Katherine

“Why do you have to go?” She looked up at me with her sad, grey eyes.1

It was an autumn day. We stood on the porch by our house, watching and listening as leaves whispered in the wind. Clouds filled the sky, darkening Lanslie Street. Before us was a sudden burst of yellow – the taxi waiting to take me to the airport. The sky growled.2

“Work stuff, ya know,” I told her. “It’s just for one night.”3

“But... Mama...” she whined, screwing her face up into a grimace. 4

“Lizzie, you’re 7 now.” I smiled, squeezing her shoulder gently. “You’re a big girl.” 5

She nestled into my shoulder. I could feel the slow rhythm of her breathing, the tense, stiffness of her small body. Lizzie looked up into my eyes, as if she were trying to obtain some obscured truth. “What if something happened to you?” she whispered. 6

I laughed, feigning cheerfulness. “Like what?”7

“Like... a bad man hurt you? Like Daddy?” 8

“No one can hurt your mama,” I assured her, pausing. “I’d better go now...” Reluctantly, I pulled away, brushing the dust off my backside as I stood up. 9

“Wait!” She reached out, grasping the bottom of my trench-coat. 10

“Yes, Lizzie?” I looked back impatiently. 11

“Take Teddy.” She pushed her old, ragged teddy-bear into my arms. 12

“Teddy?”13

Lizzie smiled, her face brightening for an instant. “So that he can look after you while I can’t.”14

♦♦♦♦15

Canberra airport was busier than I’d expected, but after the three-hour flight from Melbourne, I couldn’t care less. I felt so nauseous. I just wanted to get out and check into the hotel. 16

I was staying at Medina Executive James Court. It was a bit of a mouthful, made even harder when I stuttered it to the cabbie. He just nodded and said something unintelligible. I just hoped he spoke English. Half of them didn’t even have a driver’s license. It was ridiculous. 17

I held Teddy in my arms protectively, as if it would somehow ease my thoughts of Lizzie. Yet her knowing eyes still edged their way into my thoughts.18

Two years ago, I had an accident. I was riding home from the office where I worked, when an R8 sped into the bike lane, the driver not caring to slam on the brakes before hitting me. The memory of those blinding green lights has engraved itself in my mind.19

I never came to understand the true motives behind what he or she did to me. 20

I didn’t make it home that night. And Lizzie, just 5, was left waiting at kindergarten, motionless as all her friends skipped off with their mothers, motionless as the rain saturated her new, red dress, penetrating her subconscious. 21

Miraculously, I escaped with little more than a fractured rib, a broken arm, and a persistent headache. 22

While my wounds healed, Lizzie’s didn’t. We didn’t speak of it, but a voice at the back of my mind told me that she relived the pain I caused her every day. 23

Back in the taxi, the driver looked at me with one eyebrow raised. “You go sport?”24

“No, Court,” I replied firmly. “Medina Executive James Court”. 25

“Ah, you is wanting marina?” He smiled at me crookedly. 26

“Listen.” I glared into the rear-view mirror. “Take me to 74 Northbourne Avenue? ‘Kay?” 27

“Ah, yah, I take you hotel.” He flashed his crooked teeth triumphantly, accelerating suddenly. 28

♦♦♦♦29

The next day, my business presentation went surprisingly smoothly, despite the fact that I was delivering it to a male-dominated office. 30

“Mount Franklin: drink positive, think positive.” I grinned winningly, ignoring the sweat sliding down my temple. 31

The long line of businessmen murmured amongst themselves, shuffling through papers placed upon the black, meeting desk. 32

“So this’ll get people to buy our water?” The boss looked at me cautiously. 33

“For sure,” I said, smiling stiffly. 34

The murmuring recommenced, and I returned to my seat at the head of the table. I turned the projector off and closed my laptop. I returned my hands to my lap, and gazed confidently at Mount Franklin’s president. 35

“Well,” he said, running his hand through his silver hair. “It’s original.”36

“Definitely,” I confirmed. 37

“Mmm... we’ll let you know tomorrow.” He stood up, stretching his limbs. “Thanks, Helena.” He shook my hand.38

I gathered my papers and briefcase and exited the conference room, taking the elevator to the ground level. 39

Luckily, the hotel was just across the road, so I wouldn’t have to rely on dodgy cabbies. I crossed carefully, pulling out my phone and dialling. 40

“Hey, Jonathan?” I greeted my boss. 41

“Hi Helena! Over so soon? Do you reckon we snagged ‘em?” He peppered me with questions.42

“Ah, yeah,” I replied. “I’ll be able to tell you tomorrow.” 43

“Oookay! Fingers crossed!” 44

“Mmhmm.” I passed through the hotel entrance casually. 45

“See ya.”46

“Yup. Bye.” I closed my phone, shoving it into my bag as I entered the elevator. 47

In my room, I gathered my things and returned to the airport.48

♦♦♦♦49

“Delayed?” I spat the word as if it were venom. 50

“I’m afraid so,” the flight-attendant admitted, nodding slowly.51

“I’m not sure you understand. The plane boards in 10 minutes!” I exclaimed.52

“Yes, but now that it delayed, it’ll be boarding 3 hours time,” she replied, smiling sweetly. 53

“Oh yeah? At midnight? You get really great service at Virgin Blue, don’t cha?” I said hotly. 54

“Thank you for flying Virgin.” She was unshakable. 55

I retired to the waiting room, resolving to call home. 56

I dialled the number.57

Nothing.58

I tried again.59

Nothing.60

Panic flooded through me violently, as if the earth had just quaked. It shook my very existence. 61

Lizzie always answered. Always.62

It seemed irrational, but involuntarily, the fear took hold of me. 63

I tried once more.64

“Hello? Kim? Lizzie?” I spoke quickly. 65

Silence.66

“Hello!” I yelled into the receiver. 67

“Hi, Helena! On your way?” The babysitter chattered happily. 68

“Oh, hello, Kim.” I sighed a breath of relief. 69

“What’s up?”70

“The flight’s delayed; I’ll be back at 3:30. I’m really sorry. You can go home, if you want.” 71

♦♦♦♦72

The flight eventually left at 12:15, and arrived in Melbourne at 3am. 73

I caught the train home, getting off at Balaclava station. 74

I carried Teddy and a flower under my arm, and I passed through the gate. I stepped onto the stone footpath, my heels clinking on the ground as I grew closer to the porch.75

Suddenly I felt so still. As I laid eyes upon the scene before me, my heart barely quivered. I tried to run, but my limbs wouldn’t move, as if my mind was no longer connected to my body.76

On the stone pavement was a terrible sight. Contrasting with the cold grey of the path was crimson - blood. Wrapped in plastic was my daughter’s head, a purple ribbon tied delicately around the top. 77

My eyes widened in horror. Even now, I couldn’t move. 78

Behind me, footsteps sounded. They crept closer and closer, yet still I couldn’t move. 79

I felt his warm breath upon my face. 80

“Michael.” My voice was barely a whisper.81

“Found ya, lovey.” His face was so close to mine. He licked my cheek slowly, and I shuddered, losing control. Lizzie’s bear rolled across the floor. 82

“Why?” I couldn’t look at him.83

“Ya needed to be punished.” He grinned maliciously. “Ya were a bad, bad girlie.”84

I was silent for a moment. “Why couldn’t you have killed me instead?”85

He chuckled. “There’s no fun in that. Ya shud know me better than that, Helen, or whatever the fuck ya call ya-self these days. “He stroked my hair tenderly. 86

“Don’t you touch me!” I screeched, pushing him away violently. 87

“Yar a feisty one.” He grasped my hair, pulling me to the ground. 88

“She was your daughter, you bastard!” I wailed, flailing helplessly against his legs.89

“Oh yeah? And who else’s?” He laughed, kicking me. 90

Suddenly sirens sounded, and headlights flashed in my eyes.91

“Coppers!” He growled. “Fuckin’ convenient for ya!” He kicked me even harder. 92

I felt a rib crack. But I didn’t care anymore. 93

The police pulled into my driveway, and the arrest followed. 94

“Till next time, lovey.” Michael cackled as they took him away. 95

Kim rushed towards me. “I’m so sorry, Helena. It’s my fault, my entire fault,” she wailed. “Lizzie’s dead and it’s my fault!” She hugged me tightly, hoping to find solace in my arms. 96

But she found none. I was cold; I felt dead. “How...?”97

“I came back for my coat...” she whispered. “And he was there... with Lizzie. He was...”98

“Don’t tell me. Don’t EVER tell me!” Tears streamed down my face. 99

“The police didn’t get here in time,” Kim mumbled. “And I was so scared.” She looked up at me, her face constricted with pain. “I’m sorry, Helena.” 100

“My name is Katherine,” I wailed. “It’s Katherine.” 101

I wish I could go back and be that girl, live that life.102

But that time has passed. 103

It’s over, and she’s gone.104

Lizzie’s gone. 105

I stumbled over to where her head was placed upon the porch. The irony of its delicate wrapping made me laugh bitterly. I ripped through it savagely, something taking hold of me. 106

Maybe if I could just stroke her cheek once more, I could catch a little piece of her, before she left me forever. 107

I held her head in my two shaking hands. 108

She was cold. Her sad, grey eyes stared at me blankly, devoid of all life. The usual flush of her cheeks was missing, and her lips were blue. Her blonde hair was tarnished by the blood, sticking against her scalp. 109

Above us, the sun began to rise. It shimmered softly above the rooftop, casting its unwanted glow. 110

Time was moving forward. 111

Around me, everything seemed to move so fast. I could no longer keep up.112

Because time could not move forward. The sun could not rise, nor could it set. Not without the second sun of my sunset. Not without Lizzie. Never without Lizzie. 113

The sun rose with such finality, its scathing light burning me, blinding me. I shut my eyes, welcoming the darkness. But when I opened them, I was greeted by the same mocking desolation: eternity. 114

Everyone seemed to be laughing at me, at Katherine, or whoever I was now. 115