The City.

He's always on the bridge, and Jamie is starting to think they're making this habit. It must be coming up to six weeks now, that they've been meeting at the bridge. Andrew just stands there, no longer leaning doubtfully against the railing like Jamie isn't going to turn up.1

Tonight he just smiles, hands tucked in pockets and shoulders hunched against the wind, long thick scarf close to his throat and his hair blasting across his face. Andrew says, 'I can't believe I ever wanted to die.'2

Jamie takes a hold of Andrew's hips, leans back against the railing with Andrew pressed to his chest, brings their faces close and says, 'Y'know, I don't reckon you ever wanted to, not really.'3

'Really?' Andrew raises his eyebrows, and Jamie remembers just how different they are, the way Andrew's voice is so light and high and smooth with the strong city accent, stuck-up sounding but completely unlike Andrew. Andrew lost the sense of being a city drone the night they met on the bridge, with Jamie just there for a walk and Andrew raised up, balancing on the railing, preparing to jump. He lost the city and his hatred for it when Jamie caught him by the waist before he could fall. Or jump.4

'Really,' Jamie confirms, pushing Andrew's hair out his face automatically. Andrew questions, 'Why do you do that?' And Jamie has to think about his answer, because he's really not sure. But then again, he kind of is sure, but he just doesn't want to freak Andrew out. He's surprised that Andrew lets Jamie as close as he does - touching hips and hands and faces.5

He eventually decides he has never lied to Andrew, so he won't start now. 'Your face, s'too beautiful to be covered up or, something like that.' He can't make the statement as complimentary as he would like to; Andrew would know the words, but Jamie doesn't, never has, he can't get his tongue around them right.6

Andrew laughs, says, 'Maybe I should get it cut, then,' and Jamie frowns. Andrew smiles as he takes a step back and offers out his hand, suggests, 'Let's go home, Jamie.'7

'Okay.' Jamie knows "home" means "under the bridge", where Jamie sleeps. He supposes it is home, but it's not a house, so he's still just as homeless as he's always been. It feels a little like that now, but sooner or later Jamie will have to move on, maybe to another bridge, or maybe a cardboard box in the city.8

When they've walked along the path, found the break in the fencing that leads down the slope to the concreted, dried-up river, and Andrew runs ahead to go under the bridge, whipping out matches and throwing them in the can once lit, igniting the rubbish Jamie collects to put in there for a fire.9

'Thanks,' Jamie breathes, and sits down in the curve of the bridge where he can feel the heat but not be too warm. His bones creak from the chill leaving. He's reminded that he must be at least five or six years older than Andrew.10

Andrew kneels in front of Jamie, tells him in a soft, sad voice, 'I spoke to her today. She's moving in with Tom,' his voice chokes on the last word, on the name of his former boss, 'Her and him and the baby, one big happy family, huh? I hope it goes bad,' and his fists clench in desire for vengeance. 'I hope - I hope it turns sour for them.'11

Jamie offers out his hands, and as he takes them, he tugs Andrew close. 'You can't wish that on peoples, Andy, n'matter how much they did bad, yeah? You want little Elsie to have a dad, right?'12

'I,' Andrew puts a maddening emphasis on the term, 'want to be Elsie's dad. I was supposed to be.'13

'Yeah, well.' Jamie can't think of much more than that, so he just holds Andrew to his chest again, rubs his back and plays with his hair. "She" didn't have a name, Andrew found it too painful to say, but she was the great love, the great first love - and she betrayed him in typical cliche: Sleeping with his boss. 14

Andrew only found out when he had an accident that lead to him getting a sperm count - he'd never had one before, and when it came back, it turned out he was infertile. Jamie remembers the tragic amusement in Andrew's voice, same night they met when Andrew was trying to explain why his life was so terrible. 'My sperm swim backwards, and apparently, always have done.'15

Jamie doesn't know if sperm actually swim backwards or not, but whatever it meant, it meant that Andrew was never going to be able to have children. And suddenly, it fell into place for him: Andrew's promotion that required him and a "plus one" to go to numerous dinner dates with the boss, the days when "She" went for a walk and was gone for hours at a time...16

'My life is poison,' Andrew says softly.17

Jamie corrects, 'The city is poison. Gotta move out. Gotta move along. You get that?'18

Andrew looks up and asks a question that Jamie is surprised didn't come sooner: 'Why are you homeless?'19

'Momma was a real big-shot city lady,' Jamie starts quietly, trying to remember exactly what she said. 'She saw me kissin' my friend Kieran. She didn't like it, that her little boy liked other boys, didn't approve at all. So she told me, "you start to be with girls, okay? or you're out", and I was only like, fourteen, maybe fifteen? But I knew that wasn't right, knew I only wanted to be kissing boys, so - ' 20

Andrew interjects with surprise, 'You're gay?'21

Jamie makes a face. 'I never called it nothing, never thought it mattered. I knew it weren't right that she was telling me to change, so I got out.'22

'Moved along?'23

'Yeah, yeah, that!' Jamie beams. He then frowns, 'It - it doesn't matter to you, does it, Andrew?'24

'No, not at all.' Andrew sits up, suddenly, dropping Jamie's hands. He says, 'I want to try, Jamie. I've - ' he looks a little torn, then continues, 'I've wanted to try kissing you for a few weeks now, Jamie, I like you a lot. You're different.'25

Jamie says, 'I haven't kissed nobody for years.'26

'That's okay,' and Andrew leans close and kisses Jamie gently, and Jamie thinks this is okay, and it doesn't bother him when Andrew climbs into his lap, and he decides he rather likes it, actually, and he thinks, he thinks, "I think I love him a bit."27

***28

Jamie wakes up on his own, with the blanket over him and the dawn creeping in as the fire dies. He finds a note pinned to his bag, frowns as he picks it up and tries to make out the words, scrawled in big fancy handwriting. The handwriting isn't as hard as the actual words. Jamie hasn't needed to read properly for years.29

He reads it aloud to himself, 'Thank-you, Jamie. I am going to go stay with my sister a few hundred miles away for some time. You are right, the city is poison. You were my anti - ' He stumbles, 'My anti- antidote. Now I am c-cured, I need to - need to move along, just like you told me to. Love, Andrew. Ex-oh.'30

It takes him a few more reads to make sense of it all and realise Andrew isn't coming back.31

Jamie bites his lip and puts his few belongings in his bag and decides to take his own advice.