The Learning Curve Episode 1

THE LEARNING CURVE1

1. THE ERROR2

Characters3

Clayton Franklin, a new recruit to PMC4

Brian Gibbs, his AS5

Jacinta Cook, his Director6

Vicki Lim, another new(ish) member of the Section7

Graham O’Regan, a long-term member of the Section8

Vesna Cibralic, Gibbs’ PA (in this episode)9

Wayne Blaine, another PMC employee10

1. Foyer11

A man in his mid to late 20s is sitting in a foyer of some description. Suit and tie, briefcase on his lap. Jigs one foot nervously. Watches the clock a lot. Has an official pass of some kind attached to his shirt pocket.12

A woman in her late 20s to early 30s pokes her head around a door.13

Vicki: Clayton?14

Clayton: Yes, that’s me. [Jumps to his feet and loses his briefcase in the process.] Oh, great …15

Vicki: Pleased to meet you. [Extends her hand. Clayton accepts her handshake.] I’m Vicki Lim, Jacinta sent me down to collect you. You met Jacinta in the interviews, didn’t you?16

Clayton: Yes, that’s right.17

Vicki: Security fixed you up with your pass?18

Clayton: [Points it at her] Got it here. I’m supposed to renew it in 30 days or something and then I get the full two-year one. Is that right?19

Vicki: Sounds right. Well, let’s go. I’ll take you up to meet the crew.20

2. Lifts21

The two go through a swipe-pass entry door to a set of lifts. Vicki presses a button and they wait for lift to arrive.22

Vicki: So how are you finding Canberra?23

Clayton: Confusing! Half of the rounds go around in circles. I went right round State Circle three times before I found the exit when I came for the interview.24

[The lift arrives. They step in.]25

Vicki: You’re not on your own there. You’re from Sydney, aren’t you?26

Clayton: Yes. You?27

Vicki: Right over the other side. Perth. I’d never been to the eastern States until I got this job!28

[The lift opens and lets them out.]29

3. Office30

Typical APS open plan office. Vicki guides Clayton over to a workstation with a PC, filing cabinet and all the usual accoutrements. No-one else in the clutch of workstations has looked up.31

Vicki: This is your desk. Do you want to meet everyone now or get yourself settled in a bit first?32

Clayton: [Puts his briefcase down] I might as well meet everyone, and then get my PC access and stationery and everything sorted out then.33

Graham: [At workstation, still has not looked up.] Stationery cupboard is only opened on Wednesdays. You’ll need to get special permission from Vesna and fill out a form to get any stationery. Which presents a problem, because Vesna won’t let you use her pen, so you’ll have to have your own.34

Vicki: And good morning to you too, Graham. We might as well start now. Clayton, this is Graham O’Regan, who has been in this job for – how long is it now?35

Graham: [Finally turns to acknowledge Clayton. Late 40s.] Since about the Carboniferous era. [Offers his hand. Clayton shakes it.] G’day. Graham O’Regan.36

Vicki: Graham is the Senior Legal Officer here. He does all the legal briefs, drafting instructions, liaises with Special Counsel, that kind of thing.37

Graham: When Brian doesn’t need me to do his job for him, like now. [Turns back to his PC and types vigorously.]38

Clayton: [sotto voce] Is that stuff about the stationery true?39

Vicki: [same] No. Vesna will let you use her pen, no worries. [Normal voice, indicates a few empty workstations.] My desk is just there [opposite Clayton’s], Jill Antonelli is just there, but she’s part-time so you won’t see her until tomorrow. David Alexander is just there, but he’s on leave until the end of the month. So it’s just the three of us and Jacinta in the section for today!40

Graham: [Still not looking up] Happy days are here again …41

Vicki: Have you worked out yet that he’s the section’s resident cynic?42

Graham: Every section needs one. It what makes the world go round. 43

Vicki: Jacinta is always in at 9am exactly, so we’ve got a few minutes until she arrives. Why don’t you ring IT security and see if you can get logged on? They should have your name and details, they just need to know that you’ve physically started so they can give you your logon ID and password. Here’s the number.44

Clayton: Sure.45

[Vicki goes back to her desk. Clayton dials the number. It rings a few times and then gets a recorded message, in an accent reminiscent of Peter Sellers in The Party:46

“Welcome to IT Outsource Solutions. If you are a new starter at one of the Australian Government Cluster 1 departments, please press 1. If you are reporting a new fault, please press 2. If you are following up an existing fault report, please press 3. If you are following up a previous follow-up, please press 4. If you are a new starter with the Kazakhstan Department of Environment, Tourism and Yaks, please press 5 ..”47

Clayton presses 1. He gets another recorded message, in the same accent.48

“If you are a new starter in the Department of Prime Minister and Cabinet, please press 1. If you are a new starter in the Department of Defence …”49

Clayton presses 1. The message continues.50

“To ensure that our customer service reaches its optimum level, please enter your Australian Government Service number using the buttons on your phone.”51

Clayton does so. The message continues.52

“Thank you. All of our customer service representatives are currently busy. Your call will be answered by the first available representative.”53

Cuts to music, probably taken from Bride and Prejudice. After a few seconds of this, another message, in the same voice, comes on line.54

“Thank you for waiting. Your call is important to us. Please hold the line and your call will be answered by the first available customer service representative.”55

More music. Vicki returns.]56

Vicki: Clayton?57

Clayton: [Puts phone down on table] Yes? I’m on hold.58

Vicki: It’s 8:59, Jacinta will be here in literally a minute. Do you want to come back to that?59

Clayton: Might as well. [Puts receiver back on phone.]60

[Vicki looks up at a clock on the wall. As the second hand ticks around to ten seconds before 9am, Vicki starts counting “10 – 9 – 8” etc. On “1” she points to the lift well, and on “zero” the lift bell rings.61

Jacinta Cook strides out of the lifts, almost power-walking to her office. She is in her late 30s or early 40s, and dressed in a red knee length skirt and red button-up jacket. Throughout the series, she only ever wears different coloured knee-length skirts with matching button-up jackets.]62

Jacinta: [Faces staff, but still walking purposefully towards the office.] Hi Graham! Hi Vicki! Clayton, nice to see you again! Come in!63

Vicki: [To Clayton] Told you she gets in at 9am. Let’s go in.64

4. Jacinta’s office65

[Jacinta is already busily arranging papers on her desk. She appears to be shuffling them from one pile to another, and in some cases back again.]66

Jacinta: [Looking up] Hi, Clayton! How are things?67

Clayton: Good, thank you.68

Jacinta: Just the usual chaos around here. Has Vicki been looking after you?69

Clayton: No problems.70

Vicki: Do you need me now?71

Jacinta: No, that’s fine. Thanks. [Vicki nods to Clayton and then leaves.] First day is always a trial.72

Clayton: Oh well, not much you can do about it.73

Jacinta: I’ve just been going through your CV again. You’re a lawyer?74

Clayton: Yes, I was admitted last year, and worked in a small firm in Sydney all last year. I got tired of doing conveyancing and wills and decided that the work in this kind of Department might be more interesting.75

Jacinta: You’ve done well to get a 5 here straight out of private practice. We’ve got the biggest variety of work here at PMC, and I think the Social Security and Immigration Branch has got the most interesting workload of all. Do you know much about that legislation?76

Clayton: Not really, but I’ve seen plenty of legislation in my time, so I should be right.77

Jacinta: Good, the Social Security Act and the Migration Act are both thicker than a whale sandwich. I’ll ask Vicki to get you copies. Have you managed to get onto our IT system?78

Clayton: I haven’t got through yet.79

Jacinta: Oh well, you’d better soon. ITOS will take forever to get anything done if you don’t press them. In the meantime, go get some stationery from Vesna – she’s Brian’s PA, up the end of the office there – and have a look through the hard copy of the Social Security Guide. I’m looking at you working on some income support policies and residence issues. If you don’t know what I’m talking about yet, don’t worry.80

Clayton: OK. 81

Jacinta: Well, nice to meet you, and come and see me if you’ve got any problems. I’ll introduce you to Brian a bit later.82

Clayton: Thanks. [He leaves.]83

5. Hallway outside Jacinta’s office84

[Clayton is back outside the office. He walks away from his workstation down to the far end of the floor, where a youngish woman is sitting at another workstation outside the AS’ office.]85

6. Brian’s PA’s desk86

[It’s easier to refer to “PA’s desk”, because Brian will have a different PA in each episode. All depart on maternity leave.]87

Clayton: Excuse me, are you Vesna?88

Vesna: [Turns to face him. She is reasonably attractive and seems pleasant enough, but it conceals a hard edge.] Yes? 89

Clayton: I’m Clayton Franklin, I’m starting today. [He extends his hand, Vesna ignores it. Clayton is undaunted, or at least pretends to be.] Jacinta tells me I need to see you to get some stationery.90

Vesna: That’s right.91

[Pause]92

Clayton: [cautiously] So how do I do that?93

Vesna: [reaches into an in-tray on the side of her desk and produces a number of forms] First you fill in this requisition form. [She points to the form.] Just tick off all the items you need. Then, you’d normally present this form [produces another one] which sets out all the items that you’ve used up, have run out, gone missing, whatever, since your last request. You’re a new starter so you don’t have to do that, but don’t throw away your pens when you use them up, because we cross-check your requisition and used items report form with the items you bring back in. For things like post-it notes, pads of papers and all that, you’ll need to fill in this stat dec [produces another form] where you declare that all the stationery you’ve used was for government purposes. Anything else gets deducted from your salary, and you’ll have to fill in this salary deductions authorisation form [produces yet another form] that gets sent to Personnel. We keep all the stat decs and salary deduction notices on this file [indicates it]. Each financial year each section gets a report on how much stationery they’ve used [indicates another file] and their stationery budget for the next financial year gets reduced if they can’t justify it. The stationery cupboard is in the equipment room [points back down the hall] and is locked at all times. I have the key, which is in the safe in Brian’s office. Any questions?94

Clayton: [pause while he considers this] Well, ah, why …95

Vesna: Good. Just fill this in and I’ll get you your stuff. [She stands, and is revealed to be in the later stages of pregnancy.] And don’t ask how long I’ve got to go or anything, I don’t answer personal questions except from personal friends. Right?96

Clayton: [another pause] OK, sure.97

Vesna: Right. [She disappears into Brian’s office for a few minutes and emerges with a key.] [calls out] Hey, Wayne!98

Wayne: [A big man in a nearby workstation] Yeah?99

Vesna: Come with me and witness me giving the new guy his stationery?100

Wayne: [Gets up. Looks even more like a club bouncer.] No worries. [To Clayton] G’day, Wayne Blaine. [Offers his hand.]101

Clayton: Clayton. [Shakes hands. Clayton’s look suggests that his hand is being crushed.]102

7. Clayton’s desk103

[Clayton is sitting at his desk reading some extremely bulky publication. He has some brand new stationery piled up next to him. The receiver from his phone is on the desk, with more Bride and Prejudice music quietly emanating from it.104

Clayton notices something in what he is reading and frowns. He opens another publication, and cross-checks something in the first volume against it. Mildly concerned, he goes over to Vicki to ask a question.]105

Clayton: Vicki? Can I ask you a question?106

Vicki: As long as it’s not too difficult!107

Clayton: What is a Special Category visa?108

Vicki: That’s the visa that New Zealanders get when they turn up in Australia, isn’t it, Graham?109

Graham: [Never taking his eyes from his PC monitor] Sure is. New Zealanders just have to turn up at the airport with their passport, immigration checks a database to make sure they don’t have a criminal record, and if not they get a port and date stamp in their passport that counts as evidence of a visa. Easy.110

Clayton: Right. I was just checking out the Social Security Guide …111

Graham: And you’re still awake?112

Clayton: Sort of. Anyway, the Guide says that the Social Security Act and the Family Assistance Act both say that a SCV holder can get benefits in some cases. 113

Vicki: Right.114

Clayton: And it also says that SCV holders can get paid those benefits if they go overseas for a holiday or something.115

Graham: Yes, that’s called portability. 116

Clayton: But if they do that, doesn’t their SCV cease?117

Vicki: What?118

Graham: He’s right. SCVs only permit the holder to remain in Australia, not re-enter. If an NZer leaves Australia and comes back, they get a new SCV when they re-enter. Clause 444.511 of Schedule 2 of the Migration Regulations 1994.119

Clayton: You knew that without looking it up?120

Graham: I have no life. What’s your point?121

Clayton: Well, it looks like the legislation doesn’t permit us to pay benefits to New Zealanders overseas, because they don’t hold SCVs any more. 122

Vicki: So FACS has been paying them illegally?123

Clayton: Yes!124

Graham: The policy was always to allow those payments.125

Clayton: Yes, but the legislation doesn’t allow it! There’s a mistake in the Acts!126

Graham: There are mistakes in every Act. The income tax legislation is one long mistake. So is the child support legislation …127

Vicki: Let’s not start on child support. [Gives knowing look to Clayton] All right, maybe we have been paying people illegally. But who is going to complain?128

Clayton: I don’t know. The ANAO maybe? But anyway, shouldn’t we try to get the Act fixed to reflect the policy?129

Graham: Do you know how you get an Act amended?130

Clayton: Of course. It has to be passed by both Houses of Parliament. It can be introduced in either house, except a tax bill, which can only be introduced in the House of Reps …131

Graham: I don’t mean law school constitutional law. I mean before that.132

Clayton: OK, no.133

Graham: First you need to put up a submission to the relevant Minister. That involves drafting a brief and circulating for comment to every other Section in the Division. They will all make comments, most of them unhelpful, but you’ll have to incorporate them. Then you recirculate it, and all the other Sections will make totally contradictory comments from the first time round, because the people who looked at it the first time have gone on leave.134

Vicki: Anyway, then you …135

Graham: [cutting her off] When you’ve finally got your draft finalised, you have to go about getting it cleared by your Director, AS and FAS, all of whom will make changes contradicting each other so that your brief by the end of that will probably say exactly the opposite to what you intended. 136

Vicki: But at the end …137

Graham: [cutting in again] Then you have to get the thing through the Minister’s office, which is staffed by people who aren’t public servants and will either hate your submission or not understand it. They will make further changes, which you’ll have to incorporate to even get it to the Minister’s office. Then when it finally gets to the Minister, they won’t understand it either, and will want the whole thing on one page in 24 point Arial font. And if you get all that done, the next election will be coming up and the whole Government shuts down for the next couple of months. And then you’ll have to start over again.138

Vicki: But at PMC …139

Graham: At PMC it’s worse because you have to do a brief for the PM and the portfolio Minister, and it could be any one of 25 Ministers. So you could do a brief that would be perfect for say, the A-G, but which is completely incomprehensible to, say, the Immigration Minister.140

Clayton: In that case, we’d better get something going now, so we can get this amendment done some time this decade.141

Graham: Or we could not bother at all. What’s the point?142

Vicki: I think Clayton’s point is that we should be paying people legally.143

Graham: OK, tell me how you think that provision should read.144

Clayton: What not refer to New Zealanders who reside in Australia?145

Graham: What does “reside” mean?146

Clayton: Well, it means … ah …147

Graham: Who is a New Zealander? A citizen or a permanent resident? What is “Australia”? What about an NZer who lives on Norfolk Island?148

Clayton: Norfolk is part of Australia, isn’t it?149

Graham: Tell them that. The point is, any amendment will be more work than it’s worth. Let’s keep paying people illegally. If ANAO picks FACSIA up on it, it’s the ANAO that looks like heartless bastards, not us or FACSIA.150

[Clayton looks somewhat flummoxed by all this, but at this point Vesna waddles up from the far end of the office.]151

Vesna: Clayton. Brian would like to see you and Jacinta now.152

Clayton: Ah, yes, OK. 153

[Jacinta pops out of her office.]154

Jacinta: Clayton? Are you ready? [without waiting for a response] OK, let’s go.155

[She power-walks off. Clayton follows in her wake.]156

8. Brian’s office157

[Brian’s office is clearly a cut above Jacinta’s. It has a desk with a number of chairs in it, and a TV, which is tuned in to a Parliamentary debate. Brian turns off the volume as Jacinta and Clayton enter.]158

Brian: Clayton, isn’t it? Pleased to meet you. [Extends his hand, Clayton shakes it. Brian motions both Jacinta and Clayton to sit.] Please have a seat. [They do so.] How’s your first day?159

Clayton: Interesting.160

Brian: Good. Jacinta tells me that you’re going through the Social Security Guide at the moment.161

Clayton: Yes. As a matter of fact …162

Brian: [Cuts him off. Starts on a well-worn speech.] As you’ll be aware from reading our Corporate Plan, Immigration and Social Security Branch is a client-focused and outcomes-driven Branch that endeavours to provide world-class service to our clients in a proactive and dynamic atmosphere of continuous improvement.163

[Cut to Clayton’s face. He clearly has no idea what Brian is talking about.]164

Brian: We provide services in accordance with the PMC Statement of Corporate values, those being service to the Prime Minister and other Departments, integrity, and a commitment to core APS principles. We expect you to contribute to change management on an ongoing basis and to provide work in a timely manner and with a commitment to excellence. Any questions?165

Clayton: Well, I …166

Brian: Thanks for your time. I’m sure I’ll see you around in the place in respect of various program matters.167

[Jacinta gets up and leaves. Clayton follows.]168

9. Corridor, on the way to Jacinta’s office169

Clayton: Can I talk to you about something?170

Jacinta: [power-walking mode] Yes, sure.171

Clayton: I think there’s an error in the Social Security Act relating to New Zealanders and … ah … portability.172

Jacinta: OK, grab Graham and come in and see me.173

Clayton: Graham doesn’t think it’s worth fixing.174

10. Jacinta’s office175

Jacinta: He’s probably right, then. He’s been around a long time.176

Clayton: The problem is, some New Zealanders are being paid illegally. The ANAO might complain about it.177

Jacinta: The ANAO will probably only find out if we do anything about it.178

Clayton: Sorry?179

Jacinta: Almost all ANAO investigations are retrospective. We find a problem, we fix it, ANAO goes “aha! You’ve just admitted you made an error”, they leap in and tell us so, and it gets on the front page of the paper.180

Clayton: Really?181

Jacinta: Oh yes. Amending legislation like this just draws attention to yourself. This whole Government’s success is based on never admitting any errors in any circumstances. If we amend the legislation, people will start wondering how many other errors there are, and you’ve got mass panic.182

Clayton: You think so?183

Jacinta: There are only three things that average voters care about. House prices, incomes and social security. Cutting cases of bad backs off the Disability Pension is one thing, admitting we’ve stuffed up payments to families is another.184

[Clayton looks somewhat disappointed.]185

Jacinta: Never mind. Good on you for picking it up. I can see that you do have a good mind for legislation.186

11. Clayton’s desk187

[Clayton comes back to his desk. His phone is still sitting on his desk with the Bride and Prejudice music coming from it. He sits down somewhat morosely and picks up where he left off in the Social Security Guide. Graham, eyes still fixed on his monitor, smirks slightly.188

Suddenly a voice comes on the line. This one sounds even more like Peter Sellers. Clayton hurriedly picks it up.]189

Voice: Hello? Hello?190

Clayton: Yes! Clayton Franklin here.191

Voice: Oh, good morning Mr Clayton, it is Sanjay from IT Outsource Solutions here. You need a password and login ID for the PMC network, is that right?192

Clayton: Yes, that’s right.193

Voice: Thank you Mr Clayton. I will need to transfer you to another operator to achieve that for you. Please wait …194

Clayton: But …195

[Too late. More Bride and Prejudice. Clayton resignedly places his phone back on his desk and begins reading once more.]196

END197