It was a warm summer day i was sitting in the flower meadow listening to birds chirp and lambs run around for the first time it was so beautiful then my heart started to hurt there was someone to fall in love with but who i looked around no one was there must be a chest pain then i went inside it was starting to rain i started to think how would fall in love with me i have no friends to talk to the next day there was a note on my bed my love i have seen you for so long everyday i fell like im in love with you but we must meet tonight near the love lake where we first made out what the i dont even remember that so it was 8.05pm where is he then a glow came out of the distance it was mark the handsome football player you wrote that letter yes i did i never loved charlie i love you more we sat and gazed at each other for a while then made necklace for each other a heart for mine and a kiss for mark we were happy for some time till we had to move apart when his parents told him not to see me anymore i was heart broken but never forgot him i was hurt but we would always find a way to see each other once again mark lived in new zealand me in australia i flew over to new zealand we meet at the love hill and we made out till we got caught by his dad we were madly in love dad! i love kate not charlie so im staying with her in australia kate lets go ok my love when we get there i got a surprise for you oh your sneaky.
Comments
-
it was okay
i liked it but there is lots of things you did not do but it was really good can't wait what happens nextbeginning: 5, language: 5, plot: 4, ending: 5, dialog: 4, characters: 5.
-
Your story seems good but it's very hard to understand as there I almost no punctuation and some words are written where it seems as if you meant to write something else. I would advise proofreading before posting.
Apart from that it seems like a pretty cool story and I would like to see what happens next
-
Nice...
But there are tons and tons of grammatical errors. You're missing punctuation, capitalization and so on. Also, it would be best for you--and the reader--to space this large body paragraph into smaller ones...it would be easier on the eye and flow better. WHile the story is a bit cliche, it could have potential if you follow my advice and proofread. Proofreading is key, that way you'll find you'll discover all of your mistakes that hinder a potentially good piece.
Great start though.
-
COOL STORY
Adding your comment:
