Insomnia

3-5-091

I know everyone thinks I'm paranoid. They just don't know. They believe all these horrible experiences I tell them about are just in my head. Even if they are, they are enough to scare the hell out of me.2

It all started two years ago. I was a young man in the prime of my life, well educated, well liked and admired by all my friends and considered to be quite a catch by all the available young ladies I knew.3

I'm not certain just when things started to change. My life was virtually perfect. I was a professional, owned my own home on the ritzy side of town and was dating one of the kindest, most beautiful women in the world. Nothing could bring me down.4

It started slowly. At first, I found myself waking up at three o'clock every morning. I just couldn't understand why. I had never experienced any sort of sleep disorder before. I had no idea what was waking me up; I remembered nothing. I just had a strange feeling of dread, and could not understand why.5

This went on for about a month. At first, I had no problems at all falling back asleep within minutes. Then, each night, it started taking a little longer.6

Now I know there is no reason to even try to go back to sleep. When I wake up at three am, I sit in my chair in the dark, waiting on morning to come.7

After about a month of this, I decided to not go to sleep at all. That first night, rather than go to bed, I sat in my chair, waiting for the witching hour. I was determined to find out what was awakening me at three am every morning. I did that for a week, but nothing happened at that hour that would have awakened me from a sound sleep.8

That was one whole week of not sleeping at all, except the cat naps I was taking at my desk at work. I was a junior partner at a very well known law firm and I had been warned that I had to get my sleep habits under control, or they would have to consider letting me go. I had been their Golden Boy for the last five years and could do no wrong. Now, suddenly, I was an embarrassment to them. I assured them that it was just a very temporary problem and I would be back good as new within the week.9

I could tell they really didn't believe that, but since I had been with the firm for some time and had always been one of their best at winning high profile cases in court, they really hoped it would be temporary. 10

I decided that, since after a week of being awake at 3 am and not being any closer to finding out why I was waking up at this ungodly hour every night, that I started going to bed at the usual time again. I continued waking up at the same hour each night, until I finally found myself unemployed and on the verge of losing everything I had worked so hard to obtain. Elizabeth left me, they were starting foreclosure proceedings on my home and I really didn't seem to care. I had stopped caring about anything. 11

The human mind is not able to function after being so long deprived of a full night's sleep. I started imagining that someone had invaded my mind and was manipulating my thoughts. I had no idea who it might be, but I knew he was there. I started hearing him constantly. Whether I was awake or asleep, he was with me. He started telling me things to do. Weird things. At first, I rejected everything he told me. After a few weeks, everything he said made perfect sense. He convinced me that sleep was something evil. Sleep was invented by a demon to make humans waste half of their lives. It was a complete waste of time. 12

By this time, he had me convinced. I would never again lay my head down to sleep. I spent the hours I used to spend sleeping, looking for ways to keep myself awake. 13

It started by drinking coffee all night. When that no longer worked I added pills that would keep my mind active all night. 14

At first, it was glorious. I read most of the night. I did many hours of exercise. I would look in the mirror and admire the muscles I was adding to my wasted body. I looked fantastic. I could not understand why no one seemed to want to be around me any more. They must be jealous of me. 15

I tried to explain to the only friend I had left who would still speak to me, the wisdom of living this new lifestyle. I told him he was sleeping half of his life away, and that sleep wasn't important. I showed him how good I looked and how strong I had become. He just couldn't see it. The last day I saw my friend, he tried to tell me that my mirror was showing me a false image of myself. How could he think such a thing?16

I have never felt better nor looked better in my life. Elizabeth would be so sorry for dumping me when she saw the new me. I would have to call her soon and let her know that.17

Shortly after that, my new friend started telling me how unwise it was to eat. I had become so superior to others, that I no longer needed to feed my body. It had become self sustaining. That freed so much more of my precious time. I no longer had to be chained to the need for food. That meant I no longer had to leave the house for any reason. 18

For the last week, someone had been pounding on my door everyday. My friend told me not to answer the door. He said someone was trying to evict me from my home. I could not allow that. They had called me on the phone until I finally got smart and pulled the plug out of the wall. Now, I know I no longer have to waste any of my precious time on such frivolous nonsense. I had started to write my autobiography. People would be enthralled when they read my masterpiece. They would realize that I was no longer a weak, mortal man. I had become all knowing. I knew all the secrets of the universe, and I must get it all down on paper before my time ran out. 19

I went from my writing, to my exercising, to standing in front of my full length mirror on the wall for hours. My body was exceptional. My muscles were growing on a daily basis and I could see my head expanding as my mind absorbed all the secrets of this great universe.20

I knew I had to get all the secrets down on paper so the world would understand. I boarded up all the doors and windows. I could not allow average, mortal men to stop me from completing my important work. The world would soon realize what a genius I had become. No one would dare say I was paranoid after they read my great works. My writings would be read by more mortals than the Bible had been. I could not allow anyone to stop me.21

Elizabeth stood at the door, waiting for the police to break down the front door. She had finally made them understand that Robert had not been seen by anyone for over a month and she was dreadfully worried about him. He was not answering his phone, nor responding to knocks at his door. She was certain there was something dreadfully wrong. She would accept full responsibility for any damage. After all, she had loved him for years before he had gone through such a drastic change. She still worried about him. 22

She was very nervous as the last barricade came down and the officer opened the door.23

When they did, they immediately were hit by the odor of death.24

They insisted that Elizabeth stay outside while they checked on Robert. They entered the living room and looked around. They were astonished. Robert sat in a chair; his skeletal body clutching a pencil tightly in his right hand. Every surface in the house, paper, paper towels, walls, chairs, tables, and even the floor was covered over and over with the words: I am, I am, I am, I am, I am, I am...........................................................25

You really didn't expect the secrets of the universe from a mad man, did you?26