Ok before you just dive in and start reading, this piece is a bit different. A while back I wrote a short piece. The idea was to describe an action without using the word that describes the action anywhere in the piece (like not saying 'eating' when describing eating). Lacyte said it would be better in poem form (I agreed). So I asked Thayla to make it a poem, and Lacyte too.2
Below you'll find the original piece, and the two poem versions.3
I ask, please, do not comment with things like 'my favourite version was done by xxxxx'.4
That would be cruel.5
This is an experiment to showcase three very different writing styles.6
So, without further delay, enjoy!
7===============8
Original9
--------10
She walks into the spotlight, her white suit shimmering with a delicate hue. All around her, silence, broken by the occasional cough or rustling as the spectators await the show. For a few seconds she just stands there, delicate as a flower on a frozen field. Out of the darkness, the first drums start to beat, rising slowly in volume, and she changes. From a delicate flower to a flowing stream moving along the enticing beat, her every movement timed perfectly. Left and right, swinging by an unseen rope she glides over the floor, pushed along by the unseen drums that stir her.11
Then she changes, and the drums follow, from a stream to the fluttering butterfly. Swift light movements, she is untouched by gravity. Jumping and twirling the spotlights sparkle off her bright red hair, and she is beautiful. But she changes again, from a butterfly to a prowling tiger. Quietly, ever so carefully, through the melodies of the music she wades, sweeping her gaze on the unseen spectators. Every time she jumps to the beat her unknown lovers gasp, afraid she would fall, but she is perfect. Every movement, every beat, every nuance of the music mapped out until she could sing it off by heart. It is here, in the darkness, only she and the music, where she can be free. Where life does not come in and lay its wicked rules upon her. And she shines that freedom to all around her. The spectators wish to join her, but this is her show, her world, and they merely the viewers. The drums continue to beat, faster and faster, she jumps, and for a moment, completely free. Then back down again, flowing to another form as the beat changes, thrusting hands up in the air, spinning backwards, agility mixed with precision as the beat follows her around the stage.12
The lights dim as the music fades, the spectators saw, for a moment, true freedom. Silently she leaves the stage in a silent roar. She knows she has played her part.13
Thayla14
------15
She walks into the spotlight, in her shimmering white suit.16
All around the anticipation causing a palpable mute.17
In the silence she emerges, the most delicate flower.18
Out of the darkness the first drum sounds with astounding power.19
Rising slowly the beat supplies a change, as the flower becomes a flowing stream.20
Her movements timed to perfection, the crowd enjoys her choreographed dream.21
Left and right she swings from a unseen rope as she gliding across the floor.22
Again the unseen drums cause a change, as the crowd silently waits for more.23
The flowing stream transforms into a beautiful butterfly, 24
Swift flowing movements, as gravity itself she does defy.25
Jumping and twirling her red hair sparkles in the light.26
Her beauty striking in her seamless flight.27
Suddenly she changes into a prowling tiger, 28
and wades through the musics all consuming power.29
With every jump and drum beat, he gasps in terror.30
But she is perfect in her dancing pleasure.31
Every movement, every beat flawless and beautiful in this musical retreat.32
For in this place of freedom she has finally found the perfect beat.33
Where live's wicked rules hold no sway 34
and none can join in her world today.35
For this is her time to shine,36
and shine she does as she moves in time.37
As the lights dim and the music fades, 38
she silently leaves the stage. 39
The audience clap and scream all in awe,40
of the beauty and artistry they just saw. 41
Lacyte42
------43
Audience waits with baited breath. 44
Silence reigns, expectant, 45
broken only by muted cough or rustle. 46
For endless seconds she stands - 47
Delicate as a flower on frozen fields. 48
From the darkness drumbeats rise: 49
Louder, louder, louder. 50
She changes - 51
Flower turns to flowing stream, 52
moving to enticing beat. 53
Every movement perfect timing. 54
Left and right on unseen chains, 55
She glides across the floor. 56
Stirred and pushed by distant drums. 57
Rushing stream transforms - 58
becomes a playful butterfly. 59
Drums follow the change of pace 60
Movements light and swift. 61
Gravity, for her, does not exist. 62
Leaping and twirling, 63
trying ever to evade the light; 64
It follows unrelenting. 65
sparking fire from bright red hair. 66
She is beauty. 67
Another change. 68
Butterfly becomes prowling predator: 69
a tiger padding softly through melodies, 70
Gaze sweeping over faceless eyes. 71
Every jump brings a gasp 72
from an unknown lover, 73
afraid that she may fall. 74
But here, she is perfect. 75
Every movement, 76
every beat, 77
every nuance of the music, 78
engraved into her very being. 79
She knows it all, it is hers. 80
In this darkness, alone with the music: 81
Here she can be free. 82
She radiates her freedom to all around her. 83
Those watching, wish to join. 84
But this is her world - 85
and they can only watch. 86
The tempo rises: faster, faster! 87
She rises. 88
For a moment in time 89
hangs suspended from nothingness. 90
A perfect moment - perfect freedom. 91
Graceful landing, 92
flowing to another form, a new rhythm. 93
Hands thrust in the air, 94
spinning backwards; 95
Agile, precise, 96
The beat still follows her every step around the stage. 97
Lights begin to dim - 98
Music fades. 99
And they know they have seen perfection. 100
Silence roars. 101
She departs the stage. 102
And she knows. 103
She knows she has played her part.104
Adding your comment:
Isn't English confusing?!?!?
)