That's The Deal ~Part 5 of Pieces of Me

*When I was a child,1

most of my toys were hand me downs from my older siblings, for them, they were hand me downs from our older cousins. 2

I played with Tonka trucks and Nylint Horse trailers in the sand lot across the street at the local feed mill. 3

A few Barbie dolls had found their way to me along with some plastic farm animals. 4

I would sit for hours in that lot and play with5

my treasure trove of second hand toys...building roads and houses in the sand. It was my escape from being the youngest and sometimes the forgotten child in the family.6

My mother worked as a nurses assistant in the nursing home down the street and my father traveled daily to Machanicsburg where he worked in a factory that made screen doors and window frames. 7

I was left in the care of my older sister and though I know she loved me, had no idea as how to raise me.8

Esther had her friends and in the summer time wanted to be with them and then there were the times when she would just leave for days at a time.9

I was alone to roam through town as I wished.10

Freddy had taught me how to ride a two wheeler when I was 4 so I took advantage of that freedom as best I could.11

I also learned to read at the age of 4, for lack of company in the home, when the neighborhood kids could not play I was reading my sisters old romance novels.12

1967 was a transitional year for me, it was my last year to be spent alone day after day and year after year. I looked forward to kindergarten in the fall. I would be with other children, mostly cousins of mine that all lived near by. My first day of school was wonderful. 13

My mother would get me up with my brothers and sister every morning and my dog Rinty {Short for Rin Tin Tin}walked me to school. Rinty always sat outside the school waiting patiently for me. He was a muttly dog, part Sheep~dog, German Shepard and God only know's what else yet very large and very protective of me.14

I loved school, it was truly an escape into heaven for me. 15

I have one more brother that I rarely mention for he was {as a child} the proverbial thorn in my side and so full of jealousy of me. Howard was 4 when I was born and resented me horribly!16

He was no longer the baby and hated me from the very beginning.17

I spent my days without proper supervision and Howard beating me in the shoulders until they were black and blue or locking me in the bedroom closet until Freddy came home from school. 18

Howard would always get home an hour before Freddy did and he made a point to cause me whatever pain he could get away with. 19

Summer was even worse, he had way to much time to think about what he'd do next. That is really the only reason why I retreated to the sand lot, he never seemed to find me there.20

Home was a literal hell for me but, 21

when school started that year I felt some release, I still had to worry about what would happen if I got home before mom did. So, I began stopping at the nursing home and waiting for my mother to  get off work at 4pm. I had found away to avoid my abusive brother once again. 22

Once, Howard became so angry at me because I23

was able to outsmart him that he began beating on me without even caring who saw him. fortunately, Freddy and Butch were in the kitchen raiding the ice~box and heard my cries. 24

They both began pounding Howard's shoulders until he cried like a baby...funny how when my father found out,they were both punished because they had left bruises on Howard but nothing was ever said to Howard about his abusive behavior towards me. 25

I lived with the impression for years that girls were not important nor did females have any potential for growth outside of baby making and housework....thus at the tender age of 17 I entered into a marriage relationship where I was beaten daily for reasons such as, not wearing the clothes my husband had told me to wear that day or actually having an opinion of my own. 26

Two children and a divorce later,27

I was 32 years of age when I came to realise that men can love without hitting and causing pain.28

I realised that women are worth more than just house~maids and baby factories.29

I realised my potential as a mother, a contributing part of this life and as a successful writer. 30

I have also learned that I can either wallow in the past and feel sorry for myself for the rest of my life or,31

I can take all of that pain and learn from it, use it to my advantage and grow not only as a human being but a strong, vibrant woman who can contribute more than just tears to this life.32

I quote C.S. Lewis' wife Joy as part of my inspiration....33

"The Pain then is part of the Joy now...that's the deal!"*34