*Untitled* (Should I keep writing?)

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"By God John, she's beautiful!" Those were the first words to come out of Ezralda's perfect mouth. 2

I remember her walking up to me and gasping looking at my features. "She should model." she finally said after circling me a few times staring at my being. And that was the turning point for me. 3

It wasn't the first time I had been told I should model. I had been told hundreds of times, all meaningless though. But Ezralda, being my new step mom, of course it mattered. 4

Ezralda was also very beautiful and was an ex model--meaning she used to model, but got kicked out of the agency for God knows why. But when I entered her life, she decided to use me as her "second chance" to get back in. 5

My dad at the time being blinded by her fake love, did nothing about anything Ezralda chose to do with me. Which left me being my step mom's puppet. 6

I remember the first modeling agency Ezralda took me to. It was twenty minutes away, a one story building that was quite plain on the outside but on the inside it was much different. 7

You could hear thumping music from somewhere in the building and when you entered the building you were in a room that was a warm red color and white marble floors. The place smelt of fresh paint and cleanliness. There was a large beige desk with a lady behind the desk writing something down. The place was called Balben Colorado Modeling Agency also known as BCMA. 8

"Ezralda?" I heard the lady say in the midst of me looking around. She had now obviously taken notice of our existence. 9

Ezralda walked forward towards the desk, pushing me along with her. "Yes, yes it is me," she said with a swish of her hair and in a much more french accent then I was used to from her. "but I am not here for me." she said. I watched the lady's expression carefully. 10

Her face went from normal to a kind of surprised look. "Oh?" she said then looked at me looking down to up. 11

Ezralda pushed me forward in front of her. "This is my daughter." That sounded weird. That was the first time Ezralda had called me her daughter instead of her step daughter. 12

The lady smied at me, "Hi." she said. I smiled back, not saying a word. 13

"I wanted you to take a look at her--well, not you. Where is Peter and Joanne?" Ezralda had her hands on my shoulders now. I wondered who Peter and Joanne were, probably the owners. I watched the lady as her expression changed slightly. 14

I saw her expression go to hurt almost, probably from hearing the "not you" part, to serious in almost under two seconds flat and suddenly she was sitting up-right, looked very prefessional. 15

"Um," the lady began, shuffling papers around and looking at her Apple computer. Ezralda moved passed me and up to the desk, placing her perfectly manacured fingers on the desk, which might I mention had long weird fake nails on them with some radical design. Ezralda looked back at me with almost an annoyed look on her face as if to urge me to come forward to, I obeyed, feeling like her puppet again. 16

"Peter and Joanne are working right now. Very busy. They are looking for new models though, if that's what you want," the lady took a quick glance at me, looking almost unimpressed, which really lifted my spirits. "on March 9th, which is in a week, they will be looking at the girls who have signed up for this big go-see. You can register her in for the go-see but this is very last minute. Registration is just closing today. This is the last day." Said the lady and placed a registration form in front of Ezralda. 17

Ezralda stared at the paper in front of her which I could hardly see, studying it, I could tell she was quite annoyed with all of this. "Hmph," I could hear Ezralda mumble to herself. I knew what she was thinking just by the expression on her face, Why in the world do I have to fill out a stupid piece of paper when I used to be there number one model. They should immediately take her. Not make me go through this bullshit. The truth was to me, I had seen plenty more beautiful women in modeling looking through magazines and by the way the lady kept looking at Ezralda I could tell Ezralda probably wasn't there best model. 18

"fine. Okay," Ezralda said, I could now tell she was trying to hold back her snobby attitude. Her french accent now was stronger than ever. "we will fill out the paper work. We will fill it out now." said Ezralda giving the lady a dirty look and moving away from the desk and I heard her loud heels click on the floor as she walked. I could hear Ezralda's dramatic sighs. 19

I followed Ezralda over to a hard, uncomfortable, square looking, beige couch and sat down on it, it felt like rock. 20

I looked at the paper that was in Ezralda's lap as she dug through her over-sized bag for probably a pen considering she was muttering "pen, pen, pen" under her breathe. "Ah ha." she said out loud so the only other two people in the room, me and the lady behind the desk could hear and then clicked on the pen. "Now..." said Ezralda looking at the paper. Suddenly Ezralda slammed the pen down on her lap. "Do you at least have a clip board I can write on?" Ezralda said quite loudly, glaring at the lady behind the desk. 21

The lady looked up at Ezralda, unfazed by her glare, which I was shoked by, I hated Ezralda's glare, and then looked around. "Um..." she said then spotted something in a drawer behind the desk, away from our view. "oh, right here." she said. "Bryoni, go get it for me." Said Ezralda to me. Did I mention Ezralda never liked my name? Said it was "unsuitable" for a model. Said it sounded to southern too. Like I lived on a ranch, which, we did. I also hated the way she said my name, like it was so disgusting. 22

I didn't even nod, just did as I was told and walked up to the desk, my feet making no sound as I walked up and got the clip board from the lady. I was about to take it but she had her grip on it. "What's your name?" the lady asked me, looking right at me. "Bryoni." I said. The lady smiled and let go of the clip board. "Such a pretty, unique name. I might name my kid that." I was about to exchange a smile when we both heard Ezralda laugh loudly "Ha!" I looked back at Ezralda and did a small sigh then looked back at the lady and exchanged a small, pathetic smile. The lady didn't exchange one back, instead looked slightly confused. 23

I walked back to the uncomfortable couch and sat in it and Ezralda snatched it from my hand and quickly put the paper on it and clicked the pen open again. 24

"Name..." she muttered under her breathe and wrote down Bryoni Wiltken quite messily. Ezralda thought it was stylish and beautiful. "Birthdate..." I heard her say then write down 15. I was really 14 at the time but I wasn't going to correct her. And then the rest of the registration form. 25

When we were finally done we handed it to the lady who only looked at me and smiled. "Have a nice day." she said. "Have a nice day my ass.." I heard Ezralda mutter as we exited the building. 26

Ezralda was walking quite fast to the car, doing her "walk" shaking her hips, her head high, and a swoosh of her hair. It was hard to keep up so I eventually had to jog to the car, which was thankfully a short distance and I hoped no one had seen. 27

I got in the passenger seat of her nice BMW which she had had before she married my father and then she got in, turning on the car immediately, muttering words under her breathe. "Ungreatful, stupid bitch can't even see what's right in front of her." She said loudly now as we pulled out of the parking space and sped away, dangerously. 28

A week had passed by slowly and all the while Ezralda was calling other agencies around the world to tell them how beautiful I was, I always left the room when she had, wondering how in the world telling agencies how beautiful I am could help us at all. 29

I had also looked up online what a go-see was, not knowing a clue back then. Apparently it was where a model goes to a modeling agency and shows them what the model has to offer to the agency if they book them, which ment the model would become there client. 30

Now it was time to go to my first go-see and I didn't know what could happen. I sat in the back of Ezralda's BMW, listening to my iPod while she was trying to explain to me exactly what I should do once I am in there. Though I wasn't paying attention one bit, as much as I should have. I was busy thinking what could happen. 31

We finally got there, 10 minutes late and already Ezralda was freaking out. "Hurry up! Get in there! Make Mommy proud!" I remember I immediately stopped after I heard that and turned around to face her. "You are not-" but I was cut off by her. "Yes, yes I am." She said sharply. "I am your mother now. Now go." And she pushed my forward, through the doors and back into the agency. I was almost completely disgusted by that one remark that I felt I was about to loose my cool and was just going to tear the place apart, but, I didn't. Holding back my anger for one of the first times in my life. 32

"You're late." said the same lady behind the desk. "We know!" spat back Ezralda and before the lady, or I, had a chance to register Ezralda's anger to that extreme, I was being pushed by Ezralda through a door, and suddenly I was in a large room with a bunch of other chattering girls and I suddenly felt tiny. Ezralda obviously still knew her way around. 33

There were so many beautiful girls that I felt ugly. Some seemed just as nervous as I did, others seemed completely calm, talking to friends. I wish I had been calm. 34

I waited, and waited, and waited for my turn to be called up to finally begin my first go-see. I saw so many girls leave crying and others leave proudly, I was starting to get nervous. 35

"Bryoni Weltkin?" I finally heard someone call out when there was only about five other girls left, it seemed so calm now. I remember I felt like I had just been shocked by something and a jolt of something ran through me as if I had just awakened and I was now completely nervous. "Go." said Ezralda, and I went into another room where there was two people sitting. Obviously Peter and Joanne. 36

I felt small in comparison to them, they seemed as if they were famous now, hearing there name so many times. 37

"Bryoni Weltkin?" said Peter, in a strong italian accent. "Yes." I said, I could hear my voice shake. Then they just studied me until Joanne finally just spoke one word. "No." I was almost shocked. "What?" I said, that was the only thing I could manage out. "To fat. Next." she added, with also an italian accent. 38

I stood there, completely shocked. No one had ever before tell me I was fat. But suddenly I felt huge. "Please leave." said Peter, I had obviously been standing there for a while, probably looking dumbfounded and hurt. I slowly exited the door I came in and on the way passed a girl who came in looked stick thin and happy, and I felt a spear run through my heart. And that was when dieting happened. 39

We were in the car now, Ezralda and me, and she was now talking to me, angered. "Well you are fat," I didn't even answer, just stared out the window, quietly crying in the back seat. "I'll give you my old diet pills and diet books." she said. 40

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Summer happened, and I was now thinner than I ever had been ever before. Doing all the diets in the book and taking all the diet pills. But I still needed to loose more, I was still fat still, I could still here Joanne say to me "to fat" and now I would look in the mirror and say to myself "To fat." and feel hatred, but that hatred always got me through another day of dieting and I would feel strong. If I happened to eat anything I shouldn't I would feel week and out of control. 42

Ezralda would tell me as well I still needed to loose. 43

I had gotten some signings with other agencies and now modeling became my passion. Though I still hated Ezralda. Modeling became my career pathway. By force and slightly choice. I was beginning to love the attention I never had before that I had in front of the camera. 44

The lights flashing, people telling you you were beautiful, the whole atmasphere was amazing. But still, people told me I was to fat and I needed to loose some weight, so I continued. 45

I remember that one friday night that changed me for good. Ezralda came running up to me, opening up my bed room door with out knocking and put a paper in front of me. It was a brochure. The top said La Belle et Le Beau. Which I knew basically ment the beautiful in french. "Read it." I remember hearing Ezralda say, more excited than I had ever heard her. It was a brochure for a modeling camp basically. It was for girls and boys where they go to this boarding school almost and they model for big companies and small ones. "It will be good for you." She said. To me it was also a way to get away from the family, so I decided I would go. 46

I packed my suit case full of clothes, the brochure, my modeling profile, and many diet pills and diet books and then one plain trip to London later, I was there.