Evil lurks within every curl 1
Its cold locks my heart 2
Sucumbing-3
No, I thought, No that's not right. I tapped my pencil quickly on my pad, waiting for the words to come to me while this poetic flux was still strong. 4
"What witch, are you writing one of your spells?" asked an arrogant blonde in a nasaly voice. I said, "Yes! One to make YOU shut the hell up!" but I did wish that I could write stuff like that. Poems that could come true. 5
"I'm sorry Erica..." I said in a small voice. Oh, come on. I thought. The prep doesn't need to give me crap so give it right back! She snickered and looked ahead to the history teacher. 6
The bell rang and everyone raced to the door. In my haste to leave these kids behind, I squirmed between two football players. One grabbed my foot and I came toppling to the ground. I landed with a thud and my notebook flew from my hand but only after I twisted and kicked him blindly. He fell to the ground also, so I was satisfied with him. But in horror,I watched as people trampled over my most prize possession, my baby. As I tried to reclaim my trashed treasures, I failed to notice a man walk by me, but he did not fail to notice me. I looked up quickly, feeling's someone's stare on me, tears in my eyes. I saw nothing unusual. I rushed to the bathroom and pulled out my razor. 7
Just kill me now.8
Author notes
This is the prologue of the novel I am working on.
In a list
- Novel Reviewing Group group list • next in list
A contest entry
- Bullying by LoveGo13.
115 points, ended April 2, 2009, 29 entries
• next story in this contest, remove from contest
Comments
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Well... this was an interesting start. You start off with poetry - I found that to be a unique approach. I really liked that aspect of this introduction. However, I found that your main character was very stereotypical - teenage girl in high school who no one understands. Perhaps give her more character. Step outside the boundaries of tradition - especially with the emo cutting part at the end.
Also, there were a few typos I found to be distracting. Nothing a quick grammar check wouldn't fix, however.
With all that being said, you do have a good writing style. I just think you need some more originality. However, this will probably come along as you continue your story - so don't worry about it too much. Good job!
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