to my stomach. I ended up taking drama as a fine art, though I wished for music. I didn’t join band or chorus because the counselor said they weren’t really serious musicians, they just played to have a band for inter-school competitions. 33

When we left I was just about ready to beat the life out of someone, preferably my parents, or Keri, who was singing some cartoon theme song.34

“Dude, you’re 11, start singing something that’s not annoying. Something normal people listen to. Please! I beg you.”35

She didn’t listen. I wasn’t about to start a fight. I just turned my music up really loud and then my dad turned onto the highway to get back home. The ride home wasn’t as long as the ride up. When I got home I fell asleep in my own bed alone. In the hotel I had to share with Keri and she jammed her knees into my back. Evil little demon, that’s what she was. 36

I woke up the next morning to my mom knocking on the door. I had a phone call. Hooray! It was Seth. We were going to go skating again so I could get away from my twisted evil family. I tried to act like nothing was going on and that I was just tired, but he knew something was up, because he asked.37

“Addie, what’s going on with you?” He asked.38

“I’m moving,” I replied.39

“Where? Why?” He asked.40

“Maine, and as for why: my parents are stupid idiots.”41

“Wow, i would say so. Maine is full of... rednecks that have babies with their cousins,” He said, making me laugh. I always could count on him to cheer me up.42

“Yeah. That’s so nasty.”43

“Totally. That’s the worst thing I’ve ever heard of. Incest. That’s why I’m proud to be a Boston guy. We got the Sox and family trees that fork. We’re some lucky buggers. Eh?”44

We both laughed, and then we came up to the skatepark. There was no one around, so we had the whole place to ourselves. That was the greatest. We skated until darkness started to fall over the city. When it was pitch black we went to McDonald’s and had dinner. 45

My mom didn’t seem to care that I was late coming home. She was too busy packing up boxes with all her stuff. Seth didn’t look at the boxes, like he didn’t want to. Or maybe he couldn’t. He spent the night at my house because in the morning we had to leave early to get to Rhode Island before the first band went on. Warped was an all day thing, and I’ve always wanted to go. I was totally psyched about it. 46

He slept on an inflatable mattress on my bedroom floor, like always. He was the one who woke me up in the morning, and once I’d done my make-up and gotten dressed we hit the road. Only stopping to get Iced Mocha Lattes with a double shot of Expresso at Dunkies. Neither of us could function right without them, but Seth was worse off, since my parents hardly ever got me coffee. They didn’t approve of me drinking it, so they didn’t get it for me. They’re dumb. Stupid people are the reason people like me go nuts. I swear, without dumb people all the people who are in mental penitentiaries would be all happy and normal.47

When we got to the show we searched for Nick and then we went towards the first band. There were three stages. All the good ones were on while crappy ones were on the other two stages so we were in luck. The first band we saw was Sugarcult, who wasn’t my favorite, but I liked them enough to enjoy their set.48

A ton of awesome bands played their songs, but my favorites were the Used and My Chemical Romance. Nick hated them, but Seth and I liked them. Nick was totally into the harder punk bands, some of which I liked a lot too.49

We didn’t drive home that night, since everything was over near midnight. Nick left us because he lived closer than Seth and I did. The two of us ended up in a small hotel. My mom didn’t seem to be too worried, since she trusted Seth. She must have knew he wouldn’t try and pull anything evil.  50

I had a hard time falling asleep since the day was so awesome, but I knew I had to go home and start packing. I didn’t want to. I wished I could move in with Seth in his apartment, but that wouldn’t go over well with my parents. They trusted him and liked him, but that idea had as much of a chance as a snowball in Hell.51

The next day I woke up at one in the after noon. Seth woke up shortly after me and we hit the road to go home. We stopped at Dunkies again and got more caffeine for the ride and also a few donuts and cookies to satisfy our hunger. 52

My parents had nearly packed the entire house when Seth and I got back. They told me to go start packing my room, and he stayed with me to help. My brother and sister did their rooms as a team. I was always the loner, since I was the only normal one in the house. I dumped all my clothes, except a few pairs of jeans and a couple black t-shirts and underwear into a box and labeled it while Seth put books, magazines, and notebooks into another box. He stayed at my house again and helped me some more the next day.53

That was the day my dad brought the moving van around. It was big, ugly and yellow. Seth  helped me carry my furniture into the van along with my boxes. All I had left was two blankets, my acoustic guitar, my usual backpack full of necessities, and my old softball Adidas bag full of other things I needed. I put them in my dad’s truck and I spent that last night at Seth’s.54

“Are you gonna come visit?” He asked, helping me set up the pull out bed.55

“Of course, I know it’s gonna suck up there, so I’m coming down as often as I possibly can.” I said, knowing it would be true.56

“I’ll drive up and visit whenever you need me and you can call whenever you want. I’ll be looking forward to it. Things are gonna rot without you, Addie.”57

“I’ll call everyday, how’s that?”58

“Sounds cool. I’ll be looking forward to it.”59

That night we watched a bunch of Adam Sandler’s movies until the sun came back up. It was impossible to sleep knowing these were the last few hours I’d get to spend with him for a while. When I saw my dad pull into the driveway I dreaded leaving. Seth put his arms around me and held me for the longest time. I cried, and I know he did too, I’d known him since I was four and I’d always had him 20 minutes away. Thinking of how far I’d be  I couldn’t say goodbye, I tried to pretend I’d see him just as often. On the way up, in the car, I wrote a song for him...60