Scene from Chill

It was cold. The icy wind cut through me viciously, like a blade. It whipped the snowflakes up into a frenzy, and they spiralled through the air. They came to rest upon the branches of the old oak trees. 1

The moonlight shone down on the field that lay before me. It illuminated the snow, the white immaculate snow. 2

It was so cold.3

I sat behind a tree, huddled in the snow. Mama had told me to wait there, and so I would. I was a good girl. It was all part of the game.4

I was not afraid. The snow was white – the colour of purity, of innocence – my grandma had told me. Everything would be okay. She was coming back. Mama was coming back to play with me. 5

The sky darkened.6

I felt so stiff, so frozen, as if I had become one with the snow, as if the slightest blow would shatter me into a thousand tiny snowflakes. 7

But you could trust the snow, I knew that much. It didn’t burn like the sun, didn’t drown you like the sea. Snow was gentle, soft, and could be whatever you wanted it to be. With my small hands, I could mould handfuls of beauty. I was in control. I was the boss.8

Soon Mama would join me, and together we would play in the snow. But until then, I would wait, patiently as I had been taught, for I was a good girl, and she was coming back. That’s what she told me, and my mama didn’t lie. 9

But it was so very cold. My fingertips felt like icicles. I clutched my knees even closer to my chest, my breath creating white clouds in the air. 10

From the street, headlights glared, and Dad’s car came to a halt beside me. 11

I saw him hurry out of the vehicle, a worried crease upon his brow.12

I would’ve run to greet him, but my legs were too numb.13

Instead, he ran to me, horror etched onto his face. 14

I looked up and smiled weakly. “Daddy! Have you come to play too?” 15

♦♦♦♦16

It was warm inside Dad’s magna; I wanted to curl up and sleep. But I couldn’t. I had to wait. 17

“Where’s your mama?” he questioned me.18

“She went that way.” I pointed to the woods. “But don’t worry, Daddy. She’s coming back very soon.”19

“How long has she been gone?” He stared at me intensely. 20

“I dunno.” I stared back dumbly. “A long time.”21

Dad gazed out at the woods. “Sweetie, darling.” He took my hand. “I don’t think Mama’s coming.”22

“Of course she is.” I smiled knowingly. 23

“Katherine, it’s past midnight.” 24

“It’s my birthday; I’m allowed to stay up!” I declared.25

“No, I mean, Lizzy – Mama – would’ve come back by now.” He looked down at me sadly.26

“You’re a liar!” I pulled away from him, throwing open the car door, and stumbling across the snow. I dashed into the woods. Maybe Mama was waiting for me in there. Maybe it was all part of the game. Maybe. 27

“Mama!” I called for her, my voice hoarse. “Mamaaa!”28

I ran deeper into the forest, leaping over the roots.29

And then I saw it. I saw her. She was stiff, her dark hair contrasting with the surrounding white. She was so still, and her delicate body was sprawled across the snow. The crimson snow. 30

Suddenly my mind felt disconnected from my body, as if I was merely a spectator watching this scene unfold – this scene from another lifetime. My body felt like liquid, as if I wasn’t in control anymore, that if Dad’s arms weren’t wrapped around me so tightly, I’d melt into the ground. 31

A foul stench hung in the air: one of sadness, of loathing, of finality. It was the eternal stench that engraved itself in my mind: the stench of Death.32