3-15-091
I really didn't intend for this to happen, but I'm not really sorry that it did. I had always been so careful not to leave any traces of my presence. I messed up. I got careless. I picked up this beautiful young girl this morning. She was so trusting and so innocent. She was beautiful. I had never looked at the fairer sex as anything but a victim before. Why was it so different this time? She looked in my eyes and I was paralyzed.2
I caught myself stammering like a schoolboy. What was giving her this power over me?3
I am twenty seven years old, and for the last three years, I have been responsible for the disappearance of at least one young woman a month, sometimes more. I'm not bragging, but I am good at what I do. I never feel anything for any of them. They are just nameless toys. I pick one up, promise her the moon, and take her back to my little playhouse. Then we would have some fun. I wasn't really what you would call cruel. I would give the girls a drink, laced with a little sedative, not enough to knock her out, but to keep her from putting up too much of a fight. It would be like undressing a doll. I would keep her for a few days, have a little fun, and then dispose of her. I really wasn't doing any harm. 4
Everyone knows, there are more women in this world than men, and it's not as if they were really good for anything. Well, they were good for one thing, but I enjoyed it much better my way. No break ups, no tears, no shared property; just clean and tidy. I had lots of variety, and I never really felt like I was hurting anyone. Oh, I suppose, their families may have missed them for a little while, but life goes on and everywhere I look, was another little blond, or brunette, or redhead. I never feel anything for any of them. 5
Dad had always taught me that women weren't worth the space they took up on this earth. Mom had been a good example. Dad would come home drunk, knock her around and she would always come crawling back for more. He couldn't hurt her enough to make her leave. Finally, he went a little too far. Mom's buried in the back yard. No one ever missed her. It wasn't like she was the world's greatest cook or anything. Dad never gave her enough money to buy enough food to cook a decent meal, then he would beat her because all she put on the table was a pot of beans, or occasionally a watered down pot of soup with no meat.6
Anyway, I grew up realizing how dispensable women really are and none of them were worth giving a shit about. Dad had been pretty smooth and he taught me how easy it was to sweet talk a woman and how easy they were to forget. They could be a lot of fun for a few days, but if I wanted to take care of a pet, I would get a dog. They're a lot less trouble. 7
I made my first kill at the ripe old age of eighteen, and each one since had been so much easier. At first, I only did two or three a year. I was still leary of getting caught. Now I do fifteen or twenty a year and don't break a sweat. The old man finally drank himself to death and joined Ma in the back yard. I was smarter than my Pa. I never drank anything stronger than an occasional beer. I knew I had to stay sharp enough to not make mistakes. My back yard was so full, I had to encroach on the neighbors land. 8
I never worked. Stealing was so much more profitable, and I was so good at it. I had one good fence that I trusted and was as cautious in my line of work as I was at play. Last month I picked up a little blond. She was cute as a button and couldn't wait to get in my car. I very seldom ever had to snatch anyone. They were all eager until I got them home. Once I had them stripped, doped and in my bed, it was all fun. We'd party for two or three days, and then I'd tell them the party was over. They would cry, plead or scream, but that just made me want to get it over with faster.9
A knife was my method of choice, but occasionally, when I didn't feel like cleaning up the blood, I'd just strangle them. No one really understands how much work that is until they've tried it. It is neat to watch their eyes go from pure terror to blank. I do it occasionally just for that effect. One time I brought home two at a time. That was just too much trouble. I never tried it again.10
Anyway, I digress. I was preparing to tell you about my mistake. I was driving to the next town over and spotted a little brunette at the side of the road with her thumb up. Didn't I tell you they were stupid? All the stories on the news and in the papers about all the girls who had gone missing in the last two or three years, and here she was, begging for it. I almost didn't stop. It was just too easy, I passed her by and caught her face in the rear view mirror. I don't know why, but I felt compelled to stop and back up. She came running over to the passenger side and said thanks, as she jumped in. I asked her where she was going, and she simply replied, where ever you're going. 11
I looked at her, and thought, she must have read my mind. That was exactly where she was going. It was a beautiful day, and since I didn't have to spend anytime hunting, I figured we'd just enjoy part of the day out, then I'd take her home. I had never actually spent any time doing anything with a girl, well you know what I mean. I never took one anywhere but home. 12
We were driving along and she started singing. She had the sweetest voice I had ever heard. I looked at her and asked, “Are you a professional singer?” She just blushed and shook her head. She stopped singing and looked out the window.13
“Don't stop,” I told her. “I was enjoying your song.”14
She looked over at me again and smiled. Her smile lit up her entire face. That's strange, I thought. I never paid any attention to a girl's smile before. She started singing again and it was beautiful. We were just getting into town and I noticed a burger joint ahead. I was getting hungry so I pulled through the drive-through. I really didn't want to be seen with her, even though this wasn't where I lived. It always paid to be cautious. 15
We ordered burgers, fries and cokes and I drove to a place I knew we could stop for a picnic. It was such a beautiful day, and, just out of curiosity, I thought I would see what it would feel like to spend a few hours with a girl that wasn't captive and frightened. Now, don't get me wrong, I'm not going soft. I knew how it would end. This was just for a little variety.16
We spread a blanket on the ground by a small stream and sat there and ate and talked. She asked me about my life and I told her a bunch of lies. Well, I couldn't tell her the truth, could I? She started telling me about her life. She had a really rough life. She had survived cancer, was an only child and her parent's had both been killed in a car crash a year earlier. She didn't tell me these things like she was expecting sympathy. She was just stating fact. 17
She had managed to graduate from high school and was planning to spend the summer hitchhiking across the country. I tried to tell her it wasn't safe and she just laughed her beautiful laugh and said, “Yeah, I bet everyone out there is just as dangerous as you are,” and she winked at me. I actually felt myself blushing. That had never happened before. We ate lunch and I stretched out across the blanket on my stomach. She rolled over, pushed my shirt up and started rubbing my back. It was heavenly. Her hands were like magic. If I had any tension in my body, it was gone when she got through. I was so relaxed, I actually fell asleep. 18
When I woke up, she was asleep beside me. I sat there and watched her for awhile. It was such a strange feeling. I almost thought about just dropping her off in town and forgetting about doing her. Now that's dumb, I thought. She's just another worthless female and she doesn't even have anyone who would miss her. I would be doing her a favor. As I was watching her, she rolled over and kissed me. I was shocked. I never kissed any of them. That was just too personal. I couldn't allow myself to think of them as real people. Before I knew it, my arms were around her and I was returning her kiss. Suddenly, I pulled way. What was I doing? I was just half asleep and she took me by surprise. I would have to concentrate on how I would kill her. That always worked. I mustn't see her as a person. She was just a rather pleasing piece of meat. That had always worked before. I needed to get back in control in a hurry. 19
I started gathering things up and threw them in the trunk of the car, got in and said, "if you're coming with me, let's hit it." She got in looking like she had lost her best friend. 20
“Did I do something wrong?” she asked. 21
I decided I needed to calm down. I hadn't meant to scare her. Now, that doesn't sound right. I just didn't mean to scare her until I got her safely home and drugged. Satisfied that was actually what I meant, I relaxed and continued driving. After a few minutes, she started singing again. Her voice was like a angel, that is, if there were such a creature. I asked her where she wanted to go, hoping she would say, just drop me anywhere along here and I'll be fine. 22
Instead, she answered, “I told you I was going wherever you're going.” I suddenly had the strange feeling that if I didn't stop and make her get out right now, I would live to regret it. Then, I thought, that's foolish, it's no different than it has been the last thirty or forty times. I would enjoy her, then get rid of her. Having made that determination, I turned the car towards home. Now, I would relax and do what I do best. It would be no different than any other time. 23
We pulled up in front of my house, and suddenly, I was nervous. How had I left the bedroom? Was it clean and was there blood on the sheets? Nothing like that had ever come to mind before. I must get back in control. What was wrong with me? I escorted her into the living room and told her to have a seat, while I ran back to check the bedroom. I forgot that I had just changed the sheets. Everything was fine. I went back into the living room and sat across from her on the couch.24
She smiled and said, “I'm Tamyra Morgan; I don't even know your name.25
I managed to stammer out that my name was Steve Cole. Now, why did I do that? I have never given a girl my correct name and I certainly didn't want to know hers. I couldn't allow her to become real to me. She was just a well shaped piece of meat. She got up and turned my old radio on and as the old time rock music flooded the room, she stood in the middle of the room and started dancing the shimmy. I couldn't take my eyes off her. 26
She laughed and begged, “Come join me.” I actually blushed as I stammered that I didn't know how to dance. She grabbed my hand and pulled me to my feet, and within a few minutes, she had me standing in the middle of the room matching her every move. I have never had such fun. I decided then, I would keep her for the night and see what other kinds of surprises she had in store for me. Another day or two wouldn't make any big difference. Now, I was just curious, mind you. I was not getting soft. I was just putting off the inevitable for a few days.27
Tamrya asked me what I had to drink and I told her I had some cold beer. That will work fine she said and she laid her head back and relaxed. She didn't have a clue. She wasn't the least bit nervous. I went to the kitchen and grabbed a couple bottles of Miller Light, popped the lids and carried them into the living room. I sat them on the coffee table and went to the john.28
I flopped down on the couch next to her and downed half my beer and sat it back on the table. She sat her bottle down and moved closer. She sat astraddle my lap and started kissing me. This was entirely new. I had always made a point of never kissing any of my victims. This girl had made me forget all the rules I had always lived by. What the hell, just go along with it. I always liked a little variety and tonight was certainly different. I might as well enjoy it. She wiggled around on my lap until I was about to explode. I pushed her aside and said, “Let's go to the bedroom.”29
She gave me a big smile and picked up her beer. I downed the rest of mine and started for the bedroom. She laughed her delightful little laugh and followed me.30
Tamyra stripped out of her clothes as she followed me to the bed. I dropped on my back and she dropped on top of me. She started kissing me and helping me out of my clothes. She was kissing me as she started tugging my jeans down. I started to reach up and pull her back to me. Suddenly, I realized my arms didn't want to do what I told them. I tried to get up, but I couldn't move. I looked at her and her face was a blur. I could still hear her laugh, but I could not speak. I lay there paralyzed as she stood there looking down at me.31
This could not be happening. Somehow, our roles had been switched. I couldn't speak or move a muscle. Suddenly, I realized how all those young women had felt, as I abused their bodies while they were unable to move or protest. It had seemed so right when it was the other way around, but now I was terrified. What was she doing and why couldn't I move?32
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I had him just where I wanted him. It was always so easy to get them to stop. All I had to do was hold up my thumb and smile. He stopped and backed right up. The jerk was actually bashful. When he asked where I was going, I told him, “Home with you.” That always worked. None of them had turned me down yet. He was my tenth so far this year. Men were so predictable. Smile and wiggle a little and they were like puppy dogs. They were enjoyable for an evening, but after that, they were a bore. 34
My father had always treated me like a Princess and spoiled me rotten. I grew up getting everything I ever asked for. Dad was a wimp and I had lost all respect for him. He wanted me to go to college, but that was too much work. I just wanted to travel and have a good time. Mom had always tried to disipline me, but I could always twist Dad around my little finger.35
I was twenty-two now and had lost track of the men. Usually, I went for the older men and managed to get some pretty good money out of them, before I disposed of them. Tonight was just for fun. He just made it so easy. They never suspected a thing, and I never left anything behind. 36
I loved using a knife and they usually always had a good sharp one around. I never carried a weapon with me, well, not that kind of weapon. You know what I mean. They're all suckers for a little shimmy. It was almost comical. You could lead them around by their tongue, it was usually hanging out so far.37
As soon as he opened the beer, he left the room. I always carried a little capsule of GHP and it only took a second to pour it in their drink. Within a few minutes, they wouldn't be able to move. Then it was time for my fun. I usually had them out of their clothes by the time they were reduced to zombies, but if not, I just cut them off. Have you ever caressed someone with a knife? It is so much fun. I usually used the tip of the knife to write a farewell message on their chest, after I had amused myself with carving up the rest of their body. Steve was going to be so much fun. I could see the barest flicker in his eyes that told me he was still with me. When I got through with my carving, they usually resembled females more than males. Most of them really didn't care after that whether I let them live or not..38
Of course, I never left them alive. They just might get the idea of hunting me down, and I never did enjoy looking over my shoulder. After I finished with Steve, I took a shower and got dressed. A knife is fun, but it's so messy. Then I would spend the night going through the house and seeing if there was anything I wanted. This was an interesting house. Stevo must like keeping souvenirs. I uncovered quite a trove of incriminating evidence in his house. He had been quite a bad boy. I usually set fire to the house to destroy all evidence, but in this case, I decided to let it stand. I had the feeling the police would be much more interested in what he had been doing than in who killed him.39
I found a little bit of cash and not much else. He was a simple man and wasn't too interested in collecting wealth. He was too busy collecting something else. I walked out the back door and looked around. I could tell even in the dark that there had been a lot of recent digging going on. I laughed as I thought about the treasure trove the local pigs would find when they came out to investigate this latest murder.40
I went back in and kissed Steve goodbye and thanked him for the great time and dug his keys out of his pocket. He would be dead of blood loss before he was ever found, but to make sure he wouldn't talk in case he was found right away, I took the liberty of removing his tongue.41
I was careful to lock everything up tight before I left. I wouldn't want to be responsible for Steve getting robbed. I walked to the car and got in. I would leave the car in the next town. I never had trouble getting a ride.
Author notes
Remember, it's only fiction
first person human monster or
John Sanford- Author
In a list
A contest entry
- I'm back and want you to write some more by Decadent Anomaly.
375 points, ended March 24, 6 entries
Silver trophy winner
• next story in this contest, remove from contest - Anything Goes by Colin Night.
175 points, ended March 30, 14 entries
• next story in this contest, remove from contest - Serious Writers of an Imaginary Sort contest number II by scriptor.
1900 points, ended May 31, 11 entries
Bronze trophy winner
• next story in this contest, remove from contest - Horror/Paranormal Thriller Contest by Dr. Psycho.
175 points, ended April 18, 19 entries
Bronze trophy winner
• next story in this contest, remove from contest - One of Three by HoneyAngel.
350 points, ended April 18, 33 entries
• next story in this contest, remove from contest - Morbid Masterpieces by Whispers.
700 points, ended May 23, 9 entries
Bronze trophy winner
• next story in this contest, remove from contest - Psychological Thrillers...and then some by ley527.
100 points, ended June 2, 4 entries
• next story in this contest, remove from contest - A Critic's Critical Critiquing by Asfand.
350 points, ended June 26, 21 entries
• next story in this contest, remove from contest - Almost Anything by Dr. Psycho.
375 points, ends December 1, 54 entries
• next story in this contest, • Add to finalists list, or remove from contest
Comments
1 - 43 of 43
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wow! great job!
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I haven't been here in a while and don't know if I read this before. As usual I like whta you wrote Trish and yours are always worth reading.
beginning: 5, language: 5, plot: 5, ending: 5, dialog: 5, characters: 5.
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Great
This one is a surprise, I really enjoyed reading it.Going from man to woman was a good move to the story. I just never thought of A woman in that roll.
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I knoew I read this already and also that I already commented on it, is just that it is so twisted and so great that I felt like reading it again.
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I liked this, it's a nice story. I liked how it progressed, first with one POV and then with the other. I was engrossed in the story. I loved the twist at the end, did NOT see that coming really!
I like how the killer had given himself a justification - more women than men. I like the psychological aspect of this a lot. The bit about his past. His relation with his parents. Few people realize it takes a certain background to make a killer. Kudos, on this!
Some sentences could be rewritten with better structure and better flow. I love to know more about the intimacy between them. There has to be a substantial reason behind his suddenly letting in on someone. You should explore the emotional side of this story.
Good work! Thanks for entering and good luck!
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Hi, the limit was 2000 words maximum, so unfortunately I'll have to remove the story from the contest. I'm lenient on the rule, but only if it's less than 500 words above the limit. Yours in 800 words above the limit. Again, very sorry, but it's only fair to other people! Thank you for the entry though!
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OHH !!! This was great!!
I loved the twisted ending!!!!My fave so far... -
OHMYGOSH
I like the story! You had me gripped from the first paragraph, but in 6 you spelt money as 'mony'
In number 34 she satated "home with you" where as before you wrote "where ever you're going." Did you mean to change them or...?
And then.... I got so into the story you shaped to not care abot anything other then reading the next line.
Very well written I love it!
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Wow
I love this. It's got to be one of my favorites that I've read on this site. The detail is amazing, and it really helps create a vivid picture. I love how you not only showed the classic male serial killer, but then turned it around to not only show a victim's, or potential victim's point of view, but also to show how quickly unexpected things can happen. Well done and good luck in the contest
beginning: 5, language: 5, plot: 5, ending: 5, dialog: 5, characters: 5.
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Compelling
This has to be the most interesting and compelling piece I've read since I joined SW! What was your inspiration? How did you come up with this? I do think there are a few major flaws with the way you made Steve think but all in all it was absolutely excellent!
beginning: 5, language: 5, plot: 5, ending: 5, dialog: 5, characters: 5.
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Thank you so much for your comment. I'm glad you enjoyed it.
Trish
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Wow, wasn't expecting that little twist!
Like a moth drawn to a lantern I was mesmerized by your story the instant I read the first sentence. Just the whole concept of this serial killer collecting women like bottle caps and the way he sees them as just his "toys" made me hate him right from the get go. Then, all of a sudden, his seemingly innocent female victim turns into Miss Murder. Brilliant work!
Only one suggestion: I thought it would be even BETTER if these two characters spent more time together or if you described their physical features a little more (but your intention was for the reader to use their imagination right?). Also, in para 41 you wrote "He would be dead of blood loss" when it should be "He died from blood loss."
You are one amazingly talented author, my friend. I'm so grateful that you entered this wonderful piece in my contest. Bravo, you're a finalist!
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Thank you
I'm so pleased you enjoyed my story and thanks for the great review.
Trish
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Very much like Alfred H. A bit gory for me. But i think you have a real talent for a good story
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Anything I said at this point would be inane.I have nothing useful to add to the constructive criticism so I will just praise it. This was an excellent piece. I enjoyed reading it very much. The characters were so realistic. I hate to think there are really people like this running loose today. Thanks for a good scare!
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Thank you for the applause
and the comments. I appreciate it. Hope I didn't scare you too much.
Trish
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In p. 6 "Dad never gave her enough to buy enough food" Money?
IN p.8 "That first two or three years, i only did two or three a year." First, "that" is the, and second, this sentence just sounds redundant.
In p.11 you need quotation in that last part of the last sentence "where ever you're going."
In p.20, you don't put his words in quotations.
In p. 25 you dont close the quotations
One thought that enters my mind is that he wouldnt have to worry about getting personal if he really though that women were trash
Ew-"my back yard was so full i had enough to encroach my neighbors yard"
It seemed a little wierd that she is kissing a stranger that just picked her up off teh side of the road. I mean, she just met the dude. But then... i got to the end
I absolutly love the reversal of things. THe killer is now the prey. What a great idea! Great write
Bret
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Thank you for the applause and
for the comment. I will read it over again and check out your suggestions.
Thank you
Trish
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Nice
Great plot twist at the end! I was never expecting that! But its interesting to get into the mind of a serial killer, but two!
Great Job!
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Thanks
Love your avatar.
Thanks for the comment
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Wow, this was chilling. You got into both character's minds so wonderfully. The ending was quite the twist. Great job, you're very talented.
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Thank You
I appreciate the comment. It was fun to write and I was feeling naughty.
Trish
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I love this. And as much as I long to read more, I think it is perfect the way it is. It leaves you mind to wand, but not too far. I think it is good for a one shot story. I love the developement of you characters and your use of words. I think it showed the story justice and creativity. Great job!
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Thank you.
I'm glad you enjoyed my story. Just a short story. I don't plan to take it any further. I just wanted to know what it would feel like to write it.
Trish
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Hi Trish, congrats on that silver trophy
This story was bound to win something
. I can't rate twice, so I'll just say hello again.
Geri
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Thank you Geri
I appreciate it.
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=)
I kept trying to read this - but because there were interruptions, I opted to come back and read it in one sitting. I was right to trust me instinct; I needed my entire attention to read this, and I thoroughly enjoyed this.
I particularly understood him, scary, but I did... it depends on the environment AND the character itself how killers would be shaped, I guess. I dunno, I just believed his reasons were justifiable - or maybe you've made me believe so
Poetic justice... I don't know if I should be glad that he met his end like that - it is kind of sad that just when someone seems to be "changing" him, this happens. His repetition of "I'm not getting soft" was nicely done, it had me thinking that he was indeed convincing himself.
One little bit: I wish his first kill could have been described. The reason I'm suggesting this is because firsts are always difficult to forget or simply unforgettable
Anyway, great work Memoirs of a killer, indeed two killers, too
THanks for sharing this
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Thank you
I'm glad you enjoyed my story. And you're right, maybe I should expand the story a little. I like to write suspense, haven't really gotten into descriptions that much. It was just a quick write.
I like to just start writing and see where the story takes me. I never plan anything.
Thank you again.
Trish
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You constructed your stage perfectly.
Good morning Trish, I was certainly glad I save this gory tale for daylight—it isn’t a bedtime story
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You constructed your stage perfectly. We travel along with this killer in harmony, learning all about him, despising what he has become but never really hating him—after all he is only what our unfair society allowed his parents’ to create.
I liked the way you set up the plot. First you allow the empathy of the reader to encompass the girl. There isn’t the slightest hint she is anything but an intended victim of the killer.
Even after the girl joins him, you get the feeling that he is not going to hurt this one. Perhaps he is falling in love with her. Many serial killers do have wives and families.
I can’t pinpoint when I became aware that the Lady—wasn’t what she pretended to be. I know it was before she told us—the transition to her POV was so smooth you didn’t need the separation.
Since I haven’t a clue what you intended to do with this frightening tale, I didn’t edit. But, there wasn’t anything that was so drastically off it interfered with the enjoyment of the read.
Best of luck in those contests.
Geri
beginning: 5, plot: 5, ending: 5.
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Thanks Geri
It isn't much of a bedtime story but I love frightening tales, especially at bedtime.
I'm glad you liked it.
Trish
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Extremely enjoyable,I love how his downfall was to actually feel emotion. I really didn't see the ending coming... I had a feeling she would be his down fall but not in this way..
A truly twisted tale.. Loved it.
beginning: 5, language: 5, plot: 5, ending: 5, dialog: 5, characters: 5.
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Thank you. I'm glad you enjoyed my twisted tale. That's exactly what I like to write.
Trish
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Loved it..but...
I loved it. It was awesome and twisted. You have a great story mind!! But..why did you enter it into the contest "when it rains" When there was no rain in the story??? LoL . I entered that contest too..
Anyways good luck and good job!!
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You're right!
I didn't read far enough. I didn't notice it had to be raining.
Thanks for the comments.
I removed it from the contest
Trish
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omg! This is brilliant. It is very well detailed and engrossing. I love Tamyra. Female serial killers are so rare. This one could give Aileen Wuornos some stiff competition. I'm glad you went with the girl helping her mother. It was a nice touch. The male was great, and a typical killer but the descriptions of his thoughts and intentions were superb. Very realistic.
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Thanks for your comment. I'm glad you enjoyed it.
Trish
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excellent
enjoyed the turning of the tables.nice twistbeginning: 5, language: 4, plot: 5, ending: 5, dialog: 5, characters: 5.
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The male character is very realistic. You either have done some research or are very intuitive. Many serial killers are misogynist. You nailed this aspect perfectly. The tend to come from unstable families, again you nailed this.
As for the woman...very nice touch! Female serial killers are a rare breed and seem less likely to have the factors of the MacDonald triad. The fact your female killer had good life, but was unhappy with it, makes her even more interesting.
This is a brilliant write. The characters are, again, realistic and well written. The story is engaging and drew me in quickly.
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Yes, I have a weird mind for an old lady.
I have always been interested in serial killers, love the movies and the books and the true crime shows on TV.
I did take Andy's advice on the girl. I did have her helping her mother dispose of her father, then decided to meet him half way. I didn't want to change the male, that was most of the story.
Stories can me much scarier without all the blood and gore. People's imaginations are always worse than what they are reading or watching.
Thanks for the comments. I enjoyed writing it. Probably the first of many, since that is what I basically read.
Trish
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Great!
Hi Trish!
I decided to glance at this because of the title, I didn't really expect to read it just now, because I've got much to do. However, I was quickly drawn into it.
I suspected from the beginning, having the evil mind that I have
, that the girl would kill him, but I thought the motive would turn out to be revenge for someone he'd killed that she knew. I'm very pleased that this wasn't the case, because that's trite.
However, I was disappointed that you gave them histories with cliched role modeled parents. I'd have much preferred if they had come from solid, loving, family backgrounds. That's rare. Still, discounting that, this is a wonderful story and very well written. Incorporating some dialogue might have made it even better.
Also, although it's pretty clear where the point of view changes, I'd separate it with a couple of blank lines.
p29 zombies, but (if) not
I'm going to add this story to my list of favorites by other writers, so don't be surprised when you see the link beneath your story.
Andy
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Thanks Andy, I'm so glad you were compelled to finish it
I'll take into account your suggestions when I edit it. It was just a quick write this afternoon, because I wanted a new story to post on SaR
I really haven't even read it all the way through. I can see your point, on the family ties though and will give it some thought -
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Yeah,
it's so common in stories like these that the killers have a background of a bad family experience. -
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Better,
but I think it might have been more interesting if she respected her father, but concluded that all men but him just wanted a young woman for one thing, sex. Perhaps she might have had a bad experience with a man trying to have his way with her and now she despises all men. As it is, she still traces her hatred toward men with her parents.
Andy
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