Little Man

Covering his head with the thin worn pillow, he tried in vain to sleep through the groaning that filled the small house; continuing to increase in volume. 1

The room was small and it reeked of urine. He hated her and he hated the house, his desperation caused frustrated tears to well up in his crystal blue eyes; angering him, he wasn’t going to cry. He was refusing to show weakness even to himself.2

Looking over the edge of his bed he was relieved to see that his two younger brothers were still fast asleep, it was hard for him when she would wake them up with her howling.3

He knew what his mother had been doing in that room, she never hid it and often bragged to her children of her conquests. His brothers didn’t understand and it frightened them, they always believed their mother was being hurt and he never knew how to comfort them. Feeling uncomfortable himself he was helpless to find the words to explain to them why mom was carrying on, usually just telling them she was playing a game and to just go back to sleep.4

“Shit!” he yelled in defiance, it was the only way he knew how to release some of the sickness he felt in his stomach. ‘Why can’t I just go live with my dad’ he mumbled to himself.5

But he already knew the answer to that; his mother had told him in her own special motherly way. His dad didn’t want him, he had a new life now and that if he went to live with his dad his brothers and sisters would be separated into different foster homes, because the only kid his dad would pay child support for was him.6

She would continue to explain to him that it was his responsibility as the man of the house to see to it that they stayed together, even when it meant lying to or about his beloved father.7

Startled by a shadowy figure suddenly appearing next to him he jumped from the top bunk, cramming his thin body between the dirty mattress and the wall.8

“Shit Kim what the heck are you doing, you scared the shit out of me!”9

He saw the expression on his sister’s face and rolled his eyes, asking “now what?” 10

She was still half asleep but looked terrified, a look that he was accustomed to seeing in her eyes; it seemed to be a permanent look for her lately, one he could only describe as haunted.11

“Mom told him he could sleep in my bed with me”. Kim was no stranger to their mother’s antics. This wasn’t the first time she told some drunk he could sleep in her daughter’s bed. With the burning hate for his mother morphing into another case of stomach cramps he motioned for Kim to climb up next to him onto the rickety old bunk bed. “Alright you can sleep in here but you sleep with your head down there” he said pointing to his feet “I don’t want you drooling on my pillow”. 12

Normally those would have been fighting words but right now she was too tired to fight and too grateful for the safety of her younger brother’s presence.13

They both lay there in silence; believing the other was asleep, going over their lives, waiting patiently for the sun to come up and another night to end.14