"I took a walk along the shore 1
To clear my mind about the day, 2
I saw a man I'd seen before 3
As I approached, he slipped away..." 4
The day had been long and tiring, and I almost skipped my regular walk in favor of a hot bubblebath, bed and a good book. But as I stood contemplating it on my front porch, I decided the bubbles and Dean Koontz could wait another hour or so, and I ran inside to change into a tracksuit and walking shoes. On the way out I grabbed an apple and started munching on it as soon as I hit the beach. 5
As I walked along the water's edge, I would feel the stress and tension of a hard day leave my body. After two years of habitual evening walks, this had become my way of dealing with another day gone by and everything it had thrown at me. Normally I would return refreshed and energized, but for the past few days the questions seeking answers, and the decisions waiting to be made, had followed me back home. 6
Winter was fast approaching, and in the chilly late afternoon I had the beach to myself. Gulls wheeled from high above and dived into the water. Then emerged quickly with a fishy meal that was gulped down in flight. I loved watching them, always wishing that I too could soar high above the ocean. As I reached my turning point, I stood for a few minutes, staring at the incoming waves crashing to the sand, the water almost lapping at my feet before retreating, to try again next time to touch me. 7
As the water pulled back, I saw a face formed in the white foam puffs left behind on the sand. It was the face of a man I had seen many times before. As I dreamily approached, the bubbles burst, and he slipped away. 8
"I knew his face from years ago, 9
His smile stays with me ever more 10
His eyes, they guide me through the haze 11
And give me shelter from the storm..."12
I had first seen that face four years before, and had never since forgotten a single line or dimple on it. The eyes were the deepest, warmest brown I had ever seen on a man, always twinkling with laughter. His hair was light brown, and always just a bit too long to stay really tidy. 13
Geoff and I had met at the beginning of our last year at college and became soulmates immediately. Within six weeks we were lovers and knew we wanted to spend the rest of our lives together. We brought out the best, and sometimes the worst, in each other, and each helped the other in unspoken ways. When he needed to study through the night for an important exam, I stayed up with him, plying him with coffee and sandwiches and pep talks till the sun rose in the east. And he did the same for me. When my sister was involved in a serious car accident, and lay in hospital, fighting for her life, he was my pillar of strength, my shelter from the storm. 14
"As I walk I can feel him, 15
Always watching over me... 16
His voice surrounds me, 17
My Spirit of the Sea..."18
We lived carefree student lives. While I was much quieter and somewhat introverted, Geoff was the ultimate extrovert and excitement junkie. He was very much alive and energetic and always up for some new experience at the drop of a hat. And more often than not he sweet talked me into joining in the fun, even against my better judgement. 19
As I slowly started my walk home, I could feel him by my side, his arm casually around my shoulders, playfully tugging at a strand of my long hair. If I looked up into the slowly darkening sky, I could see him staring at me with a question in those unforgettably beautiful eyes. Wanting to know jokingly if I would have the guts to join him on his latest adventure during the last vacation before our finals. Maybe he wanted to go river rafting; or perhaps mountain climbing. But most likely Geoff was trying to convince me that we really needed to go pub crawling to celebrate the end of the term. 20
The gulls had disappeared to their nesting sites for the night, and in the silence I heard him singing off-key in the shower. And then calling to me to please bring him the towel he had once again forgotten in the bedroom of the tiny flat we had shared for the last six months. In my mind I heard the joy and victory in his voice as I told him that our child would be born roughly five months after our graduation. And him asking me if I would marry him on New Year's Day. 21
"He went away so long ago, 22
On a maiden voyage far away 23
A young man then I did not know, 24
His life was taken that same day..."25
During that last vacation, he was invited by an acquaintance to go jet-skiing, and Geoff had jumped at the chance to try something new. This time he had not nagged at me to go along, saying mock-seriously that he knew that women in my condition should refrain from strenuous activities, and that I had better stay home and knit some bootees or something. 26
The day of the great adventure arrived with bright sunshine and early heat. When he had left after a lengthy good-bye, I took myself shopping with a song in my heart. Life was perfect, and I was getting everything, and more than I had ever dared to expect, from it. 27
When I got home hot and tired in the early afternoon, the flat was still quiet and tidy, so I knew that Geoff had not yet returned. I took a cooling shower and lay down for a nap while I waited for him. I stumbled sleepily to the telephone when it rang about an hour later, thinking that it would probably be my mother making her weekly enquiry about our wellbeing. 28
It wasn't my mother. It was a stranger, telling me that there had been an accident: Geoff had fallen from his jet-ski, been knocked unconscious in the water by another and drowned within minutes before anyone could reach him. 29
"And it was almost like he knew 30
He wouldn't see me anymore 31
He looked so deeply in my eyes, and said 32
"Wait for me along the shore..."33
In that flashing moment after I received the news of Geoff's death from a stranger over the phone, I remembered his last words to me that morning before he left: "Wait for me..." with a wink and a mischievous smile. 34
After that I have no recollection of what happened until I awoke in the hospital three days later. I found out afterwards that I had very calmly phoned my mother, told her the news, and sat and waited silently and patiently for the few hours it took her to drive the short way from where she lived. On her arrival I had apparently greeted her and hugged her for a long while, made her a cup of coffee and then promptly collapsed in a dead faint at her feet. She was aware of my pregnancy and immediately called the emergency services. She rode in the ambulance with me to the hospital, and stayed by my side until I regained consciousness late the following Tuesday. 35
I heard then that I had lost our baby, and I thought I would die, to join Geoff wherever he was. But with my mother's loving support I was able to attend his funeral the next day, and get through the next couple of months alive, even passing my final exams at the college. 36
Only after graduation did I allow myself to grieve for and mourn Geoff and our unborn child. I went into seclusion at a cottage at the beach where we had spent so many happy times. I walked and slept and rarely ate - spoke to nobody except my mother from time to time - and cried for days on end, until I had no more tears left to cry. 37
"And so I come most every day, 38
To watch the waves rise and fall, 39
And as I sit here on the sand, 40
This ocean makes me feel so small..."41
It took me the better part of ten months to come to terms with the happenings of that terrible day, and as the estimated date for the birth of my baby came and went, I felt that I may die once more. But gradually it became easier to deal with, and I started healing. I spent the last few months of the year with my mother and then found a job and tried my best to start living again. 42
Shortly after starting work, I was able to buy the little cottage that I had previously rented as a refuge. I had it renovated, redecorated it to my liking and moved in within three months. Life was no longer perfect, but it was livable. Each afternoon after work, I went for a walk on the beach, and in summer often stopped to chat with holiday makers and regular visitors, though mostly I kept to myself. I would sit for a while staring over the expanse of water, thinking and remembering, and in time I realized that although I had lost so much, I still had a lot to be thankful for - a loving, supportive mother and friends who were there for me when I needed them. 43
"But I feel my lover by my side, 44
And he makes me follow my own heart 45
We'll be together some sweet day 46
When that day comes we'll never part... 47
When that day comes we'll never part... 48
Wait for me along the shore..."49
And now there was someone new, wanting to be part of my life. He was a kind and gentle man, and we had a lot in common. I really liked him and he had asked me out a few times. We had gone to see two or three movies and had dinner twice at a small restaurant close to my home. A week ago Peter had told me that he had fallen in love with me and asked me whether it was possible for us to have a more serious relationship. 50
On the one hand I was very excited, and more than suspected that I was falling in love with him as well. On the other hand I felt slightly guilty, as if perhaps I was being unfaithful to Geoff. My mind was in turmoil, and I had asked Peter to give me time. 51
Now, on this evening of memories, when I had already once seen Geoff's face on the sand, I took a last look back to the waves, still undecided. In the now dim light on the water, I again saw his face, a huge grin, winking at me with a twinkle in the eye, and giving me the thumbs up. And the wind whispered in my ear: "Don't wait for me, I will wait for you... and be sure to have fun!" 52
I had my answer, and ran quickly up the steps and through the door and grabbed the telephone to call Peter. And start a brand new life. 53
Author notes
Lyrics: Spirit of the Sea - Blackmore's Night
What did you think? Please comment!
Comments
1 - 26 of 26
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A beautiful piece of writing, the perfect love story.
Loved the lyrics, they really complimented tour story.
When i see something so beautifully written, i start to wonder why I'm wasting my time writing.
beginning: 5, language: 5, plot: 5, ending: 5, dialog: 5, characters: 5.
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Bit of a cliffhanger ending, I didn't like/dislike this- it left me feeling neutral. I liked the way that you interpollated this story with bits of poetry/almost a song. I felt the characters were well developed, especially the narrator/Geoff. This wasn't a very dramatic story, but it was quite interesting. The language flowed well. There isn't much dialogue, but it doesn't need it.
beginning: 5, language: 4, plot: 3, overall: 4, ending: 3, dialog: 1, characters: 4.
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Hi Tyler, thanks for the apology, but it really wasn't necessary. I can take all sorts of criticism, the bad along with the good. And of course every person's tastes and ideas of originality, creativity, etc, differs by miles. No problems at all, and I will not keep away from your or any other contests as a result of what you or anyone else has to say. Don't sweat the small stuff, I'm a big girl now
Keep well and good luck with judging the contest. -
Wow, I am looking at my comment, and I sounded like a jerk, I did not realize how rude I was! Sorry!
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** for Average
This was a completely average in my opinion. Your ideas are brilliant and your creativity was great. Although, these wonderful ideas do you know good when you rush through the story. I felt no passion between her and Geoff, it seemed like you just rushed through the relationship, sort of like a teenage couple. Then the relationship between her and Peter seemed completely random.
The ideas were good, the details were horrible, which makes this story just ok.
I give this ** for average.
Good creativity though -
This is so wonderful... I love the way you've integrated the song lyrics with your own story. You've done a great job. Keep it up and good luck!!
~dramaqueen469~ -
Thanks for reading so soon.... the name Geoff is pronounced the same as Jeff, as in Jeffrey
Keep well. -
very good
wow very good i liekt hsi sweet but say.........how do u say his name? very good -
Really cool story...
But when people get miscarriages, I heard that they like get this huge stomach ache... but I guess different things happen to different people... unless you made that part up.
Very sweet story...
And y'know, this is the second story with a Geoff in it... I wonder how to pronounce Geoff...
Good luck,
Angel~ -
wow... this was great! i love the lyrics within the story... made it all the better... also painted a picture somewhat... made me cry also... seems like something that could happen with me and my boyfriend... great write... i loved it!!!
-Amanda- -
Very inspirational piece. It definately shows strength! Good Luck
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A powerful write, you nearly had me in tears for a while there. The beach is such a strong setting, I have tried to capture its essence many times and failed, but you manage it in this write, and use it to great effect.
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1-10=9 emotions soar in this
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Excellent piece!
Wow, that was really impressive. You achieve a marvellous effect with these interludes of verse.
Your flow, plot and tension control was well thought through - starting off with it slowly and gently working it up to a crescendo, before hushing it down and linking it right at the end again.
Good, easy and flowing word choice. I would have revved the vocab a bit more, but not everyone likes reading with a dictionary... :-) I agree with Yamassee on the "booties".
Very emotional - you literally gave me goosebumps! Excellent piece!
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Amazing!
:''''DDDDD This is what I call a truely awesome write. I have been looking for something to read, or watch, that will bring tears to my eyes, and this did it, instantly. Thanx for sharing. This is absolutely Brilliant!!!!!!
Edited on Jul 15, 2:33 p.m. because ''. -
Wow...I'm so speeechless. All I can say is that this is an amazing and touching story and I hope that you never lay your pen down. Amazing work!
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Your stories are so amazing... almost every single one makes me cry! *Sheepish Grin*
Well... gotta go
Not spose to be on here anyways
~Sarah -
Thank you graciously Yem for the lovely comment and compliment. As to your suggestion, I will make that change - thank you, it does indeed sound much better. As for 'bootees vs booties' - I deferred to trusty dictionary.com and it appears that both are correct. Thanks once again, you've made my day.
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I've used the technique of writing interspersed lyrics and stanzas in fiction before, not as effectively but I've done it. And of course I'm reminded or the great Jean Toomer's novel "Cane" where he uses that technique beautifully.
Thank goodness you avoid melodrama. I read that so much here and it is clumsy and unrealistic. Your main character is believable because you avoid trite, unrealistic emotions.
Not many good writers of fiction on this site, I can count them on one hand I believe. RJ and Susannah pop off the top of my head to join you as fiction writers who I admire.
Your style is clean thorough, you show an exceptional knowledge of word choice, and an understanding of how the right word can set a mood or a scene. Words have value just like currency, and the right one for the right moment, and the right phrase and form make all the difference.
A couple eenie, teenie suggestions:
Instead of, friend of a friend How about, an acquaintance. It has a slightly different meaning but it still fits what you want to say, then I'd like to see it changed to acquaintance, it just flows better to me and avoids any suggestion of a cliche. Second, isn't Bootees spelled, booties?
I love your writing. It is a rare thing on this site to see a competent writer of fiction.
Ah I miss writing these longish comments, poetry just isn't typically amenable to them.
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Thank you so much... coming from you, it makes me feel real good Thayla passes you a box of tissues
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This was absolutely beautiful it very nearly made me
You have a wonderful way with words.
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awww that is so sweet!!! i really like it!!! well, good luck in the contest!!!
~mere -
Awwww... That was a beautiful story, Leonora! You are very good at the "lyrics integration" technique. I love how you are able to take Blackmore Night's words and weave a new, intricate, and beautiful story from their lead.
The end made me sad and happy all at once! I liked this story because I too have a dilemma right now, and it was good to hear about someone who was able to solve theirs. Now, if only my guardian angel would fly down and tell me the right course... I hate school!!! LOL.
Anyway, this was a beautiful write, hun! Be careful jet-skiing, OK? 
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Aww this is a beautiful story! What a tale of heartbreak and renewed love. Fantastic. Good luck and thanks for entering.
~tara -
wonderful piece
omg, this was so sad...I think I am going to cry...the imagery in this is so vivid...i love it....You should definitely place in this contest...Amazing write, keep up the good work!
~Ashley -
deeply intense
Very very imagitive brings out the truth of the stress and the constant struggle to reach an inner peace with your self
You made several attemps to show the drama and it shouts out loud in a scream ,, keep it up
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