Return to Atlantis

The living room lights of the third floor apartment clicked on right on scheduel, like they did every night. Tianise waited for the traffic below to stop before he leaped to the roof of the paralelle building. Even as his boots hit the water on the roof, no sound was made. The demon cracked his neck tiwce and stretched out his palms. Then crouching to his lowest point, he began to crawl along the roofto its edge. With annal acuracy, his nails and boot tips latched onto the side of the bricks. Careful not to look down below, he slowly scaled down to her window. 1

As he passed the upper most level of the building, the demon's nose hairs bristled. It never ceased to amaze him how disgusting most Upper Worlders were. Nothing they ever ate was slightly edible to him and everything smelled so sharp and tainted. Tianise longed for the dark meat of a wild boar. The demon had to check himself as a long stream of saliva pour fom his mouth. Spitting the wad downward, he continued to scale. The intense aroma of her paint wells, told him that he was getting nearer to her place. Then I can finally go home. Tianise unclenched his body and allowed himself to drop several feet before scrambling to retain his hold of the brick quickly.
When his head was near the top of her window, Tianise careful flipped his body to that he was rightside up. Clinging to the edge of her sill, the demon place his open palm to the window. As he focused his energy, his diamond sharp claws extnded untill they were imbedded into the pane. A small crack, alerted him that he had gone to far. The demon silently cursed. She heard me 2

Sure enough an average looking figure headed into the living room. The person was semi covered from head to toe in dark clothing. Except for her face. Tianise could just make out her features from underneath her deep hood. The girl came close to the window and blink. The demon followed her gaze trying to read her mind. He knew she couldn't see him, but that didn't mean she didn't suspect something. The girl, after deciding the coast was clear, headed back to her originally task. Tianise, furrowed his brow waiting to see if she'd be back. After a few moments he continued to break into her apartment. Slowly, with more caution, he turned his wrist slicing through the glass with ease. Once the circle had been completely cut, Tianise pulled his arm back and let the circle fall from his grasp.3

He tuned his ear to wait for its drop. Even at this height something as small will rise over the bustleof the night traffic. Nothing came. The demon closed his eyes and smiled. One, two, ......three. A small tink sounded stoppeding all time. Here goes nothing4

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Renee snapped her head around. This time she was sure she had heard something. Without make much sound, the girl stood up from her drawing and swiftly made her way back to her living room. There was nothing. But she could feel a draft. "I hate city apartments. Random noises and cold rooms. This is so not worth what I'm paying for it." The young woman walked over to her window poised to shut it. As she got closer she walked slower. The window wasn't open. And yet.... Once Renee was close enough to see properlyshe gasped. A small hole had been cut cleanlyfrom her window. Testing her sanity, Renee felt around the hole, careful not to cut herself. 6

"Oh, no." the young woman turned to call the police but found her way blocked.7

A tall man stood in front of her. His head slowly tinted up as he walked forward. Renee grabbed her lamp, raised it above her head and charged. In a swift step, Tianise gripped her wrist and snapped it in half. With his other hand he clutched her throat bringing her up to his height. Renee didn't even scream as his claws unsheathed and began to cut off her air supply. 8

Tianise pulled down her hood making sure her had the right woman. Sure enough a spiral of mini black diamonds branched off of a greater one. 9

"i've been searching for you, little one." His yellow eyes searched her blue ones curiously. She hadn'tput up much of a fight. Could this really be what his master was looking for?10

Renee's eyes fluttered and she weakly pulled at his grip. Her lips freigned fluent speech as her consciousness faded. "God..." She whispered.11

Tianise chuckled and loosened his grip. "You couldn't be more wrong."12

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"Home sweet, Home." The young demon bitterly growled. He could alread feel the elixir wearing off. But at least under the fortress's magic he would at least last a bit more than usual. Tianise was exhausted. After spending weeks trying to track the girl, then having to transport himself plus her back before his magic failed had been excutiatingly painful. He didn't give a damn about the girl's fate but he'd like to know why someone was weak as her was "direly important"14

With her still over his shoulder, he treked his way to his master's chambers. He knew better than to even think abuot resting before he met with the Dark Lord. He could remember his first mission in which that very thing had happened. Nothing major, he was just told to assasinate some meaningless human. that human had been surrounded by thousands of other humans After the trip, Tianise had felt he deserved a good rest. His Lord hadn't. 15

"Don't ever defy me in such a way ever again! You will not rest till I say, Hear me! 16

Tianise flinched involutarily remembering the pain he had been put through. The demon didn't remember the particulars, but ti had been painful. When his master had finshed, Tianise had been near death. But his Lord wasn't stupid. tinanise was invaluable. Half breeds alwasy were. For their strength and rarity, half-breeds were the most exspensive weapon on the market. As the demon came to the center of the fortress, his fatgue seemed to grow. The area was filled with all sorts of man ad beast. "damn it, I should have known better." Tianise looked behind him for an easy escap. The nearest way was to scale the moutain to his Lord's domain.17

Securing the girl onto his back, tianise leaped up and over the first ostacle. The rocky span of the moutntain opened up to him. It would be a hard trek. Another week, at the least but, here there would be less distractions. Like the thought of sleep....18

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Renee woke to a terribly great sight. Dark terrain and a red sky surrounded her. A burning stench hung slightly in the air aorund her causing tears to form in her eye. It was dangerously beautiful. The protruding crevaces and sparce growth around inspired her. Even the odd avian creatures above and the shifty eyes in the shadows offered excitement. Renee shifted out of her position, realizing that she was in some sort of harness. Her arms and feet were tied around a moving object that showed not sign of stopping. Renee pulled back as she would with a steed and jerkeda bit. the thing jolted and continued. Renee gritted her teeth and pulled again. This time her binds fell free and she tumbled back wards to the ground. 20

Now free Renee looked up to her carrier. Foreign cleat like boots covered its feet and dark loose pants were tucked into the shins. A serious metal belt encicled its waist housing unknown weapons. A broad chest was covered by blillowing tunic. Each large shoulder held a sling for a weapon. Renee tilted her head higher and squinted at the face. Nothing came to mind, until it opened its eyes. Yellow orbs peered down at her freezing her in the spot. There was something reproachful in its gaze that startled Renee.21

"First off." A deep rustle came forth, "I'm not an 'it'. I'm a demon; a male if you didn't notice." 22

Renee looked down and tried to hide her thoughs, He can read my thoughts. Then read this! 23

The demon chuckled, slightly amused. "There'll be plenty time for that later. But for now, my master request a visit from you. So we must get moving."24

He stepped forward and offered his hand nonchalauntly. Renee looked up at her captor and scuttled away. She kepted her eyes in his afriad to break away that she might never see his eyes again. When she finally got to her feet, Renee bolted. 25

Rennee looked back only once. He stood there with his arms folded, almost passively. Renee turned away and continued. She'd have to find a way home.26

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Tianise watched painfully as she ran away. This job was tuning out harder than he though. In truth, he would like nothing more than to leave her to the mercy of the wild. But his Lord would undoubtedly kill him, if not worse. Tianise sighed and contemplated his options. He could wait for some unsuspecting civilian to find her, or wait for her screams. Tianise sat down and rested his head on a large stone. I think I'll choose option C 28

The demon put his finger to his lips and blew the sharpest sound he could muster. It would take a moment for Mutskin to arrive, he could at least get a little bit of rest in. But as always the damned crow was on time. Tianise rolled into a sitting position in as he growled. "Good evening, Mutskin."29

The over sized crow hovered before he finally came to a rest. What most would consider to be menacing, Mutskin was actually a jolly cursed animal just waiting to be set free.30

" 'Ello boss!" The cheerful bird cocked his head to the side and gave its version of a grin.31

"I'm not you boss, Mutskin. The Lord is."32

"Yet you feels the need for me to be at your beck and call. Not that I mind. You're more fun than the old bastard 'imself, eh. No, don't matter to ol' Mutskin. So, 'oos I get to kill anyway?"33

Tianise stood slowly and paced around. He wanted to give the most direct instructions that left no room for error. Carefully, the demon male described Renee as acurately as possible. "Understand that you can not be seen by anyone. The Master wants her alive and well. Try to keep her quiet, too."34

The crow bobbed its head a coupl

Author notes

I'm in the mood for changing so myths and stories around for my own jot. So this is one of the first. Hope you like ti so far it's a work in progress. Tell me what you think


The character is Tianise. The he's a little older in this story and in a whole differnt "realm" but he's my biker boy hero. In all my stories he starts off as kind of a bad guy then you learn it isn't his fault and he saves the ehroine froom death as she saves his humanity. I'ma sucker for this kinda stuff

My fav english word is lisp. Only because i think that its cruel that it has an 's' in it

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Are my character "real" enough? Does this story intrigue you?

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Comments


  • SageSyren Greeters member
    April 11

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    P2'...the demon's nose hairs bristled. It never ceased to amaze him how disgusting most Upper Worlders were. Nothing they ever ate was slightly edible to him and everything smelled so sharp and tainted.' Good use of smell here.

    P3 'Except for her face. Tianise could just make out her features from underneath her deep hood' but you don't give the reader a description. Are you keeping us in suspense? This would be a great place to add a little description.



    Great start, don't forget to run this through spell check. And don't forget to keep using the five senses throughout the whole story. You've got a good start on them.

    Good luck in the contest.
    Brooke

  • Kismet Krazy
    April 7

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    Great job! I really like this story. hope you add more at one point or another. I really like the characters you have here and the story pulled me in. There are a few spelling errors in it but i think if you look over the story you'll see them. And besides that everyone makes them and they were just little small things. great Job and keep it up!

    beginning: 5, language: 5, plot: 5, ending: 5, dialog: 5, characters: 5.


  • Lil BearCoon
    March 10

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    It definitely intrigues me. I found quite a few spelling/grammar mistakes, but it happens. We all make them. Other than that, I think it's very promising for a long story! Good job!