A Decent Proposal

It has come to my attention in recent months that the United States of America as a whole is facing some financial difficulty. The housing market is in an irreparable slump and the stock market has followed suit. Many folks who might have planned to retire in the next decade might well be delaying that dream due to losses in 401K and pension plans. It is now obvious that the lending procedures and general infrastructure of the banking industry for the past decade or so has been fundamentally flawed and Americans are only now beginning to reap the meager harvests of years of excess and lavish over-consumption. With a downturn in the economy, businesses both big and small have felt the pinch of tightened lending practices and low demand for goods and services that were, a mere five years ago, a booming industry. The reduction of the workforce is an unfortunate side effect of a failing economy, and thus the American worker is at an ever-increasing risk of having his job eliminated or off-shored to foreign soil where labor rates are much lower. 1

For the first time in many generations, Americans are facing a very real threat that they will lose their jobs and there will be no suitable replacements to be found. In light of unemployment rates at the highest rates in years, and the ever-worsening economy, the government is proposing that the economy should be stimulated by “borrowing” money from future generations to spend now in order to get the economy back on track. If the government can come up with no better solutions to overspending and gluttony than more overspending and gluttony, Americans might as well toss them all out on their ears and replace them with chimps that work for bananas; For even chimps understand that if you eat too many bananas, you won’t cure your bellyache by eating more bananas.2

If any man were qualified to cure the ills of the American economy, it certainly would not be one who earns a six digit salary and has job perks that modestly include free airfare, limo service and catered lunches. The solution to this problem lies not with the stuffed shirts who’s biggest decision is whether their children should attend Harvard or Yale, or travel Europe before attending Oxford. The solution lies with those who have to decide whether to make this month’s car payment or next month’s groceries. It is in the light of this revelation that I modestly propose that no person employed by the United States government be paid more than a living wage as decided by the Federal Minimum Wage Act. 3

In July of 2009, the Federal Minimum Wage will increase to $7.25 per hour. At forty hours per week, fifty two weeks per year you arrive at the tidy sum of $15,080. Congress isn’t in session all fifty-two weeks per year and federal holidays and a week’s paid vacation should be considered included in this generous sum. A full forty hour workweek is granted, even if they’re not actually in their office all forty hours, as it is generally understood that these fine and upstanding gentlemen “take their work home with them” so to speak, and should be compensated duely.4

In just the United States Congress alone there are five-hundred and thirty-five members being paid a base salary of $155,100. When you subtract their newly proposed salary of $15,080 the excess of $140,020 can then be multiplied by the number of congressmen to arrive at a savings of $74,910,700 yearly! Since the federal minimum wage obviously represents what a single person needs to provide for himself and his share of America’s average of two-point-three children, these individuals should be more than happy to accept this new wage rate for the betterment of the nation as a whole, leading to the quick and painless adoption of such legislation.