The Shattered Looking Glass Part Five: Breakfast At Tiffany's (Dance of the Evil Landlady)

I heard a comedian confirm my theory on coffee yesterday. It was one of Eddie Izzard's past shows called "Dressed to Kill." I had to laugh because he talked about coffee being an innuendo for sex. I thought it was interesting that I wasn't the only human who thought of that connection. I wonder why society has turned the phrase "would you like a cup of coffee" into "would you like to come over and do the hibbidy-dibbidy?" It's interesting when you think about it.1

Unfortunately I didn't have a cup of coffee in the morning when I woke up for the first time in Trent's home. I think the caffeine would have helped me prepare for what happened. I knew that house was going to be a big change, and the noise level seemed to be a contribution.2

You dream of flying through a diamond-studded twilight with painted wings of silver snow. Your beautiful wings reflect the moon into your flowing hair of fallen stars and you soar to the peak of the Heavens. There, you softly perch upon the roof of Mount Olympus and, with silken wings outspread, you call upon the deities for a final blessing before you return to the one you love. Your cries are muffled as you are devoured by a treacherous tempest that screams with hatred upon each ringing of thunder.3

The thunder wasn't a dream. I awoke to the sound of screaming in the hallway. Apparently Anthony brought a girl home last night, they got high together, and then had obnoxious monkey-sex while I was innocently sleeping. When the girl woke up this morning, she freaked out because Anthony forgot to wake her up so she could arrive at work on time. For fifteen minutes straight the entire house echoed with their yelling.4

"You sorry excuse for an ass-wipe! I told you I had to be at the company for demos today!"5

Insert Anthony's Stupid Remark Here: "Who needs work when you can be working it with me?"6

This is where she slaps him, Trent walks out and roars with laughter, and Anthony (too high to react quickly) raises his hand to his cheek half a second late. The girl storms off, a door slams, and Trent's laughter makes its way down to the kitchen. About this time I had decided to get out of bed and begin my first day of "change." I was not prepared for the instant shock change happened to bring to me that morning....7

An intoxicating aroma had lured me to the kitchen where I found Trent stirring something in what looked like a large, metal cauldron. I tottered over to him, weary with morning legs, and peered into the pot. A reddish-orange soup boiled and the smell made my mouth water. I threw my arms over Trent's shoulders and rested my head on his shoulder while clasping one of my wrists, and then curiously I closed an eye and stared at the broth.8

"What is it?" I inquired.9

"Menudo. My dad used to make it every weekend. It's a hispanic thing."10

"Mmm..." I responded. "Does it taste good?"11

Trent let out a soft, chesty chuckle. "Yeah, much better than you think what it is made of tastes like."12

"What do you mean?"13

"Nah, it's not important. Go ahead and take a seat...It's almost ready."14

I sat down across from where Anthony had decided to sulk. He lifted his head and looked at me, much like a deer when the headlights of a car shine on it seconds before impact. He sniffed a little, scratched his messy hair, and then blinked one eye.15

"Ow. That really hurt." Surely it was one of Anthony's delayed reactions. He raised an eyebrow. "She was a contortionist, too." What a pig.16

My mind suddenly became occupied with the concept of food as Trent placed a bowl of steamy goodness in front of me. I eagerly glurped (a word related to slurped that Trent thought he could use to beat me in scrabble) down the soup and belched after it had been devoured completely. I sighed with satisfaction and leaned back in my chair.17

"Trent, you are my new favorite chef! What's in this stuff anyway?"18

"Uhh..." Trent seemed a bit hesitant to respond.19

"Uhh what?"20

"Well, don't gross out over this...some people don't understand mexican culture...."21

"Ah, I can take anything!" I challenged.22

"Alright," he gave in, "but I warned you. It's made of cow intestine and colon, with some of the stomach lining. We add hominy to contrast to the texture and bring out some flavor."23

I thought I was going to gag. I jumped out of my chair and turned to run to the toilet when I found a tall woman blocking my way. She was blonde and beautiful, and she easily could have passed as Vendela. She wore a figure fitting and low-cut black-leather business dress-suit with tall black boots. Her hair was tied back in a tight french braid and she towered over me with a dark glare.24

"Who's she?" questioned the walking skyscraper in a British accent. Trent immediately jumped from his seat and ran to my side, placing his hands on my shoulders.25

"She's just a relative who came to visit for a while. Nothing for you to bother getting worked up over, Tiffany."26

"I see," replied Tiffany. "You do know what I will do to you if I find out you're lying, right?"27

"Yes ma'am!" exclaimed Anthony, "And let me be the first person to jump in line!"28

Tiffany cast the evil-eye in Anthony's direction. "That's not the penalty, and you know I wouldn't bother to waste my time with you two low-lifes." She clacked her black shoes as she walked in my direction and leaned in close.29

"Two weeks free rent for her, but if she's here any longer than that I consider her a resident and she pays rent. I'll add an extra one-hundred to your payment by that time."30

"You can't do that!" Trent argued. "That's got to be against the law somewhere!"31

Tiffany glanced despisingly at Trent. "I can do what I want. I own these homes, and I rent them out to pathetic pieces-of-shit like you." She shook her hips as she walked to the door, and then stopped with her hand on the knob. "Rent's due next week. See you boys next Sunday."32

Tiffany disappeared and the three of us let out a sigh. This was what it felt like to hit rock-bottom from the rich life.33