New moon re-write

"Bella, I know you miss him but you can't be like this," Charlie said. I looked up at him innocently.
"Like what?" I asked. Though I knew exactly what he was talking about. I just didn't want to talk about it. It was hard enough to go on every day - knowing HE was never coming back. Tears were about to form so I mentally punched myself in order to stop thinking about it. Though I never truly could forget about him.1

"You know exactly what I'm talking about Bells," he glared at me and I looked down. "Maybe - I don't know - maybe...you should leave. Go back to arizona and see Renee."2

"What?" I blurted. "No, I can't do that!" I stood up from the table. The cereal I'd been pushing around my bowl sloshed. "I won't go! You can't make me!" My face was heated and tears were brimming. What always happened when I got mad. Charlie shook his head.3

"I'm sorry Bella," he sighed. "But I've already called her." 4

I stomped out of the dinning room, not even bothering to clean up my mess. I tripped on my way up the stairs and caught myself on the railing. I hurried to my room with Charlie at my tail. I slammed the door in his face - feeling a little sorry - but locking it anyway. Charlie pounded on the door. 5

"Isabella Marie Swan!" he yelled. "Come out here right now!"6

"I'm not going back to Pheonix!" I shouted back. "I live here, Forks is my home." I frowned and walked over to the window. Eventually Charlie left and I stood alone. Being alone was something I usually tryed to avoid. I opened my bedroom door and peeked down the stairwell. Charlie was watching T.V. 7

I didn't want to tip him off that I was leaving so I snuck back up to my room and climbed out my window onto my tree. I winced remembering the person who had climbed in this same spot almost every night. I had to run past the front window to get to my truck. But Charlie never came outside. Even when the deafening roar of my ancient car came to life.8

I drove around town for no reason at all. Just driving - going nowhere. It was a Saturday. I didn't really have anything to do. Especially since going to work and Mrs. Newton telling me they were closing the shop for the weekend. I didn't notice where I was going until I was already there. 9

The trees surrounded me, almost looming over me. I stared at the springy ferns I had once sat on. The truck was turned off and I just sat there. I stepped out of the warm cab. Into the fridged air. There had to be a good reason to why my subconcious had brought me here. I walked into the woods. The green branches made a covered roof over my head. I didn't know how I knew where to go. But I still went on.10

I broke through the trees into the clearing what seemed like days later - which was probably only a few hours. My hair swirled around my face. Rain was falling harder than before. It pelted me, unmercifully. I was soaked through within minutes. Then a dangerous feeling crept into my spine. I turned to run back into the woods - back to the saftey of my truck.11

Something hit my back - I flew forward into a tree trunk. My back cracked and I screamed. A hand gripped the back of my head - a cold hand - and rammed it against the side of the tree. A gash formed against the side of my skull. Then she turned me around and looked into my face. I'd never heard Victoria speak before - so I was surprised when she sounded like a little girl with a high pitched voice.12

"Hello, Bella."13

"Victoria," I said. Her fist connected with my shoulder - popping it out of place. I cried out feeling the agony of pain peirce through my arm.14

"Where's your Edward?" I flinched at his name being mentioned.15

"Gone," I replied. "He doesn't want me anymore." I felt like I was choking on each and every word. My throat was closing up.16

"Awe that's to bad," she said just before gripping the front of my shirt and throwing me across the field. She was there above me within another second. I gasped, gulping for air.17

"You know," she said tapping her cheek. "I have this plan, Edward never wanted to make you a vampire. Or so I heard from Laurent. And I was thinking that wouldn't he just find it horrible if I turned you and left you in your little precious town to reek havoc and kill all of your friends and family."18

"No," I gasped. But she was already pulling my throat up to her mouth. I tried to fight but she was much stronger than me. "Please...no."19

"I think that's a good plan," she smiled flashing her teeth before sinking them into the skin just above my collar bone. I screamed at she pulled out my blood drinking greedily. I was becoming dizzy when she yanked herself away from me and running away with blood spilling out of her mouth. I knew what she was doing. She was running before she could actually kill me. And then the fire began....

A contest entry

    : , Your review:

    Comment Suggestion: What is your your first impression?
    : Cost: 0 free left 0 points, You have 0. (?) (Line numbers)
    Ratings:

Comments

1 - 13 of 13

  • bethann93
    August 13

    Edit | Reply
    Well, even though I asked for a story that didn't have events from the actual story, this was good. I suppose I can let it slide since you did add originality to your story as well by adding twists. But I also loved how you wrote this in a way that makes the characters just like the ones in new moon. I enjoyed this a lot, so good job. I'm adding this to the finalists list! Good luck.

  • Well, this doesn't follow the rules for option 2. "...nothing that didn't happen in the books can happen in your story." But, I'll let it slide. This was good writing. I really enjoy twilight fanfiction, and I thought you did a good job of showing Bella's pain while Edward was gone. I glad you entered my contest because this was a good read.


  • May Kingston
    April 5

    Edit | Reply
    I love your little twist on things. That would have been a very interesting alternate route for the story to take. Are you planning on finishing this? Now I am just curious. XD


  • Reaver Greeters member
    April 1

    Edit | Reply
    Thanks for entering, but this didn't really fit into the full-circle romance category. Best of luck to you in creating this fan-fiction.
    Rian


  • Rose Hathaway
    March 14

    Edit | Reply
    OMG! This is just what I was looking for!!! You kept the characters perfectlly but at the same time created a thriling tale of your own. Is there a next part to this?!?! Well done and thanks for entering!


  • CareBearJah
    March 13
    Edit | Reply
    OMG!!! I want to read the next part!!! It was really good...


  • jkj2692
    March 8
    Edit | Reply
    Hey ashrose I loved your stories so much, that i decided to write the second version of this plz read it


  • Wind Goddess
    March 8
    Edit | Reply
    I think this is better then the originall new Moon book! New moon was he worst ever ever ever of the twilight series, except maybe eclipse was worse by a little bit! But this is great excellent wonderful i want to read more please continue! *pants*
    -Forestshadow


    • Ashlyn Rose
      March 9
      Edit | Reply
      The new moon book was pretty drawnout I know but it had a lot of important stuff the only problem I had was it was my least favorite of the series

  • jkj2692
    March 8

    Edit | Reply
    please write more please please this is so awsome i love the twilight series. what happened to bella? plese please write more!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

  • *laughs* If only New Moon was as mercifully-written as this one was. The novel itself was torture, it was so long and drawn-out...

    Nice job =]

1 - 13 of 13